-'๑'-Chapter Four -'๑'-
It was eight by the time Adelith was finally up and ready for the day. Unable to sleep during the night, her nightmares were enough to wake Maeve from across the room and through her own door. Though Adelith would hardly call it a nightmare. What plagued her dreams at night since the news of Nehemia's death seemed much more real than just mere visions behind closed eyes. If Adelith did not have duties to uphold, she would have stayed in her room from dusk to dawn and from dawn to dusk, never to see another living soul for as long as it took for the pain of the lost to cease.
Before making her way downstairs to the dining hall for breakfast, the reflection of her lifeless appearance caught her eye. Sleep plagued her cheeks, no longer as puffy as her now sleepless and cried out eyes which were once filled with pride and life. The bloodshot look only made it worse. How on earth could she possibly face her comrades like this? Her queen even?
Adelith Reynoso Morgenthal, sacred Guardian of the royal family of Doranelle. Crying? Never. Adelith attempted to cover up most of what she could with the cosmetic paste Maeve had in her chambers. Barely concealing the bags under her eyes and the puffiness of them, she deemed herself half appropriate to be in anyone's company other than Maeve and Mora's when she was at her weakest. Nevertheless, Adelith puffed herself up, chin held high, and strode into the dining hall without uttering a word to anyone. Only a simple nod to Maeve who returned it with an understanding look of sympathy, but not even daring to glimpse in Celaena's direction.
Adelith only headed down the stairs and into the kitchens to grab a small bite before heading to the training hall just outside the building towards the north west wall where Rowen was awaiting her. But she was not looking to duel Rowen. If she did, she might kill him. Instead, she took to the dozens of magic stone walls ready to take a beating before being pulled back to singular large formations held together by the magic that bound the pieces themselves.
Adelith induced the change that gave her fangs wider and fiercer than the dire white tigers native to the northern parts of the continent of Wendlyn, ears more acuminate than the dire bats native to the southern parts, and a rage more fierce than the killing calm. It was only ten blocks in when Rowen gave the order to the guards to contain her. He was upon her first, but Adelith flung him to the side with only one wave of her arm. It took about five of them just to get close, and seven to pin her down.
As Adelith struggled through the brute force of the seven guards, she could just barely make out Maeve's small form being followed by Celaena through the training yard. Maeve finally reached her as the guards cleared a small space for her to kneel down and draw Wyrdmarks into the raging Fae's skin to render her unconscious.
-'๑'-
Celaena watched as the guards lugged the unconscious Fae into the outpost with Maeve quickly following. She took off after them and followed up to Adelith and Maeve's chambers where they put Adelith in her bed. It was only twenty minutes of waiting in the lounge guarded by Traen and Therawin before Maeve returned from Adelith's room.
She waved Traen and Therawin to the small mezzanine of their chambers so she could speak with Celaena. She joined her at the rounded table in the middle of the room and sighed as she leaned over on her elbows.
Silence ensued for what seemed like minutes between the two before Maeve finally spoke.
"I never thought the news of her friend's passing would be so hard on her."
Celaena didn't know what to say. She stayed silent in hopes that Maeve would continue.
"Adelith has never been one to handle death well. She had been so well trained to handle her emotions, and from today's show of events, you can hopefully understand why it is so essential," Maeve sighed deeply, "she did so well at the beginning."
Celaena thought to the day Adelith hadn't said a word to her at dinner and how she silently followed Maeve out of the dining hall. It must have been that night that Adelith had come into such news. She seemed just fine later on playing the game of pool, though still on edge. Maybe that was where her training had come into play. Celaena knew all too well what it was like to lose a dear friend and have to pretend in the wake of others that she was not bothered. Nehemia was the only one she'd grown truly close to over the time she'd spent in Rifthold, and at times it was almost too much to bare that it was her fault Nehemia had passed.
Celaena debated on whether or not to speak, but the words came out without her even knowing, "I understand how she feels, having recently lost a dear friend of my own. ."
Maeve looked up from her concentrated stare that seemed it could leave marks engraved into the mahogany, "What did they call your friend?"
Celaena tried to form the first few letters of Nehemia's name, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. It would only make it all the more real to her, even though she could still feel the burn in her legs like a distant memory, running all the way from Rifthold to Nehemia's chambers just to see the horrid sight for herself. The bloody mess left in Grave's wake. How she'd almost easily dispatched Chaol for his actions only to be stopped by the Crown Prince of Adarlan himself with mere magic that should have been long gone from the continent by then.
After it took a little longer for her to reply, Maeve shook her head and placed a hand atop Celaena's for comfort, "You do not need to speak of it until you are ready."
Celaena gave Maeve's hand a gentle squeeze as she returned the gesture.
-'๑'-
The rest of the day was spent inside after the fiasco in the training yard seemed to prompt severe weather. Adelith awoke to a flash of blue streaming in through the windows and then the boom of thunder that seemed to shake the entire complex. As she tried to lift herself from the bed, pain shot like the bolt of lightening itself from her chest all throughout her body. To her toes, to her now normal enough canines, to her slightly pointed ears, to her fingertips. Adelith had to keep herself from whimpering. The large black form on the floor made it's way up onto the bed and nuzzled against Adelith to comfort her. The wolf sympathized with her own whimpers as she rested her head over the Fae's shoulder.
Adelith was barely able to raise an arm to pat the gentle beast. It only took her a few brief moments of waking up to realize the visions that danced in her mind while she slept were only mere dreams of what had once been Nehemia's lively smile never to be seen again. Heart warming laugh never to be heard again outside of her gentle slumber.
Adelith brought her arms around Ceair as she began to sob into her pitch black fur. She let the tears flow as her stomach shook with every desperate heave. She heard the door of her room open and soon felt Maeve's form beside her on the bed before her loving embrace enveloped her, stroking her hair, rubbing her back. Anything to calm the distraught Fae as she leaned into Maeve's chest. Her eyes too swollen and cloudy to notice Celaena's small form in the doorway.
"It isn't fair," Adelith cried between shaken breathes.
Maeve's voice went soft in her ear, "I know Luvena, I know."
"If I had only been there, like I'd planned, she would not have been alone," Adelith heaved again, "unguarded."
Maeve squeezed a little tighter, "It is not your fault Adelith, do not think that for even a second."
Adelith pulled back and in anger she shouted in Eyllwe, "I should have been there for her!"
Maeve attempted to pull Adelith back to her but this time she wouldn't comply. Adelith pulled herself to the other side of the bed, attempting to stand on her own two feet but the weight of the Wyrdmarks still etched into her skin brought her to her knees. Maeve hurried to the other side just as Ceair hopped off the bed and they pulled her back up onto the mattress.
"Adelith you are still weak, do not excerpt yourself."
Adelith laid back down as she tried to calm her breathing and was barely able to watch Maeve wave towards the door. Shortly after, it shut and all light aside from the small fire and lightening from outside the window seemed to fade more and more with every thump of her heart. Maeve finally pulled Adelith into her arms and rocked her back and forth offering soothing words to the grieving Fae before she soon took to sleep once more.
-'๑'-
It was in that single sentence that Celaena found her answers. When Adelith screamed in Eyllwe. She was grieving for Nehemia. It had been her death that caused such a commotion within the Fae woman. As she was waved from the room she quickly shut the door and was caught off guard by the energy that swept through her. It made her queasy and before she knew it she was running for the mezzanine with Traen and Therawin following close behind. She leaned over the balcony through the pouring rain and vomited. Tears stung her eyes as they mixed in with the warm rain that soaked her skin. She couldn't tell if it was from the vomiting or her own memories of that horrible night that she had to fight to keep from flooding back to her. Celaena had bottled them up so well in that tightly locked room inside her mind, but it was proving so difficult to keep them tucked away these days.
Whence finished, she looked over her shoulder to see Traen and Therawin watching her carefully from the protection of the awning that hung over the first half of the balcony. Traen held a towel from Maeve's bathing chambers ready for her to come back in and she reluctantly let her trembling legs take her there. Traen wrapped her in the towel and led her inside to the couch while Nydilia brought her a glass of water to wash down the bile that threatened to bring nothing but stomach acid out of her once more.
Celaena curled up on the couch in front of the fire in the Queen's chambers. As she stared into the fire, she realized that Adelith bared the same burden she did. Only, she was close enough to keep Nehemia's life from being ripped from her. Celaena had the chance to save Nehemia but was too busy going after Chaol's sorry ass. To keep him from getting into trouble. To keep him from being killed when all along it was Nehemia who needed to be saved. To be kept from getting into trouble. She remembered her vow to see Chaol only as the enemy.
Why should she care if she came back or not? It would only mean Chaol's life. But Celaena remembered Nehemia's words once. A life for a life does not make things right. Even though it was her life that was taken. Even though it was a life that would have given anything for her country, it was given for Chaol. Damn him. . . Damn him for being someone she still loved. Damn him for being apart of Adarlan. Damn him for existing.
Maeve broke Celaena's thoughts as she slowly shut the door to Adelith's room and came to join her niece by the fire. This time, it was Celaena who spoke first.
Celaena's gaze fixed on the fire in the hearth, she let the name slip from her mouth. "Nehemia."
Maeve turned to look at Celaena with question across her face.
"They called my friend Nehemia. Princess of Eyllwe." Celaena spoke softly without removing her gaze from the fire. She failed to notice the single tear that fell from the corner of her eye and rolled down her cheek and Maeve lifted her gentle hand to wipe it away.
"আপনার ক্ষতির জন্য দুঃখিত." Maeve replied gently.
I am sorry for your loss,in Eyllwe.
"আপনাকে ধন্যবাদ." Celaena barely mouthed.
Thank you.
Later the next morning the sun had began to shine through the murky clouds that still loomed overhead, threatening storms again but as they day grew on, the clouds dispersed leaving humid weather in it's wake. Celaena had finally begun her Fae training with Rowen in the yards. First and foremost was learning where her powers came from. The Fae part of her that threatened to break free every now and then under that damned temper of hers.
Since Celaena had returned to a place where magic roamed freely, the change was able to be made, just like when she was little. She'd felt it the other night when she had become so frustrated with Adelith. But only now she felt guilt for acting in such a way. The reason Adelith would never let anyone in was because of Nehemia. And if she ever learned that Celaena had the chance to save her, Gods only knew how she'd react to the truth that had now become something Celaena would harbor forever in the lands of Wendlyn.
"First, find your center point," Rowen commanded, "the one thing that makes the change the easiest."
Celaena searched through her mind, finding something that made her angry without opening the threshold of that dark box. Maybe the time her favorite white dress had been ruined by some drunk and clumsy courtesan from Rifthold that had spilled fine red wine all over her. Or the time she'd been humiliated in front of her fellow assassins in the Keep by letting Sam get the better of her in a training session. Not good enough. .
"I can't," Celaena replied from her spot in the middle of the yard, "there's nothing."
Rowen growled in frustration with her a few measly yards away. Celaena was almost tempted to use her anger on Rowen. The distance was easy enough to clear in two wide jumps, she'd have him down on the ground in bloody ruins within seconds. It was so tempting. .
"You can, you just refuse to," Rowen replied a bit testy, "should I invoke it?"
Celaena narrowed her eyes at him before looking passed to see Maeve accompanied by Ceair and another, much larger wolf who's fur seemed to shine a dark blue in the sun making their way across the grounds trailed by the guards who usually followed Celaena around. Though being with Rowen, she was under a watchful enough eye that they could be out doing other more useful things than watching her every move.
Maeve stood on the sidelines watching intently as the two wolves sat beside her, both's sapphire eyes fixed on Celaena.
"Do it and I'll rip your head off," Celaena remarked snidely.
Rowen arched a brow, "Do I make you angry?"
"Quite." Celaena growled.
Rowen only smirked, "Good. I am here to make you angry. I am here to make you remember every time you've tried and failed. The title of Adarlan's Assassin means nothing here."
Celaena's expression went from a soft scowl to hostile as Rowen egged her on.
"In the empire of the Fae, you are nothing but an insect."
As Rowen continued to taunt her, she could feel the pulse of magic surge through her hands, her jaw, her ears as her fists clenched, the burn in her stomach.
"A weak little bug. Nothing but the splattered remains of guts on the bottoms of our soldiers' boot."
By this time, Celaena was fuming. The blue wolf blinked at the sight of the young woman. Never had they seen someone so riled by measly words.
This time, Rowen didn't hold back. The next words that fell from his mouth created whirling winds inside of Celaena.
"You could never protect anyone, even if you tried."
Suddenly, Celaena fell to her knees. The shift seizing her body so quickly and in a flash of light her ears grew pointed, her canines grew longer. Her eyes almost seemed to glow against her ever paling skin.
The blue wolf noticed that something inside her snapped at that second. Soon, she was on her feet and lunging after Rowen. The wolf attempted to dart after them but Maeve only stopped her as she watched Rowen attempt to dodge slash after punch after kick from Celaena. Soon he made his own change into full Fae form and Celaena almost met her match. Eventually Maeve gave to the go ahead for the blue wolf to intervene when Rowen was brought to his knees.
A puff of curling smoke and Adelith changed from wolf to Fae and lunged into the middle of the storm that was Celaena Sardothien. Adelith wrapped her arms around Celaena as she started to struggle but didn't dare let go. Eventually Celaena calmed, falling limp but still conscious into Adelith's arms.
Adelith hoisted Celaena into her arms as Maeve came to their side. "She'll be weak for a few hours."
Before following Adelith into the outpost she looked behind her, a bit testily, "That will be enough training for the day."
Rowen bowed to the queen and headed off towards the barracks as Maeve quickly followed them inside and caught and stopped them on the way to the stairs.
"Bring her to our chambers. I have paperwork to go over, and I'd much rather be able to watch over her."
Adelith nodded as Celaena attempted to pull herself closer against Adelith's chest and she readjusted the small form in her arms as they walked up the three flights of stairs and into their chambers. Before Celaena could object, Adelith brought her into her room and laid her down on the bed where Ceair waited patiently for them. Nydilia soon brought in a wet wash cloth and placed it over Celaena's head as she groaned and blinked, stirring herself from confusion.
"What happened?" She managed get out as Adelith pulled the sheets over her and took Nydilia's wet rag and placed it over her forehead.
"You unleashed your inner beast." Adelith said dabbing Celaena's forehead that gleamed with sweat from her spot on the bed. Seconds passed before Maeve entered the room with a glass of mixed herbs and handed it to Adelith who seemed more than adequate to care for Celaena in her time of need.
"Set up," Adelith gently commanded as she placed the glass on the bedside table and helped Celaena sit up right. She held the glass to Celaena's lips and helped her drink slowly.
"I feel like I can't do anything," Celaena groaned.
"You will probably feel like a tree for a few hours, but what better way to be in tune with nature," Nydilia chuckled lightly.
"Just relax until you can move your limbs again," Adelith replied as she brushed a stray hair from Celaena's face, "You will be bedridden for a bit, but you're sure to be up and about in no time."
She looked to Maeve who smiled down at them and Adelith stood from the bedside and placed the glass onto the table as she practically read Maeve's mind. Adorable? Adelith wasn't supposed to be adorable. She was supposed to be the vicious creature of Wendlyn no one would dare to cross. The Sacred Guardian of the royal family no one dared bedevil.
"Let me know when my bed is free," Adelith called as she strode towards the door and out of the chambers.
Celaena looked at Maeve who sat at her bedside, "Do not fret young one," she said as she dabbed the sweat from Celaena's forehead, "her icy walls will melt eventually."
"How do yo-" Celaena started but cut her off, "I believe just from the aura I feel from you, you both have a soft spot for each other you refuse to show. But you cannot hide such things forever."
"She doesn't trust me though," Celaena sighed weakly.
Maeve offered her a small comforting smile, "Adelith does not trust anybody besides those who've raised her. Just remember, souls have been known to perform extraordinary miracles."
Celaena offered her own weak smile.
"Go to sleep Luvena," Maeve advised, "you'll feel better in no time."
Too tired to be taken aback by the term of endearment Maeve had suddenly bestowed upon her, Celaena closed her eyes and took to her dreams.
-'๑'-
What seemed to be hours later when Celaena finally awoke, she stared out the window into the dark mountains of Wendlyn. The storms had returned and lightening struck one by one, gracing the far reaches of the hilltops with it's electric blue presence. Crack after crack sounded, but Celaena just laid there. She missed the view of the outside world when she awoke, and sleeping in the basement, though her rooms were adequate, wasn't something she was fond of.
The sound of the door creaking open made Celaena go still. She watched as the figure of a Fae slowly made it's way to the edge of the bed and sat atop the covers. She knew Adelith could sense she was awake. There was no sense in hiding it, so Celaena just continued to peer out the window.
It was minutes before Adelith's voice made it's way through the still darkness after she drug in a deep sigh, "We grew up together."
We. Celaena thought. It didn't take her more than a few seconds to realize she was talking about Nehemia.
"She and I had known each other since we were very young. I came to Eyllwe when I was only eight, and she was six. For eight years, we'd grown up together. It wasn't until news of Adarlan's conquests reached Maeve that they sent for me to return to Wendlyn."
Celaena sat up as she listened closer.
"It would only seem natural that lives were lost for a great cause such as hers. At first, I thought the news of her death was a joke. It took a while to sink in. I guess I just didn't want to believe it. The fact that I'd never again be calmed by my light in the dark. To hear her voice once more, reprimanding me for acting or thinking in such a way she deemed unfit or dishonorable. To never again feel her in my arms every time I returned to Rifthold.
I only ever managed to push it from my mind every once in a while. But each time that sinking feeling made itself more known inside me."
Silence fell as Celaena stared at Adelith's silhouette against the dark sky. Feeling the pent up energy attempting to release itself from Adelith. So much rage and sorrow fighting to get out. She only kept calm. Celaena had to wonder, if she could feel it from only feet away, what it must feel like inside of her. She almost shivered at the thought.
"Were you and Nehemia close?"
Celaena gathered her thoughts, "We were. Since the day I had arrived in Rifthold for the king's contest."
"For what it's worth, and maybe due to my behavior towards you it might revoke this," Adelith drew in a breathe, "but I am indebted for you to have been quite possibly her only friend in Adarlan."
Celaena hesitantly placed a comforting hand over Adelith's shoulder. As Adelith finally turned to face Celaena, she offered her a small comforting smile. Celaena slowly returned it. Though not as fully as she might have wanted to, the hint of guilt still penetrated her heart as sharp if not far worse than the blades she'd wielded.