Chapter 4

Vanessa Hutchinson had been having a bad couple of days. Jack Millers had also been having a bad couple of days. As Jack contemplated this fact, he realized that it was a sorry understatement, but chose to ignore the nagging voice of self pity that trying to emerge from his weakened body. He did, in fact have an appearance to keep up, and he did not want Vanessa worrying more than she had to. He knew he had always been a burden and hated seeing his Idol figure fret so much about him. Jack told himself he wasn't worth the time, never had been.

It had taken ages for Vanessa to convince him that she did, actually like him and wasn't being forced or paid to care about him and that confused him real bad. Little did he know that Vanessa would give the world to him if she could, and he was having trouble understanding the fact that ,yes, their were people out there who did not want to make his life a living hell. He had woken up earlier than expected and had caught Vanessa storming around the room with an expression of rage making her face almost unrecognizable, and had immediately assumed the worst.

His heart dropped as he tried to figure out what was making her so angry. "I guess she's mad that I'm taking up so much of her time again.", he thought.

No matter how many times she had tried to convince him otherwise, there was still a part of Jack that found it hard to realize that he deserved love just as much as anyone else. He had been beat down his own life, told he was worthless, and a mistake. No matter how many times he had tried to resist, when someone hears something enough times they begin to believe it, and Jack had been told he was worthless more than enough to make it feel true.

Jack didn't know why Vanessa was angry, and didn't have the courage to ask her. He didn't know that the doctors had withheld his records from her, and were not telling her the true extent of his damage. Dr. Barnes had only informed her that Jack was in stable condition and had broken a few bones, refusing her further questions because of "Doctor Patient Confidentiality".

Dr. Barnes had been comprehensive about hiding all of Jack's injuries, but knew it was not her place to tell. That was the standard for "situations" such as these ones, but she hoped the boy would eventually open up to the women who obviously cared so much about him.

A slight movement in the edge of her vision was the first thing that warned her Jack had awakened, and she was unprepared to find that distant look in his eyes staring into her own.

"Jack, honey?", whispered Vanessa.

Their eyes were locked, blue on brown, and the innate stubbornness imbedded deep within both was refusing to back down. As the seconds, and then minutes passed bye, Jack's hold began to waver.

"Jack, honey? are you okay?", Vanessa whispered again.

An internal battle was waging inside Jack. He wanted to be okay, he knew he had to be okay only so Vanessa would stop her worrying. His stable facade was slipping, the truth of his situation was weighing down his subconscious. No matter how hard his ice blue eyes were trying to build up a wall of indifference, the brown ones were slowly breaking through the cracks. Like a virus, eating away at the very foundation holding his mental stability together.

Vanessa watched as his eyes began to tremble, as unshed tears pooled on the surface like a thin film. Like a mirror, he tried to reflect her intense scrutinization away from himself. He knew, and she knew, that he would break eventally. That his cold persona would give way to the frightened boy she had witnessed the day before. He knew. She knew. He knew she knew, and his fear of exposure led him to drop his eyes to the ground. Everyone who had witnessed him at his very low had despised and rejected him, and he couldn't take being rejected by the only slightly good thing in his life.

Jack adored Vanessa and the way that she appeared to care for him, even if he thought it wouldn't last. But Jack hated the way that Vanessa could worm her way into his feelings, and his heart. Jack had never really had a positive relationship with anyone in his life, and everyone he knew had turned on him eventually. Everyone that found their way into his heart eventually broke it as well. He wanted to trust Vanessa, but his primal fear of rejection had been warped into a fear of commitment, and Jack's shattered heart was too busy trying to piece itself back up to open completely at the moment.

The tension in the room was immediate, thick enough to slice with a blade. The ticking of the clock echoed softly around the room, and Jacks labored breathing became more obvious. Vanessa could see the boy struggling to accept her, and she could sense the battle he was going through. She wanted him to trust her, but not by force but by choice.

"I set you up with a friend of mine for the time being Jack, the doctors said you could leave in a few hours. I'll be back in a few hours to take you to Evelyn's.", Vanessa softly spoke, and with a slight air of dejection. She walked out of the room with her head held low, disappointed with Jack's obvious apprehension and distrust.

"That shouldn't happen," she thought angrily, "He shouldn't have to doubt his trust for a women who has never done anything to harm him. What could have caused his heart to lock itself up so tight and throw away the key?" She knew that he had been abused and neglected, but she never got to see him until he left the hospital and had not been given the exact hospital records because she had trusted Jon with the job. She also had not seen him in quite a few years, she had promised herself that she would not hold him back.

She continued out of hallway, past the waiting room and into the lobby. Seeing the same doctor she had talked to about Jack scurry bye, head down and slightly blushing under her intense gaze, some negative feeling were stirred up inside her. They were more aimed at the doctor, but as she continued on outside the hospital into the freezing cold they began to drift.

Vanessa had never been hurt in the same way as Jack, so she could never really rationalize with his distrusting and dissociative behavior. A small part of her was offended that she could not gain his trust, even after years of trying. Vanessa had always been perfect, she had a perfect loving family, stable household, perfect grades, perfect career, perfect job and perfect boyfriend. Vanessa was truly a sweet person to the core, and cared deeply about Jack, but rejection was something new to her.

"Hopefully," she thought, "Evelyn will reach him where I can not."

Even as she thought this, some small, selfish part of her was wishing Evelyn could not, if only so she could first. She quickly dismissed this thought, horrified she would even consider something like that.

"He deserves more"

And every part of her believed it.

-Jacks POV-

After Vanessa left his room, the tension shattered along with his self-control. He had been staring intently at the floor, but his eyes squeezed shut as soon as the sole remaining witness left the room. Tears that had been stirring in his eyes began to travel down his face as he no longer had the self control to keep his mask on. Jack hurt inside, but Jack hurt even more when Vanessa was hurting and he believed himself to be the casue. He tried to tell himself in vain that she thought he was okay, that he completely fooled her but it's hard to lie to yourself.

The intensity in her gaze had told him she knew he was hurting, as well as the emotion hidden within her silky voice. Another part of Jack was angry at her, and he resented himself immediately. He saw pity in her eyes, but he had always been one to confuse pity with disappointment. He was angry with the way he thought she saw him, he was angry that he couldn't tell if she was looking down at him or worrying about him.

He never had anyone worry about him, and always had people looking down at him. And the slight self-confidence he had been born with had been beaten so far into submission he could no longer find the motivation to stick up for himself. He wanted to speak up, look her in the eyes and say,

"Don't look at me like that, I don't want or need your concern."

He knew he secretly longed for anyone's concern, and secondly he would never speak to Vanessa like that. Another part of him, the rational side, was fighting for control. When his anger had finally subsided, he realized that he was taking his hurt and turning it into something worse. He immidiatly regreted all the mean things he had thought about Vanessa.

He was stuck in an emotional whirlwind, and his wildly swinging mood was the only way he knew how to cope at the moment. When he finally calmed completly down, he only just remembered that Vanessa said she would be back to take him to his new home. THe next hour and a half was spent re-building his fragile self control, and he steeled himself for the inevitable meeting that was sure to come before the day had reached it's end.