Up stared blankly at his empty plate. He had been in the mess hall for a couple hours and had only eaten a tiny piece of chicken. He hadn't had a complete conversation in days, not even when he visited Taz he could express his thoughts. He didn't even know what he was thinking. All he knew was that he felt guilty. And Taz certainly did not make things better. Every time he would visit her, she would be cold and distant, not like the Taz that broke down and admitted her confusion about the situation when she was first admitted to the sickbay. He knew she was mad at him, and he understood. He just hoped that she would talk to him soon. He hated going through hard situations alone, and Taz was always the first person he would go to. He hated the rumors, he hated the strange looks, but most of all, he hated the guilt. He was well aware that he probably had ruined her career, not to mention his. Relationships were not allowed between subordinates and Taz could not possibly train or go on missions. And Taz would not let him forget it. Whenever he would visit her, she would make terse comments about how she was stuck in the sickbay; she wouldn't even look at him. Each time he went to see her, she would get more and more upset and angry. The last time he saw her, she snapped. He tried to comfort her, but she wouldn't hear it. She just yelled in Spanish for what seemed like forever to Up before she told him to leave. Before he left, he saw she was crying. That was three days ago, and he hadn't eaten since. His stomach was screaming and just focusing was hard. So he decided that maybe food was a good idea. The mess hall was full of chatter until Up entered, then the entire mess hall was silent and everyone stared at Up. Up pretended not to notice as he picked up his chicken and found an empty table to sulk at. Up watched people come and go for over 3 hours and tried to block out what people were saying about him, but one thing he overheard some ensigns mention stuck with him,
"What are they going to do about the kid?" said one.
"I think they're going to get rid of it," another answered.
"Like, adoption? There really isn't an adoption center anywhere near here,"
"No, I mean 'get rid of it'. Like, abortion. Besides, I think Taz would make a horrible mom anyway." Up slammed his fist on the table, making the table and everything on it shake, and shot a glare at the two ensigns. Although he was broken, he still frightened the pair and they quickly left the mess hall. Funny how the same pair of eyes could install fear in some and comfort others.
No matter how hard he tried, Up could not get what those ensigns said out of his mind. At first he was mad that they called Taz a bad mother, but then he got to thinking about the point of their conversation. What would they do about the child? The first ensign thought adoption, but Up shuddered at the idea of someone else raising his child. The second ensign said abortion. It felt like something died inside him when he considered this. He couldn't just get rid of it. He couldn't just kill the little Taz. Hmm, a little Taz, he thought dreamily. He imagined a baby with big brown eyes, just like his mama. He envisioned that same baby walking, talking, laughing. He pictured the child speaking Spanish, then turning to Up and speaking English. He imagined the child, slightly older now, learning to ride a bike, and with Up right behind him. These visions continued until the child had kids of his own. Throughout the dreams, two things had stayed consistent: The child's eyes, and that Taz had been right by Up's side, raising the child, being and excellent mother. Unknowingly, Up smiled. He knew that they had to keep the child. Up was completely content just sitting at his table in the mess hall, just dreaming about the future, but his musing was interrupted when the Real Admiral's secretary found him.
"Excuse me, Commander Up? Real Admiral James wants to see you."
"Thank you, Tina, I'll be right there."
"No problem. Oh, and Taz was discharged from the hospital this morning. She's coming to see the Rear Admiral too."
Okay, I know a lot didn't happen in this chapter, but I (mostly) have a plan. Thanks for reading! Again, starship belongs to starkid and the OSM (Original Smoke and Mirrors (I'm going to use this abreviation now)) belongs to Invader Zara