My name is Jaune Arc, and I am the straightest man alive. When I was a child I saw my mother get fucked by something impossible. My father was cucked by a lesbian. Then my semblance awoke to make me into something impossible. To the outside world I'm just an ordinary huntsman, but secretly I use my semblance to cure lesbians around the world. And one day I'll find the lesbian who fucked my mother and get justice for my father. I am The Cure.
Vernal was sitting at the bandit camp doing whatever it was bandits did in their free time like counting booty or sharpening knives. She was glad that she had such a long and full life ahead of her. Sure, her weapons may have looked more like Jack Atlas' motorcycle from Yugioh 5Ds than anything threatening, but she was cool. She had a cool design. Cool tattoos. Like Taiyang. That's why she was able to talk so much shit to the main cast and get away with it. If you have cool tattoos you can verbally bitch slap Yang and Weiss.
She was busy banditing around when a gust of wind came out of nowhere and Raven's portal appeared. That was odd. What was going on?
She saw a tall blonde boy step out of it who wasn't Raven's former lover. Or was he? Maybe some stupid time travel shit was involved here and this was a young Taiyang. Oh fuck me, I could totally bullshit my way through something like that after parodying The Flash's intro in the prologue. This is literally just some stream of consciousness shit that I'm writing down right now. You have no idea. Neither do I. I'm just writing for the sake of writing right now and seeing how far I can go. I don't think any of it will even be funny. So I guess I should get back to the "plot" right? Yeah. This super deep and intriguing plot about Jaune curing lesbians. That's why you're here.
Whatever. Here's an Arrow reference for you now.
"Vernal Whatsherface!" Jaune pointed accusingly. "You have failed this city!"
The not spring maiden stood up ready to face the challenge. "And who are you supposed to be?"
"I am Jaune Arc. And I am the dyke whisperer."
"Okay. So what does that have to do with me?"
"Look in the mirror, Vernal. You're the biggest lesbian in all of RWBY. That butch haircut. Your strong and confident attitude. You're a total dyke. You know it and I know it."
Vernal felt as triggered as a tumblrina who had just been scolded for eating an entire cake single-handedly. "Excuse me? I am not a lesbian. Why would you ever assume such a thing?"
Jaune pointed at her. "Your hair. The fact that you're very close with Raven. You're obviously lovers."
"That's retarded and so is anyone who thinks so. Next thing you know people will start saying Coco and Velvet, or Raven and Summer are lesbian couples just because they're two females associated with each other."
Jaune looked at her like she was the biggest idiot in all of Remnant. And considering the company she shares, such as Ozpin, that's quite an amazing feat.
"Well either way I'm not a lesbian!"
"Of course you are. This is the 'muh representation' volume of RWBY where everyone has come out of the closet and admitted their totally obvious gay feelings for one another. Like Ilia. Or Yang. Or Ren. If you're not gay, then my semblance isn't healing."
"Look, you can't just go around assuming everyone's a lesbian because you're horny. That would be just as bad as assuming everyone wanted your cock because you're a male protagonist character."
"So... you're not gay?"
"No. And assuming I am just because of how I look is insulting to not only lesbians, but women everywhere."
So Jaune and Vernal has a nice long talk about stereotyping and projecting your fantasies onto fictional cartoon characters. He hadn't felt this bad since the time he had accidentally gotten Nora pregnant. And not even because she was a lesbian either. But that's another story for another time.
So Vernal set Jaune straight. No pun intended. "Golly gee, Miss Vernal. I sure am sorry," he said as the propeller on his bright red baseball cap spun sadly. "I shouldn't assume every woman I see is a lesbian because it's degrading to lesbians and straight women alike. Boy do I feel like a heel."
"It''s okay Jaune. As long as you've leaned your lesson."
"And how!" He exclaimed. "Say, do ya think Joltin' Joe will get another one today?"
The date was July 16, 1941, and Joe DiMaggio has hit safely in 55 consecutive games. Another hit today would extend his record to 56. To a young tyke like Jaune checking the box scores in the sports section of the newspaper was the highlight of his day.
"I'm not sure," Vernal said as she ruffled his hair. "Now run along. If you're good maybe I'll get you one of those Davey Crockett coon skin caps you've been bugging your mother about."
"Really?" Jaune asked hopefully. He Anakin Skywalkeredly pumped his fist into the air as he left. "Woo hoo! Yippee!"
Vernal shook her head amusedly as he left. What a little rascal.
She was glad he left. Now she could go suck Shay D. Mann's dick in peace.
The end.