Chapter 4: Reading the Room

"I'm so glad you came!" Lily exclaimed, beaming as she let James and Sirius into Remus' homey East Village apartment. She gave them each a hug, far too brief for James' liking. "Remus is just finishing up the lamb. Come have some wine."

The boys joined Lily in the apartment's tiny living room, drinking wine and making small talk until dinner was ready. James learned that Lily was a law student by day (beautiful and smart, he thought) and a bartender by night, and Remus was a freelance writer. Lily had lived in New York for four years, in Harlem the whole time, not far from where James had grown up in Washington Heights. In fact, when she'd first moved to New York, she'd joined a recreational soccer league that held matches in the same park where James had played growing up.

By the time the foursome sat down to eat, James felt certain that nothing less than destiny had brought him and Lily into each other's lives. He took a bite of lamb to hide his growing smile, stifling a groan of pleasure as it melted in his mouth.

Remus was an amazing cook, because of course he was.

James' go-to dish was spaghetti and pre-cooked meatballs.

But before James had time to dwell on this potential setback, Sirius flashed his most charming smile at Remus and waved his fork gently in Lily's direction. "So," he asked, with a forced casualness, "how did you two meet?"

Lily put a hand over her mouth full of potatoes as she giggled. "Online, actually. It's kind of awesome." She swallowed and gestured at Remus. "So, I saw his profile, and he's cute, right?"

Remus raised his glass to her. "Cheers, love."

"But what really got my attention was his cat. He had all these pictures of him with his cat."

"And my cat's name is Westley."

"So, I had to message him! So I said, 'My cat's name is Buttercup. Obviously, they need to meet.' And he says—"

"As you wish," Remus finished, and they dissolved into laughter.

James looked confused. "What's the joke?"

"The Princess Bride," Sirius said incredulously. "Have you never seen The Princess Bride? Geez. How am I still friends with you?"

"That's ridiculous!" Lily declared, slapping her thighs to emphasize the point. "We'll have to watch it sometime."

"Okay, sure." James shrugged and tried not to look too pleased at the idea of a cozy movie night with Lily Evans.

Besides, for all he knew, she meant "we" as in the four of them. Again.

He schooled his features to nonchalance and asked, "So you hooked up because of your cats?"

"Well, yeah, initially, but we—" Lily's phone buzzed on the table, and she paused to look at it. She gave a small gasp and turned to Remus with wide eyes. "It's Petunia."

Remus' eyes widened, too. "You'd better answer."

Lily nodded, her teeth tugging at her bottom lip. "Excuse me." She rose from the table and hurried into the kitchen to take the call.

Sirius and Remus continued talking while Lily was on the phone in the other room, but James found it hard to focus on the conversation. They are dating, he thought miserably. Bonded over their stupid cats and some dumb movie.

As soon as he had that thought, he had to take it back. Buttercup was hardly stupid.

Still, James was all but pouting by the time Lily returned to the table. But she smiled as she sat down, and he couldn't help smiling back.

Then Remus reached over and grabbed her hand and whispered, "Everything all right?"

She squeezed his hand and nodded, offering him a sweet smile as well, and James wanted to stand up and flip the table.

"Good," Remus said, nodding. He stood and patted Lily on the shoulder. "I think I fancy a smoke before dessert. I'll be on the fire escape."

"I'll come with," Sirius said quickly.

James' eyebrows shot up – Sirius had quit smoking years ago – but Sirius just smirked and followed Remus towards the back of the apartment.

And James was alone with Lily.

She pushed back her chair and stepped towards him, and there was an absurd moment where James thought maybe he should pull her into his lap. But she just said, "Let me take your plate," and practically grabbed it from him before rushing away like he might be contagious.

"Oh. Thanks." He hoped his disappointment wasn't obvious. "I'll come keep you company, that cool?" Lily made a vaguely affirmative sound, and he followed her into the kitchen.

She put the dishes in the sink and stayed there for a moment, her back to him. Then, slowly, she turned around. Their eyes met, and James felt a swooping sensation in his stomach, like the first drop on a roller coaster.

Those doe-eyes. So damn beautiful.

She's dating Remus, he reminded himself, but he couldn't help taking a step towards her, then another, drawn like metal to a magnet.

And then she blurted out, "Do you have any siblings?"

James stopped walking in surprise. But he couldn't help grinning as he answered, "Just Sirius." His smile grew wider at Lily's confused expression. "I mean, he's not blood, but he might as well be. We grew up together, he even lived with my family when we were in high school. My ma likes him better than me, I swear."

"She definitely does," Sirius said, poking his head in the kitchen. James shoved him in the shoulder, and Sirius winked at Lily. "We finished the wine. I'ma go with Remus to get more. You good?" He raised an eyebrow at James.

"Yeah, we're good. Thanks, bruh."

Sirius nodded and disappeared. A moment later, they heard the front door open and shut, then the apartment was quiet again.

Lily laughed into the silence, but it sounded wistful. "He's hilarious. It's cool that you guys are so close. Petunia and I—Petunia's my sister—we used to be close."

Her lip trembled, and she took a deep breath as if to steady herself. But apparently it was too late – before James could even joke that Sirius was more trouble than he was worth, Lily was crying.

She looked nearly as shocked about it as James felt. Instinctively, he reached for her, and this time she let him, folding herself into his arms as though she'd done it a thousand times. He cradled her head, rubbed her back, and she sobbed into his shirt for nearly a minute.

Abruptly, she stiffened against him and sniffed, but instead of pulling away, she kept her face pressed against his shoulder, like she was comfortable there. Or maybe just hiding. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry," she muttered. "This is so embarrassing."

"Nah, don't worry." James' hands were still wrapped around her back, his thumb still gently stroking her spine. "Families can be tough. And you've had a rough week."

Lily straightened up and chuckled without humor, pressing the heels of her hands into her eyes. "You're not wrong. But still, I never fall apart like this. Never." There was force behind the last word, as though she were scolding herself. She shook her head and blinked up at James. "I think the fire affected me more than I thought."

"Heh, you coulda fooled me." James gave her a lopsided smile. "You've handled this like a champ."

"Maybe. It doesn't feel like it," Lily mumbled. "I'm just—I'm so used to doing everything on my own. But I don't think I would've survived this without Remus."

At the mention of Remus, James dropped his hands from her back as though her skin burned. He wondered if he should back away, or apologize for overstepping.

But before he could say anything, Lily reached up slowly and straightened his glasses. "And you," she added, shaking her head as if in awe. "I'm still not sure you're not some sort of fantasy, or my guardian angel. I swear, somehow, you're keeping me from having a complete meltdown."

Warmth spread through James at the casual way she adjusted his glasses, not to mention she'd called him a fantasy. Still, he was pretty sure she was underestimating herself. "I'd love to take credit, but, honestly, you just seem like the kind of person who's got her shit together."

"Thanks." Lily tried to laugh again. "I like to think so. But ever since the fire, I've been feeling…helpless. Out of control. And I hate it." She shrugged and ran a hand absently down James' arm. "But you make me feel better. Stronger. Is that weird?"

"Nah," James said, glad he wasn't alone in feeling the connection between them. "It makes perfect sense to me."

"Really?" Lily looked up at him with hopeful eyes. When she spoke again, her voice was barely audible. "I don't like depending on other people. It's why Petunia and I don't get along, actually. She thinks I only care about myself. But it's not that, it's just—ever since I was a kid, ever since…" Her words trailed off.

"Ever since…?" James prompted gently.

Lily cocked her head at him, as if considering something. After a moment, she said, "When I was little, we lived with my grandparents. And one year, the local fire chief came to my elementary school. He lectured us on fire safety and said every family should have an emergency plan—designate a meeting place, assign responsibilities and all that. I told my parents, and we decided if there was ever a fire, we'd all meet outside by this oak tree on the edge of the yard."

"It's a good plan," James said, dreading what he suspected was coming next. "But something went wrong?"

Lily nodded, seeming to struggle with the next words. "My grandma used to smoke in bed," she said finally. "And old houses, you know, they didn't have as many smoke detectors back then." Her eyes watered some more. "Petunia and I did our part. We shared a bedroom on the first floor, and as soon as we realized there was a fire I grabbed her hand and we ran outside to the oak tree. My dad was out of town, thank God. But my mother and my grandparents…I guess they didn't wake up in time. They didn't make it out."

"Ah, Lily." James raised one hand up to the back of her head and pulled her to his chest again. "I'm so sorry."

"Petunia blamed me for years," she whispered. "It was my stupid fire plan, and I was so focused on following it. I didn't try to check if anyone else was awake or anything. We just ran."

"That's what you were supposed to do! You were just a kid! You damned sure shouldn't have tried to run through the fire to warn the adults. You did the right thing. You know that, right?"

"I do, sort of." She shrugged. "But that's why I had to get Buttercup, you know? I couldn't leave her behind. I would never forgive myself. Not again."

"I feel you," James said. He shook his head, then, on an impulse, cupped Lily's cheeks in both hands. "You're amazing," he said softly. "Crazy brave, like I told you before. But please don't do that again, okay? Leave the rescues to guys like me."

She snorted at that. "I mean, I know. But I'm not just, like, a damsel in distress, Potter. I don't usually need to be rescued."

"I think I know that, leona," James said, trying to keep his voice light. "But maybe you could depend on me for just this one thing, okay? Unless you're planning on joining the fire academy."

Lily's laugh was genuine this time. "Okay, fine. You handle the fires, and I'll handle everything else." She smiled up at him, those beautiful eyes shining.

"Bet." James smiled, too, still holding her face.

In that moment, the air between them shifted, thickened somehow. James realized Lily was looking at him differently – like she wanted to devour him, like she hoped he'd devour her. And the compassion he'd been feeling began to give way into something else. Something more…primal.

Maybe that's all it was; the electricity he'd felt between them before, the thing she'd been avoiding all night. Lust, passion between two people who met in a messed-up situation, who didn't want to need each other, but, for whatever reason, did.

You shouldn't kiss her, said a voice in James' head, just before a second, louder voice screamed, WHY THE HELL NOT?

If there was a good reason not to kiss Lily, James couldn't remember it at the moment.

So he did.

...

AN: AAAAAHHHHH thank you all for reading! Shoutouts to my guest reviewer who's yelling at James for being oblivious - it made me laugh out loud and you will end up yelling at him again, I'm sure. Similarly, recklesslibrarian, to James' credit, this chapter shows that Lily and Remus could be waaaaay clearer about their friendship than they are, but still! Everyone knows what's going on but you, Jamie! And thank you so much to everyone who's reading and reviewing so far, your comments seriously make my day. You don't even know.

Manufactured drama coming up next! xo