Authors Note: Hey Guys, sorry for not posting sooner, I've just been busy, with Christmas comming up, finishing all my old stories, babysitting, life has got me tied up. But, I have here, Chapter 4. This Chapter was short, but thats because its two parts, this is only the begining of this Chapter, thats why it actually has a Name on the Chapter Listings. In this Chapter, they get close, and in the next ones, they get closer. Also, I have a suprise for you readers, I will be giving you a weekend of them, you'll see what I mean later, but its on christmas weekend, so be prepared. This chapter does have triggers: Self Harm & Rape, so you have been warned. Also Im starting on Chapter 5 right now, hopefully I get it done. Also, I love when you guys Review, it motivates me to write more, alot more. So please REVIEW & ENJOY :D

*If the text is Bold, its me telling you to remember it, because it will be in future chapters. Song of the Chapter was All The Things She Said by T.A.T.U. I don't know why I just listened to it and it clicked with me for some reason. REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW :D

Chapter 4:

Tegan POV: What Hurts The Most (Part 1)

"Tegan?"

I lift my head up and look at Ms. Camey. She was my therapist here, I didn't like talking to Dr. Renolds, I didn't even like talking to her, but she was the only one I was able to be around without wanting to snap.

"You know what you did yesterday right?"

She asks, her small voice making my ears ring. I look down to the metal handcuffs on my hand, Dr. Renolds made me wear them. I fiddle with my thumbs, swirling them around eachother,shrugging.

"You attacked Judy . . . Tegan, what were you thinking about ?"

I close my eyes, the image of the man behind me in the shower, touching me, handling me roughly, covering my mouth, muffling my cries out for help, I just thought she was him . . . I just thought she was him.

"I don't know . . ."

She sighs and I open my eyes, looking at her for the first time in minutes. Shes writing something down on her notepad. When shes done, she sighs again, then puts her pen on her desk.

"What are you thinking about right now?"

I look at her, and she starts to tap her pen on her desk, waiting for me to reply.

"Can you stop that, please."

She nods her head and puts her pen back in her lap, still looking at me waiting. I look at the floor, what was I thinking about?

I bring the blunt to my lips, inhaling the smoke, feeling the smoke fill my lungs. I look around the neighborhood, people walking around, guys dealing right in the middle of the street. I exhale and watch as the smoke fills the air, making it smell stale and skunky. Its my birthday today, Im now officially 17, but I don't feel like it. When I woke up this morning, there was a small cupcake waiting for me in the fridge from Nena, she was Jays girlfriend. She was the one girl who was my actual friend, not only was she his business as well, but she was only 19. She started all this when she first got with him, at the age of 17, and she's been around ever since. When I finished my cupcake, Jay came in and told me that today, I only had 3 guys to deal with, just because it was my birthday. I just finished with Roger, he was another regular like Mike, but Roger was at least more understanding of the word no, more than Mike was.

I take another hit, feeling my eyes slightly relax. I look down at the small wrap, when did I start this? I was always a kid who said they would never do it, but after I tried it once, I wanted to feel the high all the time, especially when it came the time for me to work. I just lay there and let the guys do whatever they want with me now. The first 2 years were scary, now it was all just a routine. I have regulars that have been a regular for three years, like Mike and Roger, then theres Anthony, Ron, Frank, and a couple more. They all pay the most money to sleep with me, or to even have me spend days with them. Last time, Mike payed Jay 5 grand, just for me to go over his house and spend the whole day with him, because his wife and daughter were out of town. That day, Mike showed me no mercy, he bit me, scratched me, whipped me, and he forced me to do things that I had never done before, since then, thats when I just got used to it all.

I see Jays car pull up in front of the building, his fixed up cadillac, rims, new paint, all of that, all that new stuff to his car, I made possible. He gets out of the car and walks over to me, smiling big. He looks at me and nudges my shoulder.

"Come on, I got you a birthday present."

I smile and look at him, he walks past me and I put the blunt to the cemement, scratching it. I let it go and follow him. When we get to his door, he opens it and turns around to me.

"Go sit at the table."

I listen to him and walk over to the table, sitting down and watching him. He takes out a brown plastic bag from his jacket pocket and walks over to me, sitting down next to me. I look at him and he turns to me.

"Got a hook up from ma boy today, he got some new shit."

I look down and he turns the bag over, letting all the contents fall from the bag and onto the old brown table, making clicking sounds. I look at the stuff, a small dime bag, filled with a vanilla looking color powder. The small syringe next to it, a large elastic band next to it, a small spoon and a lighter. I look up at him and he smiles, nodding his head.

"Wanna try?"

I look back down, the image of people comming into our house and overdosing on it, burning my head. For a second, I felt my heart jump, No.

"No, Im fine."

He looks at me and eyes me. He grabs the baggy and opens it, pouring a little amount of the powder on the spoon, he grabs the lighter and lights it under the metal. I look at the powder, watching as it turns into a brown liquid, looking so toxic. He looks at me and shakes his head.

"You gonna, I didn't buy this shit for no reason, I thought you wanted it, spent 50 bucks."

I sigh and shake my head.

"No, Jay Im just gonna go to bed."

I start to get up, when I feel his hand grab my wrist, pulling me back down. I stumble onto the chair and he eyes me.

"50 bucks, sit the fuck down."

I hear the scorn in his voice, making me jump. I listen to him and her grabs the syringe, bringing it to the liquid, pulling the trigger back and sucking it all up. He looks at me and drops the spoon.

"Give my your arm."

I didn't want to, I didn't want it, I saw what this did to people, I didn't want it. But he grabbed my arm from my side, and held it tight. He looked at my arm and hit it repeatedly.

"Tighten your fist."

I felt the small tear come from my eye, making me start to shake. I closed my eyes and clenched my fist into a ball, feeling my hand tremble with fear. I didn't want it, I didn't want to go this far, Weed was something totally different, this stuff was addicting. I've seen people come to Jay, their bodies old, their teeth missing, yellow or black, their skin filled with holes, from scratching themselves, I watched them begg him for this stuff, he always sold it, but never did it.

Suddenly, I felt the needle pierce into my skin, making my eyes scrunch and the tears start to stream. I felt the hot liquid run into my veins, coursing through my bloodstream. I felt my body suddenly realx, starting from my toes, shooting up all the way to my body, making my slump back in my chair.

When I opened my eyes, I saw the ceiling, but it was moving. I felt my body being thrown on a familiar bed, my bed. I kept my eyes on the ceiling, watching as it stood so still now.I felt my body moving, but numb at the same time. I tried to lift my head up and see what was going on, but I was lost. Then, I felt someone crawling up my body. When I blinked, Jay was laying on top of me. I tried to focus on him, trying to see what he was doing, but it was impossible.

"Lets see what all these guys come back for."

He says, leaning in and kissing me hard. My eyes went wide, the adrenaline pushing away the high enough for me to realize what was happneing. I place my hands on his chest and tried to move him away, but he wouldn't budge. He finally got tired of my pushing and pulled away, grabbing my hands and pinning them above my head.

"Jay, what are you doing?"

I ask on the verge of tears again. I saw the look in his eyes, he was high. I started to sob and he put both of my wrists in one hand and trailing his other hand down. I felt something at my entrance. I look down and see his hands on his cock, grabbing it. I see my naked boyd and start to shake. He plunged into me and I felt my walls tear, my body jerking.

"Tegan?"

I lift my gaze up from the floor and look at Ms. Camey. Shes looking at me, her eyes kind of dropped.

"Why are you crying?"

She asks, I blink my eyes and feel a couple of tears leave my eyes, rolling down my cheek, leaving hot trails as its path for others. I look at her and feel my eyes close again. I couldn't get rid of my past, it was something that haunted me everyday, everyday since I've been here.

"Tegan, is there something you would like to tell me?"

I look at her again and shake my head, no one would understand. They would just tell me that its the past, to forget about it, move on, but the truth was, my past was the reason I was in here, I was in here because of everything I had done.

BBBBBRRRRIIIINNNNGGGGG!

The timer pulls me from my thoughts. I open my eyes and look at Ms. Camey, watching her as she stops the ringing. She sighs and places it back down on the desk.

Shes about to say something, when her office door opens up. I look over to the door and see Cathy and Holly, both standing there waiting for me to stand up and walk over to them. I look at and she nods, telling me to go. I stand up and walk over to them, they both grab my shoulders hard and I feel my body want to react, hating the way they handle me.

"Tegan, Dr. Renolds is waiting for you in your room, you better not try anything funny."

I let them take my down the narrow hall and back into the ward. When we pass all the metal detectors, and gates, we turn the hall and my room is the first door on the left. I sigh and see it open, the sound of someone shuffling around in it. I close my eyes and they keep dragging me step by step.

"Put her in the bed."

I hear his old voice, Dr. Renolds. I open my eyes and see him looking at me, shaking his head. They lead me into the room and throw me on the bed, feeling the metal under the thin matress. I groan as my head hits the frame. They all turn around and Dr. Renolds stops them.

"Wait outside the door."

Cathy and Holly both nod. They continue to walk out, then close the door. Dr. Renolds look at me and sits down on the edge of my bed.

"Sit up."

He says sternly. I sigh and sit up, the handcuffs still on my hands. I move against the wall, my only safe place I have found here in this room. He moves closer and pulls up his clipboard from the matress. He looks it over and shakes his head. He look back up at me and sighs.

"Why did you assault Judy yesterday?"

He asks, I hear the sound of annoyance in his voice, we went through this all the time, except I only snapped on patients, never nurses, I never hit a nurse.

"She grabbed my arm, and it scared me."

I tell him truthfully. He sighs again and shakes his head.

"Tegan, you can't do that! Shes here to help you, not hurt you!"

"They always hurt me!"

I snap, I look down and feel his eyes burn into my skull.

"Who?"

It was mostly Judy, she hated me, sometimes Cathy, Holly only when I was causing trouble, the rest of the nurses just like Holly. But when it came down to it, it was Judy and Cathy.

"Judy and Cathy."

I say low. Never had I said anything about it before, I always just let it go. I new the nurses here hated me, wished that I would just commit suicide already, but I would be lying if I said that it didn't feel good to finally tell him.

"Judy and Cathy? They don't hurt you Tegan."

He says, not believeing me. I sigh and look at him.

"Yes they do, They always push me, making me fall, I have cuts all over my body from them Dr. Renolds."

He looks at me and shakes his head hard.

"Your crazy, their my top nurses here, you just don't like them, you just want to see them gone, stop making them out to be that bad guys Tegan."

"But -"

"No! Thats it, I've had it."

He stands up and walks to the door, poudning on it. The door opens and I look at him as Cathy and Holly walk up to him. He looks at me in the eyes, I feel my body shiver as he speaks.

"Shock Therapy."

Sara POV:

I place my coat into my locker, and straighten up my clothes. I grab my backpack and dig through it, grabbing my name tag and putting my backpack back into my locker. I place it on my chest and snap the back to it. Its saturday, finally. Yesterday Ben and I talked. He said that he didn't regret it at all, but he just wished that we would have done it later, after a couple dates, all of that stuff. Me on the other hand, I don't know what to think about the situation, when I woke up I felt awkward, but not too awkward to cook us breakfast, or to talk, or walk him out of my door. After that, I just spent all day in bed, thinking about it.

I reach in and grab the cafe bag, closing up my locker and locking it. I put my keys back into my pocket and walk over to the door, opening it and walking to the other door. I step in and smile, the security officers smile at me and I smile, setting my keys in the little tray and walking through the metal detector. I grab my keys and I hear someone walking behind me. I turn around and see one of the security officers looking through his keys. I turn back around and get to the gate. The officer smiles at me and unlocks the gate for me. I smile and step through.

"Whats your name Miss?"

He asks, I turn back around and look at him.

"Sara."

He smiles at me and nods.

"Im officer Brown, I'll be giving you your copy key for this gate soon."

I laugh and nod, thanking him and turning back around. I take a couple of steps and round the corner, looking down the halls. I walk past Tegans door and look down at the bag in my hands. I brang her a turkey sandwhich just like I promised her. I pass through the doors and get to the nurses desk, looking at all the nurses. Some new faces, and some familair like Cathy, Holly, and Mindy. I smile as I walk over to them. I lean on the counter and they all look up at me. I smile and reach down, grabbing a sharpie from the desk.

"Hey."

I write my name down on my bag and drop the sharpie back on the desk, They all look at me and smile.

"Hey, ready to work Visitation hours?"

I nod and look around, the halls and lounge empty.

"Where are all the patients?"

Holly shakes her head, taking a bite of her breakfast burrito.

"They don't come out until 10:00."

She says with her mouth full of food. I laugh and nod. I walk behind the nurses desk and grab my card from my cubby, I over look it really quickly before placing it under the stamper and hearing the big cluncking noise. I place it back in my cubby and turn around.

"Holly, can you put this inside the fridge for me?"

I ask her, holding out my bag. She nods and grabs it, putting it in the fridge.

"So, what am I going to do today?"

I ask them, grabbing a small spot of the desk and sitting down on it, watching the girls eat their breakfast.

"Well, It was usually Judy who ran the booth, so its you today."

Cathy says, I look at her and nod.

"Whats the booth?"

I ask them. Cathy looks at me and smiles.

"I'll show you after I finish eating."

I nod my head and just sit there. After a couple of minutes, Cathy stands up and grabs her keys, looking up at the clock.

"Come on."

I nod and she starts to walk away. I follow her down the hall, turning the corner. Suddenly, she walks to a wall and pulls up a set of blinds. I never even noticed that was there. A thick glass Window sits behind it. She smiles and turns around looking at me. I follow her again as she walks to the gate, opening it with her set of keys. We pass the gate and security officers, and step into the hall. She turns to her left and walks over to a door, opening it. I follow her and look into the room, there was a little hall that led to the window. The room was pretty dark, so I made my way cautiously, closing the door behind me. She gets to the end, near the window and flips a switch, the lights now shining around the room. I look around, the room was empty, except for the desk at the window, the chair tucked under it, and the three file cabinets next to the desk. I get to her and she walks over to the file cabinet, pulling out a huge folder, the cover saying "Visitation." She sets it down on the desk and smiles.

"Sit down."

I nod and pull out the chair, sitting down and looking at her. She flips open the folder and I see lots of papers, some with writing some with pictures, just stuff.

"Hold on."

She flips all the way to the back and stops, looking at me.

"Okay, pay attention."

I nod and look down at the book. I see a couple of patients names, then a couple of names next to theirs in bold letters.

"Heres the patients name, the names next to theirs, are the only people who are allowed to come in and see them. They are the only ones on the list, if, IF someone new comes to visit, you call me, over at the office and I'll come and handle it."

I nod and she continues.

"Now, when they come, you place a check mark on this piece of paper, next to their names, and put the date at the top for today."

She hands me another paper and I see all the patients names.

"Then when your done, you put it in the back of this book, this is the book that has all the visitations from this year so far, and the past three years, so put it at the end."

I nod and she smiles.

"Okay, heres the stack of nametags, now when they pass all this stuff, you write their names on the tag and the patients number on it, the patients number is on the sheet."

"Okay."

I smile up at her and she nods.

"Thats it, when all the patients have been checked, thats when you put the paper in the back of the book."

"Got it."

She smiles and looks down to her rubberband watch, I chuckle and she smiles.

"Get ready, their gonna start comming now."

She says, hopping off the desk and onto her feet.

"I'll see you later."

"Okay, bye."

She walks away and I look down, this seemed pretty easy. Suddenly, I hear a tap on the glass, I look up and see a man. He smiles at me and I smile back at him. I look at the glass and see the small drilled in holes, and the small metal hole at the bottom.

"Patients name sir?"

I ask him, he smiles and takes out his wallet.

"Brit Anderson."

I nod and look down at the book, finding Brits name, I look and see a list of 5 people who are allowed to see her. I look up at him and smile.

"ID please."

He nods and holds it up to the glass, letting me read his name. I look back down and nod, finding his name on the list. I get the other peice of paper and write the date at the top, then go down to Brits name, placing an x at the box next to her name. I grab a nametag and a sharpie from the little pen holder and write down his name, putting Brits number on it. I slide it under the metal hole and he takes it, putting it on. I smile and wiggle my body when he walks away. This wasn't so bad.

As time goes by, poeple start to form a line, I go through each of them, some asking where Judy was. Others knew, I was new, they said they had never seen me before, and they could just tell. I just laughed it off.

When the poeple stopped comming, I looked through the papers and noticed everyone was already checked, except for Tegan. I look next to her name and see it blank, she had no people next to her name, it might be a mistake. I turn to the back of the folder and scim past other visitation forms, I scim them and see Tegasn name, no check next to her name, no names next to her. I flip through some more, no one has ever visited her? I close the folder and stand up, turning off the light and walking to the door. I open it and make my way back inside the ward. After I pass the metal detectors, and gates, I turn the corner and smile. All the patients were walking around with their friends or family memebers, talking, hugging, crying. It was nice. I stop and turn to my left, looking at Tegans door, I still couldn't believe it. I look around again and walk down the hall and up to the nurses desk, only Holly sitting there. I lean on the counter and look at her.

"Hey, was it easy?"

She asks, smiling. I chuckle and nod.

"Hey, I wanted to ask you something?"

I tell her and looks at me and nods.

"Yea, what is it?"

I look around and lean down.

"How come Tegan doesn't have any visitors listed?"

She looks at me and shakes her head.

"No one comes to visit her, not since shes been here."

I sigh and look down, nodding my head, it wasn't a mistake.

"Well, do you mind if I check on her really quick?"

I ask, afraid she might say no. She looks at me and nods, reaching into her pocket and pulling out her keys, she grabs the only one a single hoop and hands it to me.

"Be carefull."

She says, I nod and grab the key, turning around and walking back down the hall. When I get to her door, I notice that the lights aren't on in her room. They forgot to turn on the lights for her. I sigh and look to my left, the switch for her lights was up, maybe her lights burned out? I place the key inside her door and unlock it, smiling to myself. As I slowly opened her door, her room was pitch black, until the light from the windows in the hall made it shine. I look inside and my eyes grow curious. The light cover from the ceiling was on the floor, and there was glass everywhere from the long pipe lights. I step in front of the door and look at Tegans bed, she was sitting with her back against the wall, her legs dangling from the bed, her arms laying on her thighs, thats when I saw it. I saw the big pieces of glass from the pipe lights laying on her legs, covered in blood, thats when I trailed my eyes up to her arms, the amount of blood making my eyes grow wide. The blood was mixed, some of it brown from drying up, some fresh from the new cuts.

I felt my heart stop, what was she doing! I slowly make my way into the room, the sound of me stepping on the glass filling the room. When I get to her, I stood there and looked at her arms, her head still hanging down. I lean down and look at her, her eyes were closed.

I reach down and take one of the glasses from her knee, bringing it up to my face, seeing the blood slowly drip down to the floor. Thats when it hit me, I had to help her, was she dead? I climb on the bed and shake her shoulders.

"Tegan!"

She suddenly jerks, her head lifting up, she turns to me and her eyes grow wide, her cheeks stained with tears.

"NOOOOO!"

She cries, placing her hands over her eyes, shielding her away from me. I shake my head and wrap my arms around her body, pulling her into me tight. She starst to squirm, her screams muffled by her mouth pressed to my skin. She tries to push me away, but I grip her tighter, rocking us back and forth.

"Shh Tegan,Its me."

I say, rocking her, feeling the blood from her arms sink into the materail on my chest. She starts to push me away, but I jolt her, leaning down, bringing my mouth to her ears.

"Its me Tegan . . . Its Sara."

As soon as I said my name, her arms broke free and they wrapped around my back, pulling me into her more. She starts to cry into my chest, and I can feel her tears running down my cleavage. What happened, why would she do this? Was she trying to kill herself, what the fuck happened!?

"Tegan what happened?"

I ask again in her ear, whispering. She just shook her head and kept crying. So I kept rocking her, letting her cling to me. I couldn't believe it, why would she want to hurt herself this way?Suddenly, I see someone step in front of her door, it was Holly. She looks at me and I look at her.

"Sara what happened, why is there glass everywhere?"

Tegan clings onto my more, clawing at my back, like shes trying to get away. I wrap my arms around her and she starst to scream.

"Noooo!"

She repeats. Holly walks in and I look at her, too busy with Tegan to explain, and I didn't even know what happened in the first place to say anything. Holly eyes us and I shake my head, leaning down and buring my head into her hair, closing my eyes. Images of Tegans arms, her bloody arms, the glass, the bloody glass filling my mind. I sigh and open my eyes. Holly sits down on the bed and places her hand on Tegans back, ready to pull her away.

"NOOO PLEASE!"

She screams out again, She buries her head into my chest more and through her sobs, she mumbles in my skin.

"Please don't let them hurt me again . . . "

She chokes on a sob and I look up at Holly, she removes her hand from Tegans back and looks at the ground.

"What happened Holly?"

I ask her sternly, why would Tegan say that, if something didn't happen. She looks at the ground and starts to shake her head, closing her eyes. She stand up and walks to the door, closing it, leaving us in the pitch black room. Tegan wiggles her way up, burying her head into my neck.

"Sara . . ."

She says small and light. I lean down, placing my cheek to hers, letting her know I was here. No matter who it is, when someone is hurt, or planning on hurting themselves, you do anything for them, you shouldn't want to see them leave.

"Don't leave me please."

She says low, her cries still present. I sigh and rub my cheek against hers, feeling her tears rub off on me. I bring one of my arms up to her head and gently stroke her hair back.

"I won't."

A couple minutes pass by, and we sit there, my body up against the wall, her body in my arms, our cheeks touching, she needed me, or at least someone to comfort her. Her cries are still there, but their dying down slowly. I notice that everytime I brush her hair back, she gives out a little sigh of relief, and it makes my smile lightly, knowing shes feeling okay.

"Tegan . . . why would you do this to yourself?"

I whisper to her, hoping she would answer me this time. I feel her head turn , then I feel her heavy breath on the side my my neck.

"I don't want to be here anymore . . ."

She says low, and it made my heart break, literally break. I felt a small tear forming in my eye as I remember Bryan.

"B?"

I look into my brothers room, the moon giving me enough light to see his bed. The sheets were messed up, the pillow on the floor, he was gone. I sigh and turn around, closing his door. I look down the hall, he could be anywhere, but I had to find him. I slowly make my way down the hallway, making sure to walk gently, not to wake up my parents. They said for me to not check up on him anymore, but they were sound asleep, that they haven't checked on him for a while, thank god for me. I get to the stairs and walk down them, the pitch black living room making me shiver. I look around thr furniture, trying to see if his figure is in here, I sigh and turn around, walking to the kitchen. I turn on the light and my shoulders drop, I was starting to get worried. I walk through the kitchen and suddenly, I turn and look out the window above the kitchen sink that overlooks our backyard. Seeing my brothers form slumped over the wooden swing set my dad built us. I sigh in relief and walk to the backdoor, opening it slowly and feeling the cold fall air rush in. I shiver and step out, leaving the door open for when we come back inside. I walk down the couple of steps and make my way through the grass, my bare feet feeling the wet grass under my skin. I keep walking and look at my brother, his back faced to me. Usually he stays in the house, it was weird to see him outside. He starts to move his legs, lightly swinging back and forth.

"Bryan?"

He stops, and slowly turns his head around, looking at me. He drops his head, and I sigh, sitting down next to him on the other swing. I look down and he starst to sway. I look up at him and see him looking down at the floor, then I see his cheeks, stained with tears, one running slowly down the tip of his nose.

"B, whats wrong?"

I ask him, he turns his head and looks at me.

"Im sorry Sasa . . ."

Was all he said, he looks back down and starts to sway again.

"Im sorry I need you to take care of me . . . Im sorry Im sick . . . Im sorry for it all."

He says, I get up from my swing and walk over to him. I grab the two ropes and stop his swaying. I get down on my knees and look up at him, his head still down. I shake my head and feel my tears start to form.

"You don't have to be sorry B, its not your fault."

I place my hands on his knees and he shakes his head, a couple of tears falling from his nose.

"I wanna leave."

He says, small and low. He lifts his head, as he looks at me, he reaches into his basketball shorts pocket and pulls something out. He looks at me and shakes his head. I look down and my eyes grow wide, then they start to tear up, the image of my dads pistol in his hands,making my tears break.

"B . . ."

I whimper out, he chokes on a sob and looks at me.

"I almost killed you Sara . . . I don't deserve to live anymore . . ."

He says, a small tear falling onto the gun, making me flinch. I bring my hands up to my neck, the indent of his finger still fresh from yesterday. He looks up and studies the perfect bruises outlined with his hands.

He starts to bring it up to his forhead when I grab his wrists, pulling it away.

"B, NO! Don't!"

I cry out, feeling my body to weak to deal with hearts racing, my fingers are itching and my body its filled with nerves.

He shakes his head and pulls away from me, using his other hand to push me down on the ground. I look up at him. He brings the gun back to his forhead and looks at me in the eyes.

"I don't want to be here anymore."

His fingers graze the trigger, and I reach out, but close my eyes as I see him pull it back. I cry out and hear the sound of a click, making my heart jump. I open my eyes and see him, still there, alive, He pulls the trigger again and another click. I look at him and watch him as his body shakes, his hand slowly dropping back onto his lap. His fingers relax as the gun starts to slowly slide off his lap and land to the floor. My bodys shaking, my hearts out of my chest.

I stand up and wrap my arms around him, pulling us down to the floor. I lay down on my back and pull him into my chest, silently crying and looking up at the sky.I feel him sobbing, his back moving with each sob, making me shiver. I was so close to losing my brother, I could have watched him leave me, I could have lost him.

I rub his back and feel his arms wrap around my back, pulling me into him. I lean down and place a small kiss on his head, feeling more tears leave my eyes.

"Im sorry."

He whispers, and snuggles his face into my neck. I feel my body relax after a while. His breathing grows steady and I feel each exhale hit my neck. I keep my eyes on the sky, what was there to think, I could have lost my best friend, I could have lost a peice of me.

I look down and see his eyes closed, his mouth slightly open, sleeping peacefully. I place another kiss on his forhead and look back up at the sky, feeling the cold air hit my body, I was freezing, but if I woke him up, he would have a fit, I know it, I know him already. I turn my head to the side and look at the gun, how it just sits there. It could have killed him, it could have killed me. I reach out and grab it, feeling the heavyness in my palm. I bring my hand up from his back and grip it with two hands, avoiding the trigger. I close my eyes for a second, feeling the cold hit me. I open them again and take a deep breath, I gulp and reach for the wheel, pushing it out, and my eyes grow wide. 3 bullets, that was all, out of 5 slots, their were three bullets in it, if he would have pulled the trigger one more time, he would have been gone. I feel my body shake and I dump the bullets into my hand, feeling them on my palm. I set the gun down and look at the bullets. Bryans face in each one, shining his bright smile when he was happy, I toss them to the side, and wrap my arms around him again.

"I never want to lose you."

I feel one of her hands leave my back, bringing it up to my chest. I feel a finger gaze against my collar bones, lightly tracing them. I close my eyes, more darkness filling me. I feel a small tear run down my cheek. She reminded me of him in so many ways, he needed me, and now she needs me.

I open my eyes and stop pushing her hair back. I lift my hand from her head and slowly bring it down to hers. I feel her fingers stop and I move my hand under hers, our palms touching. I always did this with Bryan, and it had a calming affect to him. I gently push our hands together and place my fingers inbetween her spaces, feeling her hand shake in mines. I close my fingers down, locking me to her, I was just waiting for her to so the same. I feel her fingers curl down and land inbetween my spaces, making me smile.

"I'm right here, I got you."

I whisper. Suddenly, I hear the sound of the door lock being fiddled with. I bring our hands down to my stomach, her body hididng them perfectly. The door opens and the ray of lights make my eyes close. I hear someone walk over the glass, stepping on it, then I feel the matress sink. I slowly open my eyes and look, it was Holly. She looked like she was crying. I sigh and look at her, she looks at me, then to Tegans shaking body.

"Im sorry . . . ."

Was all she said, I look at her, and she looks at me. I see someone at the door and look up, it was Cathy. She looks at me and eyes me.

"Whats wrong with her?"

She asks, the sound of annoyance in her voice. Tegans grip on my hand gets harder, making me listen to her.

"Please . . . don't let her touch me Sara."

She says, her voice muffled by her mouth against my skin. I squeeze her hand and sigh, nodding my head.

"I won't."