Hi guys, I just want to say I'm sooo sorry for not updating this in like... 7 months and you guys have probably given up on this but I felt I had to Finnish this, not sure how many more chapters there will be :)

disclaimer: I don't own NCIS. yet

Tony wasn't sure how long he'd been staring into the distance, how much he'd said and how much he'd just been thinking. Tears poured down his face but he didn't care any more, he was empty inside and Gibbs could see that.

"I'm sorry." started Gibbs, running a hand through his silver hair "you should've come to me sooner."

"It wouldn't have changed anything." Tony's voice remained quiet, his eyes unmoving from the sander in the corner of the room "would it?"

Gibbs had no response, for once he was lost for words. He couldn't leave Tony in this state, but he knew he had handle things in a certain way. He needed more time.

"go upstairs Tony, get some rest." he said, laying his hand on the broken mans shoulder. Dinozzo didn't complain or protest like he was expecting, just rose from his seat and started to move slowly up the stairs. Sighing, Gibbs began work on his boat. What was he going to do?

A few hours passed before agent Gibbs realised he was getting no where with his boat and it was time to check on Tony. He could hear the pattering of raindrops as he got further up the stairs and entered the small spare bedroom. Gibbs looked over to the neatly made bed , Tony was gone and he felt like an idiot. He should have known this would happen. Jethro thought back to what ducky had told him a few days ago he's a danger to himself, keep an eye on him. Well he'd definitely screwed that one up. Gibbs was about to exit the room when something registered; the draft was coming from the window and it was opened far wider than he'd left it. Opening the window further and leaning out, Gibbs breathed a sigh of relief at the pair of legs dangling from his roof.

He clambered up next to the man he thought of as his son and watched him drenched with rain.

"de ja vu"

Tony looked at his boss puzzled . Gibbs spoke up again, "well you seem to have thing with heavy rain and roofs." Tony just continued to gaze over the rooftops.

"You didn't say much earlier, but from what you did say..." Gibbs paused briefly "you need to talk about it Tony, and I'm here to listen."

Tony knew Gibbs was right so he closed his eyes and began to re- live his childhood.

"it started when my mom died, I was seven at the time..."

Flashback

Seven year old Tony Dinozzo sneaked quietly into the house. Brushing off the snow he climbed the stairs to his room but only half way his fathers stony voice called out to him.

"where have you been Anthony ?"

The small boy saw a look in his fathers eyes that terrified him. Since his mother died Dinozzo Sr had been different. Unpredictable.

"I just went for walk dad, it was snowing," he stopped, unsure if he should say the next bit "It reminded me of mom." his voice was quiet, broken. Sr ascended the stairs and stopped near Tony. But rather than pat him on the back or give the poor boy a hug, he slapped him hard round the face.

"firstly, it's father or sir," a line that would be used frequently in the Dinozzo household

"and secondly, don't you dare talk about your mother"

Tony was confused. He knew before his mom died Sr was a hostile person but now... He felt a hand grip the collar of his shirt, drag him up the remaining stairs and discard him in his bedroom. As the man he once called dad retreated from the room he just about heard him mutter

"it should have been you, not her" The seven year old sobbed himself to sleep on the creaky floorboards. He wished it had been him too.

Thanx for reading, hope it was okay. Please review:)