"Another one right?" I asked Sara, holding out the bottle in front of me. She threw her arm over her head, laughing uncontrollably, silently. I just stared at her, waiting for an answer.

"No….No, not anymore!" She laughed as she waved her hand out in front of her.

I chuckled a little, waving the bottle at her, "Come on!"

"Noo…." She laughed, wiping some drool off of her lips.

"Yess!"

Sara pouted at me temping her, and then rolled her head to the side and stuck out her arm, "Oh alright; just a little!" A grin grew across my face I poured the brownish liquid into her cup, as well as topping off mine. Sara took her cup back, and peered into it. She ran her nose around the rim of the plastic cup, and then looked up at me, confused.

"Are we happy?" she asked. I could barely see her through my half shut eyes, but I couldn't seem to open them anymore.

"I'm pretty happy right now!" I declared, taking another sloppy drink. Sara waved her hand in front of me, shaking her head several times.

"No no no, no," she leaned over and put her hand over my knee, "I mean us. Like, we."

I just starred at her. I didn't really understand what she was saying; my head was really cloudy, but she seemed to know what she was talking about. Her face was a little blurry too. I think there was a breeze in the room.

"Are you happy?" I asked her. She seemed to be having a good time, I mean – she'd been over at my house for like hours now. She had a smile too. She was happy.

Sara tilted her head and looked up at the ceiling, gapping her mouth. I did the same, trying to see what she was looking at. I noticed that one of the fan blades was a different shade of white than the others.

"I am. I like this." She slurred. "I like you."

I looked over at her and smiled with my teeth, "I like you too!"

Sara squeezed one of her eyes closed and looked at me, very very confused looking. I suddenly realized the breeze was coming from the spinning fan. How silly. I knew that. Right.

"Then…." Sara scratched her head, looking into her cup, "Then how come there's this…like…gap of things between us?"

I didn't get it.

Sara continued, "How come whenever I come over," She stopped talking to swallow, "I always like, feel like you don't want to talk to me?"

"I always want to talk to you!" I declared, sticking out my hand to her. How could she think I didn't like talking to her? I loved being with her! But, like, I really liked being with her. I laughed aloud at my own thoughts, feeling like I was choking. "Sara! Sara…" I straightened out, stopping myself from laughing, "What if I told you, what if I told you.." I leaned in close; Sara leaned in too, eyes wide, ready to listen. "That…uhm…" I chuckled, not being prepared for what to say. I didn't know what I was going to tell her.

"Oh no! Let me guess!" She laughed, kicking her feet up on the couch and leaning onto me. She was really squishy. And warm. But her sweater was a little itchy. I didn't mind.

She tapped her finger on her lips; her arm dangling off the side of the couch still holding her drink. It was really bright in here. It'd be better with the lights off.

"Do you want to kiss me?" She asked.

"Huh?"

"Is that was you were going to tell me. That you want to kiss me?" She asked, looking up at me.

Sure. I guess.

"Yeah." I lied. I was fine with getting a kiss. It was still bright though. Fucking electricity.

"You don't have to ask.." Sara whispered.

I tapped my teeth together, "How come?"

She turned and looked at me, very serious. She quietly placed her cup down onto the coffee table in front of the couch and turned back to me. Her sweater was actually more of a burgundy, I realized. I thought it was red when she first walked in.

"Because.." She smiled a little bit, "You're nice to me. And you like to talk." Her smile grew sweeter. I don't know why, but she unexpectedly became very foreign to me. Like, we had just run into each other at the airport, or something.

I hated planes actually, that was a bad analogy. I'd never want to meet someone at an airport.

It didn't matter. She didn't look like the person I've known.

"Sara?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

She didn't say anything, as an agreement to let me ask.

"How come we do this?"

She didn't respond.

I chewed on my cheek, still feeling a little dizzy. "This whole thing between us, like, what are we gonna do?"

"About what?" She seemed to ask nervously.

"About like, us? In the future? I mean, why do we keep doing this if we have no plan to do anything with it?

I didn't really know how to get my question across, because Sara looked pretty confused still. You date someone because you like them, and if you like them enough, you get married so you can keep liking them – but if things don't work out, then you break up. Those are really the only two options. But what Sara and I were doing didn't make any sense to me. We weren't dating, but we weren't not together either.

Just thinking about it made my head hurt. Or maybe it was the scotch.

"Do you…want a plan for it?" She asked, hesitantly.

I felt my cheeks flush. Shrugging like a little girl, I turned to the side, smiling, "I don't know.."

Sara burst into a grin and nudged my shoulder, "Yeah you do!"

I swatted at her, mumbling "stop it" and she squealed, "But you do!" and we continued like that for a little bit until Sara put out her hands.

"I've got the start to that plan!" Sara said, smirking.

I felt strange. "Okay? What is it?" I asked.

"Can I have that kiss now?"

Sara reached for her drink, taking a sip and watching me from over her cup as I starred at her, smiling. "Yeah, we can start there." I said, quietly.

Sara squeezed her mouth together in a satisfied smile, putting her cup back down on the table. Leaning back into me between my legs on the couch, Sara's face hung close to mine. She smelled of alcohol. I actually didn't know why for a second, but then I remembered and I felt really stupid. She smiled at me, placing her finger over my lips.

"You have to promise me something first." She stated, putting pressure down onto my lips.

I opened my eyes a little wider in response, as I could not open my mouth to answer.

"You can't tell, anyone." She flicked her chin up, being overly cute. I grinned at what she said, not really expecting her to say that. Why would I tell anyone? If anyone found out that we were doing this, our career, and everything else would be over.

"I won't tell anyone," I said, talking through Sara's finger, "That would be bad." I simply said, not being able to think of much more to say. I just wanted that kiss. I felt like she was stalling – or teasing me. Same difference.

Sara smiled down at me, sliding her finger away and making my lips quiver slightly as it passed. I closed my eyes, and shortly after, I felt Sara's warm face lower and her wet lips pressed against mine. She just licked her lips, I thought.

This is what I liked. This: being like this with Sara. She was something that I never wanted to loose, and that I would never tell anyone about. My promise to her was the truth, because I knew that if anyone ever found out about us, she'd be gone. But one day, I thought as Sara pulled away from me, one day she's going to be mine. One day I won't have to hide her anymore.

"Tegan?" Sara asked suddenly, louder than I expected.

"Uh, yeah?"

Sara looked away quickly and then looked back.

"Emy knows."

My mind processed that for a second. "Knows about what?" I asked, confused to the change in subject.

Sara sat up more, leaning away from me. "She knows about us. About this."

Baffled, I searched my clouded mind for a correct response. "Doesn't…she already know…? Didn't she find out a long time ago?" Why is she bringing up such old news?

Sara shook her head, closing her eyes. "No, I mean she found out again."

I was still confused.

Sara looked a little angry now. "Tegan – she found our letters; our new letters!"

And then it hit me. Her words slammed into my throat faster than I could understand them. That weird waterfall feeling flushed down my brain and into my spine and chest; that feeling you get when you know something is horribly horribly wrong.

"Oh shit.." I whispered, looking at Sara and bracing myself on the couch.