Chapter 4: On Fire
IV.
The third time I fought Brittany, I almost didn't. Santana accosted me outside the staging area.
"Hey, Perv. You need to stay away from my girl Brittany."
"Oh, hi, Santana. Brittany's here? What division is she fighting?"
"I said, you needs to take your old behind outs of here and stay away from my girl Brittany."
"Listen," I said, taking her forearm, "I am a peri-menopausal, married, nerdy jock. If you want to fight me, come to taekwondo classes at my school." Brittany walked up.
"San? What's up?"
"Santana took exception to my talking to you." With a crooked smile.
"Aw, Honey, be nice!"
"So?" I said.
She smiled. Huh.
"Are you fighting the ladies today?"
"Yep."
Now I smiled. "Something tells me you're going to have a great day."
Brittany got a Bye. I got a fight with - get this - a woman close to my age and size. It was awesome. I beat her. Which meant I got to fight Brittany again.
So she's a lot taller than me and more flexible. I avoided her first kick and closed in tight. I got in a couple punches, as I will, then things started happening fast. Mostly I just remember trying for a head shot. I know! I know, this is me. My leg doesn't even go that high. I lost my balance and found myself on the mat. "Oh," I thought to myself, "This is sooo comfy. . . Wait! I gotta finish this fight!" It must have taken a split second, because I was able to roll up to standing, push kick her enough to throw her off, then back kick her.
She doubled, then tripled, and I started to get tired. As I will. I made her miss one and kicked her in the back, only it was low, so I actually kicked her in the butt. Until taekwondo, I thought kicking ass was a good thing, but in the ring, it's a foul. At that point, I vaguely heard my coach yelling, "Get out of the way! Make her miss!" Good idea. If I could only move my feet. I was so beat, all I could do was stand and block, until the round was over.
"You got another round in you," said my coach. "Yes, Ma'am," I said. I drank water. I was dehydrated after one round. "She's tall. Stay in close. Don't give her the middle distance. Stay up. Play your game, not hers. Use your block punch! Keep it simple."
It was probably the longest minute and a half ever. I stayed up. I crowded her. I turned it around, but not quick enough. She won by two points. When we shook hands, she pulled me in for a hug. "On fire," she said.
"You are," said I.
"You played like you were thirty at most," she said.
"Now you're just trying to make me blush," I said.