A/N: Sorry about everything being centered. I tried fixing it but it didn't work. Another song fic. I know, what a surprise, but there are just some songs that are awesome and are in need of interpretation. For some reason, I keep writing in Nate's perspective. This song is more meant for his POV anyway. Its really just him on his deteriorating relationship with Blair and noticing Chuck. This is sort of AU, or maybe its just a future fic. I don't know. I'm not really positive of my writing ability at the moment, but if you like it, please review.

Summary: She tasted even worse of scotch. Not to mention that, she smelled strongly of another man's cologne. The same cologne that stuck to a certain scarf that hung around a certain neck.

Disclaimer: I don't own GG, or the song Self Esteem by The Offspring. All rights go to their respective authors.

I wrote her off for the tenth time today
And practiced all the things I would say
When she came over I lost my nerve
I took her back and made her dessert

Nate glared at his beautiful and perfect reflection. He knew it, so why couldn't she? Why couldn't she see how perfect he was? Perfect for her? That was it. This was the last time. He was sure of it.

He was going to tell her that he couldn't take this anymore. He practiced his lines in the mirror. He practiced when he heard the knock on the door. He practiced as he walked over to answer it. He practiced all up until the point where he saw mascara streaked down her face. He knew it was over then.

If anything, Nate was dependable. She gazed at him imploringly, as though she were asking him to save her once again. Save her from the darkness that overcame her light. He knew he had to take her inside. He couldn't leave her like this. He would tell her tomorrow. Yes, that was it. He would tell her tomorrow how he hated how he knew she was using him.

"Come on, Blair."

Now I know I'm being used
But that's okay man cause I like the abuse
I know she's playing with me
But that's okay cause I've got no self esteem

There's that smile again. The smile that he's seen. The smile that he hadn't figured out what it actually meant until recently. That deadly smile.

Men have surrounded her and she knows what she wants. She artfully flips her hair while the men around her in the bar stutter and offer to buy her drinks.

But one of them doesn't. One of them just coolly looks her over as though he is undressing her with his eyes, while still projecting the image of nonchalance. When her devious smile turns to him, somehow it's real. All Nate can think of is how it isn't him.

Nate aproaches her, afraid if tonight is one of those nights where she decides to bite his head off.

"Blair," he asks. He doesn't like how his voice is almost exasperated.

"Nate," she grins and throws her arms around him. He tries to convince himself it isn't for the benefit of the Devil standing right behind him.

"I was wondering if I could buy you a drink," Nate said as charmingly as possible.

"Of course," she says as she puts a hand on his thigh. Whoa. But as she talks, he can't help but think how her gaze isn't even on him. It's on the one who's attention she has never been able to shake. The one whom she can't ignore. It's not like he can't see it. He knows when she looks at him, she's really seeing someone else. That's okay. She's the best he could get anyway.

We make plans go out at night
I wait till 2 then I turn out the light
this rejection's got me so low
If she keeps it up I just might tell her so

Nate drummed his fingers lightly on his thigh. He wasn't really the type of person to wait around just for a call, wait for anything. Maybe he was. Maybe that was just the effect she had on people. On one person in particular.

He glanced over to the digital clock to see that it was indeed 2 in the morning. Still nothing. Blair had stood him up once again. No doubt after something better had come up. More like someone better.

He made up his mind. This time he would tell her. He was going to tell her he knew how this was and he wasn't going to do it anymore.

Who was he kidding, though, really? He can't remember how his self respect plumetted so low that he lets this high class girl take advantage of him. He used to be better. He used to have every girl on the Upper East Side wanting after him. Unfortunately, so did his long time best friend turned rival though still best friend. He couldn't understand what the appeal of a boozing, womanizing, indifferent, narcissistic pig was. But then again, he didn't even know what was so special about him anymore, either.

Sure he was gorgeous, althletic, and rich. He was perfect. But wasn't she perfect as well? He wanted her. But all she wanted, it seemed, was self destruction. She seemed to want the one thing that was bad for her. The bad influece that had taken Nate's place without him even realizing it.

What was the appeal of that? Nate didn't even know anymore.

When she's saying, oh that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends

Nate saw her for the first time in a long time. She looked happy. Happy in a way he knew she could not be when she was with him. Because that was why she was trying to let him down easy... right? It couldn't be because there was someone else. Someone as dark as her, as snarky as her, as deceptive, manipulative, and conniving as her... right?

"Blair," Nate tried to stand up for himself.

"Archibald," she greeted lightly. Nate seethed inwardly at that word. It was the word only one other person used in greeting and he hated her for it. He hated it, because at that simple use of his surname, he knew exactly what was going on.

"I haven't seen you in a while," he mused.

"I've been busy," she replied, as though she had that answer prepared in advance. Almost as though it were the truth. Almost.

"So you haven't met anyone as charming as me?" he grinned. He hoped it hadn't fell flat like it did in his head.

"Of course not," she said a little too hastily, but highly convincingly. "There's only you."

Yes. He used to think that. But that was before he received the ultimate betrayal by the people he loved the most.

When she saying, oh that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can stand
Well I guess, I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right? Yeah!

Nate was getting really tired of these mood swings. He thought he was done with her. She ditched him again. Then she said there was only him. But here she was screaming at him. Again.

"What's with all of the questions, Nate?" she asked angrily. He was actually somewhat relieved. Recently she had taken to calling him "Nathaniel," another name that made him seeth when he heard it come out of her mouth. But her anger and her reversion back to his nickname obviously meant something. She was in a bad mood for a reason.

Blair shot him a condescending and almost violent look. She was obviously having a bad influence. He wished he could forget about it, but he just couldn't.

"I can't take this," she screamed. "You're all over me. What the hell is your problem?"

But he knew what hers was. Her problem had everything and nothing to do with her, wearing a patchwork scarf and riding a black stretch limo.

Nate had learned to keep his mouth shut. If she saw that he was really trying, she would actually take him seriously and stop dumping him for someone else every chance she got. If she saw that he was actually trying, she would care more... wouldn't she?

Now I'll relay this little bit
It happens more than I'd like to admit
Late at night, she knocks on my door
She's drunk again and, looking to score
Now I know, I should say no, but
It's kind of hard when she's ready to go
I may be dumb, but I'm not a dweeb
I'm just a sucker with no self esteem

Nate's insides dropped as he heard the tired knock on his door well past midnight. It could only be one person. He didn't even have to check who. He slowly propped the door open, revealing her. Her face was down cast to the floor, leaning against the door frame for suport. She reaked of scotch. Of course she did.

Blair looked up into his eyes with her darkened and smudged ones. He couldn't let her in. He couldn't let her do to this another time. But he did. She was his weakness. She fell into his arms, kissing him furiously. She tasted even worse of scotch. Not to mention that, she smelled strongly of another man's cologne. The same cologne that stuck to a certain scarf that hung around a certain neck.

"Blair..." was all he could think of to say. What he meant to finish with was I can't let you keep treating me like this, it's not fair.

What came out, however, was something completely different.

"Are you alright?"

"I will be," she almost slurred. Almost. She was an elegant lady, and elegant ladies don't slur and they most certainly don't get drunk. But that's what bad influences did. They broke hearts and led to inebriation. He wondered why she kept doing this. Maybe they were more alike than she thought. Maybe she couldn't let go of that one person because she was like him... trying to grasp at any human contact at all.

As she walked in, head held high, he knew better. It was exactly that. It was because she just was better. And better people could do whatever the hell they wanted. At least, that's what he knew she told herself. That's why, for her, true love and heartache were the same thing.

When she's saying, oh that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she's saying, oh that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess, I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care
Right? Yeah!

Nate didn't know why he was following her. They had another screaming match once again. She called him disgusting things. He had never followed her before. He didn't know what compelled him to now. He knew the answer right as he stepped outside to see that limo and a certain smug best friend of his leaning against it.

Blair through her arms around Chuck's neck, kissing into his smug smirk. He pulled away slightly to whisper something husky and seductive that Nate couldn't hear into Blair's ear. She just laughed at whatever he had said, like nothing had happened at all in the last two minutes.

And Nate realized it. He was being played. Blair was using him. As much as he thought he believed it, he had never actually known it until now.

Whenever Chuck would upset her or get too much for her, she would run back to what was safe and easy. But in a matter of hours, her better nature would seduce her back to the dark side, right back into Chuck's arms. Where she belonged.