Chapter 4
1: The death eaters are not the wizard's own Manson cult, and you-know-who isn't an albino Charles Mansion.
2: I will not fill Skytherin Tower with fireworks then let Fawkes loose into it.
3: I will not sic Buckbeak onto my enemies.
4: Professor Snape is not a human Squidward.
5: I will stop calling professor Binn's Casper.
6: I will stop calling Nearly-Headless Nick Nearly-Nickless Head.
7: I will not attempt to Apparate.
8: I will not shave Crookshanks.
9: I will not sell poisoned cookies to Slytherins.
10: I will not call Lucius Malfoy 'Sephiroth'
11: I will not call Harry Potter 'Zack'
12: I am not going to test a Bunker Buster bomb against Malfoy Manor.
13: I will not fly to Italy and fix the Leaning Tower with a Rapairo charm.
14: I will not host my own competition based on the Triwizard tournament.
15: I will not make a musical about Hogwarts.
16: I won't hum Imperial March when McGonagall is reprimanding rule breakers.
17: I won't sing Dude looks like a lady at Lucius Malfoy.
18: I will not use Memory charms on people to make them believe they're hillbillies.
19: Jackie Chan could not defeat a death eater.
20: I will not hire Ninja's to defend Hogwarts.
21: I will not sell Firewhiskey.
22: Rosmerata is not a hot piece of ass.
23: Harry Potter does not look like Adrian Mole from that old TV series. (oh yes he does)
24: I will not rudely contradict Hermione and say "I read about it, in Hogwarts a history"
25: I will not swap the house colours for better colours.
26: I will not give a tummy tuck to the fat lady.
27: I will not persuade Peeves to bully Snape
28: I will not enchant shampoo bottles to attack Snape.
29: I will not sneak up on McGonagall and untie her hair.
10: I was not whipped by Mr. Filch as I wrote this stuff down.