Chapter 3

Morning doesn't bring any more happiness. Double potions with Professor Slughorn, and James, being completely oblivious to everything that's going on (as usual), spends the entire morning messing around and cracking jokes about girls and Slughorn's glasses. I eventually manage to ditch him at lunchtime, claiming that I have homework and heading to the library while he goes to lunch. I tell him I'm going to eat later, but really, I don't want to. I'll only throw it up again.

Lucy is sat by herself at a table in the corner, and I stroll over, sitting down beside her and giving her a smile. "Hey, Luce," I grin, "S'up?"

Smiling shyly, she gestures down to her textbooks. "Nothing really. Just homework." She says in her quiet, gentle voice. "I swear if we don't get a new defence against the dark arts teacher soon I'm complaining to McGonagall, I've had four different teachers this week, and they've each set a different essay." Rolling her eyes a little, she laughs.

"You want some help?" I ask, peering over at her work, figuring that I might as well help out, seeing as I have no work to do, and she seems like she does need some help.

"Yeah," She smiles, "That'd be great."

I pull one of her many textbooks towards me and study it, "Werewolves? You study that in third year?"

She nods.

"Huh, I thought we didn't start that till fourth." Shaking my head, I shrug, "Maybe not then. Anyway, so what do you have to write about?"

She frowns, "Essay on Werewolf characteristics, essay on the twelve uses of Dragon's blood, essay on Boggarts-"

"Ok, ok," I laugh, "I get it, a lot of essays. Shall we start on Dragon's blood?"

"Sure. So we're supposed to have them memorised but I can never remember them, is there a mnemonic or something?"

"Yeah," I try to recall the poem, "Dementors and werewolves make large-"

I'm interrupted by Lucy pointing over my shoulder worriedly. I turned around to see a very anxious looking Louis hurrying towards me. Bill Weasley's son stops in front of me, expression grim. "Freddie, Roxy's crying. She keeps asking for you, Rose is with her now."

"Damn it." I jump to my feet, looking around the library, as if to find her there somewhere, "Where is she?"

"Gryffindor 6th year girl's dorm," He replies, shoulder length red hair bobbing up and down. "She came to the common room looking for you, and then she just started crying." He shakes his head, "She just kept asking where you were, whether you've 'Gone yet'. It was scary. Is she alright? Is there something up?"

I shake my head, "No, it's fine. Louis will you- Will you go to Madam Pomfrey? Tell her I sent you. Ask if she has anything that can help Roxy."

His brow furrows, and he takes a step backwards, wrinkling his nose. "What's going on?"

"Nothing! Nothing's going on, I swear." I say fervently, heading off towards the library exit, "Look, I have to go and find Rox, but will you please go to Pomfrey? I'm-" I turn to Lucy and smile apologetically, "Sorry Luce, I'll help tomorrow. Promise."

Turning away again, I practically run along the corridors towards Gryffindor tower, tripping through a bunch of first years that swear after me as I carry on running.

The common room is nearly full, and it takes me longer than usual to navigate around the talking, laughing and yawning students towards the stairs up to the dorms.

Roxy looks a mess when I arrive, Rose has an arm around her, Alle is stood watching worriedly from nearby, looking thoughtful, and Laura, Roxy's best friend, is on Roxy's other side, hugging her and murmuring words of comfort.

"F- Freddie?" Roxy gasps upon seeing me, standing up, "Oh Freddie."

She runs over to me, pushing away Rose and Laura and throwing her arms around me. "Freddie," she breaths, and for the first time I get a full view of how she looks. Her hair is greasy and looks like it hasn't been washed in a week. Her face, usually perfectly made up, is pale and covered with tears, and she hugs me tightly, clutching onto me so tightly that I wouldn't be able to get away if I wanted to.

I put my arms around her and murmur words of comfort, nothing too specific, just, "I'm here, don't worry, Roxy." and "I'm not going anywhere, it's ok."

I need to speak to her properly, but of course with anybody else in the room it's impossible.

"Look," I glance up at the others, guiding Roxy over to a bed where I sit down on the edge of it with her next to me, still clinging around my neck forcefully. "Thanks all of you, but I need to talk to my sister. Can we just have a few minutes?"

Rose and Laura nod and exit, but Alle's eyes lock with mine. "Fine, but we're going to have another talk. And this time you're going to tell me the truth."

I nod, avoiding her eyes and wait until they've all left and shut the door behind them to turn to Roxy.

"Oh Roxy," I sigh, hugging her tightly into my chest, "It's alright. What happened?"

She sniffs and tries in vain to wipe away her tears, which are immediately replaced by fresh ones, "I'm sorry, Freddie, I'm so, so sorry. I tried. I really did. I tried to be brave but I couldn't. I'm sorry, I tried Freddie, I promise I-"

"Roxy," I shake my head, "Don't be sorry, it's okay. You're going to be okay. I know you're sad, but I'm here now. I'm going to be here for a long time and I promise that I'm going to take care of you."

This is all wrong. This shouldn't be happening. Why me? Why can't it be somebody else who's dying? Surely there are plenty more deserving people in the world.

I don't have the energy to be really angry at the moment, but I know that I will be. And that when I am, I'm going to have to run and hide from everyone because there is no way that I will be able to deal with it without hurting everyone who tries to come near me. I can't let myself take this out on anybody but me.

"B-but you're not supposed to be the one taking care of me." She whimpers, "I'm supposed to be looking after you. You're the one who's- who's-"

She bursts into more frenzied sobs and buries her head down into my shoulder.

"Roxy, it's-" I begin, but she cuts me off.

"I'm so sorry, because I've tried so hard, and I keep telling myself not to cry, and I thought I was doing so well. But then I came here to look for you and you weren't here, and it just hit me that there's going to be a time when you're n-never going to be h-here." Her voice builds up, getting higher and higher. "And I'll keep on s-searching and s-searching but you'll never ever-"

"Roxy!" I butt in, "No! Don't think like that! You're not allowed to think like that. I-" I stop. There's nothing I can tell her that will ever make any of this right, she knows that, and so do I.

"I'm sorry, Roxy." I murmur, hugging her, "I know it hurts but its ok. I'm… Look Roxy, there's no point denying it, I'm not going to be around for all that long. It's horrible, and it's fucked up, and I know things are going to be bad. But if I'm not going to be here for so long then let's enjoy it Rox.

"Stop crying, smile, look at me. I'm here and you don't have to be upset. Not yet. And you know what? This weekend I'm going to take you shopping. I've been saving up since I was five years old. I guess if I'm not going to need it for University or a Mortgage or something then I might as well blow it all on a pair of new shoes for my favourite sister."

She giggles a little, still crying, "I'm your only sister."

"And by default, that makes you my favourite. Now come on, it's okay." I shoot her a weak grin and she takes it, smiling properly and hugging my arm.

There's a hesitant knock at the door, and Louis sticks his head out from behind it. "Madam Pomfrey gave me these." He walks over and holds out a bottle of pills to me, "She says it's the best she can do but she'll try and find something else as well. Oh, and she says she needs to see you too, as soon as possible."

I nod slowly and look at the pills, reading the label and smiling. "Thanks Lou, I owe you one." I say as cheerily as I can manage, and then lift the lid of the pills and take out two. I hold them out to Roxy and she takes them without complaint, not even asking for water.

"Shh, c'mon, I'll take you back to your dorm." I quietly murmured, "It's ok now, you can just go and sleep for a bit."

She nods and stands up, clutching my arm as I navigate my way down the stairs and back through the common room, trying to avoid Alle's eyes as we pass her. She doesn't look angry, only worried and confused, eyeing us both warily, an emotion I've never seen on Alle's face.

I remember what I said to her before, back in the Burrow. 'Forever'. I should never have done it. I should never ever have said something like that to her. How is she going to feel when she finds out? She'll be absolutely crushed. This is impossible. How am I ever going to find a way to explain all this shit?

James walks through the portrait hole just as we reach it. He grins at me lopsidedly, "Hey Buddy, thought you were off to the library? You trying to ditch me or something?"

I try to laugh, but end up just looking down at the floor and gesturing to Roxy, who's still crying.

James nods and is headed off for our dorm when Alle catches him by the arm. She mutters a few words and they move off to the side together, whispering and glancing at us worriedly. I grit my teeth and carry on through the portrait hole, trying hard to keep from crying again.

I don't know where Laura's gone.

The corridors are full of milling students. It's still lunchtime, and too cold for anyone to stand outside. A few people shoot Roxy worried glances, but on the most part we're left alone.

Halfway up Ravenclaw tower, she starts blubbing again. Clinging around my neck desperately, she cries noisily, and I have to stop walking and hold her, glad that there don't seem to be any other students around.

The sleeping pills appear to be working, and even though they weren't supposed to take effect for another half an hour, but I can see her eyes drooping.

"C'mon, Roxy," I mutter, giving her one last hug, "It's alright, you can stop crying, it's okay. Here, I'll carry you."

She shakes her head and tries to speak through her tears, "No, you're sick, you don't have to-"

Ignoring her, I put one hand around her back and another underneath her legs and swing her up into a kind of cradle. She shakes her head, trying but unable to find the energy to make me put her down. Eventually she gives up and wraps her arms around my neck, burying her head into the crook of my neck to cry again.

I'm glad of the sleeping pills right now; I can't deal with Roxy at the moment. I'm tired and irritable and all I want to do is sit down and cry. After I dump Roxy in Ravenclaw tower I'll have to go and see Pomfrey. At least that will give me a decent excuse to stay out of lessons this afternoon.

How many steps up to Ravenclaw tower?! How many?!

By the time I reach the top of the stairs my back is killing me. I knock on the door, and my only attempt at answering the password question "How many roads must a hippogriff walk down" is a half-hearted, "42". I used to have an obsession with muggle science fiction books, and I suppose it's worth a try. Of course Douglas Adams is wrong, and I'm left waiting until finally Lorcan, one half of the Scamander twins, opens the door and looks out.

By now Roxy is sobbing silently against me, and I hope that Lorcan doesn't need words to understand why I'm here.

"Freddie," He says, nodding, "What's happened?" Panic registers on his face when he sees Roxy in my arms. "Oh Merlin, is she ok? What happened? Here, I'll-"

He tries to take Roxy from my arms and I shake my head, stepping backwards and waiting until he nods once and steps aside, leading me into the Ravenclaw common room. Lorcan is a lot taller and stronger than me as a beater. He would probably be able to carry her much easier than I can, but I'm not going to let Roxy go until I know that she's completely safe.

I notice that unlike the Gryffindor common room, it's completely empty in here apart from Lorcan. He leads us up a set of stairs and into a room marked, '6th year girls'.

"Hers is that bed," He mutters quietly, nodding to the furthest one away in the corner.

I carry her over to it and place her down on it, pulling the covers up over her. I'm not sure when she fell asleep, but she looks a lot more peaceful than I've seen her in a long time. She looks happy.

"Thanks Lorcan," I smile, and am halfway past him when a sudden thought occurs to me. "Hey, Lorc…" I say slowly, a frown crossing my face and my eyes narrowing, "How do you know which one's my sister's bed."

Without realising it, I've raised my fists and I'm openly scowling at him, anger flaring through me. If he's so much as touched Roxy…

Lorcan laughs, "Don't worry, I'm not going to touch your sister." He smiles, "My sister sleeps there." Pointing to the bed next to Roxy's, he grins at my apologetic face, "Don't worry, I'd say the same if it was Grace."

I nod slowly, and head back down the stairs. He follows me, and watches me out of the common room. I'm at the exit when I turn. "Hey, look after her, will you? I mean, she's had a sleeping pill so she shouldn't wake up, but if she does, will you tell her I'm alright?"

He smiles again, "Course Fred. I'll tell Grace to keep an eye on her as well should I?"

"It's Freddie." I've always hated being called Fred. Dad's the only one who ever calls me that, always ignoring me every time I tell him differently. "And cheers, I owe you one."

He smiles at me one last time and settles back down into an armchair near to the fire.

The door swings shut behind me.

"Hey, James, wake up."

I open my eyes a little.

"Oi, James, get your lazy butt out of bed now."

The voice is barely a whisper, but it's still enough to wake me up. I try to glance sideways without looking, and see the silhouettes of Alle and someone who looks like Louis, but I can't be sure.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Where's the fire?"

It sounds like Lysander, Jamie and Christopher have woken up too, and are sat up, looking over at the others.

"No, shh, don't wake him up!" Alle whispers frantically, gesturing over at me.

I instantly glue my eyes shut and try to keep my breathing even, acting asleep. I can't see a clock, but I'm guessing the time is close to two in the morning. I'm not tired at all though, and I can still hear everything going on around me.

"What's going on?" James asks, and I hear the dull thud as he jumps out of bed.

"Family meeting," Louis whispers, "There's something wrong with Freddie and Roxy, and we need to find out what."

I nearly curse out loud. Just because James is oblivious, doesn't mean that everyone else is.

There are three other thuds, and I'm guessing the others have gotten up as well.

"We're coming too." Jamie and Chris say together.

"And me." Lysander says, "Freddie's my friend, and I'm worried about him. And besides, Lorc says he saw him earlier and he looked awful."

I can feel them all watching me, and I try to stay as still as possible. I'm torn; half of me wanting to get up and put an end to this, and the other half wanting to wait and watch.

"Where are they all?" James asks rather loudly.

"Shh!" It's Alle again, closer this time, "We can't let him wake up. They're all downstairs in the common room. Everyone's already there. Now hurry up."

I can hear them all trudging towards the door.

"Oh, and James, dear, please put a dressing gown on. Your boxers are lovely, but I think poor Lonnie might have a heart attack."

Lonnie's here? Why has she come? I hurt her, why would she be here to talk about how I am? She hates me! Why-?

I wait still for a few minutes until I'm certain they've all gone. Then I open my eyes and slide out of bed, heading over towards James' bed. As quietly as I can, I reach into his trunk and rummage around until I find the cloak.

For a few seconds I stay motionless, running it over my hands and watching the door, making doubly sure that everyone's gone.

I'm about to pull it on when I have to rush to the bathroom to throw up again. I seem to spend half of my time throwing up these days.

Quickly wiping my mouth I don't waste any more time. Reaching for where I dropped the cloak I pull it on and slowly push open the door, wincing at the loud creak.

At the bottom of the stairs I stay still for a second, and then edge around the full room.

I know I'm invisible, but I still prefer to stick to the shadows. It's easier, and there's less chance of anyone walking into me if I'm hidden in a corner.

I glance around and try to figure out who's here. All of the Potters and Weasleys, of course, apart from Roxy and Victoire.

Bill and Fleur's Kids: Dominique and Louis.

Percy and Audrey's daughters: Molly and Lucy.

Ron and Hermione's kids: Rose and Hugo.

And of course the Potters,, Harry and Ginny's kids: James, Albus and Lucy.

I spy a few other people dotted around as well. Scorpius Malfoy, who I'm guessing followed after Albus when he came, Lonnie of course, who's sat quietly in a corner, the Longbottom twins, Jamie and Chris, and the Scamander twins, Lorcan and Lysander.

Alle, of course, is in the centre of the circle, waiting for everyone to shut up and listen to her.

I can't believe there are so many people here. All these people are worried about my safety, and all these people are going to be so crushed when I go. How am I going to stand it? What if they figure it out? What if they find out what's wrong and then… and then…

I press myself back against the wall and try not to think about the last time I was here in the common room past midnight.

"Alright everyone, it's time to shut up." Alle says, her voice hushed, "We need to get this over with quickly before Freddie, or anyone else for that matter, wakes up."

There's a pause, and everyone's watching her, waiting for her to carry on.

"We know why we're here, because there's something wrong with Freddie and Roxy, and we need to find out what. Everyone here would happily give up their lives for either of them, and if there is something wrong, then we have a duty to figure out what it is."

Oh no. I drop my head into my hands. How fucked up is this? I need to stop this from happening. I have to do something, I can't hear this.

James, who's stood just behind Alle with his arm around her, is the next to speak. "Jamie, Chris, Ly, we've seen him throwing up in the mornings." Jamie and Chris look down simultaneously, awkward.

"Yeah," Chris said, "He told me he just had a stomach bug, I didn't think much of it."

Alle frowns, "He's had a stomach bug for the last year and a half, I swear. He's always ill. I just put it down to Hypochondria."

"Well what about Roxy?" Lorcan pipes in, "She was crying earlier. And a few weeks ago Freddie carried her all the way up Ravenclaw tower by himself, he can't be that sick."

A few people nod, and then Scorpius speaks, "I don't know either of them that well, just from the Quidditch pitch, but to me it looks like both of them have an awful lot of rage to take out."

Lorcan nods again, "Yeah, Roxy's always been a great beater, but for the last year or so she's just been ferocious."

I forgot that Lorcan and Roxy were Ravenclaw beaters together.

"Hey, guys, I think we've got 'Toire."

Dom, who's sat over by the fire, looks up and smiles around at us all, "She'll be here in a second."

Right on cue, the fire burns green and Victoire's face appears, grinning, in the flames.

"Hey guys," She smiles. "You all alright?

Dom smiles back at her sister and stands up, backing away to join the rest of the group, "Hey 'Toire, we're all good. How are you?"

Suddenly Victoire lets out a little shriek and disappears.

Dom leans forwards, and then stands back again, shrugging.

"Whatever," She says, "She'll be back."

Lucy, who's been sat quietly in the back, steps forwards and speaks up, "I don't think either of them have been okay for a while. They're acting weird. This morning I got to talk to Freddie by himself and he looked like he was going to cry."

Damn. I thought my acting was better than all that. Maybe Lucy's just too perceptive.

"And he left Lonnie. We all know how much he loves her. She's all he ever talked about." James pauses for a second, "Well, all he ever used to talk about, until Christmas day. Christmas Eve morning he told me she was the most important thing in the world to him, and then after that…" He shrugs. James is intelligent enough, but he's never been much of a thinker, that's Lucy's area of expertise.

"Well, I don't know what it is, but there's something really, really wrong. With both of them and we need to figure it out, because they can't carry on like this. I've caught Roxy crying three times this week." It's Lily, leaning forwards and frowning.

"Yeah," Albus is halfway through agreeing with Lily when the fire burns green again.

"Hey," Victoire grins cheekily, "Sorry about that, Teddy was just being completely inappropriate." She rolls her eyes and looks behind her for a second. "Anyway, what's this about?"

"It's Roxy and Freddie." Louis says, "There's something really, really wrong and we don't know what. We thought maybe you'd have heard something from-"

"Oh no you don't." She shakes her head, "You leave them both alone. Freddie is going to tell you in his own time and until then you just need to be there for him, be there for them both. I'm not saying a word because this is not my place. I'm sorry, but this is his fight and he will tell you what's going on when the time is right for him. And if I hear about any of you pestering either of them, especially Freddie, I am going to come to Hogwarts and deal with you myself, because this is not a game. Please just drop it."

There's silence in the room as Victoire shakes her head and backs out of the flames, disappearing from view. The fire burns a brighter green for a second, and then returns to orange.

"What-?" James asks, utterly confused. "What was that all about? What's going on?"

Alle however, stares pensively into the fire after Victoire. "I think we should do as she says."

There are protests from all around the room, but she silences them with a glare. "No, I mean I think we should just keep an eye on them, but if she's right then this is bigger than we thought, and we just need to give them some space. So let's just be there for them and everyone keep an eye on Freddie. Just look out for anything that could be up and don't do anything stupid. That means you, James." She says pointedly, before giving him a quick kiss. "No, I'm kidding, you're adorable really."

They kiss again, and a few people groan and stand up, the cue to leave.

"Hey, anyone want to borrow the cloak to get back?" James asks, surprisingly cheerfully, "Just give me one second."

Shit. I try to make a run for the stairs but James gets there first, sprinting upwards and through the door.

I turn away, cursing again. Desperately searching around, I try to find somewhere to hide where they won't think to look for me. Skirting the edge of the room, I position myself in a shadow beside the portrait hole, where I can make a quick getaway if needs be.

James returns slowly, looking pale and dumbstruck.

He stares around the room for a few seconds, searching until he meets Alle's eyes. Everybody's staring at him now.

"The cloak's gone." He murmurs, still staring at Alle. "And so is Freddie."

There's a second of silence and then she swears loudly.

"Find him!"

Everybody starts moving around the room slowly, waving their arms around them, grasping at the air. In any other circumstances, I would marvel at how ridiculous they look. It takes me a few moments to realise that I've started to cry. I'm not sure when. Turning, I wrench open the portrait hole and dash through it. The cloak catches somewhere behind me, and I don't have time to wrench it free before I'm off, running down the corridor, tears streaming and the sound of heavy footfalls sprinting after me.

"Freddie!" It's Alle, she's only just behind me; she must have been near to the portrait hole and followed straight after me, "Freddie wait! Please, come back!" She yells, and I hear her come to a stop in the corridor. "Please Freddie."

I carry on, ducking around a corner and through one of the many secret passageways. No-one's following me now.

Still sprinting through the corridors, I wrack my brains to try and think of where in the castle would be empty. It takes a few minutes for the answer to come: The Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom.

Ever since our last teacher, Professor Macintosh, the balding read-headed Scottish bloke who wore a kilt, socks and sandals, retired, we haven't had a full time teacher. Various other Professors have covered for us, and occasionally we've just been left alone in a classroom for forty-five minutes with nothing to do.

I slow my pace down a bit as I reach the DADA classroom, holding my side, certain that the pain is more than just a stitch. The room is empty, as I expected, and I cross it quickly, opening the door to the office and sitting down on the edge of the desk, still panting a little.

I don't know where to go now. I can't go back to Gryffindor tower, of course. They'll all be waiting for me and despite what they've said, they want answers. I wish Dad was here; he'd tell me what to do. He'd hug me and grin and tell a joke and everything would be-

No, it wouldn't. Because Dad isn't Dad any more. In fact I haven't even spoken to him face to face since that morning when we were called into St Mungo's. That horrible, horrible morning.

There's a cupboard opposite me, and I stand up, walking over to it and pulling it open, surveying the contents warily. It's nearly empty, apart from one large fur coat that must be left over from Professor Macintosh. I pull it from its hanger and spread it out along the bottom of the wardrobe. Lying down and pulling the door shut after me, I fall asleep iinstantly, plagued by nightmares of my own funeral, in which everyone I know walks up to a black coffin, and I have to see the look on each and every one of their faces.

Eventually though, the nightmares give way to a dreamless oblivion.

I would normally talk a bit about this chapter but I really, really don't feel so good. I might come back and edit it later to say something but I don't know. I've just done the worlds stupidest thing and I need some time to get my head straight. I don't know when I'll have time to do the next chapter. Maybe in a week or so. Whenever.
Anyway, hopefully I'll be back and writing again soon.
So yeah, lots of hugs and etc. to reviewers and everything
Bye, Hannah.