with death, comes anger.

Bowman felt different when Clarke arrived, the bright green sign saying "Welcome to Bowman, Virginia" churning her stomach. She wanted to be home for a million different reasons - for literally anything other than the reason why she was actually home.

Aurora Blake had been like another mother to her, growing up. Clarke's parents had always worked long hours, and Aurora had, more often than not, been the one to pick her up from school, helping her and O out with their homework at the kitchen table, playing with them in the garden.

Her parents had been away the first time Clarke got her heartbroken - or so she had thought at the time. It was in elementary school, and this boy in her class - Kian Anderson - had thrown paint in her hair, and told her she was annoying, and icky. Clarke had thought the world of him at the time, and she had run into Aurora's arms crying.

"Boys Clarke," Aurora had said, gathering the sniffling six year old into her arms. "Are too silly to ever try and understand. You're going to meet a lot of awfully silly boys in your lifetime."

"That doesn't sound fun."

"No." Aurora admitted. "But someday, you're going to meet a boy that isn't silly. He's going to make you smile, and you'll be OK."

Clarke remembered how she had snuggling into Aurora's chest, her sleeves pulled down over her hands. "I love you auntie."

"I love you too honey."

Aurora had been another mother to her, and now she was gone. Clarke was so angry with herself, because she hadn't even said goodbye to her when she left for Harvard. She should have gone to talk to her, she should have waited until Aurora had finished work and said goodbye to her, said thank you but she didn't.

Aurora had always been so delighted she and Bellamy were together. They balanced each other out, she had said so many times. Clarke's cool head balanced out Bellamy's hot temper, Bellamy's passion had always fuelled Clarke's already passionate drive.

"Two halves of a whole." Aurora had joked one day, when Clarke and Bellamy had been sitting at the kitchen table, Clarke doing her homework.

"Mom!"

"Oh, Bell. Ssh." Aurora had kissed the top of her sons head, laughing as he wriggled out of her grasp. "Its a compliment. You two work so well together, it makes me so happy to see it. I know you two will always take care of each other, and thats all a mother could ever ask for."

She had smiled flashed them both a bright smile, leaving them to their own devices in the kitchen.

Even when Aurora started to get sick, her bright, loving personality never waned. She was diagnosed mid way through Clarke's senior year - she remembered it all too clearly. She and Bellamy had been watching (or more accurately, pretending to watch) a film, when they had heard a crash from upstairs.

Octavia was out with Jasper, and the only other person in the house was Aurora - the two of them had ran upstairs, finding Aurora passed out on the landing. What followed was a blur, a blur of panicking and ambulances, and Clarke driving to the hospital with a pale and shaking Bellamy sitting in her passenger seat.

Twelve hours of tests later, they came to a diagnosis - breast cancer. Clarke had watched as the Blake family's world collapsed around them, Octavia bursting into tears on the spot, and Bellamy had forgotten to breathe.

He had legged it from the waiting room, Clarke following him, trying to hold herself together for the sake of her best friend, and her boyfriend. Bellamy had been sitting against a wall, his breath coming in ragged gasps, his hands shaking.

Clarke had known what a panic attack was, and she had known Bellamy was having one, against that wall, almost a year ago. She couldn't shake the memory of how scared they had all been, how fearful they had been of the word cancer.

"But they're made incredible advances in medicine, they can treat this!"

Clarke's words seemed even more naive now she was thinking about them again, a year on, her hands gripping the wheel of her car. Aurora had been good for so long, the treatment kicking in, the tumours shrinking.

They had so much hope. Abby had been overjoyed with Aurora's progress, and by time summer rolled around, Aurora had been pottering around her garden again, her dark hair finally growing back after months of intensive treatment.

It had been so good, so positive, and Octavia's phone call had rocked her world.

Octavia was hysterical on the phone, so Clarke hadn't a clue what had happened - she had rang Abby after Octavia ran out of tears, Jasper quietly coming on the phone to say that they were loading the car, and driving straight back to Bowman.

Apparently, Aurora had gone in for a routine check up a few weeks previously, and they found that the cancer wasn't just in her breasts anymore - it was in her liver, her lungs, it was even in her bones. They gave her six months to live - she didn't even last two.

"Why didn't she tell anyone?"

"Because Clarke, she didn't want to worry O, or Bellamy, or you. She didn't want you all to give up your lives, and rush back to Bowman - like she knew you all would."

"I didn't get to say goodbye mom."

"Neither did Bellamy, or Octavia darling. They're going to need you."

They're going to need you.

They're going to need you.

They're going to need you.

They're.

She wasn't just facing Bowman, and every single nosey fucking person in the goddamn town, she wasn't just facing the funeral of a woman she had loved so much, she was facing him.

It was selfish, to be thinking about Bellamy at a time like this, but she was. Her mind just went there, it just went to him, and them, and what was left of their relationship.

She was afraid to see him. Clarke was honest to god afraid to see Bellamy, because she was going to have to face up to the decision she forced him to make.

(but really, their relationship was going to be the last thing on anyones mind)

She was going to have to swallow her pride, her anger, her frustrations, her everything, and put it all aside to be there for Bellamy, and Octavia. Regardless of what had happened with her and Bell, he needed her now.

His mom was dead.

Clarke pulled up outside her own house, carefully parking her car.

(ignoring the memories that surfaced of a frustrated Bellamy attempting to teach her how to parallel park, their first summer together)

The Blake's lived around the corner from her, the five minute walk lasting an eternity as she moved, her heart in her mouth.

(She had never really known anyone who had died. What were you supposed to do? Say?)

Knocking gently on the front door, Clarke let herself in after a second or two of silence. The house was sombre, a heavy silence filling every room. There was neighbours milling around, and she spotted her own parents in the kitchen, Jake making endless cups of tea, Abby sorting out the food people had dropped off for Bellamy and Octavia.

"C-Clarke?"

His voice was too familiar.

"I'm s-sorry, I should have-"

"Ssh." Clarke reassured, every bit of anger she felt disappearing as she took in Bellamy's broken expression. He was different looking, and that wasn't just because of the grief written all across his face. His hair was cut short, not a single dark strand out of place, his entire stature bigger, more intimidating.

He looked like a solider.

"Its okay Bell." Clarke continued, her voice low, and soft. "What happened between us doesn't matter today. I don't care about all that right now. Today, you and me are friends. Whatever you need, whatever you want, I'm here. Issues aside."

"Okay." Bellamy looked exhausted, his eyes red and sore, on the brink of fresh tears. She didn't need him to continue - Clarke could read Bellamy like an open book, and his silent, but nonetheless there thank you was clearly visible in his all too sad brown eyes.

"Come here." Clarke sighed, pulling him into her arms.

"I didn't get to say g-goodbye Clarke." Bellamy said, his voice muffled. His entire face was buried in her hoodie, and she could feel his tears starting anew, soaking into the thin grey material.

"I know. I know Bell - and I'm so sorry." Clarke rubbed slow circles on his back, trying to give him some kind of comfort.

"I just left - w-without even asking her if she was going to be OK with me gone!"

"O said your mom came around to the idea of you enlisting, in the end." Clarke said, pulling back so she could look at Bellamy properly. "You know that. You talked to her."

"Not enough." Bellamy tried to roughly wipe his tears away.

"She knew you loved her Bell." Clarke said. "You know that."

"Its easy to say that Clarke, but I'm the one who has to live with the fact I haven't spoken to my mom in nearly a month, and n-now she's dead."

"It is easy for me to say all this, you're right. I've never lost a parent." Clarke said. "But I knew your mom Bell. Aurora knows just how much you loved her."

"H-have you spoken to her recently?"

"About two weeks ago." Clarke admitted. "I hadn't been answering her calls, but… I finally did. She seemed okay. Happy."

"Was she saying goodbye?"

"No. She wanted to know what Harvard was like - all questions." Clarke said. "Like she always was."

Bellamy tried to choke back another sob. "She was so proud of you, you know."

"You're the one who got me there." Clarke said quietly, reaching out to wipe some of his tears away. "Its going to be OK Bell. I don't know how, or when, but its going to be OK."

"Clarke?"

Octavia's tiny voice interrupted their (almost) conversation.

"O… I'm so sorry." Clarke pulled her friend in for a hug without waiting for an answer. "I'm so sorry."

Octavia broke as Clarke spoke, heart wrenching sobs wracking her entire body. Clarke closed her eyes as Octavia sobbed, trying to stop the tears that had been on the brink of coming since she had gotten Octavia's phone call.

She hadn't cried in the twenty three hour period between her finding out, and finally getting to Bowman, but as Octavia fell apart in her arms, Clarke herself began to cry. Cry for Octavia, and Bellamy, and the heartbreak they were suffering, but most of all for Aurora - the most incredible, bright, funny, loving woman, who was now dead.

Her life just taken from her, no time for goodbyes.

At nineteen, Clarke finally felt as though she was beginning to understand why people said the world was a simply unfair, unjust place.

It was late when Bellamy asked her, Clarke sitting on the couch, wedged between Octavia and Jasper. Most of the neighbours had left, leaving Clarke and her family, and Octavia and Bellamy's closest friends sitting in the living room.

They were all trying to comfort the Blake siblings, in their own way. Octavia was the kind of person who needed to know people were there, physically, so Clarke was holding her hand tightly, Octavia's legs swung across Clarke, and Jasper's laps.

Bellamy was different. He had never been a physical kind of person - he shied away from his own mothers hugs, for godssake. He didn't need the physical comfort of someones hand in his.

(well… he had never been too bothered about physical boundaries when it came to her)

(she really wanted to hug him again)

(maybe being in the same room was enough)

(maybe)

"Clarke?"

"Hm?" Clarke looked up as Bellamy said her name quietly.

"Would you speak at moms funeral tomorrow?"

Clarke was shocked. "I c-couldn't, I mean - why would you even want me to?"

"I wont be able to do it." Octavia said, her voice hoarse from crying.

"I've never been too good with words." Bellamy admitted. "You'll do mom justice."

"And she loved you." Octavia said quietly. "You were like another daughter to her."

"We'd just really like you to do it." Bellamy said. "Only if you want to."

"I mean… I'd love to." Clarke said. "But its your moms funeral, do you really want to trust me to say what needs to be said?"

"Theres no one else in this town that knew our mom like we did - no one except you." Bellamy said. "Trust me, mom would prefer you to speak than me."

"You're more eloquent." Octavia said, trying (and failing) to smile.

Clarke was quiet for a second. "Of course. Of course I'll do it."

Clarke's stomach was in knots as she moved to the front of the church, barely able to detach herself from Octavia's vice like grip. Octavia wasn't holding up very well, and had spent the past forty five minutes crying into Clarke's shoulder.

(she would be the same if it was her mother in the coffin in front of them)

"Bellamy and Octavia asked me to speak today." Clarke began, trying to smooth out the crumpled piece of paper in front of her. "Since they asked me last night, my mind has been whirling. What could Ipossibly say that could honour the life of Aurora Blake, this incredible, wonderful woman who I've known my whole life? I figured I could just stand up here, and tell you how incredible she was. Aurora was something different to everyone here - she was a mother, a friend, a co-worker. To me, she was my second mom. Calling her that had started out as a joke, after I spent three days in a row at the Blake's and accidentally called her mom when she asked me had I done my homework yet - but, what started as a joke, turned into something very real. I have a wonderful mother of my own, but I was blessed to have a second one."

"Aurora, she took care of me. Always. I could come running to her with a cut knee, a broken heart, anything, and she would scoop me up into her arms - even when I thought I was far too big, and grown up to be scooped up by anyone - and she would make me feel better. She told the most amazing jokes - I think everyone here can attest to that. It wasn't a conversation with Aurora Blake unless she made you laugh so hard, you were crying. She was the person to go to, on good days and even more so, on bad." Clarke paused to take a breath. "She was funny, clever, brilliant, and she achieved so much in her life - but she always said Bellamy and Octavia were her greatest achievements, and I'm inclined to agree. I like to think that Aurora would want me to talk about that today - anything Bellamy, or Octavia achieved, be it big or small, was important and worth talking about for Aurora. When Octavia won prom queen our junior year, I think Aurora walked on water for a week - you'd swear Octavia had been crowned queen of England. Thats just the tip of the iceberg - Bellamy and Octavia meant the world to Aurora, and I think she would be so overwhelmed by all the love and support people have been giving them since she passed away."

"My mom told me last night that Aurora's biggest fear when she got cancer was that there would be no one there to take care of Octavia and Bellamy. Despite what was happening to her, she still worried about other people. I think that shows how selfless she was, how willing she was to give up everything she had just so that the people she loved most in this world could be happy." Clarke said. "There aren't enough words, and there isn't enough time to truly describe the wonderful woman we're saying goodbye to today. Selfishly, I want to take this as an opportunity to say thank you - thank you for the love and friendship Aurora showed me over the years. Thank for for never giving up on me, even when I stopped returning her calls for longer than I am willing to admit - thank you for always believing that I'd pick up. Thank you for raising two people who will always me so incredibly important to me, and everyone they themselves know."

"You don't have to change the world to be remembered when you die. I think all you need to do is love, and you can't ever be forgotten. Aurora loved everyone. She poured all this love into everyone she knew, and she made us all better, in a way." Clarke continued, her focus on the coffin in front of her. "Her love lives on in Octavia, and Bellamy, and me, and my parents - her love lives on in the countless prom dresses she altered, the hundreds of wedding dresses and suits she stitched together, or fixed, and it lives on in the hearts of anyone who ever met her, because a love as selfless and as good as Aurora's doesn't die. Its simply passed on through the people she loved, to the people they love."

"Goodbye feels final. I know that this is supposed to be a way to say goodbye, but I think I'd prefer to just say see you later. I don't know what I believe in, but I know Aurora believed with all her heart and soul that one day, she would be reunited with everyone she loved - somewhere, somehow - and right now, I want to believe that. So, see you later auntie. I love you."

Her fingers brushed against the cool wood of Aurora's coffin as she passed, Clarke's eyes fluttering shut. She was being honest when she said she didn't know what she believed in - if she believed in anything - but she felt something warm rising from within her as she passed Aurora's body.

"Thank you for that Clarke." Bellamy said softly, his voice grateful as she sat back down next to him. Octavia had curled up against her brother, the only space on the pew next to Bellamy.

Today wasn't a day for her.

Thats what Clarke kept telling herself as she found herself wedged between Octavia and Bellamy as they followed the coffin out of the church - its what she told herself when she gripped Bellamy's hand tightly at his mothers graveside, trying to bring him some sort of comfort.

Its what she told herself when she and Bellamy sat on the front porch of his house, hours later, swigging from a bottle of rum they'd nabbed from the kitchen. Octavia had long since cried herself to sleep, Jasper keeping guard at her side, Abby and Jake making sure everyone had a drink, a blanket - a hug, when needed.

"What am I going to do Clarke?"

Clarke swallowed, the rum bitter as it hit her throat. "Keep going."

"How?"

"No idea Bell. I have absolutely no fucking idea." Clarke admitted, passing the bottle to Bellamy. "Aurora would know what to say."

"Yeah." Bellamy sighed. "She would."

"Its always the people you need the most that aren't there."

"Like me?"

"Like you." Clarke confirmed. "Harvard sucked, for a really long time."

Bellamy took a swig of the rum. "So did basic training."

"Sucks to feel lonely."

"Sucks to not have you anymore."

"Don't… We shouldn't do this now Bell."

"You know what my mom said to me when she found out we had broken up?"

"I can only imagine."

"Bellamy Blake! Will you get your head out of your ass and realise you're letting the love of your life get away?" He imitated his mothers voice.

"You know shits going down when she pulls out the whole 'Bellamy Blake' thing." Clarke laughed.

Bellamy nodded, a half smile on his face. "She really loved you Clarke."

"I really loved her. I love her." Clarke corrected herself. "I want to do this for her, you know? Prove to her that I'm not a scared little girl, that she taught me better than to be afraid to do things."

"Me too." Bellamy said. "I mean - my mom saw straight through me staying here to train as a mechanic."

"I think everyone did."

"Not the point." Bellamy rolled his eyes. "She wanted more for me than I wanted for myself, and I want to be able to prove to her that I can be more, I can be that guy who has goals, and achieves things."

"The army doing that for you?"

"Don't start on me about that Clarke.`"

"I'm not starting on you." Clarke said. "I'm honestly curious. I told you, our issues don't matter right now."

"I like it." Bellamy confirmed. "Its.. fulfilling for me. I'm learning a lot, and I'm really enjoying it."

"You think you're going to do it forever?"

"I think I could."

Clarke nodded. "OK."

"Thats all I'm getting? OK?"

"OK." Clarke repeated. "I told you - I'm not going to start an argument, not tonight."

"Are you ever going to tell me why you hate the army so much?"

"Maybe."

"I think I kind of deserve to know Clarke."

"Not tonight Bell." Clarke said, passing him the bottle of rum again. "Not tonight."

"Not tonight." Bellamy echoed. "You're going to have to explain to me someday."

"Sure Bell." Clarke said. "Now are you going to take a drink or am I going to have to drink for the both of us?"

"Mom always liked rum." Bellamy took a drink. "Rum and cola."

"Your mom had great taste in alcohol."

"I know, we stole it often enough."

Clarke laughed. "Yeah, we did."

"I don't know what I'm going to do without her Clarke." Bellamy admitted. "Its been five days and I - I still feel like I can't breathe."

"I wish I had advice to give Bellamy, but…"

"This is the one thing you've never been through." Bellamy nodded. "I know."

"You've got a lot of people who love you, and O." Clarke said. "I think you'll be okay. Thats the one good thing about small towns, they really rally around people when they loose someone."

"Clarke Griffin, defending small town life. Never thought I'd hear those words coming from your mouth."

"I don't hate small towns." Clarke shrugged. "The longer I'm in Boston, the more I appreciate home."

"You have Dunkin Doughnuts in Boston though."

"True."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence, the two of them sitting on the front porch, drinking and thinking about the woman they'd just buried. Clarke could almost pretend like they were still together - not that she was doing that, or anything.

She was moving on.

(or, at least trying to)

It was just good to know that maybe she and Bellamy could be friends one day.

The calm before the storm, is what Clarke would call it in her head in the days that followed. She should have known her and Bellamy being OK was too good to be true - there was too much hurt there for the unspoken truce to last.

It had all kicked off a few days after the funeral, when Clarke was sitting in the Blake's living room, watching mindless TV with Octavia and Jasper. Octavia had ran off into the kitchen a few minutes previously, reappearing a few minutes later with a uniform clad Bellamy.

"You're going to be OK, right?"

Octavia nodded. "Clarke said I'm more than welcome to stay with her any time I want."

Bellamy kissed the top of her head. "Love you O."

"Love you Bell."

"Whats going on?" Clarke looked between the siblings. "Where are you going Bellamy?"

"I deploy tomorrow, I have to get back to North Carolina."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Everyone looked a little shocked at Clarke's choice of words.

"What now Clarke?"

"What now? What now? Oh my god, you are unbelievable." Clarke could feel the colour rising in her cheeks. "Can I talk to you? Outside?"

"Sure." Bellamy looked exasperated. "Lead the way, princess."

The nickname was laced with sarcasm, and Clarke tried to ignore how much it hurt as she marched out through the kitchen, and into the garden. It was cold, but she barely acknowledged it, too riled up to care that she was only wearing a thin sweater.

"I thought you said you weren't going to argue with me."

"That was before you decided to fuck off, and leaving your grief stricken sister alone." Clarke snapped. "Octavia needs you right now Bellamy."

"So does my unit."

"Oh my god, are we living in some kind of shitty buddy film now? You head off to war with your bunkmates and make a difference in this world by terrorising local people and getting yourselves killed?"

"You have a really twisted view of the army -"

"Not what this is about Bellamy."

"Well, you wont tell me what your problem is with the military, so I'm kind of at a loose end here Clarke." Bellamy said. "Not every solider dies."

"Not every solider lives, either." Clarke retorted.

"Look, I don't have time for this, I have a bus to catch."

"Of course. Walk away instead of dealing with your problems - thats becoming a habit of yours, isn't it?"

"Oh, no way. You don't get to do this."

"Do what?"

"Make me out to be the bad guy. Don't even try and deny it Clarke - absolutely fucking everyone thinks I'm the bad guy in this whole situation." Bellamy said. "But I'm not. This - this whole thing - its on you princess."

"Oh, fuck you."

"Tell me Clarke, if I had offered you the same ultimatum - me, or Harvard - would you have picked me? Would you have picked this stupid fucking town?" Bellamy was furious. "Come on princess, be honest with everyone for once."

Clarke's silence said all that needed to be said.

"I thought so. You would have picked Harvard, because you want to be successful. How is me choosing the army any different? I was willing to do the long distance thing. I would have come and lived with you in Boston any time I wasn't deployed. I even looked into me being based out of Boston, just so we could be together." Bellamy said. "You're the one who forced me to make the choice I did - you don't get to be the good guy. You're the bad guy in this situation."

"There is something seriously wrong with you if you thought I was going to sit around and wait for you to come home after six months in a warzone." Clarke said. "And then, I'd have to watch you leave again. I would never have done it - you wouldn't have done it if I was the one joining the army."

"Actually Clarke, I would have - I would have supported you, no matter what." Bellamy said. "You and me against the world Bell - or don't you remember that?"

"Of course I remember -"

"Then why Clarke, does it feel like its you and the world against me?"

"Because you're making stupid fucking choices."

"Why is the army a stupid choice? Come on Clarke, tell me - tell me why I'm so stupid. You're the one getting a Harvard education, I'm sure you can find the words to explain."

"Don't be an asshole."

"Then fucking tell me Clarke!"

"Because!" Clarke exploded. "Because you never come home the same person as you left. My dad never did. He and my mom, they met in high school - like us - they got married before my mom went to medical school, and they were so in love it was ridiculous. Then, my dad got enlisted into some stupid military engineering gig, and he deployed, and that was it. They can pretend all they liked, but I'm not an idiot. I know they're not the same people who married each other. I know my dad isn't my dad anymore. He can act, and hide all he wants. but he is a shell of who he used to be."

Clarke's chest was heaving. "My parents used to be so in love, and sure, they still are - but its not like it used to be. I'm not willing to have that happen to me - I couldn't stand watching you fade away into a shell of the person you were when I fell in love with you. I couldn't stand the idea that you'd wake up next to me, and not be as in love with me as you were when we were teenagers. I couldn't take the risk that one day, you were going to wake up and not want to be with me anymore. Being in the army changes you as a person - regardless of what you do to survive, you come home different, every single time."

"Thats fucking selfish."

"What?"

"You're being selfish." Bellamy said. "You didn't want me to change? What, did it suit you to have a small town mechanic on your arm? Maybe I could have been a house husband?"

"Don't twist my words."

"I'm not. You gave me that ultimatum for selfish reasons, and you're standing out here with me right now, for selfish reasons. This isn't about Octavia - this is about you not getting what you want for the first time in your life, princess, and you're blaming it on me." Bellamy yelled. "I can't fucking believe you Clarke."

"Well you know, I'm finding it hard to believe you right now too Bellamy - because you are not the person I fell in love with."

"Neither are you."

"You're telling me I'm selfish - what about you, huh? You can't deal with real problems, so you're running. Give me whatever bullshit line about serving your country that you want, but it doesn't change the fact you're running - running from the fact you really don't have any idea what you want to do with your life, and being a solider is a step up from fixing cars, at the very least."

"Get off your high horse Clarke -"

"Fuck. You." Clarke yelled back. "You have no right to call me selfish when you're acting the same way. Yeah, I was being selfish when I told you to chose. I was being selfish because I wanted you to stay, I wanted you to chose me. But you? You're leaving your nineteen year old sister alone for Christmas, right after your mom died, because you, Bellamy Blake, are a scared little boy underneath all that bravado. You don't want to face up to the fact you don't know what to do."

"Come on Clarke - keep giving me all these home truths. My mom just died - a lecture is just what I need right now. Its daddy issues, right? Daddy issues are the reason I'm doing this. Come on - you're taking psych classes at Harvard, right? Diagnose me, doctor."

"Maybe Bellamy, if you'd had a dad, you might have learned to man up and take care of the people you love, instead of being such a scared, selfish little boy." Clarke regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth, scrambling to take it back. "Bell, I -"

"Fuck you." Bellamy interrupted, his expression angry, his eyes shining with tears. "Fuck you Clarke. I don't have to stand here and take your shit. So fuck you. I thought you were better than that."

Clarke choked back a sob. "I didn't mean it."

"But you said it." Bellamy said, his voice scarily steady. "You know what you are Clarke? A self-centered, egotistical princess, and you know what? I'm fucking glad you told me to chose, because I made the right choice. You're not worth all this hassle." He spat. "Have a nice life - or, don't. I don't care anymore."

Clarke watched as he turned, and stormed back into the house, breaking down in tears. Sinking to the floor, she started to cry hysterically, her chest hurting from the sheer force of her cries. With all her heart, she wanted Bellamy to walk back into the garden, so she could apologise, and try and make things right.

In the heat of the moment, she had said something to him that she was going to regret for the rest of her life.

"Clarke?"

She shouldn't have gotten her hopes up. It didn't even sound like him.

Clarke looked up, looking at who it was through blurry eyes. "Hi Finn."

"I brought some food around, I was wondering if you wanted some. Are you okay Clarke? Bellamy seemed pretty angry…"

"Its fine, Finn." Clarke rubbed roughly at her eyes. "Just, give me a minute. Octavia doesn't need to see me like this, she has enough to deal with right now."

"Okay." Finn nodded. "You'll be okay?"

"Yeah." Clarke lied. "I'll be OK."

(OK? What did that even feel like?)

author's note - okay, i know, two sad chapters in a row. but, they're integral to the storyline! thanks for all the reviews & alerts - its much appreciated.

as always, feedback would be absolutely brilliant!