Ok! Thanks for coming back again! Umm, I'm told my last two chapters were bad 'cause they weren't as serious so I'm really gonna try to fix that! It's just that...Ed is so fun. I really hope I clear up what's going on in this chapter, because I REALLY don't hate Al. Blah, well, on a lighter note. I got my first review cookie ever! To anybody who writes, is it just me or is that really cool? Well, I am weird, so it's probably just me, but thanks for the cookie! And thanks everyone for all the advice on my writing, it helps a lot!
The sound of the door clicking shut echoed in Alphonse's head, and he felt the anger directed at him coming from the two people left in the room with him. To be honest, Alphonse didn't understand why they were so mad at him.
It wasn't even fair. Alphonse didn't see why Roy and Riza couldn't see that. Ed had left. He had made everyone sad, just because he left. And now, he was back. Apparently everyone expected Alphonse to just hug Ed and be happy. To say "Hey brother," and share some ice cream cake while exchanging stories of their time apart. But how could they expect that to happen? Ed had left.
When he left, everyone cried. Alphonse didn't feel the need to, because he didn't know his brother, but he did. Because that was what happened. Edward Elric was "dead," so everyone cried. He even had a headstone right next to their mother's. So, now that Edward was alive, everyone had been sad. For nothing. How could Roy and Riza not see that Ed was just undoing everything that Alphonse's life had been built around?
This brother that was "dead," had looked Alphonse in the eyes. Looked him in the eyes, and ruined everything. He had made it so that Winry, Pinako, everyone had missed him when he wasn't even gone in the first place. Not only that, but, he had the look in his eyes too.
That look. Alphonse hated that look. Everyone wore it around him. It was that look that said that he wasn't their 'Al.' That said he wasn't good enough. That said he was useless and wrong. Alphonse couldn't help it. He tried, and tried, and tried until he felt like he would lose himself in all of the acts and masks. People wanted this person that didn't exist anymore, and Alphonse wanted to be that person. To share smiles with Winry about silly things that her 'Al' did with 'Ed' when they were kids, but he couldn't. He could never be the same.
Alphonse had always acted like what he was told that 'Al' was, and he had dressed like 'Ed.' He would do anything to make people less sad. But still, they always had that look that said that they missed Al. Winry had even said it to Auntie Pinako once when she thought Alphonse was gone, but he heard her. The day he heard her say that, he realized that he could never act like Al. He had to become Al.
Alphonse had listened to and analyzed all the stories he had ever heard about 'Ed and Al.' He had worked so hard to become these people. He would dutifully take in stray cats and eat until he was just about ready to explode, but he always felt lost. Being these people became a part of his everyday life, and he could never be himself anymore. It hurt to pretend that he was someone he knew he wasn't, but he didn't know where the pretending stopped anymore.
Then, he had seen Edward Elric, his older brother. His older brother that was what everybody wanted. That could be what everybody wanted without trying. That could just be there and make people happy with mere presence. That older brother that had chosen to leave, and make all these people sad despite all of this. And then, when he thought about Ed leaving everyone, another voice ran through his head. Brother didn't have the right to leave like that, to make that choice.
When Ed looked down at Alphonse, when he saw how horrible and fake he had been, how he had failed to be everyone's Al, he snapped. How could Riza and Roy not understand? It was Edward who ruined everything for everybody. Edward who had made it so Alphonse couldn't go anywhere without being asked how great his older brother was. Edward who made it so that Alphonse had to admit that he didn't remember who his older brother was, or who he himself was for that matter. Why didn't they understand? It wasn't Alphonse's fault.
"It's not my fault!" he finally screamed, coming back into the tension filled room.
"...not your fault?" Roy asked in a surprisingly icy voice, "Not your fault?!? You just told Edward that EVERYTHING he ever did was worthless. What he did for you, for the people, was worthless. What he died for was worthless. What he lived his life for was worthless. You just said that everything that ever went wrong was HIS FAULT!" Roy's voice went from ice to fire as he lost control of his emotions that had been threatening to spiral out of control already.
"No I didn't..." Al began weakly.
"Yes, you did. You might not have meant to, but you did." Riza interjected cleanly.
"Whether you meant it or not is besides the point," Roy roared, "You still said it! How...why...?" The usually eloquent Roy was surprisingly short on words as he tried to gain control of the situation and his feelings yet again.
"Well. It's true!" He began defensively, "He didn't do much, because everyone says I surpassed him, and it IS his fault. He made everyone sad, and then he just shows up expecting me to understand and accept him. Am I the ONLY one who finds that unfair?"
"Alphonse, your brother never expects anything from you that is unfair. And surpassing him? Ed worked for the people, for you. That's what sets you apart. You've worked to surpass him, but Ed never tried to surpass anyone. He simply worked for you." Riza stated calmly. Alphonse felt somewhat upset at the fact that Riza thought that he was being unreasonable, and felt even worse when Roy began to yell again.
"Yes. AND, Edward was, and is, the best. You surpassing him is simply because he never had the time. He was busy trying to get your b-" Roy stopped to organize his words for a moment, "get things done. Yes, you've worked with books to be the smartest alchemist, but your brother...he never worked just to have talent to flaunt. He worked for results. He always held himself below everything else on his list of importance, and...he always took the punishment that he felt was due." Roy finished solemnly.
"Equivalent Exchange." said Riza with a voice that implied that there was so much more to the phrase than what Alphonse was hearing.
"Riza, would you take care of Alphonse. I need to find fullmetal before he gets hit by a car. He is very short." Roy said, smirk back in place, emotion out of his voice, and a sad attempt at a short joke thrown in just for the hell of it. Yes, he would give up all his feelings and thoughts just to keep up the facade that Edward believed in. That way he would come back. And he would push all his feelings aside so that the Elrics could be together again.
Yes, Equivalent Exchange.
"...Riza?" Alphonse began timidly.
"No, I'm not mad at you, and neither is Roy, really. It's just that...you sent Edward away again, and that probably made Roy a little panicked. When Edward leaves, he really leaves." Riza sighed and gave Alphonse one of her rare smiles, although it was a weak and somewhat forced one.
"Oh. Well wouldn't he just go to Ris-"
"No, he wouldn't go there, not if Winry is as mad as you are."
"...So I pretty much screwed up?"
Alphonse reflected on everything he had learned about his brotherso far, and he realized that he couldn't hate Edward Elric. And for some odd reason, he really didn't want Ed to hate him. Alphonse had wanted a brother for so long...and now? Now he just sent his brother away again. How could he have spoken as if he knew what everyone else was thinking? How could he have been so stupid? Winry would've definitely wanted to see Ed again, and maybe being around Ed would've brought 'Al' back.
"Sort of, but...Edward might forgive you."
Riza knew for a fact that Ed would forgive Alphonse, but Alphonse needed to think that he had found a way to gain forgiveness. He really did need some sort of thing to show who he was.
"Also, Alphonse. Alchemy may have helped define who Edward was, but you're not Edward. And right now you're not even Al. You need to find out who you are without relying on everyone."
With that she left Alphonse in the room, to await the return of his brother, and to figure out who he was.
Roy, on the other hand, began to search for Ed.
Where would he be? There's nowhere for him to really go...
Trying to maintain a calm exterior, but still trying to go as fast as he could, Roy set out on foot to search for Edward Elric. He vaguely wondered where Ed would actually go when it suddenly hit him. Ed would leave Central, he would go to the train station and go to some remote town that no one would ever go to. Ignoring the views of the people on the street, Roy set out in a full sprint, hoping that he could make it to Ed in time.
At the moment Roy could think of nothing except that he might lose Ed, again. He would have to live that empty life with no smile, again. He couldn't believe that Ed had walked into his office, and he had just let him walk back out. He should've tied Ed to a chair, and never let him leave. There should not be a world without Ed ever again.
He saw the train station ahead and felt a new burst of energy. As he got closer, he saw that Edward was still there, apparently deciding where he would go. Mustang grinned at the irony, though he felt no joy as he did so. Apparently even Ed himself didn't know where he was going.
"E-Fullmetal!" Roy shouted, finally allowing himself the luxury of breathing, and realizing in doing so that he had been holding in a certain amount of breath since Ed had walked out of the room.
Ed spun around, his usually sparkling golden eyes dull and empty. Even his hair managed to look depressed; his hair was somewhat loose in it's usually perfect braid, and hair was whipping against his face in the wind.
"What do you want?" Edward asked in a tired voice that wasn't angry or upset, just...tired.
"Fullmetal, don't leave." Roy said, glad that he finally got to say what was running through his mind, though upset that he didn't get to elaborate fully and reveal his true feelings.
"Why? I've been gone this long, people will manage. Hell, no one really knows I'm back, so it's like nothing ever happened." Ed stated, and while he tried for a light, carefree tone, the pain in his voice was apparent. "I screwed up anyways."
"Fullmetal. It's not your fault Alphonse doesn't have his memories."
"Not my fault? Well, there goes the one good thing I did." Edward said sarcastically, " Believe me, I'm glad he doesn't remember anything. If he did? He would have to live every day knowing what we did." Edwards eyes were eerily hollow as he obviously stared off into something that wasn't really there, no doubt remembering the day he tried to bring their mother back.
"Fullmetal," Roy said, hoping to pull him out of his past and back to the present, "What happened while you were gone?" he inquired, desperately looking for anything that would keep Ed here longer.
Ed's face scrunched up as he went through everything that happened in his mind, and Roy would never cease to be amazed at how Ed could follow an entire conversation inside of his own head, making up lines for both parties involved, and being right more often than not.
"I...ended up in this place called Germany. There...wasn't any alchemy there, and I saw all these people that...they were like everyone here, but not. I was in, like a seperate world completely..." Ed said, obviously trying to slow down and simplify everything so as to avoid speaking to Roy again. Then he put on a fake grin and said "But you would know if you had read my reports, bastard."
"Edward." Roy said, shocking Ed with the actual use of his name, "Come back. Don't leave again."
Ed seemed to hesitate and look down at the ground, and Roy was honestly afraid that if he didn't do anything, Ed would actually leave.
"Alphonse and you can learn to understand eachother. People don't want you gone." Roy let his voice drop slightly as he tried so hard to convince Ed to stay without saying too much. He didn't want to scare Ed away. Neither of them could meet each other's eyes and Roy felt as if he would break down soon.
"Ed, please." Roy held out one hand as an offering, and hoped it would be enough to bring Ed back.
I love ice cream cake, and it can fix all the problems in the world, except one thing. It can't feed Spot, so review please!