Chapter 4

"Do you really have to go?" Canada asked as we stood together at the Airport. It had been an entire week since the day I had killed Prussia, and ever since then Matvey has been working really hard to give us some couple time, I really hated having to end it, but this was something I really needed to do.

It only took a few hours for Prussia's body to be found, and then within a day or two the nations were alerted of his death. I remember hearing the call once when they told Canada the news, and then again when they called to tell me. It was Germany who had arranged and done the calls, all by himself. I pretty sure that I will never be able to forget the way his voice sounded so dead when he had to say the words. "My, brother, the country of Prussia, has died." I wanted to tell it would be alright, I wanted to tell him that it was a mistake or perhaps it was an accident, I was only able to whisper "I'm sorry" out uselessly. "I can't…imagine how something like that happened," I lied, my mouth thinking with a mind of its own.

"I know," Germany said. "The Police think it was murder, but they can't find anything that will help them nail down a suspect. They can't find any witnesses, and it was too far for any nearby store cameras to find, they have identified a murder weapon, but it's too common to really be a lead." He told me.

"Well that is just horrible," I said, the guilt ate at me, but the voice inside my head just chuckled.

"I know, I mean, Gilbert…he could be annoying at times…but he was a really nice guy," Germany said, I could hear the tears in his voice, they seemed so odd coming from him.

"I can't believe he died, him, and I used to hangout," I told him. There was a long silence on the other end of the phone, and for a second I though he hung up, but I could still here his sad jagged breaths.

"Well, I am really sorry for your loss, Mr. Germany," I said. "If there is anything Matthew and I can do to help, please tell me, anything at all, you tell me?" I felt so sad for him as I said the words. How could I be so cruel, I already killed his brother, now I had to lie for him, and cover my tracks, what was happening to me?

"Thank you Ukraine, have a nice day," he responded, his voice sounding a bit steadier.

"You too, Mr. Germany," I said hanging up. I felt the tears then come on as the guilt grew and grew at an alarming rate, for a second I thought I might have a panic attack.

I couldn't put it off any longer; I need to go see my sister. I needed her advice on what I should do. I moved to the computer in Canada's office, I needed to buy a plane ticket, if I was lucky, I might be able to get one for today. I went in and sat down clicking the computer on. As I sat there waiting for it to boo up, I watched the screen absent mindedly. That's when I noticed a stick note stuck to the bottom of the monitor. I unstuck it and looked at it.

Friday Night, reservations at AG for 7:00

My face fell in my hands, crap, I forgot about that! Matvey was planning a whole night out for us! I could faintly here Matvey's light snores in the next room. I couldn't just leave now, not after he put so much work in this one night, he really wanted to make this night special, I couldn't bear to ruin it. I sigh and put the sticky note back and turned to the now fully loaded computer. I clicked on internet button and searched for flight times at the nearest airport. I guess I could put off my flight till tomorrow, I mean I have acted sane for awhile now, I might be able to pull it off for a little bit longer.

"Haha, you really care a whole lot about this boy, huh," The voice in my head said, mocking me.

"Well, why shouldn't I, he has done so much for me," I whispered trying to ignore how crazy I felt talking to myself.

"Even kill for you, or are those feelings completely one sided?"

"That was an accident and you…err I mean, I know it," I said back. "And what the hell am I doing talking back to a stupid voice that shouldn't even be here!" The voice just laughed annoying me further.

I tried to push the thought of that voice and anything that to do with her to the back of my mind and focused on the task at hand. Luck happened to be on my side as I quickly found the flight I was looking for. I was so focused on booking it in time that I barely heard as Matvey walked in he wrapped his arms around me in a tender embrace, and then kissed my neck.

"Good morning," he whispered, laying his head on my shoulder. "What are you up to?" he asked. I didn't answer; I just continued to enter in my credit card information. "You're buying plane tickets?" he asked surprised.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I didn't want to wake you," I told him leaning my head against his.

"When are you leaving?" he asked, his voice sounded disappointed.

"Tomorrow," I told him and he groaned.

"Do you have to leave so soon," he said wrapping his arms around me again. "I'm gonna miss you, so much."

"Yeah, Natalia called me earlier," I lied. "She needs some help, brother is giving her the cold shoulder again, and she needs some comfort." The voice inside my head laughed, I resisted the urge to yell at it.

Matvey kissed my neck again, but not in a sexual way, just in a sweet loving way, I really loved how sweet and adorable he was he wasn't like all those guys who only had one thing on their mind. "Then I guess I'll have to spend as much time today as I can he said his hands now massaging my shoulders and his advances gaining some momentum. I moaned a little feeling the electric shock, I gave way to his advances, I turned my head and kissed him back, I felt a little guilty for leaving him so unexpectedly, and after he vowed to speak his next few days off with me. I felt him respond happily under my lips he stroked his fingers through my short hair, I began to lose myself in his kiss. His lips were so soft, like clouds, and their taste was sweet, like sugar. His touch as his hands moved around my body were like feathers caressing my body with light electric shocks that caused me to shiver, though I wasn't cold at all, next thing I know I was in Canada's strong arms as he carried me to the bedroom. He laid me softly on the bed and laid himself on top of me, his mouth never leaving mine. His hands moved to my blouse and began unbuttoning it. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and ran my fingers through his hair, light tugging it. Matvey finally broke the kiss, allowing us both to breathe, but continued to kiss my neck as he tried to pull my now unbuttoned shirt off. I closed my eyes as I listened to him, his jagged breath, his lips moving against my skin, his heart pounding in my ear, the sound of a knife slicing through living flesh. My eyes flashed open and I gasped. W-what the hell just happened? My breath seemed caught in my throat I felt as if I couldn't breathe, but Matvey didn't seem to notice.

I felt as he continued to strip me of my clothes, now working on my pants, every time his skin touched my bare skin, my vision went from the blank ceiling to visions of blood, guts and dead eyes. I saw myself, the knife in my hand and Canada on tops of me, just as he was now, he kissed me all over clearly not aware of what was going on, I saw the knife cut through his skin as blood rushed out of the wounds, I stabbed harder and harder the knife digging deeper and deeper. My blade moved swiftly, slicing every blade, sending splashes of blood all over the room and the bed, I gouged out his beautiful purple eyes, and then sliced his neck silencing his screams, I used my knife and sliced off the curl that sat on his head, a common erogenous zone we used often during our…play time. I cut and cut until his body was limp and lifeless on mine. I felt my nude body drench in his blood, my eye wild and crazed. I licked his blood off me, feeling alive and all might, like a lethal panther who took pride in her fresh kill.

"No I whispered, and although I heard the words it was not my face that said it, my lips did not move to say them, but instead spread in to a wild wicked grin. " NO NOO NOOOOOOOO!" I shouted I felt hands go on to my shoulder and my body began to shake, but my vision remained the same.

"Kat! Kat! Kat, are you alright, you're freaking out!" Mattie yelled finally pulling me out of whatever trance I was in, I looked around, everything seemed to be normal, Matvey's skin looked untouched, and the blankets remained perfectly white. I gasped as I finally realized whatever I saw was not really, he was fine, everything was okay. Without a word I threw my arms around him and cried in to his chest, I felt so relieved; I thought…I thought I killed him. I thought that was all real, I thought I actually killed him! What wrong with me? Matvey was shocked by my sudden movements, but wordlessly went along with them, he wrapped his arms around me, trying to comfort me, but I doubt that was possible at this point, I then continued to sob into his chest. The thought of losing him, the thought of killing him with my own hands was more than just alarming, I loved Matvey, I honestly love him with all my heart, so why did I just fantasize about killing, why did it seem so real.

"Do you remember that feeling?" the voice in my head asked. "Even if the whole thing was by accident, you must know the feeling, when you feel the life exiting their body; you see the light fade from their eyes, you hear their last breaths, it's a feeling that makes you feel alive, you feel like you are the key between life and death, like you are the God that controls what happens, you control their destiny. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world! And I know you enjoyed it, even when it was your precious precious Matvey, you still liked it, you liked the way your knife cut through his skin like nothing, the sense of powerfulness and idea of inflicting pain turned you on, you loved it, just like you loved it when you did it to Prussia, but you won't let yourself remember it, you loved it and you know it!"

No, I thought back. "No, no that isn't true!"

"You liked it, you liked it!"

"No," I shouted out loud, "No you're lying!"

"Katsuyasha!" Matvey shouted at me, once again pulling me from my hell. "What is wrong with you, first you freak out when we are about to have sex, and now you are shouting and calling me a liar when I didn't even say anything, are you alright, you seem really out of it," Matvey said now looking at me seriously, his eyes looked really concerned and it made my heart hurt.

"I, um," I said getting up off the bed. "I, um, need a minutes." I walked off to the bathroom and left him behind me, I knew he was watching me go, his eyes still concerned and worrying about, but I didn't let it stop me, something was seriously up, and I needed to figure out what.