OKAY ITS SHORT, BUT ITS HERE.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot and I only borrowing these character, just for a long train ride, in which they will return to Stephanie Meyers in one piece, I promise.
Edward's POV
She was angry; I knew it was only because she needed answers, answers I weren't quite sure if she was ready to hear… I don't even think I was ready or able to give her the explanation she wanted. How do I confess to the woman I marry that I have been cheating on her? I thought to myself. But apparently it seems as if it would be the only way to end her suspicions of what I was doing behind her back. I honestly did not want her to search anymore, I certainly did not want her finding these answers someplace else, and I had owed this much to her. I didn't know how to begin or even where to begin for that matter. The more I consider the situation, the more I saw the asshole I had become and the damage I was about to cause. Scratch that… I think I had already caused the damage. Although she's not aware, yet.
There was no way she was going to take what I was about to say lightly, I know once I confess to Bella what I have been doing, she will never forgive or look at me the same. Just knowing this makes it harder. I had prepared myself for the worse, because prior to now I had already made up my mind on what I needed to do.
Before you think of me as the asshole understand this. I loved my wife, but over the years. I missed being the Edward I used to be. After meeting Bella I felt as though I had to perfect myself. Change my ways and become someone else for the benefit of her. I was tired of lying and pretending to be someone else. I was raise in a family that was filled with morals and values. Before meeting Bella I was sleeping around constantly with a different girl each and every night, sometimes two if I got lucky. When I met Bella all that changed she reminded me of what my parents had envision for me; the perfect girl, the picket white fence, and the beautiful grandkids they so dreamed of me having.
I couldn't continue living a lie anymore and yes I am wrong for leading Bella along and making her believe we had that, but I couldn't do it anymore it was only fair that I told her, I mean the clues has been there all along, I just wasn't expecting her to wait so long to figure out that our marriage has been a disaster for the past few months and I have been nothing but the cheating bastard I have always been. I know who I am and the asshole I am. Everyone knows it, even her friends knows this. But women always thinking they can change a man. Do not get me wrong I swear Bella was the one. I still do, just not at this moment. After Tanya walked into my life, I realized that she wasn't and it's not because Tanya has suddenly become the one. I realize sadly, that I am just not ready to settle down.
"Bella…" I began, "I know that you do not want my apologies, (sigh)... but... I am sorry, Bella I truly am, I... was wrong, Bella I didn't know how to say no, I couldn't stop myself…" I was now confuse if I wanted her to know, I felt as if I gave her a hint she would probably figure it out.
"Bella, I betrayed you, I'm nothing like the man you think I am, Bella I told myself that it was wrong, but then yet it felt so right, it started as first as a onetime thing but then I couldn't get enough I just kept going back." I said, it was true I didn't know I would become so addicted to the thrill of having an affair behind my wife's back. I felt as if it had become a drug to me and I couldn't stop myself. It was never in my intentions to hurt her, but she wanted to know and she had to. No reason to string her along anymore, knowing she could be happier with someone else. I was a fucked up person and know I would never be looked at the same by family nor friends with this confession that I was about to make. I didn't so much care if she saw me as a cheater, because she had already known what she was getting herself into from the very beginning. But has selfish as I was, I did care about how this would damage her. But lying to her would never do us any justice. It was never like I tried to convince her as if I was another person, she knew about my player ways, but as I recalled when we first met she tried to convince herself that she could have changed me. But she failed to realize that it does not work that way, in order to change a person they have to want that for themselves. Yes, I made a vow but… I clearly never remember making any promise to change my ways. Now… hopefully she can live up to her vows when she said, "for better or for worse." Because what I was about to tell her wasn't for the better but definitely the worse. I was trying to come forth with the best way to tell her that I was having an affair, but…
"Edward, we can get you fix, I don't know why would you even begin to take drugs but, I'm here with you, I'm disappointed bu…." I was shock, she thought I was implying about drugs, a part of me believe that she only said drugs because she hope for it to be so, even though she knew the true. I could have seen it in her eyes she knew what I meant. Instead of making her guess or suppress herself into more denial I told her, "Bella... I am not talking about drugs, at least at times I wish it was instead." I said shaking my head. I might not have loved her anymore like I once did, but at the same time I did not want to see her cry. I have got to be the most fucked up man on the planet. Fuck my life.
"Then what is it?" She asked me, and I knew even though she was asking she did not really want to know. But I said it anyway.
"Bella I'm having an affair with another woman." Her facial expression changed from anger, to betrayal, disgust, and the worse hate. She was speechless.
I didn't know what to say or how to approach her, "Bella speak to me, please." She closed her eyes as if she was waiting for someone to wake her up out of a dream or what I would call it for her precisely a... Nightmare. I guess reality finally found its way back into her head (asshole), because she finally spoke.
"What did you say?" She asked through clenched teeth. At that very moment I realize two things. One I was about to awake the sleeping monster within my wife and I had made a BIG mistake.
"I said… (Sigh) I washavingan affair with another woman." I guess it finally clicked "How long?" She asked, I didn't quite believe that was the question or the phrase she was looking for, but... Viewing from her expression she was still in shock.
"Merely over a few months." I told her, she looked up at me with anger, yet speechless. She fumbled with her fingers. I have never seen Bella like this, I was a bit afraid and starting to really rethink my decisions. "Bella I need to know what you're thinking please, this is hard for me." I don't know what made me say that, I guess I finally push the explode button. "YOU want to know what I AM thinking I am wondering why the hell I married a lying, cheating, and untrustworthy, idiotic man. Out of all the men on this earth how the FUCK, did I end up with you EDWARD? Then you have the nerve to sit there and say it's hard for you, which part is hard for you Edward? Sleeping with another woman while you have wife at home? Or was it coming home to me at nights after you fucked her?! Explain, you're the worst man a woman can ever get married to." She was angry, furious and yet hysteric with tears. Way to make a man feel bad about himself. See this is what I don't get with women, they always want to know the truth, but yet again they can't handle it. Why the hell do you ask in the first place? Before you judge and call me an asshole, seriously. Why ask if you can't take the truth.
"Bella I am sorry, I really am." I said, honestly yes... I am sorry I betrayed her, but... I this was for the best I tried to convince myself. I was flinched as I watch Bella jumped up from the table and jabbed her fingers at my chest, "Edward are you really sorry you cheated, or; are you sorry that you got caught because right now you're trying to look all sad and sincere but in reality Edward, you're not? . You could've stopped yourself if you were sorry. You could've broken off you're little affair with whomever the fuck you were cheating on me with. If you were truly SORRY, then you wouldn't have continued to sleep with her anyway. You would've stopped sleeping with her after the first time it happened. But you didn't. You slept with her because you thought, 'Oh its okay. What she doesn't know won't hurt as much.' That's where you went wrong. Edward, the truth hurts, but your lies kill me." She was right everything she was saying. I didn't have time to process anything when she screamed "GET OUT" she yelled pointing out the dining area towards the door. Hell, I would lie if I say I wasn't stunned by her tone of voice, she does not often yell. Bella wasn't the type to make a fuss out of anything and seeing her like this, I knew there was no way in hell I was going to get a forgiveness from her.
"Bella? Wait… let me explain." I said.
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR NO MORE OF YOUR SHITTY EXPLANATION FROM YOU, YOUR NOTHING BUT A LIAR, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW." I reluctantly got up from around the table, and walked to the door, when I got to the door. I turned and looked back at her, hoping she would see some kind of remorse in me. "GET OUT" she yelled, I hurried through the door and at that moment I knew she was more than angry with me. Could I blame her? Nope I was an asshole and the kind that didn't deserve a woman like her.
I stood with my back against the door, a part of me felt relief that she knew, and it was no longer a secret. I walked away from the door to my car; I got in the driver's seat and hit my head against the steering wheel and breathe. I started the ignition to the car about to reverse out of the drive way, but I couldn't move. I turned off the engine and let the tears fall. I had fucked up greatly and lost probably the only woman who ever gave a shit about me. I was always tempted by the flesh and seeing Tanya and having that affair with her just brought back memories to all the fun I used to have. It was never my intentions to hurt Bella and seeing her tonight, made it clear to how much I had hurt her. I had broken her heart and I know nothing I said or do could ever repair that. I don't know what it is that I want.
"FUCK" I screamed, realizing that I might have just made one of the dumbest decision of my life. How the hell did I let my life come to this? Bella was truly perfection, now you realize this. "Shut the fuck up" I mumbled realizing I was talking to myself. I guess it's true what they say, you realize things when it's too late.
I wanted to march right back into the house and hold her and beg for forgiveness, but the look in her eyes told me it was not going to happen. I did not blame her. Honestly, if the shoes were reversed I would not have forgiven her. My family would never even forgive me. For Christ sake Emm… is already pissed at me. I reclined the driver's seat in my car and decided that, this is where I would spend my night. I couldn't go running to anyone playing the victim, because I was the asshole and Bella was the victim.
I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard things smashing inside the house and at that moment I knew this was not going to end good… I was about to face the wrath of Bella. Something I was not prepared for.
Well, damn that was tough. Hopefully things can workout for the good. I am sorry for twisting these two this way, maybe I am not lol. Hope you got to enjoy things from Edward POV. I will not always include is point of view. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Also comment, let me know what you think. I have already written the next two chapters, but toying with them to see when I want to upload them.