You Had It All Wrong Chapter 4: Hopeless, a gakuen alice fanfic

July 11 2009

Get ready 4 2 long A/N's and a long chapter!

Ok, I think I should start over with the thank u's. Just want 2 feel grateful. Hehe, the story I lyk more has more hits!

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THX GUYS! U ROCK! As always, underlined r actual members.

Comments and review replies:

.|neleenchan:3|. (), yeah, I'm 12…Hmm, my writing style also surprises ppl, I guess, in addition 2 my height. LMAO, but ppl always think I'm older than I am cuz I'm tall…*sweatdrop* Shorter ppl hav more advantages, tht's wat I always say. Being 5 foot 6 ½ does not help w/ things lyk weeds…I hate picking those fricking weeds…LMAO. It especially does not help wen u've been 12 4 only 10 days…O.o

BTW, wat r the confusing things abt it? I kno it sorta is, but I don't kno wats confusing 4 u.

Forever and Always Anime Lover, u suggested 2 put POV's. Well, I thought of doing tht, and so I didn't kno y I didn't NEway, here r the POV's, in case u wer confused.

Chap 1: Hotaru, Ruka, Hotaru, Ruka.

Chap 2: Hotaru, Ruka, Natsume, Hotaru, Koko, Ruka, Sumire.

In case u don't know their parts, here it is: 4 Chap 1, each paragraph meant a change of POV. 4 chap 2, it wz:

Hotaru: 'I finally reached my dorm' to 'It's not just ignoring anymore.'

Ruka: '"Actually, Ruka, I don't," Natsume said, still smirking, amusedly' to 'I twitched as Natsume smirked more smugly.'

Natsume: 'Inwardly I grinned' to 'But I didn't know she would have had a different reaction.'

Hotaru: 'I heard a knock on my door' to 'Koko and Sumire looked at each other.'

Koko: 'What the hell?!' to 'She nodded again, like she just realized something.'

Ruka: 'After class, with Ruka…' to 'This thing is starting to affect me too much again, like at night when no one knows how hard I've been thinking of this.'

Sumire: 'I flopped down on my bed, exhausted but excited' to 'What if…Oh no.'

Oh, if no one noticed, I put, 'Slowly, I grinned back at him' instead of, 'Slowly, she grinned back at me.' I was rushing, bcuz my mom's unpredictable. Lyk, nxt thing u kno, ur doing the dishes while she's on the computer. I noticed, tht tht could hav made ppl think it was Sumire POV…or sum1 else. Dunno.

NEway, here's the story! Enjoy and review! (Or NEthing else…)

HotaruPOV

I entered the classroom, looked around briefly and walked forward to sit in my seat. Instead of doing what I usually did when I came in-work on an invention, read, and occasionally write-I took out my new invention, which was sort of like an I-pod or MP3, and turned it on, putting on earplugs. The song When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne came on. Not the song I wanted to listen to. I think it's pretty obvious that it was related to my heartbreak, not like he noticed, and if he did, cared. I switched the song. Now it was Better in Time. I changed it again. Three times the charm, right? Crushed by Elise Estrada. It was still a breakup song, but as much as it relates, I'm not sure how many times I'd have to change the song. So, I listened to it, closing my eyes. I just listened to the beat, the flow, the rhythm, and the words. I missed the old days. The days when I could blackmail him freely without wanting to blush furiously…The days when I didn't love him. The days when…when I could handle him liking Mikan…In public, anyway…

Flashback, one week ago (w/ Crushed lyrics):

"IMAI!!!" Ruka went after me, soaring through the air with the help of his eagle. "GIVE ME MY PICTURES!" I turned around in my duck scooter, smirking. I loved him, sure, but I could handle myself…when no one was looking. "Why?" I asked, smirking like hell as I raised a teasing eyebrow. "Please Imai, just this once!" He looked at me pleadingly. My eyes widened slightly, I could feel them widening, I could tell. I blushed a bit, hiding it with my hair. He…I really did love him, not just for looks. It was everything about him, his personality, his looks, the way he cares for all of his friends…Everything. The look on his face…It made me blush for unexplainable reasons, except one. And that was that I loved him.

I told myself, today was gonna be the day,
No more excuses cause I knew exactly what to say,
Was gonna make my play, but just like yesterday,
My mind erased, and I let the moment slip away

"Imai?" He looked at me worriedly. "Are…Are you…okay?" I blushed again and looked down, embarrassed. What if he found out? My bangs covered my eyes. I must have been out of it for a long time. "Uh…I…I'm…I'm okay…" I stammered nervously. His gaze was unnerving…Like he really worried. Maybe he was, just not in the way he would worry for Mikan. It almost made me break down, the thought of it. I shoved the pictures into his hands, not looking at him. "I…I have to go…B-Bye, Nogi." With that, I zoomed away.

RukaPOV (he's listening to the song too and thinking of the same memory)

I…I didn't understand. Did I…Did I do something…wrong?

Another night got me sitting here all on my own,
Pickin' up the phone, but I can't get past her dial tone,
Rackin' my brain, goin' insane,
Again and Again, I can't be goin' this way...

She'd never do this. And when I say never, I mean never. So what happened? I watched her go away, forgetting I was still in midair. Being concerned about the girl you love does that to you…In my case.

"RUKA-PYON!!!" Holy, that surprised me. I almost fell…Almost. Well, actually, I did, but the eagle caught me. It makes sense! I mean, who does that? Ok, weird question, since Mikan just did. Obviously, no one else calls me Ruka-pyon in a girl voice. I asked the eagle to set me down. I wondered what made her run away…

HotaruPOV

I got down from my duck scooter, running away. I didn't know why I went away…Maybe it was taking over me, emotion. I never chose to love him. I hate this, I really do. But no matter how hard I try, I can't hate him. Because he was the one I loved.

Yeah, it hurt…a lot. But I could handle it…Couldn't I?

RukaPOV

I talked to Mikan, but my mind was on Imai the whole time. I really was worried. Imai made me forget my love for Mikan.

Crushed, that I haven't ever let you know,
How it always goes, cause I lose my mind whenever you get close,
and so I'm left, short of breath, with that heavy feelin' in my chest,
Baby I'm so crushed...

I didn't love Mikan anymore…

HotaruPOV

I lay down on my bed. I thought for a while.

Then I made a decision.

So I tell myself that tomorrow's gonna be the day,
and I keep on tellin' myself that I'm gonna find a way,
and I won't be afraid, just like yesterday,
Won't walk away,
Never gonna let another chance slip away

I'm not going to let another chance slip.

I'm going to tell him.

RukaPOV

I found out I didn't…weeks ago, months ago, years ago…

Cause I gotta know, whichever way it's gonna go,
Rest my heart and soul cause I can never be no more,
Rackin' my brain, goin' insane,
Again and Again,
I won't keep goin' this way...

I was completely sure of it…I love Hotaru Imai, and I don't care what anyone says.

Hotaru and Ruka POV

Crushed,
By the sweetest lips I've never kissed,
and your fingertips,
And the warmest touch that I've always missed,
Crushed,
By the softest hands I've never held,
But I'd never tell,
Your the strongest love that I've ever felt,
Crushed, that I haven't ever let you know,
How it always goes, cause I lose my mind whenever you get close,
and so I'm left, short of breath, with that heavy feelin' in my chest,
Baby I'm so crushed...

I'm going to say it as soon as I see him/her…and this time, I'm not backing out.

END FLASHBACK

But I never told him. Because I was too much of a coward to do so. Sighing, I lazily leaned back in my chair. Mikan came in, but I immediately zoned out, listening to the music (which had changed to Angels on the Moon by Thriving Ivory) and staring blankly at the board. Besides, she's going to yell in my ear to-"HOTARU!!!" Holy shit. Guess I zoned out enough to block out her insanely loud scream of, "GOOD MORNING EVERYBODY!" Unfortunately, I couldn't block out her shouting my name in my ear, like she had done so many times since last week. If this keeps up, I'll go deaf. I knew what she was going to ask. But this time, I think I'll actually cry, yet…I don't know why. Maybe, the more days that pass by…the more I want to cry. I tried to take my mind off the image of Ruka…and Mikan…together…

"What?" I asked. My voice wasn't even stoic. It was just…normal. A lot of people were surprised, even if some of them noticed I was a bit out of it. Mikan crossed her arms and looked at me pointedly, like I should already know what she was going to ask…which I did. "Talk to Ruka-pyon, or I swear, I will-"I was getting anxious. But she couldn't know…why, I don't even know why she shouldn't. "Will what? Look, Mikan, I can't, I really, really can't talk to him…Not anymore." My tone was desperate. I didn't want to talk about this. I really didn't. But she looked at me and said, clearly worried and curious, "why? What happened between the two of you? You haven't talked to him, blackmailed him, looked at him, spied on him, anything. Everyone agrees, too. What happened?" She uncrossed her arms. Then I noticed that everyone was looking at us now. "Mikan," Sumire spoke up. She had the same tone as I did, but stronger. I l whipped my head around to look at her. She must have known I was really that desperate. "Please, please don't ask." Mikan looked at Sumire inquiringly. `Why not? I think I deserve the right to know. I'm her best friend, after all."

"But this is something I know she'd rather not be reminded of, let alone let you know."

"So are you saying that you know? And if you do, that you have a right to know? That you wouldn't remind her of it, whatever it is? That her own best friend is not allowed to know the reason she's ignoring another person who's her friend, but you are?" Mikan's voice rose. One thing passed through my mind: Argument. "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do know. I won't remind her of it. In fact, I can actually help her. I never said that you couldn't know, all I implied was that I don`t think she`s ready to tell another person. I know you, Mikan Sakura. You'd talk about it everyday, even if you talk about it when you don't think she's listening. What if she was listening?" Sumire stood up, crossing her arms. "And so, now you're saying I'm not trustworthy?" Mikan's voice was getting unusually high, rising an octave or so. "Damn it, Mikan. Don't be a drama queen. This is serious. Hotaru deserves privacy." Mikan glowered. "So answer me. Why do you know?" Mikans voice got low and dangerous. Oh come on. She shouldn't be like this right now. Then again, she didn't know the situation I was in. Mentally I sighed. "I know," Sumire's voice also went low, "because Koko read it in her mind accidentally and told me. And I'm trying to help her because she's my friend, in addition to the fact that she's letting me and Koko actually help her. It's all she's been thinking of. Koko and I know that if we ever talk about it, it's not going to be in front of her. We're both sure of it. So please, Mikan, we're begging you, don't pursue the subject. Please, Mikan, don't ask her about it until she's ready to tell you." Sumire was hopeful, I knew that much. Mikan looked at Sumire, who had uncrossed her arms, and said, "I'll try not to. I'm just worried, that's all. I don't want some showdown going on between the two." She smiled a bit. "Are you kidding me?" Sumire said jokingly, cracking a smile. Mikan smiled back, widely, and they hugged each other. "Sorry," Mikan said, as they let go of each other. She looked at Sumire, then me, then Koko. We all smiled reassuringly at her. "You were worried. It's fine," Sumire said, still smiling.

"Thanks."

"Sumire, Hotaru," Koko whispered, sounding horror-struck, "look." He nodded towards the door. Sumire, Mikan and I turned our heads towards the door. What the…It was Natsume and Ruka. Oh…Oh no. Sumire looked at me, horrified. Mikan looked a bit confused. I tried to keep my stoic face, but my eyes widened in shock. Ruka looked surprised, curious, and gloomy all at the same time. Natsume had a devilish look on his face, but at the same time looked stunned. Please, don't tell me they heard. "What did you hear?" Koko asked, voicing my thoughts, and most likely Sumire's and his own also. Obviously Koko respects Natsume also, as friends, since he asked the question. But he only read probably red our minds. There's a chance we were too obvious…Which was what we probably were. "Everything," Natsume answered. No… Natsume is less clueless than Ruka…He's smart enough to figure out the truth. I ran out of the classroom. This can't be happening. I won't be able to take it if people find out the truth. I'll be hearing about it everyday, then. I turned a corner and sat, my back against the wall. I looked up, thinking why I had to deserve this. I tried to stop the prickling tears. Reminders, they're all reminders.

SumirePOV

No, no, no, no, no….Please don't tell me this is happening. Great, just damn great. I ran after Hotaru. Don't tell me she's going to breakdown. I saw her after rounding a corner. She was sitting down, so I sat down beside her. "If you want to cry, go cry," I told her, smiling at her reassuringly. She shook her head.

"It's enough, yet it's not. Not yet, not yet will I cry," she told me, smiling a bit, but not facing me, almost tearily. She was facing the other wall while she was talking. "I'll try not to think about it…"

"When will you…When do you think you will…?" I asked, nervously.

"Depends on what happens next time…"

"Ok, but remember, we're here for you, even people like Mikan, who doesn't know anything about it." Hotaru smiled a bit wider. "Thanks, Sumire. I know you'll be there for me. And I know others will be, too."

KokoPOV

I put my head in my hands. Who knows what Sumire's dealing with? A crying Hotaru, a mad Hotaru, a vulnerable Hotaru, a peaceful Hotaru, a normal Hotaru, an emotional Hotaru….Bah, Ruka's hopeless.

"What…What was that about?" Ruka asked, looking out the door, where Hotaru and Sumire had ran out. He was, obviously, shocked. "Think nothing of it," I said, Mikan saying the same thing, who finished a few seconds after. "But…But I have to know! Why can't you, Koko, or Sumire tell Mikan why Imai's ignoring me?! In fact, why is she ignoring me?" I shook my head. He's oblivious too, isn't he? Well, now that I think about it, Hotaru doesn't give big hints…Not all the time. But Sumire and I will get Ruka and Hotaru together…With a bit of help from Natsume. "We can't tell you that. It's something you have to figure out for yourself. Sorry, Ruka, but we really can't." He sighed. "Come on, Koko! I'm dying here!" He pleaded. The expression on his face…One word: Priceless. I cracked a smile. "And we all know why, don't we? Think about it, what don't you have the courage to tell her? Maybe it's the same as what she can't tell you." I gave him a clue. I hope this is all over soon. We all have our reasons for not telling Ruka Hotaru feels the same as he does.

The next day, HotaruPOV

I took a deep breath. I was near the front of the classroom doorway, where no one could see me. "Just enter, Hotaru. You can face it," I whispered to myself. I entered the classroom. Thankfully, yesterday's news wasn't the topic…from what I could hear.

I walked over to Sumire and Koko, who were talking. "Hi," they said. I managed a small wave.

"It's not the topic," Koko said. I sat beside Sumire. You see, our row was like this. Mikan-Ruka-Natsume-Me-Sumire-Koko.

"In a way, I'm surprised."

"You should be. We are too."

"No duh, idiot." I smiled at Koko teasingly. He smiled back.

Near, RukaPOV

I looked at Ho-Imai, Sumire and Koko. I was really curious now, having heard the conversation/argument going on yesterday. Life's a bitch, a real bitch. I leaned back, crossing my arms grumpily. "Ruka-pyon!" Mikan whined from beside me, "come on!" I looked at her.

"Huh? What?"

Mikan sighed exasperatedly. "You're too gloomy."

"Um…" I didn't know what to say. "…So?" Great, Ruka. What a great response. (Note the sarcasm.)

"It's Hotaru, isn't it?" Is Mikan getting less dense or something? I mean, no offense, she was always dense, sure, but now I think she's improving…the good way, I mean. Not the she's becoming more dense way. In my case though, it's bad…

"Yes…" I replied, reluctantly.

"Well, then?" She demanded.

"What?" I don't get it, I really don't.

"Why are you…?"

Oh, now I get it. "Mikan…you don't know?"

"Know what?" She looked confused. Still dense, but not completely, I guess.

"You know…" I lowered my voice. "I like Hotaru…" I took out the love…she's dating Natsume, sure, but who knows? "YOU DO?! OH MY GOSH, RUKA-PYON, I NEVER KNEW!!!" She squealed. Everyone looked at us. I put my face in my hands. Great…

"Oi, idiot, lower it down. You'll wake up the dead," Natsume said from between me and Hotaru. Thank you, Natsume. "I'm not an idiot, Natsume!" Natsume smirked.

"Yeah right."

"I'M NOT AN IDIOT!!!"

"That's what they all say…I mean, that's what you say." He smirked again.

"HEY!"

That afternoon…

"I hate this damned…" I kept muttering incoherent things under my breath. Completely damned, that's what my life is. "OH NO!!! Damn it, damn it! It's going to explode!" A girl screamed. I hardly noticed the fact that she was running my way.

CRASH!

The girl bumped into me, landing on top of me. Truthfully, the girl had long, straight indigo hair in a black headband with a bow and blue-green eyes, but I saw a girl with waist length midnight black hair curled slightly at the tips with lavender eyes that looked like amethysts instead. I looked at her for a long time, but then I heard a gasp. I looked at where the sound had came from, but the person was gone. I caught a glimpse of who it was, and there was no mistaking it. It was Hotaru Imai.

The girl waved a hand in front of my face. "Hello? Um, can you pass me my bag? We're stuck together." I snapped out of it. "Oh, ok, hi." I gave her her bag.

"Thanks." She took out a gray bottle and drank a bit of it. Immediately she got off me and dusted herself off. Then she gave me a hand. "Thanks. So…who are you?"

"Me? I'm Mikio Yamamoto. Ruka Nogi, right?"

"Yeah, that's me. Well, nice to meet you, Mikio. I have to go…chase after someone…"

Mikio smiled knowingly. "You like-or love-that girl, don't you? Well, if things don't work out, I'm a pretty good matchmaker. Just ask."

I smiled. "Thanks again, bye."

"Bye." We walked our separate ways. Now that was done, I have to know why Hotaru just ran out like that…

HotaruPOV

I ran to my room and fell face down on the bed. I knew it. I probably interrupted his make-out session between him and that girl. I don't resent the girl, though. The thought of the two together made me want to cry. Who cares anymore? Holding the emotion won't do anything. So I gave up. I cried. It wasn't enough to let it all out, but it would do, for now.

NatsumePOV

I walked casually to my dorm without a care in the world. I saw an open door. Who would leave their door open like that? I peered in, and I was glad I did, because there I saw Hotaru with her face down on her bed. She was shaking. I neared her. "Hotaru?" She looked up at me, slowly, and I was surprised to see tears. She had been crying. Then I realized what yesterday was about, because today I had seen a girl on top of Ruka.

I realized what my best friend had done.

I realized what Hotaru really felt.

I realized because it had been confirmed.

It wasn't a one-sided love.

In the flashback, she didn't ignore him after tht. She blackmailed him, talked to him a bit, then two days before the end of the week she stopped altogether because she saw Ruka blushing in front of/flirting a bit with/stammering in front of Mikan. Then she almost broke down. Srry 4 making Hotaru so obliviously fragile, but it makes the story work so…yeah.:D

When Ruka sed, "Why can't you, Koko, or Sumire" he meant Koko by you, implying tht he wasn't talking abt Mikan…Just in case u got confused. I would hav, at 1st…then I would read tht part agen…eventually I would get it…

EXPLANATION ON THE SONG: The 1st part means tht she wanted to tell him why she blackmails him, which is that she loves him. The 2nd part is lyk…he wants to tell Hotaru the truth too, but whenever he calls her, he goes away because he's so worried tht she won't accept him The 3rd part Hotaru describes Ruka a bit, hoping she won't be crushed when she finally tells him. 4th part means he wants to tell her rlly, rlly bad but whenever he tries to, when she gets near him, he suddenly can't breathe. The heavy feeling is anxiousness and nervousness. It means he's sort of crushed bcuz he never gets the courage to tell her the truth. The 5th part means she's not going to stall anymore, and she rlly is going to tell him…But it's sorta obvious there…The 6th part means tht Ruka wants to kno her reaction, bcuz if he doesn't tell her, he'll go crazy, and tht he doesn't want to keep stalling. 7th part means tht they r basically determined to tell the other. I just did the flashback 4 fun :D And I changed the lyrics a bit to fit their gender. Do u want this or HotaruPOV w/ this song or RukaPOV with Crush by David Archuleta? Bcuz I could add othr versions of this chapter, u kno…Also I only did a little more than half of the song. The Sumire-Mikan argument type thing was dramatically weird don't u think? I think I did that 4 fun or because I needed 2 do sumthin so tht…Ok,not going to reveal NEthing. So weird, sumtimes it turns out completely different…The words 4 the argument thing is practically the same, but Sumire wz supposed 2 get really mad at Mikan, then Mikan wz supposed 2 almost blow up…Hmm…

Duuuuddde…I 4got 2 mention Natsume and Mikan were dating…Hmm, I seem 2 B repeating sum things, hey?

I also kno the ending of this chap was too quick, but I HAD to!