Author's Note: Twilight and all it's characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Please keep in mind that this is my first fanfic and I'm not a native speaker. The song used is "Come Back When You Can" by Barcelona.

Chapter 3: Dear Diary

You left your home
You're so far from
Everything you know
Your big dream is
Crashing down and out your door.
Wake up and dream once more.

Chapter's Summary: Jasper keeps running. His feet take him to the one place on earth he never wanted to see again. Still there are things he'd like to take with him and things he just doesn't want to leave behind.

Jasper's POV

The only sounds I heard were the thumping of heartbeats, the loud thud with which my meal dropped to the forestfloor and the crunching sounds of my fast steps. I was alone with my thoughts and the sounds of nature. The only emotions I felt were my own and I was incredibly content letting my instincts lead the way. All through Alaska I had a ball snacking on black and brown bears and occasionally on a pack of wolves. I loved the special flavour of carnivores. A thousand times better than moose or caribou. Crossing the border I got to choose from different kinds of felines like Lynx', Bobcats and cougars.

It were the best two months of my existence. I thoroughly enjoyed my travel south and though I knew I would end up somewhere in the US I didn't think my feet would carry me back to Washington. As soon as I noticed where I was heading to I decided to slow my pace. My travel was roughly 2.000 miles long and I wasn't really keen on ending it just yet so I chose to hang around a bit. Knowing that I had to go back home sometime I crept closer and closer to Forks never quite making it over the border until I felt the presence of the shape shifting humans.

The stench of dog was lingering in the air and I was careful not to cross their marked line. The treaty line was something Carlisle told us about early on and I knew if crossed it war was upon me. However the dogs were curious enough to come really close and after a few days a copper skinned man came out of the woods. Huge wolves were hiding in the treeline behind him ready to pounce if I did anything suspicious.

"What do you want here?"

Haha.. right to the point.. not beating around the bush. These dogs weren't known for their patience. Charge first, ask questions later. It was a big surprise that they hadn't attacked me right when they caught my scent.

"Trying to decide if I really wanna go home." I answered bemused. What else could I probably answer?

"So you are one of them?" He stared at me intently. Focusing on my eyes.

"Care to elaborate?" I smiled at him, baring my perfect white teeth. A growl erupted behind him and a rather small wolf appeared out of the woods.

"Jacob!" The tall man roared at the bronze wolf who whimpered in response and bowed his head. Tugging his tail between his legs he made his way back into the treeline.

"The Cullens of course. You have the same eye-colour.."

I cringed at the name of my family. Was I really a Cullen? I preferred to call myself by my real name. My human name. Whitlock. I was Jasper Whitlock. Major in the Confederate Army. Even when I stayed with the Cullens I was a Hale because Rosalie and I were so "similar" in appearance. At least to human eyes. I was never truly a Cullen and right now I didn't feel like one.

"Yes and no. I live with them. We are a clan and three months ago we resided in Forks."

Furrowing his brow he looked at me again.

"You weren't with them when the treaty was made."

"No I wasn't. I joined them later with my wi... with another vampire."

"You know the rules?"

"Yes." I nodded in affirmation. I knew the rules by heart. "Don't bite a human, not even to change them and don't cross the treaty line even if it was an emergency." Even if they hadn't marked their territory with that awful stench I knew were the line was because Carlisle made sure that if the wolfs ever came back we wouldn't run right into their territory and break the hard-earned treaty.

"Then you may proceed but I would like you to stay as far away from our territory as possible. You see we have pups in our pack that require some training and it would be inconvenient if an incident occurred." he said that with a side glance at the smaller wolf that had growled at me before. Nodding I retreated and broke into a slow jog.

I hadn't made my mind up yet but I knew in my heart that I would visit my old home in the next few days. There were too many things I didn't want to leave behind and a few I held dearly. I couldn't risk losing any of them or worse Alice finding and destroying them. Alice. She would know already that I decided to leave her. I wanted to be free again. Free of my family that judged my every step. Free of Alice and her visions that may or may not come true and free of the pity and wary that I could feel underneath the love they all held for me. But most of all I wanted to be free from Edward. His brooding was worse now that he left Bella and his emotions were darker than ever. Not to mention that I would be free to think whatever I wanted without feeling his glares on me all the time.

A happy grin spread across my face as I thought about all the possibilities. I could visit Peter and Char again! They were my closest friends and the ones I felt at home with. Even though their dietary hadn't changed much since we lived together in Maria's coven they tended to "eat" humans that deserved it. I could live with that. When I visited them they would sometimes humor me and hunt alongside me for the few weeks I stayed. Peter hated it but Char actually liked the hunt. She always said that the blood wasn't as tasty but it was just so much more fun to chase a bobcat through a forest than to sneak up on a human. We even tried wrestling alligators and hunting sharks. Charlotte was creative when it came to our game and sometimes when I visited she had a list ready with animals she wanted to try.

A deep sigh escaped my mouth when I made it to the river. It was mid January and the edges were frozen but the water flowed lazily around the little ice-sheet. With a thud I landed on the other side of the river and decided to walk the rest of the way at human pace. If it was the last time I'd see that place I might as well take in everything around me. I loved the woods out here even though the wasn't that much variety in game. It was isolated but still just a little run from the towns center. It's a shame we had to leave so early but now I didn't want to stay here to long. Without the others and without Bella it was just a big white house with a little to many rooms that held bad memories.

I wandered around the house to the garage. There was a key hidden for emergencies but the garage itself was secured with a padlock. I would have to buy a new one before I left. Closing my hand around the tiny metal thing I squeezed. Opening the doors I let my eyes wander around. My Ducati sat there as beautiful as ever. One of the few things Edward gave to me I actually liked. No.. I absolutely loved her! When driven by the right person she could keep pace with a vampire. She was one of the things I needed to take with me.

A pang of guilt hit me when I entered the house. Esme would be heartbroken if I didn't return. I considered going back to say goodbye briefly but I didn't want to see Alice or Edward again. The further I got away from them the better I felt and somehowI felt like they were the ones to blame for the families misery. Maybe I could call and meet with Carlisle and Esme. Maybe Rosalie and Emmett could come as well. I loved them like they were my siblings but right now I needed some distance. It was something everyone of us did now and then. Rosalie and Emmett used to get away every five years and live on their own for a few years before joining the family again.

Entering the living room I noticed the changes right away. I wasn't surprised that somebody broke in. I wasn't even surprised by the fact that that someone had stayed at least one night in our house. It was a beautiful home and far enough outside so nobody noticed a break-in. What surprised me was that that someone had brought stuff along with them. Little blankets, candles, a torch and a bunch of books. But the thing that surprised me most was that I knew that someone and that she chose my study to built her little fortress.

Freesia and strawberry with a hint of Vanilla.

Bella must have been here very recently. Her scent lingered in every corner of my study and I couldn't keep the smile away that pulled at the edges of my mouth. She had built up quite a cozy little hideaway with my leather chair in the middle of it. Walking around the room I noticed a few things missing. The crocheted cover that had been hanging over the armrest wasn't there anymore as well as some of my books.

Scanning my bookshelf it struck me like lightning. My journals weren't complete anymore. At vampire speed I made my way over. Ripping furiously at the surrounding books. It wasn't there anymore. Swooping around the books I must have looked panic stricken. It had to be somewhere. I knew that I stacked it away neatly next to the other ones. Since I left Maria's army I wrote diaries. It helped me a lot through the first years and by the time Alice and I joined the Cullen's it became a habit. I wrote for the last 67 years and every journal held secrets I wouldn't want to share with anyone. Not even Alice was allowed to read them. I couldn't, no I wouldn't believe that Bella had taken one of them. It was the most recent one. I wasn't able to finish 2005 because we left right after I came back from my hunt. I had barely time to grab my mobile and wallet. Now it was gone and my last entry had been the day of Bella's birthday just before everything went down.

I had to get it back. These journals along with the few things I could rescue of my human life and the Ducati were the only things that I wanted to take with me and I would be damned if I couldn't find the last journal. Maybe I should just wait for Bella to come back. Judging by the things she brought with her she was visiting frequently. But how would she react when she saw me? Surely that reunion wouldn't turn out so pleasantly. I've seen the terror in her eyes and I felt her pain. Her emotions have always been so beautiful. Pure and felt from the bottom of her heart. She is the most compassionate human I ever met. On any other day I longed to be by her side just to feel the rainbow of emotions she felt but that day I cursed my gift more than ever. Perfect vampire memory had that scene burned into my brain permanently.

Tearing out a big duffle bag I decided to pack everything I wanted to take with me save for the 2005 journal. I shoved a few of my favourite clothings along with my cowboy boots into a second bag and zipped everything up.

Carrying the bags downstairs I noticed another presence. I dropped the bags immediately and spun around ready to attack whoever crept up on me. Surely it wasn't clumsy little Bella. No it had to be a vampire. A feral growl rumbled in my chest.

"Show yourself!" I barked at the shadows.

"Hey man, don't pounce. It's just me..."

Frowning a boyish figure stepped out of the dark corner.

.

.

.

"Your brother.. Edward."

Author's Note: Soooo.. that's chapter 3! What do you think?

Dear

Guest-Reviewer: please don't be disappointed that Bella didn't wake up to Jasper. You have to wait just a little longer for the "reunion".

NatalieLynn: I'm happy to have such observant readers! Stay tuned!

Arabella Whitlock: You had so many nice ideas and I was practically shocked because they were so similar to mine. Just wait and see.

Everybody else: I am always so thrilled when somebody favs, follows or reviews! It really keeps me going.

I'm open to constructive criticism just don't be mean and keep in ind that I'm not a native speaker. My punctuation is horrible but in German you just put commas everywhere;)