Night-life Coruscant through a wall-length window, quite an amazing site but not beneficial for sleeping conditions. That wasn't the only reason Ahsoka remained awake and sat upright in her bunk, the unpleasantries of the night just gone had her mind racing. She had worn out her frustration and ire, but it would take a while longer to recover from her feeling of worthlessness.
Senator Amidala never intended to make her feel that way, Ahsoka knew she was on the list of people Amidala most respected. But she also was lying to herself and Ahsoka, forbidding herself to admit that she wished Anakin was here instead of his trusty sidekick. Padme may not show it as much as her husband, but the level of obsession was the same for her as it was for him. She was crazy for him, and seeing each other in passing was never going to be enough for either of them.
That's why Ahsoka didn't take long to forgive Padme, before sending the senator to bed with a relieved, warm smile. In the end Padme would always be forgiven, for loving someone who you could never really show it to, that took an unnatural amount of patience and emotional strength. Even Ahsoka understood that, but what did that mean for her?
It hurt, for reasons nobody could understand. It wasn't that Padme was challenging Ahsoka's abilities, because even Ahsoka knew that wasn't ever going to be the case. Padme was fundamentally right, this was a huge pond to throw Ahsoka into so soon after learning to swim. The way the senator stuck up for Ahsoka against her husband and the Jedi order, was a soothing that the new knight appreciated very much.
But in other ways it exacerbated the issue. The senator wanted to spare her life, and Ahsoka wanted nothing more than to put it on-the-line. The senator wanted to take that pressure off the young Togrutan shoulders, but the Togrutan insisted on keeping it. Padme wouldn't understand why, all she needed to know was that as long as Ahsoka was needed she'd guard the senator with her life.
"Snips, I owe you one. Padme could've died from that virus, and you nearly did. Without you...I...just thank you."
"Master, you don't have to thank me. Besides you and Master Kenobi were the ones who found the antidote."
"That would've been worth nothing if you hadn't been down there to protect her. I've never been more proud of you."
"Thank you Master."
"What, does my praise confuse you? Is it that so out-of-character of me to compliment you?"
"No, no of course not. It's just..."
"Come on Snips, tell me what's on your mind."
"It's nothing Master."
"Ahsoka, you know you can't lie to me, you're famously terrible at it."
"Master...is there something going on between you and Senator Amidala?"
"Why do you think there is?"
"Hearing your constant concern for her wellbeing the entire time we were trapped down there. And she too was beside herself for you."
"Well we're close friends Snips, first name basis is kind of a big giveaway. But that's all there is."
"Master, you're just as bad of a liar as I am."
"Haaah, fine. But I never told you got it, nobody else can know. Swear to me."
"Nobody else knows?"
"You know how the Council feels towards romantic relationships and marriage, and it wouldn't do our healths any good if our enemies knew about it would it."
"Not even Master Kenobi?"
"Especially him. Snips, this is important to me, I need your word."
"Master, I won't tell another living soul or non-living mechanic. I swear."
"Thank you Snips, at least now you know why you protecting Padme meant so much to me."
"Yes, it's kinda obvious now."
"Snips, are you okay? I didn't mean to upset you."
"I'm okay, just wish..."
"That I told you earlier, without having to work it out for yourself? I know Ahsoka, but you know why I couldn't, it has nothing to do with trust because if it did you would've known about it long before now."
"I know."
"Chin up, you've got a lot to be proud of."
It's fine, you'll get over it Ahsoka. Deep down you knew it, now forget about it.
Forget about it!
Forget about it. That's what Ahsoka woke up thinking, a thought she repeated first thing in the morning, day after day, since the aftermath of the blue shadow virus incident on Naboo. It was downright impossible to do what she kept telling herself to do. The fact that she knew Anakin and Padme were married doesn't just become forgotten.
And Ahsoka could've gotten over it, if only she wanted to. If only she was strong enough to. If only she didn't have to be constantly reminded of them, him and her, Padme and Anakin, Master Skywalker and Senator Amidala. The pain, the jealousy, the denial; they were too much, but Ahsoka couldn't show any of them emotions. Not to Anakin, and not to Padme.
There was a moment where Ahsoka had the opportunity to be alone with Master Kenobi, talking of the couple in question, not that he knew anything about that. For a split second her jealousy and frustration nearly made her spill that guarded secret, but Ahsoka did not. For seeing either of them suffer because she couldn't overcome her own selfish desires, it would hurt her far more than the acidic feeling she got whenever she was around one of them.
The only thing Ahsoka could do was fight on behalf of them, because of how she felt for them. Anakin was her mentor, best friend and goofy big brother...and Padme...
It's strange how knowing one persons secret can cause one of your own. For it was no longer Anakin hiding his feelings from Ahsoka, it was Ahsoka hiding hers from Anakin. She was really good at hiding her feelings, the events of the night just past was the closest to an outburst Ahsoka had to date. And that's the real reason why Ahsoka was so nervous about this assignment. Because it wasn't just an assignment to her. It was much more than a mission. It was Padme.
The person Ahsoka was instantly attracted to the day she met her. The person she hoped to cross paths with frequently just to get that little bit closer. The person she thought of constantly as her lungs were under attack by the blue smoke of death. The conversation with Anakin afterwards which should've been the highest moment of her life, was like drowning in a dark, empty ocean. Her dreams died that day, but her feelings only grew.
Now two years later, Ahsoka was protecting the person she's fallen for, on behalf of the person that Padme's loved for years. It was never going to be her, it couldn't be even if the feeling itself was reciprocated. Loving Padme didn't mean she wanted to break her Master's heart, he meant as much to Ahsoka as Padme did, just in a very conflicting and different way.
It was better for herself to just guard these feelings and never allow them to see the light of day.
Ahsoka scrubbed the sleep out of her eyes and rose from her bunk. Her instinct to check on Padme beat her need for energy, hygiene and comfort. Ahsoka had set-up three separate protection devices the night before that would alert her the moment they were triggered. And the feeling in the force would've been her back-up, had all of them failed.
Despite feeling confident in her precautions, Ahsoka was still required to take a relieved breath upon seeing Padme's sleeping form. This was truly the first time Ahsoka had seen Padme sleep, and never had she seen the senator so at ease. Padme appeared to be a clinger; arms searching for something to grasp, and finding it. In a shared bed that likely would be the person she slumbered with, otherwise anything in arms length would do.
On this occasion it was an adjacent pillow the woman buried her face in, providing Ahsoka with half of her beautiful glossy face. That fraction of facial skin was enough to still Ahsoka where she stood. Her gaze flitted over the curvaceous body half-presenting itself. But it's the small, angelic smile that sent shockwaves through Ahsoka's ribcage.
Ahsoka could never deserve the beauty lying before her, and Anakin got to call her his own. Whatever he did to capture her heart, Ahsoka knew she could not have repeated had she the chance. But it didn't mean she couldn't imagine herself succeeding where her Master triumphed for real, had the chance come her way.
Ahsoka advanced towards the bed completely entranced by the woman laying there. She stopped by the bedside, standing close enough to touch but not daring to risk the chance of getting caught, or being unable to resist. Padme clutched the pillow more tightly and Ahsoka just watched.
She was dreaming of Anakin of course. To her it wasn't a pillow, it was her husbands bare chest. But Ahsoka somehow removed him from the equation, and she pictured herself laying sprawled underneath those arms. She pictured the pair of them waking up simultaneously and sharing a quick morning peck with a smile. In another life it could've been real.
Finally regaining her senses, Ahsoka made to leave. The sight of C3P0 anchored by the door made Ahsoka nearly backflip in surprise. How did a mechanical droid manage to sneak up on her? And judging by the droid's confused expression (shown mostly by his body language than his face) he'd been there for a tad longer than a moment.
"Gaahh, you nearly got a lightsaber through your middle then." Ahsoka was not completely insincere about that.
"My apologies Master Tano, I was merely ensuring Senator Amidala awoke at the scheduled time requested" the golden droid hummed back.
"You're her alarm clock? I was sure this room had an AI that did that for her?" Ahsoka asked.
"The current AI system was deactivated, Master Kenobi felt a hack into the system would be the most likely method of an intruder gaining access to Senator Amidala's quarters." As the droid explained, Ahsoka recalled the same information when she was setting up her protections from the last night. She'd completely forgotten that without the AI, C3P0 was Padme's only reliable method of organisation.
"Right. Well be that as it may, it's lucky I was in here before you."
"Whatever makes you say that?" She noticed the anxiousness in the droids tone.
"Had you come to wake up Senator Amidala without me, you'd blow yourself to smithereens. My protection devices would destroy you upon entry. That would be some way to wake her up, but I think she would prefer you to be very much functioning."
C3P0 was so shocked he staggered back. "Oh dear, why did Senator Amidala not tell me?"
Ahsoka took pity on the flailing droid and walked over to stabilise him. "Hey, don't short circuit yourself, it was my fault. I'm sorry for not mentioning it...I wasn't quite myself last night. Senator Amidala knew nothing about my devices except there were some."
"Well thanks for that, I could've woken up with a service droid littered about the room." Padme's groggy voice was riddled with annoyance, someone wasn't a morning person.
"Again, I'm sorry. In future, just allow me to be your alarm clock" Ahsoka offered.
"That means you have to be up before seven every morning, can you handle that?" Padme was unravelling herself from the sheets and adorning her dressing gown. Ahsoka forced herself not to watch the amount of skin Padme was showing, since her night wear left very little to the imagination.
"I was up before then today wasn't I?"
"True" Padme finished tying-up her gown "well, if I haven't got any other options I suppose it'll have to be you."
Ahsoka almost felt herself objecting, doing this once was torturous enough, to do it everyday may kill her before too long. But of course she replied "settled then. And I should probably tell you about the other protections too. You don't want to find out whilst drying your hair or something."
Padme gave a startled look in the direction of the bathroom she was metres away from, taking a cautious step further away. Only when she turned to see Ahsoka grinning in amusement, did she realise the Jedi was teasing her. "Anakin is a bad influence on you."
The intercom on Ahsoka's wrist suddenly started spouting a voice. Taking both Ahsoka and Padme by surprise, the Jedi answered it whilst Padme came to join her. "Master Kenobi?"
"Good morning Master Tano, how's the senator?"
Ahsoka had to get used to being called that title, both Anakin and Obi-Wan were committed to giving her a crash course on it. "She's perfectly fine, she's right here with me."
"Glad to hear it, I know this assignment was sprung on you so suddenly, both me and Anakin know you're capable but I felt it prudent to fill in the gaps Anakin may have left you. Therefore I await you outside, when you're ready head down and climb aboard the ship, it'll be in the hangar. I'll explain this whole thing properly."
"Affirmative, we'll be right down." The comm link died again, Ahsoka and Padme shared a significant look.
The senator chuckled "well, ask and you shall receive. Now we'll get the real reason we're in all this."
Ahsoka nodded and turned to leave "you'd best get ready senator."
"Ahsoka," Padme stopped her in her tracks without touching her, her voice as effective against Ahsoka as the Force itself. "I'm sorry about what I said last night."
Ahsoka sighed "I know, you said."
"But I want you to know I meant it" Padme physically turn my pliant body around to face her. "I don't regret what I said, because I do think this is very unfair to you. But I regret how I said it, and I don't want you to get the wrong impression. I like having you here, I'm grateful for what you're doing but I wish it was more on your terms. You wouldn't be guarding anyone if I wasn't your Master's secret wife."
Ahsoka spiked in irritation, not liking the insinuation that she was here because Anakin made her. But she didn't want to have to explain why she was bothered by it. She swallowed her irritation and simply said "Master Kenobi is waiting, you'll get your answers. But you need to get dressed first. I'll wait for you outside."
Nothing more was exchanged.
Three minutes later
Ahsoka accompanied Padme, whilst both being tailed be a group of guards, into the hangar. The only ship in sight was Obi-Wan's Star Destroyer. Now they knew why they were heading down to the hangar, rather than the landing deck. For one, to take cheap shots from outside the building completely out the equation. And this great thing in your hangar threatened a large regiment of clones, you'd be crazy or dumb to attempt anything knowing there was so much man power around.
Clones were waiting with guns in hand for them to approach, and the moment that Ahsoka and Padme passed them to head up into the ships bowel, the previous guards dispersed and the clones took over the rest of the way inside.
Obi-Wan met them as they walked through. "Have to admit you were quicker than expected, with it being so early I'd have thought you Senator would have to drag Ahsoka away from her breakfast.'
"For your information, I was awake and ready before Senator Amidala, and aim to do so everyday."
"Marvellous, see how a little time away from Anakin does you wonders."
Padme laughed, having commented earlier on the influence Anakin had on his padawan. Ahsoka glared at them both. "What are you doing here again?"
"Yes, your assignment."
"Master Kenobi, please tell me this wasn't just a one-man decision" Padme implored.
"Anakin may be a little spontaneous sometimes, but I know he didn't request Ahsoka to guard you on a whim. And even if he did, he'd have to convince the Council to get it done, which would then make it a direct order" he explained as they walked. "He merely suggested a candidate when the Council announced that you needed around-the-clock protection."
"But I've had no attacks on my life."
"We've intercepted about seven of them already, but they are getting harder to contain and we're wasting personnel that we'll need to fight the Separatists. Which is why one fresh Jedi Knight with you at all times is the best protection we can offer you."
Padme was increasingly becoming annoyed. "Anakin said they were rumours, threats, how long has this been going on, and why wasn't I informed?"
"Had you known what action would you take?" Obi-Wan countered the question.
"I'd have upgraded the security and..." She trailed off, realising the flaw in that approach.
"Upgraded the security and let our enemies know that one of our strongest assets is distracted or under threat. Yes, that's why you weren't informed, not until it could no longer be avoided."
Ahsoka spoke this time. "So the Separatists aren't responsible for this?"
"We don't know. There's no proof of their involvement, and I reckon had Separatists been responsibile we wouldn't have got seven unsuccessful attempts. But you never can rule them out."
Padme was not convinced, especially now that Separatist forces may not be involved. "If it isn't, then who else is there?"
"A bounty hunter might not always act alone, you should know that Senator."
"One or two accomplices is normal yes, but you said there were seven attempts, and you must've detained all of the assailants right?"
"Yes, I admit this is a bigger operation than your usual bounty hunter, if they've got enough numbers to waste how big are those numbers to begin with. But there is one person who could influence so many to do their bidding, who is not already accounted for."
"Ventress." Ahsoka confirmed suspiciously. The female student of Count Dooku, obsessed with becoming a renowned power in the Sith. She'd dropped completely off the radar for at least a year, without no real reason as far as the Jedi could see. There were rumours of a falling out between Dooku and Ventress, which got Ventress evicted from leading Separatist missions. But those were unsubstantiated, and it was mainly clone-based gossip that soon was forgotten.
Point was nobody had heard or seen of her since, which was very unlike Asajj Ventress. Nobody knew when she was going to turn up somewhere, but it was almost a sure thing that she would. It was almost worrying to think about her not being around, being a constant pain in the neck.
And why attack Padme, when the only thing she cares for is the destruction of the Jedi. You can count out Ventress finding out the secret between Amidala and Skywalker. If the Jedi Council had no clue of it, and Obi-Wan had no clue either despite spending the most time with Anakin besides Ahsoka, then how were Separatist forces or Ventress' supposed to know. They weren't subtle, but they couldn't exactly be obvious either else everyone would know.
Ventress would have gotten frustrated by now too, with so many failed attempts Obi-Wan was reporting Ventress would've lost patience by the third, resulting in her doing the business herself. This whole thing seemed just not her style.
But Ahsoka wasn't bothered by the details, all she cared for right now is protecting Padme from her unknown attacker. She hoped they'd do something dumb that meant Ahsoka could show them she wasn't playing games, but something said to her that the mastermind wasn't quite that dumb.
And as for Ventress, Ahsoka would take her head if Padme was harmed in any way.
"Will you keep on the lookout for whose behind all this?" Padme asked the more experienced Jedi.
"That goes without saying, but forgive me if information on that is sparce, there is equally vital stuff happening right now and I can't be everywhere at once" he honestly replied.
Satisfied with his answer, the pair of girls nod in agreement. "So is there anything else we should know, or anything you want me to do Master Kenobi?"
"Ahsoka, the only thing I want you to do is keep Senator Amidala alive, however you do that is entirely your call. Should it be required, you've also got license to take lethal action in her defense, although live prisoners will be very beneficial in finding out who's really behind these attacks."
"Understood."
"Is that all Master Kenobi?" Padme questioned.
Obi-Wan clucked his tongue in sudden recollection. "Ah, nearly forgot, I'm giving you Ahsoka a selection of blasters, so you have other options should you feel handicapped with your saber in any way."
Ahsoka's eyebrows rose in joyful surprise. "Oh cool, where are they?"
"They're with Captain Typho, he should be on board, you know where to look. Also if you find any supplies along the way, feel free to take as much as you need, but not more." Obi-Wan pointed the way and Ahsoka hesitated, checking to see if Padme would be alright on her own.
"Ahsoka, Master Kenobi is perfectly capable of keeping me safe for the brief duration of your absence. Go, I'll not move an inch from this spot."
With that Ahsoka breezed past and disappeared round the corner.
Obi-Wan gave Padme his quite charming smile "you've got one heck of a guardian there Senator, she'll give Anakin a ride for his money."
For brief second she thought Obi-Wan knew about her and Anakin, but then she realised he was referring to the last time she needed a Jedi bodyguard. "Yes, I'm sure he'll brag about her good work to the Outer Rim and back, reminding everyone of who taught her the ways of the force."
"Like Jawas scavenge, Anakin boasts. He'll never change." Obi-Wan's warm tone morphed slowly into concern. "I had to make sure Ahsoka wasn't present for this part Senator, and I implore you to keep what I'm about to tell you to yourself. I can tell that you don't believe the reasoning I gave so easily."
This put the rest of Padme's doubts to bed, there was definitely more to Ahsoka's involvement than mere fortune. "Why was Ahsoka really selected for this Master Kenobi?"
"Has Ahsoka ever mentioned her family to you?" Obi-Wan enquired.
Padme was so surprised by the question that she lost the ability to voice a reply, so she lamely shook her head. Obi-Wan hummed "yeah, not too many people do."
"Wasn't Ahsoka raised by the Jedi Council, from what Anakin's told me she was given away when she was just an infant child on Shili?"
"She was yes, but she regained contact a few years back with her mother, but hasn't been back for her mother's safety. Until quite recently, we knew nothing about the Tano's. But it appears that they are a family of three children now. Ahsoka has two younger siblings; Ahtoya and Ahmena. Ahtoya, her brother, is a big follower of the Jedi too but apparently the family were too poor to send another child away to learn the ways of the force."
Padme thought that was all sweet and good, but what does it have to do with Ahsoka being assigned to her. Obi-Wan sensed her impatience, he assured "this is all relevant Senator, for the reason we've found out so much about the Tanos is that they were Separatist prisoners, about to be executed in cold-blood. Barriss Offee and Aayla Secura discovered this on a mission, and it was Barriss who pointed out their names on a Separatist ship log. They attempted a rescue, but only succeeded in thwarting the execution. Now her family have disappeared again, perhaps dead."
Padme gasped. "And Ahsoka doesn't know?"
"Evidently, and we can't allow her to either. She risks her own safety and theirs if she went after them."
"You don't know that she will, she's just earned her Jedi Knight status so don't you think she has enough control over her emotions to be responsible about this. Obi-Wan this is her family."
"I agree Senator, but it appears the Separatists haven't noticed the affliation between her family and Ahsoka, otherwise they'd never have tried to execute them, or at least not behind closed doors. But the moment they do they'll take advantage, that's if the family are still alive."
"So the answer is to shove Ahsoka away somewhere, completely out of the loop, keep her occupied on other things; leaving her family in harms way, and without Ahsoka's knowledge. I'm sorry Obi-Wan, but this whole idea is immoral." Padme turned away and put a hand to her head, trying to contain her gradually building anger.
"The family will not be in harm's way for long, if they're alive we'll find them."
Padme indignantly replied "and if they're not, Ahsoka loses her family without ever being aware of their mortal danger. How do you think she'll feel then?"
"Better than if she searched herself and found them dead."
"No! It would not be any better! When you, Anakin and everyone she respects and trusts are lying to her, and making decisions she should be making on her behalf. And me, when she finds out I never told her either."
Obi-Wan shakes his head. "In that case tell her Senator, if you're absolutely certain she won't sideline or slack on her duties as your guardian then tell her about her family. However should one of those things happen, or worse, then you can hold yourself responsible for what happens." He was being completely serious, and sounded to be hoping that Padme made the right call.
This was someone who knew Ahsoka better than her, someone who is very much experienced in doing what was right, if even he was suggesting that keeping Ahsoka away from this was the best option they had then it required at least a little bit of Padme's consideration.
Obi-Wan sensed Ahsoka's return before Padme did. The orange girl returned to them with a wide smile glued to her face. Obi-Wan returned a smile of his own, but Padme simply couldn't help gazing at Ahsoka anxiously. "O. Be. Wan. You're the best."
How the man was able to smile at her knowing he was anything but the best, was a complete mystery to Padme. "I take it you enjoyed seeing your new toys."
"Long-range, short-range, cluster shot, rapid fire. And equipped with not one, not two, not three, but four sensory explosives. I don't know how I can thank you enough." Ahsoka was practically purring in gratitude.
"Thank me by putting them to use and saving the Senator's skin; responsibly of course, and with rightful justification." Obi-Wan patted her shoulder encouragingly "do us proud Ahsoka."
"I will Master Kenobi."
If Padme didn't know what she knew, she'd be in awe at the respect and trust shared between the two Jedi Knights. Instead it made her feel sick, she could've throttled Obi-Wan if she didn't have to explain her actions to Ahsoka afterwards.
Ahsoka turned to Padme and this time the senator managed a small smile, but Ahsoka saw through it anyway. "What's wrong?"
Padme waved her off, making sure to smile wider to be more convincing. "Nothing, everything is fine."
Ahsoka was even less convinced, coming to stand on front of her in concern. "You look like you've just been told somebody's dead, who is it?"
When Padme couldn't stammer a denial, Ahsoka turned to Obi-Wan expectantly. He provided "nobody has died Ahsoka, as far as I know. Senator Amidala was just telling me how she felt her disclusion from the senate could jeopardise her plan agreements."
Padme went along with the lie, but not liking it one bit. "Yeah, but Master Kenobi suggested I liaise with Dorme a little more on how things are going in the senate. If things need to happen I'll inform her to get them done. It's no big deal."
Ahsoka was still on the notion that something else was going on, her face scrunched up dubiously for a moment before she conceded with a returned smile. "Alright then, we'd best not keep you Master Kenobi. If Padme is content with what we discussed we'll be on our way."
"Yeah, I've got nothing more to say." The disapproving undertones were not missed by Obi-Wan, but he ignored them.
"Good luck Ahsoka, and thank you again Senator for being so understanding."
Padme was so going to throttle him and Anakin the next time she saw them
An: Okay, timeout, take a breather everyone.
I'm gonna re-read the previous chapters once more before uploading this, Ahsoka's feelings for Padme came on rather suddenly because I felt it worked better with her having feelings for Padme coming into the story, rather than developing as the story progresses. But I don't want to contradict anything from the previous chapters now that I can't really alter them.
And I hope I'm not butchering characters, especially Obi-Wan, making them too OOC. I'm not an avid Star Wars fan, I merely have a thing for strong female characters as my Potter readers will know. But I want to remain respectful to as much of the Clone Wars story as possible, and if Obi-Wan is too dickish in your opinion, let me know. Don't be scared to grill me either, I want to see how protective Star Wars fans can be of their iconic characters.
To be continued...