When you think the battle's over

You're only lying

The battle's never over my friend

And you should never give up

You cry when no one is looking

And you smile when they look

But no one sees you hurting

They don't know

Because it's an illusion they're seeing

When you tell them

They will understand

And when you won't tell them

You can bid goodbye

To a helping hand

So don't be afraid of loosing

All that you love

The stakes are high

Make a choice that you feel right

And leave the rest

To the heavens above

That's the battle

Between you and the world

It'll never be lost or won

It'll go on and on

And will never be done.

-BY SPHP20896

CHAPTER 4:

I didn't know how I woke up in the morning leaning against the same wall.

I was wearing the same uniform, my hair was a mess, I could still feel the salty tears on my face, my books were scattered around me.

I collected them one by one and looked at my watch, class would start in five minutes and it was charms.

Thank god I had my bag.

I grabbed everything and ran not caring how hopeless I looked.

I reached the class out of breath and Flitwick said "Ms. Weasley, come in, you are a bit late but I'm sure we can forgive the mistake this time"

I entered the class saying "Sorry Proffessor, it won't happen again"

I took my seat at the back of the class far away from Lianna, Scorpius and Albus, I couldn't face them right now.

I didn't pay much attention in class and I could feel Lianna's eyes burning holes into my head, I could feel Scorpius's anger and questions from far away and I could also feel Al's curiosity strangling me.

I sprinted out of class at the sound of the bell.

I couldn't breathe and I could also feel the tears rising once again.

I walked bravely to the next class and the next and the next, until it was lunch.

I grabbed some food as quick as I could and went down to the lake.

For some reason I had started feeling claustrophobic in the presence of my friends and family, whenever around them I experienced waves of guilt washing over me and drowning me in a sea of emotions.

I was partially glad the day was over by the time I had to go to bed.

This was not the life I wanted to lead.

But when you miss your chances and opportunities you end up living a life that is close to a nightmare.

That night I couldn't fall asleep. It wasn't by choice, Lianna was on the ned next to mine, she looked peaceful.

She was so lucky, she had the perfect dream come true story to tell people.

I walked to the astronomy tower as silently as I could.

I remembered our first year, when I had met Lianna on the train, then she was a shy, out-of place girl with big brown eyes and princess hair, she had been tall and skinny but at the same time she looked as if she could throw a mean punch.

She had always been hyper, I had been a snobby know-it all kid.

Lianna always found ways to live life well always balancing homework and Quidditch, never caring about the minor details like me, she had been so full of energy, also, she loved magic so she always topped in all classes with ease. But what made her my instant best friend was her ability to stand up for what she believed in.

That girl barely cried, almost never, but sometimes I had seen her crying maybe once or twice. She taught me how to have fun and do all my work without upsetting either, I was glad she was my best friend, I couldn't have asked for a better one.

Al had always been my favorite cousin, everyone always thought Lily was but it was actually Al.

It wasn't because we were the same age or that we both liked books, it was because he understood me like none of my other cousins, apart from Lianna he was the first one to know that I liked Scorpius.

Al was amazing at everything he did, he was extremely smart and he was warm-hearted. As kids Al and I would compete in everything. He's exactly like his father and every time any of us would tell him that a sudden pride would take over his features, Al looked up to his Dad with a kind of idolistic nature I don't think I've seen anywhere, but Al knows who he is, he doesn't blindly follow in his Dad's footsteps he analyzes all the pros and cons and always manages to find the right road to walk on.

Al had always been a mediator between James and Lily, both very talkative, eccentric and spirited, Al was silent, smart and watchful, everyone expected him to be in Slytherin considering his personality but he ended up in Gryffindor, he had told us "The sorting hat said I would do well in Gryffindor"

Al also held some kind of charm and a knight in shining armor demeanor that had girls tripping, he always had a polite tongue to say sorry, please and thank you, he also had looks that had girls swooning whenever I told him that he'd blush and tell me to shut up.

But along with the six-foot two frame, excellent build, messy black hair that fell into his emerald eyes, killer smile and a personality that could have a lasting impression came an anger that could scar you for life, Al rarely got angry but when he did it was better to run for cover preferably in another country.

Scorpius was the best thing that ever happened to me, he wasn't like anything that words could describe. He always calmed me down even when I couldn't be calmed.

All I ever wanted from him was love which seemed to take a really long time to get.

Nothing about him was fair to me, his good looks, his amazing personality and his family, they all had some effect on me either negative or positive.

I had never expected to fall in love with him, never.

I always treated him like I didn't know him for the whole of first year, Scorp always treated me with a polite attitude and a shy nature as if he was afraid a war would break out if he smiled at me.

But that's exactly how it was, if anything happened between us that was remotely close to liking each other it meant war, but then we made the biggest mistake by falling in love.

I wish it didn't have to be like this.

Scorp was such a good person no one could make me happier than he made me.

Scorp was my support system and no one understood that.

Now everytime I thought about Scorpius, my heart ached with a kind of guilt and longing that drove me mad.

But no matter how much I wish for things to change they never would.

His blonde hair and his grey eyes are a perfect combination that make him so enchanting, and his lean but muscled built give him a kind but firm look, his smile that always make me jump and his ever lasting charm that melts my heart made it impossible to forget the guilt in fact it just doubled the emotions.

He had always been even-tempered, always knew when to react and always relied on his heart to make important decisions.

I wish it were that easy for me.

And once again I was thinking of myself, and Lianna's words were extremely true, I am selfish, everything I thought till now was not about them but it was about me though I was speaking of other people, how their actions, personalities and beliefs affected me.

As I cried once again, a hand gripped my shoulder.

I looked up to see Lianna standing there looking sad and guilty, she said "I'm sorry Rose, I shouldn't have said all that"

I shook my head at her "No, you were right, all of it was true, whatever you said was true, it was me who caused my own problems, I've got to stop thinking of myself and think of both of us Scorpius and me, we're one not two separate people"

She sat down beside me "I felt so bad"
I said "You didn't have to, I felt guilty that I had let all of you down including my parents"
She hugged me "No Rose, you haven't, we are proud of you"

I said "No Lianna don't cloud my thoughts"

She looked extremely torn up " It's all my fault I put some stupid things into your head and now you believe them"

I said firmly "You didn't do anything Li, if anything you helped me realize what a mistake I'd made, now I know lying is never a solution, if anything it adds to the list of problems"

She sighed "I hope you know what you're thinking Rose"
I felt the tears slip "I've learnt a few things Li but I have no idea how to execute them"
I broke down in front of her, She took me in her arms "Shhh, it'll be alright, I'll help you, Al will help you and so will Scorpius, don't worry, stop crying Rose, it'll be alright"

I said through my sobbing "No, please don't tell Scorpius"
She was silent and after sometime she said "I don't know if that's right Rose but until you're ready I won't tell him"

I cried "I need to do this alone, if I tell him I won't be able to think properly"

She asked "Why are you crying?"

I answered "I just feel so bad and so hopeless, like I can't breathe, it's killing me, my life is a mess, it's not perfect like yours"

She pulled away from me and shook my shoulders, her eyes looked angry "Stop being stupid Rose! How can you think my life is perfect, my family hates me, I'm an out caste, I'm a freak, you're telling me my life is perfect! I thought you had more sense than that! Natalia Zabini is after my life not yours! You're not the one called gender-confused every single day, you're not the one who feels like creep every single day in your life, you're not told you have no future almost all the time, you're not the one who has to struggle to find a grip on your life every summer, you're not the one who was bullied and tortured as a kid in school, you're not the one who wishes she could be invisible most of the time, you're not the one who had no hopes until she got introduced to something in fairytales, you're not the one who has to be told every day that you are a heart less crazy girl who needs to see a psychiatrist, you're not the one who has to get disgusting looks from everyone in your family, you're not the one who's life is falling apart in front of her eyes, my parents fight most of the time because of me my sister has given up on me ever fitting into the family but she'll never admit it, she's having her first kid soon and my family is saying that they hope more freak blood doesn't run in my family. You're telling me my life is perfect! Never think your life is bad Rose, be thankful that you don't have to deal with what I have to deal with, you have boyfriend problems, that can be sorted if you have support from your friends if you tell your parents and your career option will be fine, as for the lies, they can be sorted with a nice explanation and a sincere apology. My problem has no solution!"

I saw things from her perspective, my problems seemed diminished, here I was complaining about something that could be easily sorted with apologies and explanations while hers would continue for the rest of her life and she couldn't do a thing about it.

I said "I'm sorry"
She said glaring "You should be"
I had stopped crying "I'm going to tell my parents"
She asked "When?"
I answered "When I go home for Christmas"
She softened "I'll support you"

She smiled "Feel better?"
I nodded.

I felt confident "I'm going to do it Li, I'm not going to lie anymore, I'll tell them the truth, I'll explain to them, I'll do what I have to"

She smiled "I knew you'd come through"
I said "And I hope things get sorted for you"
She didn't say anything and she looked into my eyes like she was scared I said "I don't know how I can help but…."

She flung her arms around me "I don't want you to do anything, just be my best friend for the rest of my life"
I smiled "That will be done whether you like it or not"

She asked pulling away "want to go to bed?"
I nodded "I would like that"

She smiled and stood up "We'll get through won't we?"
I raised my hand and said "We will"

She gave me a high five and we walked to our dorm brave enough to fight Voldemort.

(Okay maybe not that brave, but so what?).

AN: Fourth chapter people! Well this one's a little more optimistic isn't it? Tell me!

Thanks for the reviews by the way, really appreciate them and enjoy reading them.

Keep reviewing :D

Fifth chapter should take some time to write, sorry.

Humor's sort of back in the next one, that's the good news.

I don't know exactly what I'm going to do in the next chapter so...Yeah, that's the bad news.

But don't worry it'll happen.

Thank you so much!

SPHP20896:)