Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, I do not own Harry Potter, I own nothing but Amarantine and the plot.

You'll never know the way your words have haunted me
Wake up in a dream
frozen fear
all your hands on me
I can't scream
I can't escape the twisted way you think of me
I feel you in my dreams and I don't sleep

Evanescence "Snow White Queen"

Amarantine sat in the headmaster's office, listlessly twirling a strand of shiny red hair around her index finger. A week had passed since she had found herself in the Hogwarts hospital wing, being tended by a very worried looking Madame Pomfrey. How she got there, she had no idea. She remembered riding through the forest, then coming to in the Death Eater's dungeon. And everything that happened then she remembered in vivid detail. Every curse, every touch, every bit of pain and shame as her innocence and dignity were stripped from her. But to what end? Surely Lucius Malfoy would not have let her go so easily. She couldn't make it out. Everything was foggy in her memory, muddled by the unforgivable charms. After a week under Madame Pomfrey's care, the last effects of the curses were gone and all her broken bones and bruises had been healed. The witch had finally announced her healed, and she was to return to her muggle home in the country for the next week until she would return for the start of term. But before she left, Dumbledore wanted to see her.

The old wizard sat across from her, studying her in concerned silence. She hadn't exactly emerged from Azkaban a happy, carefree child – more accurately, she had looked as if she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. He hoped that her recent ordeal would not undo all the progress she had made since then. In her two years at Hogwarts she had attained some semblance of a normal life, but Dumbledore knew that five years of childhood lost to the dementors could not soon be forgotten. Nor would being tortured with an unforgivable curse at the hands of Lucius Malfoy.

"Ms. Black… how are you feeling?" Dumbledore spoke softly, his eyes searching for hers across the desk. She didn't meet his gaze.

"Fine." There was a silence. "Sir," she added.

"I know you are not fine, and I certainly don't expect you to be. What I ask of you is that you talk to your friends, Amarantine. I know it is hard for you to connect with people but that is what your friends are for. Though you may not think it, I know they will want to help you. Now, I do not wish to burden you, but I hope you might tell me what Mr. Malfoy wanted from you. Its important that I know that, as I suspect it had something to do with Voldemort. I believe I am correct?"

Amarantine shifted uncomfortably in the hard wooden chair. Then she looked up and met Dumbledore's grey eyes with her fierce blue ones. She didn't speak immediately, however. Her mind was conflicted. She was scared to admit that Voldemort had wanted her on his side. Dumbledore had gotten her out of Azkaban believing that she deserved a chance to prove she wasn't a Dark witch. But Voldemort knew that she had potential to be very dark and powerful indeed, and saying so would only confirm the Ministry's fears. She didn't want Dumbledore to think that his trust in her had been misplaced. She couldn't completely trust him. She couldn't completely trust anyone.

"He wanted… he wanted me to get to Harry," she lied, still holding his gaze firmly. If she looked away, he would know she was lying.

Dumbledore knew that the young witch was not telling the truth, but there was such intensity in her eyes that he almost believed her. Whatever she was hiding, he knew he would not find by attempting to force it out of her. He would know eventually, but it would take longer than he had anticipated. Still, he was not surprised. Dealing with Amarantine had never been a simple or straightforward matter.

"I know there is more to it than that, but if you do not wish to tell me, I will not pry. Lemondrop?" he asked, offering her a tray of candies. She shook her head almost unnoticeably, but the small gesture was enough.

"Well then, I believe we have one more matter to discuss before you leave here. Poppy tells me you don't remember who brought you here to Hogwarts?"

"No… I have no idea, sir. I… I don't quite understand it, really. Do you know, sir? Did you see who it was?"

Dumbledore smiled fleetingly to himself. He knew very well who had apparated with the girl to Hogsmeade, left her in the Three Broomsticks where he knew the barkeeper would find her, then disappeared before anyone had seen him, or so he thought. But Dumbledore kept these thoughts to himself. "No, I regret that I was hoping you could tell me. Ah well. Such are the mysteries of life."

He made to stand, as if to escort his student out, but Amarantine had something to ask him. "Sir," she asked, "I was wondering if I might ask a favor. I was hoping that maybe this year, I could bring my two horses to Hogwarts with me… they could live in the paddock by Hagrid's hut. They wouldn't be much trouble…" she trailed off, looking hopefully up at the headmaster. He noticed the hope in her eyes; it was the first emotion she had shown since her encounter with Lucius Malfoy. That alone was enough for him to decide.

"That is certainly a unique request, but I'm sure Hagrid would be more than up to the task. You will be responsible for them, however – it will be up to you to care for them on a daily basis, on top of your studies."

"Of course! Thank you. But, um… how should I get them here? I can't really see bringing them to the train station-"

"I will send Hagrid to your home to bring them here on the first day of term. I know he isn't technically allowed to use magic, but let's just say I am sure he will get them here swiftly and safely." Dumbledore winked at her, and she let her lips form a fleeting half-smile before returning to their usual emotionless expression.

"Now, your home has been temporarily connected to the floo network," Dumbledore said, handing Amarantine some floo powder and stepping toward his fireplace. "Have a safe journey, and I look forward to seeing you at the start of term."

Muttering a thanks, Amarantine threw the powder into the fire and stepped in.

………………………………………………………………………………….

The Great Hall was filled with excited chatter as the welcoming feast began. It was the first day of the new term. Seated between Harry and Ginny, Amarantine moved her food around the plate to give the appearance that she was eating it. Her cheeks were slightly sunken and her eyes bore dark circles, clearly revealing her lack of sleep. Her friends could not help but notice that she was not herself, but she had told no one the real reason behind her insomnia and lack of appetite. Every time she closed her eyes, she felt the pain, heard her screams, felt his hands on her again. Felt him on top of her and in her and ripping her heart and soul to shreds.

"Earth to Amarantine," Harry said, snapping his fingers in front of her face. She jumped, returning to reality. "You ok? You've barely eaten anything. What's with you this year?"

Pushing thoughts of Lucius Malfoy to the back of her mind, Amarantine avoided Harry's eye and replied, "I'm fine. Really, just don't feel so well today. Maybe a touch of the stomach flu. But I'm sure its nothing to worry about." She forced a small smile.

Harry was by no means convinced, but had no real reason to suspect she was lying. Reluctantly, he turned to Ron, who was pointing to something on the other side of the hall. The two erupted in fits of laughter, but Amarantine didn't look up to see what held their attention. Instead, she took that moment to slip away from the table unnoticed. Moving as soft and swift as a ghost across the hall, only one pair of eyes followed her steps to the doors and watched her exit the Great Hall. Glancing behind her to make sure she wasn't being followed, she made for the great doors of the castle. It was after hours and students were supposed to be inside, not out on the grounds, but Amarantine placed her hand on the door, muttered a spell to lift the security on the door, and soon stepped out into the welcoming blanket of night. She stood there a moment, breathing in the fresh air and letting the gentle breeze play with her cloak. Even though she had been out of Azkaban for two years, she still took every opportunity to relish in the feel of life and nature around her. The memory of a childhood spent alone with only dementors and four cold stone walls for company would not soon be forgotten.

Amarantine walked with purpose towards Hagrid's cabin, which was deserted as he was up at the welcoming feast. She knew that her horses should have arrived earlier that day, and she wanted to make sure they were settling in well. "Lumos," she whispered, and in the light from her wand she saw that a small stable now stood near the cabin on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. Upon closer inspection, she saw that the structure was made of old, moss-covered stone and looked as if it was as old as the castle itself, even though she knew it had not been there the year before. But before she could give much thought to that, a soft nicker from inside the stable caught her attention. She smiled to herself, and climbed lithely over the paddock fence as she called to them.

"Cazz, Julius! Hey boys…you guys okay?" Both horses answered with snorts of anticipation. As they hoped, their red-haired girl entered their stable, illuminated by the light from her wand, and withdrew two apples from under her cloak.

"I got these special just for you two… knicked them from the feast! So appreciate them," she chided fondly, as both horses stretched out their necks and grasped at the treats with their lips in an effort to reach them over the stall doors. Delighting in the crunching, slurping sounds her boys made as they chewed the fruit in her hands, Amarantine laughed lightly. Even after all she had been through, horses could always make lift her spirits.

She could feel the cold, damp stone beneath her. Damp with her own blood. She didn't know how long she had been laying there, but realized with a start that she couldn't move. Whatever the curse was, she couldn't break through it, and began to panic. She couldn't see anything in the darkness, and despite her magical prowess felt completely helpless, a feeling she didn't like one bit.

Then a great wave of pain shook her body, and Amarantine realized with horror that it was no curse that held her immobile; it was her own broken body. Suddenly aware, she felt pain like fiery knives stabbing into her back, legs and arms. Summoning her willpower, she rolled over onto her side and pushed herself up with her arms in one great effort. Once there, her arms shook as if they could not or would not support her weight, and the pain was so great she bit her lip, drawing blood in her effort not to cry out in agony. A small moan of pain escaped her bloody lips nonetheless.

"Oh, what have we here? You're awake, I see. Good. I was growing rather tired of waiting for you to wake up. The Dark Lord is not pleased with your decision to defy him, Amarantine. Have you had a change of heart?" The cold, drawling voice grew stronger in her ears as the footsteps of its owner approached the spot where she lay. Slowly and painfully, she raised her chin defiantly.

"Never, Malfoy, never will I serve your master," she spat, "never will I grovel at his feet like you-"

"Enough!" Malfoy shouted angrily, grabbing hold of her robes and dragging her across the floor, where he lifted her and pinned her against the wall. Breathing heavily, he glared into her ashen face, his pointed features contorted in both rage and lust. Calming slightly, he moved closer to Amarantine, crushing her trembling form against his body. Wiping a stray lock of bloodied hair out of her eyes with his slender bejeweled fingers, he spoke softly.

"The Dark Lord thought you might have such sentiments. In which case, he gave me the liberty to do with you as I please. Do you have any… suggestions… how we might spend our time together?" Lucius's voice took on a husky quality, and he began to lick and bite at her neck. Amarantine squirmed in his grasp and screamed in protest, but it was no use. He pushed her to the ground and covered her body with his, and she felt the familiar tears start to form in her eyes. She screamed again….

Amarantine sat bolt upright with a gasp. Eyes wide open, it did not take long for her sight to adjust to the pitch darkness of the dormitory, and she recognized the sleeping figures of the other girls. Slowly, her breathing calmed, but she could not seem to stop the cold tears that ran down her gaunt cheeks. Not wanting to wake the other girls, she grabbed something out of her truck and padded silently to the door of the room. This can't go on, she thought. I can't live like this forever. Since her capture, she had not had one night of sleep uninterrupted by nightmares. Nightmares that were, unfortunately for her, all too real. She exited through the portrait hole, and not caring what time of the night it was, ran faster and faster through the castle's halls as her tears came on stronger. Finally stopping, not knowing or caring where she was, she slid down the wall of the corridor and opened her hand to reveal what she had taken from her trunk. The sharp blade of the knife gleamed in the moonlight that shone in through a nearby window. Amarantine stared at the knife, awed by its simplicity and beauty. Then, she raised it up and drew it through the fair, soft skin of her wrist, watching intently as a thick stream of beautiful blood began to flow. A few more cuts, and the blood became a brighter red and began to pulse out in great quantity. Amarantine smiled slightly, sighed, then slumped against the wall, unconscious and nightmare-free.