Chapter Four
Phone Call
"This is your room. No complaining okay?"
Natsuki hung outside of the closed door, behind which would be my cage until I was ready to leave. For some reason she had a smug little smile on her face that I longed to wipe off.
"No complaining? What's wrong with it?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips and glaring at her. "Natsuki, I'm not in the mood to play games."
She rolled her eyes. "You're doing better than before. Much better. I just want to make you laugh."
"Somehow I don't think whatever is behind that door is going to make me laugh," I quipped tightly as I eyed it sinisterly. "Hurry up and reveal to me my doom," I added dramatically.
Natsuki placed her hand on the doorknob. "Okay, but remember, no complaining." She pulled open the door, and I was momentarily blinded.
Pink. That was the best and most obvious description. It burnt into my eyes like flames and I shielded them, crying out. The entire room was shining with the forbidden colour. The walls, the ceiling, the carpet, even the bed and assorted stuffed animals that lined the identical pillow.
"You have got to be kidding me..."
Natsuki let out the laughter she had been struggling to contain. It took all of her strength and she leaned heavily against the wall, guffawing like a madwoman.
"I'm sorry, Nao, but it's the only spare room we have!" she gasped out, clutching at a stitch in her stomach.
My eye twitched in irritation. "Let me guess... Shizuru did the decorating?"
Natsuki gave a weak nod, then was in hysterics again. I pushed past her into the room, my eyes struggling to take in all of the horrid shades of pink. How did it ever come to this, staying with my mortal enemy? It was still better than being alone, but this was grating on my temper to the point where I was sparking inside.
"Come on, it isn't really that bad," she replied, shrugging as she stood in the doorway. "You'll get used to it."
"I seriously hope not," I said, my reason being that I didn't want to be here long, but we both knew why exactly. I wanted my mother to somehow get out of this okay, if it was possible. I had lost her once, so surely that meant it was very possible to happen again.
There was silence as I pondered on the thought. I seemed to be looking helplessly lost again, because Natsuki let out a deep sigh.
"There you go again, turning to angst. How am I supposed to trust you alone for even ten minutes?"
I looked up at her, fear clutching at my heart. "What do you mean? Where are you going?"
"To have a shower," she said. "I had to stay up for a little while last night to make sure you were..." She trailed off and turned her face from mine, her cheeks going pink just like my room.
Finally, I had a chance to embarrass her. "You were making sure I was okay, weren't you?" I asked in a sickening sweet voice, honestly touched inside.
She clenched her teeth. "Don't get the wrong idea! You practically fainted on the couch, and besides, I didn't want to have to have you waking me in the middle of the night with your screams." She turned away, beginning to close the door. Before it shut tightly, she said back to me, "I'm locking this door. After your little 'attempt' this morning with the scissors, there is no way I'm leaving you alone for more than a minute."
The click of the lock echoed in my mind, depleting the last of my joyous moment, and leaving me alone to wonder if I really was capable of ending my own life.
The answer that came to my mind frightened me.
Natsuki was taking more than ten minutes. I glanced at the black clock on the bedside table, glad to find something that wasn't pink, and realised that she had been in there for over fifteen minutes. I sighed and rolled over on the bed to find myself face to face with a pair of unblinking button eyes. Screaming, I leapt off of the covers and stared at the pink and blue teddy that smiled innocently at me through it's stitched face.
"I'm going mad," I muttered as I stared at the half-living little beast that I swore had smiled. "I'm going to lose it completely in here."
As though hearing my thoughts, the door lock clicked and Natsuki pushed it open, wearing a fresh pair of track-suit pants and a matching black jacket.
She strode over to me without a word and grasped my arm, pulling me towards the door. "You stink. Time for your own shower."
I gripped at he doorway, protesting as she pulled me towards the hallway. "Wait, Natsuki, I can walk on my own!"
She released my arm and pushed me in front of her, being the same bossy girl I had glimpsed from the morning when she had set her rules. "Fine. You have ten minutes, though, no more. I don't want the water bill to get too high."
I knew that she was really worried about the actions I could take in the bathroom with all of the objects lying about, but neither of us were going to bring it up. She pointed to a door to my left and pushed me inside to find a sparkling clean, blue tiled bathroom with a bath, shower, and toilet.
"I'll be out here with a fresh pair of clothes for you to wear. Remember, ten minutes, okay?"
I rolled my eyes as I stepped into the bathroom. "You don't have to panic about me so much, Natsuki. I'll be fine."
She replied by slamming the door shut.
I was too restless to think of anything but my mother as I stepped under the running water. I couldn't get the image out of my face, her smile that told me everything would be okay, the surprise in her eyes as I handed her the pendant. I could remember all of the things that I hadn't picked up before, now. The tears sparkling in her eyes, the lines of stress in her face, the thin, lifeless limbs that poked through the sheets.
"One week..." I muttered to myself, closing my eyes and losing my tears in the water. "One week and she'll be gone again, but this time..." I couldn't finish. I couldn't say the words she won't be coming back. It was too much for me to hold onto right now.
I began to wonder what she would be thinking now that I had turned my back on her in the hospital and ran out in such a hurry. I hoped that she understood why I had done it. It gnawed at me inside. I felt so terrible for the way I had acted, but I couldn't go back.
Not yet.
A sharp knock at the door told me that I was nearing my time limit. I quickly washed up, then stepped out into the thin steam, clutching for a towel. I found one nearby, my hand brushing across the soft surface, and I wrapped it about me tightly.
Natsuki was standing with her back to the wall. As soon as I opened the door she shoved the clothes into me, facing the other way, her shoulders shaking with laughter. At first I thought she was laughing at me in a pathetically small towel and I dove back behind the door, slamming it shut. As I unfolded the garment she had handed me, I realised why she had been almost in hysterics.
It was a dress, bright yellow and spotted with sparkling sequins shaped in a flower. I let it drop from my hands and stared down at it as it pooled on the floor, my fury blazing. Outside Natsuki was letting loose again, her deafening laughter wafting into the room with me.
"You have to, haha, to put it on!" she gasped through her amusement as I stared down in horror, anger pulsating through me. "You can't just walk around in, haha, in a towel, so you have to put it on!" She was still struggling, no doubt suffering through stitches.
"Damn you, Natsuki!" I growled, scooping up the dress. I could either put it on to her demands and find something else as soon as I was free from her, or I could run out in this towel. The second option sounded easier, but some some reason thinking about being seen by Natsuki in nothing but a towel made me feel uneasy.
It had to be the first option.
I was in utter silence as I bent and scooped up the yellow monstrosity. I couldn't even utter an insult to sling at Natsuki as she began to calm down and wait. My eyes flicked over to the pile of dirty clothes. I couldn't possibly wear them again. I was an absolute neat freak, and it would make me more uncomfortable than wearing the damn dress. Not to mention the clothes still smelt a little like the hospital, and they were damp from the rain. Both of those factors killed the idea.
"Nao, you had better not be hanging yourself with that dress," Natsuki called through the door, her patience reaching it's limit. Her hand was on the doorknob, and I quickly slid the dress on just as she bustled in, her face no longer amused, but, dare I say it... worried.
That was until she saw me wearing the dress.
She couldn't contain herself. I was sure that there was a limit to laughter until it was fatal, but it didn't seem so. She could barely stand as she struggled for words. "I can't believe... hahaha! You're actually wearing it! HahaHAHAHA!" She doubled over, trying to breathe.
I was blushing so hard that I could feel the heat radiating from my face. Ashamed and confused, I forced myself to move towards the doorway, my dress flowing about me. Natsuki was still laughing as she followed. I turned into my room, and no longer caring about being in my underwear in front of her, I tore off the dress and threw it directly at her face.
"Oh no you don't!" she yelled, a devious smile spreading over her face as she caught it neatly and began her advance. "I'm not letting you get away with being in those boy's clothes you wear. This'll make you cheer up."
I backed away towards the bed, gripping a pillow at the foot of the mattress and using it to partly cover myself and also ward her away. "Natsuki, making me wear that will only make me more suicidal." I hated to say the word, but it had been running through my head non-stop since the morning. Still, though, inside I was beginning to bubble in excitement. It had been so long since I had felt that before with someone else.
"Come on, this'll be fun,"Natsuki urged, her raven hair spilling about her shoulders as she dove at me, missing me by inches with the dress held out like a blanket ready to smother me. "Besides, I know you'll enjoy it."
Her words struck home and I stumbled, wondering why I felt as though I had been caught out. Too late. She lunged like a tiger, catching me around the waist and pulling me to the floor. She wrestled the dress over my head, her entire body leaning over mine as she struggled. I could feel her holding me still, her hands pressed over my ribs. Her touch was surprisingly warm and tender. She was being careful not to hurt me.
"Hold still, Nao!"
I couldn't even bring myself to speak. I was lost for words and breath. Why did I feel like this? Why did everything painful suddenly leave my heart at her touch? It was like she was thawing the ice that had frozen everything in me, like she was the happiness I had been searching for through this fresh ordeal.
The phone rang, startling us both. For a moment we were both breathing hard for different reasons. Natsuki was exhausted with the effort of humiliating me in the dress, and I was utterly confused about my feelings. She threw the dress to the side and rushed after the ringing phone. As she disappeared out of the room, her fun discarded, I caught the glimpse of excitement in her eyes.
She thinks Shizuru is calling.
For some reason, it was like a kick in the stomach. I rolled over onto my back, still breathless and shaking. I listened to her voice, waiting for that high-pitched tone as she heard Shizuru on the other line. I wouldn't exist again. She would probably talk about how awful it is living with me. My heart ached. Would I be alone again?
"Umm... Nao?"
I turned, sitting back on my hands. Natsuki was in the doorway, holding the phone and chewing on her lip nervously.
"What is it?" I asked, pulling myself to my feet. My voice had come shaky and cold, and I cleared my throat to try again. "What's wrong?"
She looked hesitant as she held the phone out to me. Her words hit me like ice water.
"It's the hospital. They want to talk to you about your mother."
My blood was frozen again, my heart beating painfully hard and pumping the flow through my body. I yanked the phone from her hand and pressed it to my ear. "H-hello?" I gasped, unable to think of any other greeting.
The heartless voice of a nurse spoke, a woman whom had clearly had enough work for the day and needed some serious sleep. Her voice was so calm and collected, on the verge of bored, but her words did all of the damage.
Her condition has worsened...
Unconscious...
Emotional breakdown...
That was all I could remember as I hung up the conversation without a word and let the phone drop from my limp hand. Everything was shaking around me, shuddering in a tremor. Moments ago I had experienced happiness, lust, need, and I had been happy. But now it all fell away and I was in the rain again, drowning on the streets, hopeless, faithless... alone.
Natsuki gripped my shoulders and I realised that I had taken some steps back and was about to fall to the floor. She eased me over to the bed, her hands tight at my back to keep my on my feet. I allowed her to settle me on the soft covers. I managed to clear my mind enough to think.
She was silent as my thoughts raged. I fought to assemble them, battled against the emotions that were rising up like a sickness. I needed to control myself to speak.
"My mother..." I started, shuddering with the words. "When I walked out of the hospital... she had an emotional breakdown, and her condition worsened... She's unconscious, and they don't think she'll wake by the end of the week." So far I had gone better than I thought I would, but the tears followed, running down my face to my neck, and my chest was chained tightly. I gripped at it, breathing heavily as jolts of despair ran through my body. In an instant, everything had changed.
I was dimly aware as Natsuki slipped a blanket over my shoulders and stood to rummage through the drawers. I didn't care about what she was doing. I could only think about the one fact that was painfully true.
It was my fault.
Finally finding what she had been searching for, Natsuki laid out an attire that suited me much more than the dress. It was a dark blue hooded jacket and a baggy pair of jeans. Shyly, I stood shakily on my feet and began slipping on the clothes, dimly aware of the fact that I had been in my underwear for the entire time. Natsuki stayed at my side, her hands ready catch me if I fell. It was a lucky thing, because as soon as I had pulled on the clothes my exhaustion had depleted completely and I fell straight into her arms.
"Easy," she said gently as I struggled to find my feet again. "Just hold onto me. We're going outside for a while, okay?"
I didn't answer or ask anything at all. I just latched onto her as she held me up, and we began towards the front door. I let the feeling of safety and security that Natsuki supplied me with run through my body like a stream. I was surviving on it, leeching from it. I had not noticed before I had come here how helpful it was to have someone feed you those feelings, and I was desperately in need of them. I let her hands tighten around her, just to be sure that she was really there and that this wasn't all a terrible dream. If it was, at least she was there beside me.
We made it outside into a dark and gloomy day. I would have thought it was night if there hadn't been a single ray of sunlight shining through the clouds. I looked up at it, transfixed. Maybe it was a good sign. If I had had the heart to, I would have laughed at myself. Since when was I metaphorical? My mother was going to die, and even if I could bring myself to go back to her, she would be unconscious and unable to even know I had come.
The realisation was unbearably bleak and I started to cry out, my voice an eerie wail.
"It's alright," Natsuki said soothingly, leading me towards the small garage at the side of her apartment. She released me to lean on the small fence as she pulled up the shutter, then grasped something and dragged it out.
It was her bike, shining gloriously in the pale light the sun struggled to offer. It's gleam blinded my tear-reddened eyes and I turned away. My stomach was twisting and turning and I thought for a moment that I would lose the last meal I had eaten. Thinking of food made me realise I had not eaten, but I wasn't hungry now. I didn't think I would be able to eat for a long time as the sadness would no doubt prolong.
Natsuki was at my side again. I had barely even realised until her arms slid around my back and she tugged me over to the bike. "Hold on to me tightly. We're going for a little ride. It'll calm you down." She slid into the front seat and turned, waiting for me to sit behind her. She looked so patient that I wondered if this really was the real Natsuki or whether she was doing it for my sake.
Either way, I sat behind her and grasped her around the middle. She started to bike and speed caught at me like a hook. I rested myself against her, her warmth seeping into me and heating my frozen core. She was doing it again, healing me without even knowing, but the phone call had been too much for me to deal with. Even she couldn't fix the wound that had been torn open again.
I pressed my face into her back and wept.
Author's Note
Yays ~ Reviews! Thank you everyone for reviewing my chapters, especially those whom has kept on with every single one! Every review is appreciated and helps me keep up the work :)
Oh, and to reply to Major Mike Powell III they were playing a random game that I didn't pick purposefully, but I was thinking of Resident Evil when I typed that part, so I guess in a way they were playing that game. Hope that's okay!