Disclaimer: Kim Possible is property of Disney. Other things referenced in this story may belong to Disney, Marvel, or DC Comics. This story is not for profit.
~KPFA10~
Kim Possible 10th Annual Fannie Awards
Chapter 3
The figure came up behind the writing duo quieter than a ghost while they were just off stage and out of sight of the audience. Suddenly the figure spoke. "You guys ready?"
Startled, the kilted one gasped and clutched his chest. "Huh?" Sentinel gasped and turned. "Oh yeah sure, give me the big one why don't ya, I thought for a moment some of my old characters found out where I was hiding and got the drop on me."
CajunBear turned as well. "Don't pay any attention to him whitem, he has a guilty conscience. Plus, considering how he's treated some of those characters, he needs someone to scare him occasionally."
"Sentinel is really conspicuous in that outfit, isn't he?" whitem laughed
CajunBear laughed in return. "Not as much as you were when you wore one like it at the ninth Fannies. Just be glad he's not wearing that God-awful sword of his…"
"Sword? That…" whitem almost said idiot, but decided mid-sentence not to. "Hehas weapons? Why wasn't I inform…"
"Well, he is a master instructor in the martial arts, so yeah," CajunBear interjected, interrupting the host's rant, "although he doesn't have them with him all the time."
Breathing a sigh of relief, whitem recovered. "Well… like I asked, are you guys ready to knock 'em dead?"
CajunBear (being the conformist) nodded, "I think we can handle…well I can, doofus here may stumble over his clod hoppers. Plus, I was meaning to ask…" He paused, not sure how to continue.
whitem motioned for CajunBear to continue. "Ask away! I mean, we're all friends here."
"Ah well something got my attention…well a couple of somethings."
"OK, what are you talking about?" whitem asked, and started to worry a bit about the upcoming questions.
"OK, there is no delicate way to say this but to jump right in. Do you have silenced rocket engines in your clothes?"
whitem stiffened a bit. "Uh, that's uh classified so I can't tell. It's for everyone's safety you understand." He paused a beat and then continued, "Was there something else?"
CajunBear frowned, not really liking the first answer, "OK… Do you have a ray gun up your sleeve?"
'Crud, that gator chaser is too smart!' the host thought to himself, as he wanted to keep certain things secret. "Why… do you ask that?"
"Something I noticed earlier when I was watching a security monitor replay."
"I. Do. Not. Have. A. Ray. Gun. Up. My. Sleeve." the host promised as he raised his right hand. In his mind he wasn't lying in the strictest sense of the word ('a repulsor isn't exactly the same as a ray gun after all' he reasoned). "Cause if I did I would have used it on your partner already. Good enough?" He then pulled up the sleeves of his jacket so CajunBear could see there was nothing there.
"Great, though Slipgate does need to be shot like that at least once a week just to keep him honest." CB responded almost conspiratorially.
"Him honest? Straight and narrow stick? Eh, whatever. Though…" whitem then looked around for his co-host. "I don't know where Slipgate got off to, but we agreed that you two were going to take this one so chop chop. Now let's get a move on before the crowd gets restless."
Sentinel grumped, but he began walking and jerked his head motioning to CajunBear to follow. "Yeah we're going, don't get your panties in a bunch."
MEANWHILE
The head of show security stared at the monitors as he made a note on his handheld computer. 'Well got away with it so far, and it looks like no one's the wiser and nobody is screwing with the show. We might actually make it through clean before Armageddon.' He checked another monitor and saw his fellow co-hosts heading out to the stage.
BACK ON STAGE
The infamous writing team waited in the wings as the stage hand gave them a three count. "Here we go lunkhead, don't trip this time." CajunBear warned as the signal was given to them.
"Whoooo eeeeeee." Sentinel clapped his hands as they got to the podium, "How about a round of applause for Hopeful-Husky, only-looking and Librana. You guys rock!"
As the crowd roared, CajunBear frowned at his co-host. "I agree, but wasn't Kim the one who said 'rocked'? You just pilfered one of her trademark sayings."
"Yeah I did, and she does big guy, but there is more than one way to rock." Sentinel responded as he motioned for the crowd to keep on with the uproar.
"Like Kim isn't going to rock you in the head for stealing her phase."
"Maybe she will, maybe she won't, but as long as I don't interrupt Kim's and Ron's PDAs, I highly doubt she is gonna track me down to lay a world of hurt on me."
"What did you do, pay her off?"
"Pay Kim Possible off…do you mean bribe her? Of course not."
"You didn't even try, Sent?"
"I didn't say that, it's just that… well… she's incorruptible."
"OK I can agree to that."
ELSEWHERE
At Kim and Ron's table, the blond frowned at hearing the skirt-wearing writer and his buddy talk up on stage. "KP…"
"Don't worry lover boy, that crazy Sentinel can't make me do something I don't want to… except for when he's writing." Kim blushed and then kissed her guy on the tip of his nose. "Anyway there's no harm in him borrowing a simple phrase. Besides, it's just one word anyway, not really a phrase. A lot of people still use it, and did before me."
"Yeah but when he does that, it makes me think of sick and wrong all over again." the blond master chef told her.
"Don't worry about him. Psst," she leaned in closer, "later I have something to show you…"~KPFA10~
CajunBear held up an envelope, "It is time to reveal the winner for Best Crossover/Fusion."
His hands in a blur, the gator chaser shredded the envelope and read it to himself before turning to the crowd to announce, "Tiger by the Tail by Mahler Avatar!"
Looking toward Mahler's table, he called out. "Please come up Mahler." He then nodded to Sentinel, who went to fetch the award statuette. Meanwhile, CajunBear decided some introduction was in order.
"Tiger by the Tail is a fusion between Kim Possible and the comic Calvin and Hobbes. It was pretty enjoyable for me to read. You know how Kim's a crack babysitter? Well, Calvin may just be Kim's biggest challenge in babysitting history. I'm sure Sent enjoyed it as well, but I can't be sure he understood all the big words yet."
Mahler Avatar had at this point climbed the stage. He was a gentleman on the high side of fifty, with brown hair and a graying beard. He waved at the audience and called out "Hey!"
He then approached the nearest podium while the hosts stepped back. He gave the mic an exploratory tap before he began.
"Hello, is this thing on? Hi everyone, Mahler Avatar here. Well, here we are again at the Fannies, still going strong after 10 years. This year I have some prepared comments for my acceptance speech…" Clearing his throat the writer pulled out a set of 3x5 cards, and the audience began to groan in recollection of Dr. Drakken's own infamous index cards.
"I'd like to thank both the Kimmunity and the KP Fannie Committee for a dozen eggs, a carton of non-fat milk, and…" Blushing brightly, he quickly skips to the next card.
"So sorry, heh-heh, my shopping list… I want to thank you all for awarding Tiger by the Tail the Best Crossover/Fusion this year, combining our favorite redheaded baby-sitter and her goofy but ever faithful boyfriend with the irascible Calvin and his pet tiger Hobbes. And no mole rats were injured or eaten in this story…"
The audience groaned mildly, but there was one person that laughed somewhere in the back.
"It actually won last year for Best Short Story, but since I finished it in the New Year, it actually qualified again this time around. I'm grateful that you all enjoyed it, as it was a labor of love re-reading all those Calvin and Hobbes comics to get just the right flavor."
He gave his shoe a gentle scuff. "Actually, it wasn't a labor at all. I loved it! Just ask the wife… And as for Drakken's scheme of escaping back in time to prevent Kim's parents from meeting (only to be thwarted by KP and Calvin, naturally), I'm working on a new story which will have an interesting variation on that theme, so stay tuned. Thanks again!"
Still waving to his fans, Mahler nodded and then went back down the steps to the main floor.
Sentinel smiled. "He is one of my favorites, I'm glad he won."
CanjunBear smiled back, "Mahler is good. Oh, and for the audience, we try to not let a story win an award two years in a row, but since this was a different award we considered it OK. Anyway! Now it's Sentinel's turn."
~KPFA10~
Sentinel rolled his eyes and took the next envelope before he stepped up to the microphone. "Now we all know what would happen if everyone wrote the exact same thing…"
"People would get sick of you?" CajunBear asked while looking directly as his partner in crime.
"Oh they do already, but there are ways of changing things up just to keep it interesting. Mahler's fusion was one way. Another way is by relationships, and how they can be played with. How characters interact, I mean. For the category of Best Alternate Pairing, the Rufus goes to…" Sentinel began to try to tear open the envelope.
"What did you guys do make this of, Kevlar?" Sentinel griped as he finally pulled a knife out of his kilt sock and sliced through the flap.
"Ahhh, there we are," he said triumphantly and read the card. "Vanilla Swirl by Imyoshi. Come on up, Imyoshi! Your Rufus is calling."
As the author quickly strode to the stage, Sentinel took his turn to explain. "In this story, the alternate pairing is between Ron and Monique. Wonder what Kim thinks about that?" he said with a bit of side-eye at the couple in the corner.
CajunBear, the famous swamp rat, picked up the Rufus in readiness of Imyoshi's arrival at the podium.
Imyoshi climbed the steps of the stage and shook CajunBear's hand. He took hold of the Rufus and then strode up behind the nearest podium. Along the way he stopped to shake Sentinel's hand. At the podium, he began to speak.
"Let's see here. My Ron and Monique pairing story won. Hehe, there has to be either irony or coincidence in there somewhere. I probably can't find it though. So what is Vanilla Swirl? To answer that very question that none of you asked... I thought about it and what I can say is simple. It's new." The writer shrugged his shoulders. "That's it. It. Is. New. Vanilla Swirl, probably one of my favorite tales I have ever had the pleasure to write. So written on a whim, and loved by all. I can see why many enjoy this whimsical tale of what if."
MEANWHILE
Suddenly green eyes narrowed at a certain blond sidekick. "Now don't get any ideas Ronnie,",Kim told her guy as Imyoshi walked back to his seat, "You still belong to me."
BACK ON STAGE
CajunBear nodded toward the famous couple's table and spoke away from his microphone so their conversation wouldn't be picked up. "I wonder what those two are talking about right now?"
"Badgers, probably."
"What?" CajunBear said, stunned for a moment by the response.
Both hosts turned to see Slipgate had crept up on them.
"Badgers. Why not?"
"Uhhh…" both said, at a loss.
"Psst, there's still an audience out there," Slipgate said, and disappeared behind the curtains again.
"Not sure I want to know what that's about." Sentinel shook his head, then finally responded to CajunBear's original question, "we've heard tales about what Kim does to Ron after a 'Ron and someone else story' winning in the category we just announced… I just hope it isn't true. No guy should have to go through that."
"Keep your mind out of the gutter…"
"Yeah I can do that… Oh hey look it's your turn again, partner." Sentinel glanced over to a stage to see the signal to get going, considering this whole conversation was in front of a waiting audience that couldn't hear it. "And you have to hurry a little since we are coming up for a commercial break."
"Already?"
"Yeah already. Now here's your sign, I mean, envelope." Sentinel stammered before he handed the winner's announcement to CajunBear.
~KPFA10~
CajunBear stepped up to his microphone and glanced at the heading on the stationary. He thought for a moment about what to say, and then continued. "One of the most popular non-canon categories in the fandom happens to be the one which we are announcing next… the Best Kigo story."
A dedicated chunk of the audience cheered this news.
CajunBear made short work of the envelope (to his satisfaction after witnessing the trouble the kilt-wearing fleabag had). "Kim Possible: Necessary Changes by Kawaiigirls5 is the winner!"
The audience immediately started applauding, as Sentinel grabbed the correct Golden Rufus from the table behind him and walked up to his own podium.
While waiting for the author to arrive, he said, "This category is a pairing of Kim Possible and Shego. It is a favorite of many writers and readers, and the winner tonight has bragging rights over the next year."
Sentinel picked something up in his ear piece and listened intently before stepping back up to the podium. "Accepting the award on kawaiigirls5's behalf is the ever-vigilant chauffeur, Driver."
A gentleman dressed in a full black chauffeur's suit and hat walked up on stage. He had green eyes, brown hair, and five o' clock shadow. He seemed quite friendly, as everyone he passed received a smile and a handshake, whoever it was.
Driver received the Rufus stauette from Sentinel and walked up behind the podium. "Kawaiigirls5 would like to apologize for missing the ceremony due to a very hectic work schedule and a crippling fear of any kind of praise. However, I have a pre-written speech ready just in case."
He turned his head and cleared his throat before continuing. "Words fail to express my delight in winning this award, much less winning in a category populated by a shockingly vast number of wonderful stories. To have my very first fanfic win, much less a fic about my two favorite girls, is an honor I will tout on every future fic to an annoying degree."
Laughter rippled through the audience. Driver smiled in his friendly way and continued once it finished.
"Though I will cherish this award immensely, it is only another in a heartwarming number of previous victories. Every review, positive or negative, and every PM I've received about Necessary Changes has been an award I shall hold closest to my heart. There are too many people to thank, so I'll be as broad as possible: To everyone who ever gave my story a chance, from the bottom of my heart and with all sincerity, thank you. To all writers on this site or any writer reading this, remember: keep writing, keep reading, and just make art. The only difference between you and E.L. James is that she has money, and a lack of money will never take away what makes your work special… and that is, it's yours."
As Driver descended the steps, CajunBear said in lowered voice to his cowriter and main headache source, "Wow that is unusual."
"What's that, swamp rat?"
"Nobody's tried to blow the place up yet."
The hair-deprived writer adjusted his spectacles and chuckled, tapping his knuckles on the wooden podium. "Now don't jinx it. Let's announce the music so we can face it. The music, that is." Sentinel chuckled to himself at his funny.
"Who do you have lined up?"
"Nils Lofgren."
"What! That's a name from the past! I thought he retired?" CajunBear asked.
"Nils retire? Not a chance, anyway he was up on stage last year with Springsteen… remember?"
"Now that I think about it yeah, but he doesn't do flips while playing anymore does he?"
"I think Lofgren learned his lesson after having both hips replaced."
Raising his voice, Sentinel leaned into the mic. "Now for your entertainment, may I present…Nils Lofgren with Dream Big and Valentine!"
This time, instead of the screen moving forward, two halves of a raised stage slid in from the sides with the entertainment riding on top. As soon as the two halves clicked together, the music started.
ELSEWHERE
whitem stood off to the side and watched as the stage pieces moved in. Just as the music started he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and his eyes went wide. "How did you get back h…" is as far as he got. A quick zap of energy to his temple rendered him unconscious, and his attacker quickly dragged his limp form to a nearby closet and tossed him inside. The same energy beam that zapped his head was used to fuse the lock on the door.
To be continued…