Chapter 4

Arthur didn't want him. He was right, he had been right all along.

Merlin was running now, his eyes were blurry and he might get in trouble later for running off. But he couldn't really pretend to be normal and go about his business today, he just couldn't. He thought he could manage to hold it together this morning but seeing Arthur was practically enough to make him start bawling like a baby and when he started apologizing, it was all Merlin could do not to turn into a hot mess.

He raced past the hazy buildings and practically leaped over the porch into his room. He bolted the door and slid down onto the floor pulling his knees to his chest and just heaving. He felt so hurt he wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

Arthur was like a god to him, he was a beacon of light. He was an amazing man, and amazing friend, he…

Merlin loved him with all his heart but he never dared hope Arthur would want anything to do with him.

And then this, Arthur was so drunk, he should have never let him. But could see that Arthur was drunk and horny and how could he refuse him? When he kissed his the first time Merlin was in shock, this had only ever happened in his dreams. He knew logically that Arthur was only looking to get laid, that if anyone else had been in the room with him it would have been the same, but Merlin couldn't help but hope.

It wasn't at all like he imagined. It wasn't like he had hoped. Not sweet and prolonged and loving. It was quick tumble, and anyone else would have done in his stead. That hurt him the most – it was undeniable proof that Arthur didn't really care. If he heard returned Merlin's feelings in the least he would have never done it this way. Merlin felt so dirty, so disgusted with himself. He wanted to tear off his clothes and jump into a scalding hot bath and rub the dirt off himself till his skin hurt.

He was no better than any bar wench, he never though much of himself, but couldn't help hoping. Hope, the enemy of joy, he couldn't help hoping that maybe, just maybe by some miracle Arthur cared about him, maybe not in the same way, but at least as friends. He though they were friends. Obviously not – he's just a servant and should have remembered. Then, Arthur fucking him would never have hurt that much. And today would have just been another day, offering his ass would have just been another service he did for his master.

The fact that Arthur felt guilty only made it worse, he realised that he shouldn't have touched someone so completely in his power; that was the kind of man he was. He felt guilty for using him in a way that he was willing to be used.

And it was all his own damn fault anyway if he had the strength to say no, he knew that Arthur would have never persisted, but he wanted to see how it would turn out. He wanted it to be magical. He was such an idiot, he felt so mad at himself!

He slowly calmed down as his thoughts coursed through his brain, tears were no longer coming and he was just dry heaving now. He was no longer sad, but angry at his own actions. He needed some comfort. He needed someone to hold him and tell him he was ok, and make him feel like he was worth something. And he knew just the person.

Merlin did bathe. Not quite as dramatic as he had imagined but he went to the barrack baths and scrubbed himself clean. Then he composed himself more or less. He knew there was no point obsessing over it, what was done was done. He had always known Arthur didn't really care about him, like that, anyway. He was just fooling himself hoping otherwise, he pushed that to the back of his thoughts. What was done was done. He just needed a little comfort a little love, and then he could get back to work, and he would manage to keep it together.

He watched Gwaine train for a while. The short knight was beautiful in his own way. His longish black hair waved in the wind and he looked kind of hot when he was all concentrated. His well-defined muscles playing under his tunic during the sparring match. He was Merlin's best friend and they had started fucking a while back. They decided to keep it light. Gwaine wasn't the kind of man to commit to a full time relationship and Merlin liked that he got to keep his best friend and he liked that he also got to enjoy the use of his body.

Once Gwaine finished his match (he lost), Merlin held out a water skin to him and he drunk it hungrily.

"Are you ok?" He asked as he pulled the skin from his mouth and his breathing went back to normal.

"Not really, can you sneak off for a while" Merlin answered honestly. There was no reason hiding anything from Gwaine, he saw right through him. And he didn't want to anyway.

"Sure" Gwaine answered seriously. He told the guys he was going off, and they barely registered his leaving in the midst of their sparring matches.

While they walked back to Gawine's quarters he resisted asking any questions, and Merlin wasn't volunteering anything, but he looked kind of depressed.

The moment they were inside Gwaine bolted the door and turned to his friend.

"So, c'mon what is going on?"

Merlin went to sit on the bed, and Gwaine went to wash his face. He threw off the sweat soaked tunic and also rinsed his chest with a small cloth.

"I don't really want to talk about it" Gwaine looked back at him and raised his eyebrows as if asking 'then why are you here'?

"I just need a little moral support" he said pulling off his own tunic and stepping up behind Gwaine.

He took the soaped up cloth and washed Gwaine's back. Then he untied his shorts and pulled them down along with his pants

He also quickly washed between his cheeks and gave his cock a quick rinse before dropping the cloth to the floor and grabbing it into his hand. Gwaine gasped. Merlin jerked him off a couple of times before he turned around and put his hand under Merlin's chin and kissed him lightly.

"Tell me what you want" he said once their lips separated.

"I want you to make love to me and act like you mean it." Merlin answered a little breathless. That was all Gwaine needed to hear. He kissed Merlin again, his lips soft but firm. His hands roamed his chest slowly until he reached the top of Merlin's pants. He slowly untied them still kissing him and dropped them to the ground. Merlin's body was slim and trim, not a drop of fat anywhere, whereas Gwaine while lean was also filed with muscle. He let his hands roam all over Merlin's body while their quickly hardening dicks were just barely touching. Gwaine started slowly leading Merlin backwards onto the bed. He laid him down gingerly and hovered over him kissing him again.

"Gwaine" Merlin said breathlessly. "I want to suck you"

Gwaine leaned back on his knees and Merlin re-positioned himself so that he would be on all fours in front of him. Sucking dick was Merlin's favourite sex act. He always felt like it was the most intimate of homosexual sex acts, even more intimate than having someone's cock in his ass.

He slowly liked along the shaft, bottom to tip. Gwaine groaned and placed his hands into Merlin's hair. Merlin licked it a few more times like a lollipop and then took the head into his mouth. He knew that this would drive Gwaine insane. He started slowly lowering his o-shaped lips down, scouting ahead with his tongue; Gwaine was panting heavily above him. After a minute of slow and excruciating progress he finally had Gwaine's whole dick in his mouth. Gwained moaned heavily. He moved his hands back to the bed so that he could give himself leverage to lean back and thrust up slightly into Merlin's mouth.

Merlin sucked all over and there was nothing he loved more than the feeling of a dick in his mouth. It turned him on to no ends to be able to make Gwaine whimper and moan like that. He was so incredibly hard, there had been previous occasions when he came from just sucking cock, without any stimulation. He first discovered this with his first boyfriend, Will, and considered it sort of super power ever since. He getting a bit carried away in his enjoyment of process and Gwaine had to pull him off with a grunt.

"How am I going make sweet love to you if I spill all of my goods into your sweet little mouth?" Gwaine exclaimed, Merlin smiled up at him. Gwaine lead him back to lie on his back. Merlin's dick was incredibly hard and leaking. Gwaine grabbed it into his hand and jerked it a few times and smearing the pre-come all over the tip with his thumb he then popped him thumb into his mouth and licked the remnant of the viscous liquid off. Merlin licked his lips watching him.

From there Gwaine quickly prepared him with his fingers, he was using some oil he had on his nightstand for just these occasions. Merlin was still a little sore from the rough sex the night before but he kind of liked the mixture of pleasure and pain Gwaine's ministration produced. When Merlin started squirming impatiently and begging Gwaine for his dick, he finally relented and pulling his three fingers out started slowly entering Merlin. He leaned in to kiss him one more time and then pulled his feet so that they would be resting on his shoulders and started slowly moving in and out of him.

Merlin grabbed him own dick in his hand and started stroking himself in time with Gwaine's thrusts. Before long he was coming, his seed spilling all over his chest. Gwaine came a second later letting his come fill Marlin's ass. Then he pulled out and let Merlin's legs drop to the bed. He then slowly licked his way up his torso collecting all the drops of come along the way. When he finally had it all licked off, he leaned over Merlin and kissed him again. Merlin let their tongues slowly dance with each other for a minute before releasing Gwaine to lie down beside him.

He lay on his side facing Merlin and slowly caressed the side of Merlin's face.

"Now, can you tell me what happened?" Merlin turned to his side to face his friend and lover and moved his hand to rest on Gwaine's side.

"It's Arthur" Gwaine already knew that Merlin has feelings for the future king. Gwaine knew everything

"What happened?" Gwaine asked seriously, his hand coming to rest on Merlin's side in turn.

Merlin told him and when he was done spilling out all of his insecurities and hurts he felt much better, he finally felt like himself again.

Gwaine looked at him for a second and then said "Merlin, you're an idiot" He smiled to show that he meant it in a friendly way. "If you can't see how amazing you are, you're the biggest idiot on the planet. And if Arthur can't see how amazing you are, he's an even bigger idiot."

Merlin smiled at him and burrowed his head into Gwaine's chest, letting his friend hold him.

"I also think you're a bit of a masochist" Gwaine whispered in a conspiratory voice. "I mean why else would you let Arthur fuck you when you knew he was too drunk to appreciate your amazing body" He continued with lewd undertones. Merlin jabbed him in the ribs and Gwaine jumped.

"Hey, no appreciation for all self-confidence I'm endowing you with, you ungrateful little…" He didn't get to finish because suddenly Merlin was on top of him, kissing him.

"I do appreciate it Gwainy, why do you think I let you let you enjoy my amazing body?" They both laughed and then Merlin fucked him quickly and roughly, and when Merlin fell asleep in his friend's arms he still felt a little worried about the situation with Arthur, but he knew in the bottom of his heart that everything would be ok.

A/N Please review. Let me know what you think about this chapter, I wanted Merlin's reaction to work in organically with the story from Arthur's perspective and I'd like to know if it worked.