AN: About this post: You probably have forgotten already because Just Like Heaven was posted a gazillion years ago, but Quinn is NOT pregnant! She joined Glee to keep an eye on Finn and Rachel, but came to like it, and befriended the Gleeks, especially Rachel. Of course, we don't know what is left of that now, do we?

So, yes. It took a week to make this thing. Why? *points at length* it's the longest one yet! Wooohoo! I turned on my iTunes, and pressed the shuffle button, and with a loudly beating heart, excitement flowing over, I pressed play. And out came... THIS song. I knew this had to be epic. I hope you like it. My wild guess is that most people know this song, but for those of you who don't, the song is She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. Original video clip on Youtube:

.com/watch?v=nIjVuRTm-dc

However, the version that came onto my iTunes (and that has been on repeat for the last 7 days, shooting it into the top 10 most played), is an acoustic one. Youtube:

.com/watch?v=brlyaywdjmc

So. I'm still not used to Rachel's character, I think it's gonna take a while. She doesn't come naturally to me. Maybe because I, in real life, actually do use words with less than 4 syllables. Just a wild thought.
I really hope you like it. And if you have the time, well... I would really, really, REALLY appreciate a review on this one in particular. I've never written a chapter this long. I actually freaked myself out a little. Review? Please? Maybe? Juuust a little review? :)

DryDrunkEmperor: I'm checking out your review tonight :) I'm already very curious!

As usual, I hope you like it. Maybe even love it. And I especially hope, like, love, hate, deteste, that you write a review about it! Throw your thoughts and feelings out in the open! Review! :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor the wonderful song She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. In either version.

Let it begin.

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I was worse off than I had ever imagined possible. After my one night escapade with Quinn Fabray, not only was the sly hope of ever pursuing a relationship with this girl was quashed, but also our growing friendship was annihilated. I wish she was avoiding me altogether, but I should be that lucky. She avoids being alone with me, but in school she does nothing to keep us from meeting. She is back to treating me worse than she treats any other person on this planet. Quinn saves her very worst for me. That is a hard thought to bare, and one that scares me at that. I believe I know why, she has yet to acknowledge that our night together truly happened. She has to harbor some romantic feelings for me, otherwise she would never have kissed me. I keep telling myself that, and so far I still believe myself - I can be very persuasive, not only to other people but also to the nagging parts of self-doubt in my brain - but it is only a matter of time until I stop believing myself, let my lack of self-confidence get in the way again and believe that I never was good enough for her in the first place. Because be reasonable. She is Quinn Fabray, the most beautiful and aesthetically appeasing girl that Lima has ever known. She is too good for everybody here. I wish though, that if she were to be with someone in this town, it was with me. It is hard to watch her leave with Finn almost every day, and the jealousy is almost uncontainable when I think about him being able to spend the time with her that I want so badly. I had one night with her, and I am so scared that this is all I will every have. I wish that she would allow me to all that, and more, to her. It's unreasonable, and it is something that I know is insane and will never happen, but I have always been a big dreamer. Unfortunately, she loves him, not me. Or at least, that's what it looks like. I know that somewhere in there, she loves me too. But right now, it only matters what the outside world gets to see, and that is her with him. She belongs to Finn Hudson, like the perfect couple,the walking cliché. It's too right. It's so exactly right, that it can't be real. Something bad will happen at one point or another, and he will drop her, or she will drop him. Things this perfect cannot last.

But they will, unless I do something about it. It's time to get myself together, I am Rachel Berry, for crying out loud. So many private moments I have already shared with her, as young as our friendship may be, it is already remarkably strong. Strong enough to survive an impromptu make-out session. I miss her, with every fiber of my being, every cell in my body misses her proximity. And I will win her back. And then she will realize what she now desperately does not want to see. That we would work. I have to believe this, or I may be lost beyond hope or rescue.

And since I am Rachel Berry, I am going to do this the right way. Not leaving her confused or estranged, but I will work out my plan in full detail. I need to make this personal, even though it may hurt the both of us, I need to believe that it will be worth it. It has to be. Otherwise, it won't work. Because only if we get up close and personal, I will get her to admit that she misses me too, which I am sure she does. Bonds like these cannot be completely broken within the snap of a finger, or within the time range of a single night. I will go to her, and I will force her to see what's right in front of her. I only hope that she will not be too blind to see.

I drove for miles and mile
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times
But somehow, I want more

After driving in my car, running the words through my had one more time, I end up at the Fabray house. The few times I have been here to visit her, do not weigh up against what I am about to do. I am about to talk to the person who has declared me the object of her hatred, at least her favorite target. And I am here, coming to demand the restoring of our friendship, and well, telling her that no matter what, I will always want more than a friendship with her. I wish I could be more clear to her about the exact when and why's of me falling for her, but I will just have to manage with what I've got. I stand still, mustering all the confidence that I can reach inside myself. Because if I do not believe in my words today, neither will she. I straighten my back and ring the bell. Finn opens the door.

He grins his lazy grin and greets me.

"Hey Rachel!"
"Hello, Finn. What are you doing here?"

"I'm her boyfriend and I stayed over here last night... what are you doing here?
"You spend the night?" I can't help the alarming tone in my voice.

"Yeah, Cheerio's and football party last night here. Parents out of town. I stayed over to help at first, and then because it was too late to go home."
"Where's Quinn?" I interrupt. My patience with him is close to non-existent today, and I know I should not take it out on him, but right now he is only hindering me from getting to Quinn. A hinder on my path is something that I only want to take care of as soon as possible.

His grin vanished on the spot.

"Uhm, are you sure? I mean, she's been pretty crappy to you lately and I don't think--"
"Yes, Finn. I am absolutely sure. Thank you for your concern.I'll just let myself in, thank you, I know my way."

I strut over the threshold, leaving the tall singer behind me, and dashing straight down the stairs.

Instead of knocking, I decide to let myself in again and I close the door behind me with a clap before I throw my coat on the nearest chair.

She looks up because of the noise, startled, and her eyes grow wide when she lays them on me at first. Then they narrow.

"What is it, Berry?" She snarls.

"Hello to you too, Quinn.I'm here to talk to you."
"Yeah? Get it over with then, because I have nothing to say to you!"

"I don't think you realize it. You can stop pretending now, Quinn. We're alone, all your efforts in spite."

She falls silent for quite a long time, and I'm fully expecting her to kick me out, but then she closes her eyes, mutters something - I believe I can make out the word stubborn somewhere in there - and opens her eyes again.

"Fine."

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
And she will be loved,
She will be loved

She reaches down and grabs two cans of coke, and hands one to me. She gestures vaguely around the room.

"Sit," she says. I know my standing makes her nervous, so I sit. It's the polite thing to do.

Only I stand up again immediately. I want to be standing for this. She lets her face fall in her hand and sighs, leaning on her desk, but I ignore her.

"Quinn" I start. "I will start with some things that we both already know. We make a good pair of friends. It's easy for me to be around you when you are not being a total bitch, and I am sure that you have felt the connection that we have always shared as well. I came here in the first place to reestablish that friendship, because I miss it. I miss you."
Now for the hard part. I take her silence as an encouragement; no violence involved. Yet.

"Now, I am sure that you remember as well as I do why we are no longer friends. Because one day, our connection overpowered us when besides the obvious emotional part, a romantic aspect snuck in. After we physically established the romantic connection we shared, you spoke only one more friendly remark to me, telling me that I was just like heaven."
I am encouraged even further when a slight blush tinges her cheeks.

"I will be excruciatingly honest with you now, and tell you that that was not the first time that I thought about you that way. And I know that you are scared, and far from prepared for any of this, but I just need you to know that it is an option. You can consider me. And I would be really good for you, Quinn. I would take care of you, stand by you through everything. I don't do things halfheartedly, you know that, and I would be there for you all the way. Whatever good and bad may come to you, I would always help you through it. I would be loyal to you, more loyal than Finn is being - you are not the only one of you two who cheated on the other with me, he kissed me, twice - and I would basically do whatever it would take. I would always be there in the corners, waiting, making sure that you're alright, looking out for you. And if your parents were to kick you out because of me, you could stay with me. Because I would be there, I would be like that. I would wait, and you know I would, I do not object to waiting if it means getting what I want or need. I don't mind spending every day, out on your corner in the pou--"

Quinn holds up her hand and my voice falters. She's looking straight into my eyes for the first time in weeks, and I can only think of how beautiful she is. I actually forget how to breathe again.

"Stop it, Berry. I'm not a girl with a broken smile. As much as I love the song, you're not gonna call me that."
"But you are! You are going through a hard period right now, and I have not seen a genuine smile on your face since the night that we--"
"Don't you dare, Stubbles!"

"Since the night that you made love to me." I finish, softer but my voice is ringing. Echoing, it almost seems. I know that this makes my face flushed, but I am happy to have said it out loud for the first time. I know that it seems strange, but when she does not deny it, it makes me almost want to soar. At least she knows. I continue.

"I want you to be with me. As much as you can be with me. And that would be good for you, because if there's one thing that I am trying to say here, Quinn, it is that with me..." I kneel on the floor before her, and grab her hand. She yanks it away, but I grip it again, and keep it firmly in place this time. She doesn't struggle again. Because of our close proximity, I can whisper my words, forcing her to lean in and be uppermost attentive if she wants to catch it. And oh, does she.

"With me, you will be loved. I swear, Quinn. I can promise you that. Always, you will be loved."

Tears come to her eyes, and I hold her closer, repeating:
"You will be loved, you will be loved."

After about 15 minutes she composes herself again and pulls away, wiping away the last of her tears.

"I'm sorry about that."
"Don't be, however upsetting it is to see you sob, your cry is strangely beautiful. I do not know anyone who can cry so elegant and composed like you. After I cry, I always end up looking like a mess. You look like a movie star who just had a crying scene, but you can see that it's fake by the way the make-up stays on and she doesn't look like a mess. And it is one of the few times where I can be sure that you are in fact letting go a little bit of your precious control. "

"Thank you for that compliment and insult in one. But... I can't say yes, Rachel. I can't."
"Well, you at least called me by my given name. Can you stop acting towards me like I am a bug that you hate intensely? Please, Quinn, I know you don't hate me."
"I don't. I'm sorry, I was just... am just..."
"Why did you kiss me in the first place?"
"Well, why did you kiss back?"
"Let's get that little misunderstanding out of the way right now. I thought that that part was kind of obvious. I am in love with you."
I see and hear her swallow, and wait for her answer.

"I don't know," she says in a quiet voice. "I'm sorry, I just... It felt like it was so hard not to, you know? I just had to kiss you."

"Do you have fee-"
"I don't know, okay? Accept it. I don't know anything. I don't know who I am anymore, or what I feel!" Her voice breaks. My heart aches.

"Sorry that I acted like a bitch to you. I didn't mean it. I do like you. But I don't know if I like you like that, you gotta know Rachel, not everyone is as okay with things like these as you are. I freaked out. It's a natural, normal reaction."

"Well, I know that it was the easiest thing for you. You never could ignore my presence."

"NOBODY can ignore your presence. You make sure of that."

"Yes, but you actively sought me out. I felt the chemistry, but I didn't realize what it was until you told me that you were the one who drew the picture in the bathroom. I had a suspicion that it might be you, of course, but then I realized that even you didn't know that you really liked me like the boy who pulls a girl's hair because he likes her. Surprisingly accurate, by the way. The picture, I mean. My theory is that you paid more than average attention to me when in the locker room."

When I see her blush a deep shade of red, I know I'm right. But it looks like she's not ready.

"You have to end your ridicule at some point, Rachel. Really."
"You're blushing."
"Of course I am, do you realize what just came out of your mouth? Thank you, Rachel, but I would rather you leave me alone right now."
"Are you sure? I can--"
"I'm sure."

I nod, slowly, and stand up. She frees her hair from her ponytail - I believe for sure that she is trying to seduce me, otherwise nobody would act so... sexy - but I step away from her and she stands up quickly.

"Wait!"

"Yes?"
She steps forward, pushing away any shyness or doubt that she must have had, and closes me inside of her arms. I inhale deeply, enjoying that I can finally feel and smell the things that have not left my mind these last weeks. I can feel her doing the same. She steps back and clears her throat.

"Okay. See you."
"Yeah, you too," I say, a little flustered.

"Wait!"
I turn, and my eyebrow cocks up.

"Last time I say that, I swear."
"Okay, what was it?"
"The hug I just gave you..."
"What about it?"
I see the familiar hesitance in her eyes when she speaks the next words, the words that makes hope float up inside my chest like a balloon.

"It wasn't enough."
Before I have a chance to react, she steps forwards again, and closes me inside her arms, again. But this time, she tangles one hand in my hair, and pulls my face closer to hers, so she can kiss me. I cannot help but let a moan out inside her mouth, and throw my arms around her neck, opening my mouth to the sensation that I have longed for since the night. Yes, I already named it 'the night' in my mind, like it is the only night that ever truly was. She quickly slips her tongue inside my mouth - both acting quickly, before she has the chance to change her mind - and I hold her a little tighter. When I feel her sigh into my mouth, like she is relieved, I almost lose it and almost push her to the bed to just...

Almost.

But I am Rachel Berry, after all. So I don't.

She grips me tighter, and I am afraid that I will squeeze her to death if I tighten my grip on her as well. An absent-minded thought floats by me, wondering why it can't always be like this. Then she rips herself away from me, obviously shocked at what she just did, and I remember.

"Oh God...Eh...Sorry."
I really wish she wasn't apologizing for kissing me. I wish she wasn't sorry.

"It's fine."
She nods, the look in her eyes nothing if not scared to death. I close my eyes, hoping she can't see the hurt in them, and she opens her mouth.

"Please, can you go? Now? Please?" She begs. My mouth is dry.

I turn and leave.

I take a minute to collect myself. It's a good sign. She kissed me, I mean, she actually pressed her lips to mine. That is certainly a strong indication that she indeed has feelings for me. I should be happy that she kissed me, not sad that she's sorry for it. Finn walks up to me.

"Warned you, didn't I?"
"You did."
"Told you so."
"Yes Finn. You told me so."
"Sorry, anyway. Wanna hang out later?" He smiles, and the exact same expression appears as when Noah asked me to make out.

"No, Finn. I just want to go home."
"What's up with the two of you!? You're acting all weird around her and she acts all weird about you! I mean, I don't even dare bringing you up anymore!"
"What do you mean? How does she react to my name?" I try to keep the desperation out of my voice - even Finn could pick up on something - and try to make it sound merely curiously yet relaxed.

"Well, I mean, she gets all freaky and shuts down. Last night, I came down for a midnight snack,"
I want to interrupt him, telling him how unhealthy it is to eat on nightly hours, because your digesting system slows down around that time, but my curiosity keeps me from making a comment.

"And I could hear her. She was like, panting and moaning, and I figured she was having a nightmare. So I got to her with some water, and it was so weird, I mean, she hates you, and she kept moaning your name. I mean, she must have been having a pretty bad nightmare about you. And when I woke her up, she was burning up, and her face was really red and she only seemed to want me to go away. She didn't want to tell me about the dream. So I think something about you bothers her."
I blush as I realize that the panting and moaning my name probably did not indicate a nightmare. Last night, Quinn Fabray had an erotic dream about me. This thought makes me feel like I want nothing more than to knock down her door and make her dreams come true.

"And now you're getting all red on me too! What's up with you guys?"
"Girls, Finn. Quinn and I are girls. And nothing is up with us."
"You can say that, but I'm not stupid, Rachel!"
"I'm not saying that you are, I promise. Could you just let us be for the moment?"
It is very clear how reluctant he is to just let me leave, but I leave him no choice.

"Thank you. Now, I must be going home again. Goodbye, Finn."

"Bye, Rachel."

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

I am at home, reading a book on Broadway history that my fathers bought me, when I suddenly hear a short tap on the window. As I look, I see her waving at me shyly and sadly. I sit up straight like a rocket, and she looks at me with a questioning expression. I know what she's asking, and when I stand up she knows my reply. That does not keep her from knocking on my door as well, unnecessarily but still. Only when I open the door, I see the tears standing in her eyes. She blinks them away quickly, she obviously does not like crying in front of me. She never liked showing her weakness to everyone, and I immediately feel honored that in her weakest hour she comes to me for aid.

"Rachel, I know I don't deserve it right now, especially since I don't have an answer yet. But I just... I really need a friend right now. Can I--"
"Come in, let me take your coat."

She breathes out, so much relief in her face that it makes me want to cry as well. I take her up my room for a private environment, that will hopefully make her feel safer. She doesn't tell me what happened, just asks me to hold her, and clings to me like I am the last thing keeping her tied to this world. I suddenly can actually make words out of her frantic sobs.

"R-Rachel, I've hurt you, I hurt ev-v-everyone, I did s-so much wrong!"

This is good. Now that I know a little bit of what's wrong, I can try to make it better.

"Quinn, it is very healthy for you to be coming to terms with your past. But you cannot change it, you can only try to do better in the future. Which I know you already try your hardest at."
"I was so horrible, u-ugly, from the inside out."

"You're not! Oh Quinn, really, if there's one thing you are not it is ugly. You are beautiful. Both on the inside and on the outside! Please, don't ever think otherwise!"

I can see it not getting through to her. It bounces back from her shell of insecurities, and I want to smash that shell to a million pieces, so it could never be put together again. I wish I could get through to her, and make her see, make her believe the truth. I wish I could make her feel beautiful.

"Don't, don't Rachel. I mean it. Especially you. I stomped you into the ground like it was my ultimate goal in life. If I were you I would have killed myself by now or something, but you're like a bounce ball. You bounce right back up, stronger than ever!"

"Not after crying in a bathroom stall, though. You may think I am all that strong, but I am not. I have insecurities as much as anyone. As much as you, it appears now." But not now. I have to be strong, I will be strong for Quinn if she needs me to be. It seems as if she can never be weak, like there is no place that she can stop being strong, and nobody can always be strong. It is a strange situation, but I want to be the one she is weak with, if that means that she is honest with me, and not hiding herself away. However hard it may be, I will be strong for her. None of my insecurities matter right now, not if I can get her to forget about hers. She needs my strength more than I do.

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You come anytime you want

She keeps sobbing, and she never tells me what or who made her cry. Which is probably for the best, because my protective tendencies might get the best of me and make me do something that I would regret at a later time. Right now, the best I can do is let her lean against me, so that is what I do. I whisper calming things as soon as I think that she is about to go into hyperventilating, and hold her, letting her tears make my shirt wet. It doesn't matter. Nothing matters but her right now. She calms down - no matter how great your suffering is, at a certain point you just run out of tears - and after a few final sniffles, she falls silent. I would have believed that she had fallen asleep, if not for her very prominent heartbeat that I can feel through the fabric of our clothing. Her heart is now beating against the point under my chest, and I have my arms around her neck and head, pressing it to my chest. She breathes in deeply, and when I feel her heartbeat fasten, mine fastens too to keep up with her. When she looks up, I know what is about to happen, and I am hardly surprised when she captures my lips in a soft kiss.

"That was for this. Thank you."

"Anytime. Especially if that is going to be my reward!" I joke, but it was the wrong joke, judging by her frown.

"You know that I didn't--" I quickly try, but she stops me, pressing her finger to my lips.

"I know. I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about you, Berry. Anything but."
"You can't deny the physical attraction between us. And I trust you."
"That's really stupid of you. I could make you crash and burn like the Challenger."

"That's the trust-part, Quinn. That I know you can, but I trust you that you won't."

"I trust you too, you have proven yourself worthy of my trust, so you have it. But that does not mean that I've suddenly gone all gay. I can't begin to imagine, not even without counting in my parents or my religion, what it would be like to be with you. You get that, right?"

"Of course I do. It will comfort you then, that most girls have identity crises in puberty, and that you are only following a pattern. And I know that it would be very hard between the two of us. We are very, very different from each other, I mean, talk about opposites attract. And besides that, we both have a commanding presence, and demanding persona's. It might just be too much, and it will always be a fight of dominance. Who has the control between the two of us. Because, even though you have smacked me down on various occasions, we both know that you do not have all the power. Especially not with me bouncing back, like you just so adequately noted yourself."

She bites her lip, and I have to actively keep myself from kissing her again. Not the right time.

"I know. I don't know if I want that, though. I like being in control, but I won't control you. I'm not sure if we can balance it out, though."

"You in school, me at home?" I try, and smile widely. She laughs.

"No, thanks. Not exactly balanced, I think. Then it's always one of us that's like, the boss. I don't want to be your Santana."
"...Santana?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, I probably wouldn't even have considered this if not for... You probably won't understand, you're not a part of that, but we... Us Cheerio's, we have a culture. And that is surprisingly gay. But not serious. More like, practice on each other with kissing, and play and fool around a little. It's safe to try things with your friends, it takes off a lot of the pressure you know?"
"Are you telling me that I am not the first girl you have kissed!?"
"Let me finish." Her voice is demanding, and I don't even think about saying another word until she said what she wanted to say.

"With Brittany and Santana, I guess it got kind of... out of hand. I always saw that they liked kissing each other more than others, even though Santana kept saying it was just to practice for the real deal. She meant Puck by that, but she never liked him even half as much as Brittany, I think. It freaked me out. You know how weird it is to have a sleepover and know that your best friends are making out in the same room? It's traumatizing, being left out like that, while you're the one who they are supposed to follow. And Santana seems to always be the dominant one, and in school, Brittany lets her be. But outside of school, Brittany calls all the shots. And to be fair, if she puts her foot down, Santana would always give in. What Brittany wants, she will always get. It's impossible to deny her something."
"Wait. So, Brittany and Santana are...dating?"
"They say they're not."
"But why..."
"Sex is not dating. Or so they say."
"Oh." I fall silent as I let that sink in. "Oh!"

"They are dating though. They're in love. I thought about kicking them off the Cheerio's, you know, obliterating their reputations, but now that I'm used to it, I like it. Santana is softer when Brittany's around. Also, I can't kick Brit off. No-one hurts her. Nobody. And they make it work." She pauses, and smiles.

"And yes, I have kissed other girls. Though I gotta say, it never was quite like it was with you."

I smile in response, and chew on the inside of my cheek. Hopefully I won't scare her away with this again. I don't want her to go run and hide again. So I say it in a quiet voice, like that will take away from the heavy meaning of the words.
"Despite their differences. If they can, don't you think we can?"

"I don't know. Don't you feel it's weird or awkward or something? I mean, look at this from another point of view. We're way different. We're weird together."

"I do not. I understand your inhibitions, and I am most certainly aware that you were not raised the way that I was. There are great differences in our upbringing, and it is logical that yours is inclined to make you doubt these feelings a little bit more. And I am not saying that you have no reason to worry, because you do, and I do too. We have a history of getting at each others throats, and some differences between us are settled deep within our cores. I do not want to change the person you are, because the person that you are is the person that I have these feelings to. And if you are expecting that you can turn me into a Cheerio, let me help you out of that dream right now as well. We can accept our differences, and respect them. Issues are of course bound to arise, and both of us will just have to compromise a lot to make it work."

"I may be blond, but I'm not stupid. I can't turn you into a Cheerio, and I know it. But I don't compromise. I suck at compromising."

"I recall that you were quite the natural talent." I scrape my throat, and think about letting my mimic talents loose on this, but I know I would fail, so I just say it.

"Let's compromise. If you quit the club, I'll let you touch my breast."

She lets out a small laugh, and blushes slightly. A subtle finger comes up to brush a strand of hair from her face.

"Eavesdropping is rude, you know. And it gives off the wrong impression, because I really do suck at compromising. I'm used to... I don't know..."
"You're used to getting what you want, but I am not overruled so easily. I guess you just would have to work on it. Both of us, because compromising is not exactly my strongest suit either. I like having things done my way, because I often, if not always, believe that my way really is the right way."
"You see? It's not a thing that's likely to work between us."

"So, we would fight. Sure. But you can fight and make up, can't you? And that is where our strengths would lie. It is the one promise we would have to make, to always come back. That is what I would do. I would walk, well, I would demonstrate my long-time perfected diva storm-off, and later I would come back when I would realize I was wrong. Or, when I really am right, I must trust you to come to your senses. At least we would always have to come back to each other, since walking away may be something to occur on a regular basis. I don't even know that for sure, but it could. But then you should know that no matter how bad it might have been, my door is always open to you, and if my heart is in it - and I can say with a fair amount of certainty that it will be - I will be willing to comply after cooling off."

Doubt is reflected in her hazel eyes, and I close my eyes. Maybe this time, she will not run. She'll stay, unafraid to face the feelings that I know are bothering her. Maybe it is that time when she realizes that it's not a bad thing, what we're doing. When I open my eyes, I see that, hope in vain, maybe this time is not that time. She gets up, and with a sting in my heart I have to acknowledge my loss. Again.

"I, I gotta go. This isn't... I'll talk to you later." She stumbles, nerves written all over her face and in her body language. I nod, and don't say anything to her. Not until I hear the front door slam and force tears to stay in, not wanting to cry over her once more. I bite my lip until I taste blood in my mouth, and the worst part is, that the tears escape anyway. Again, tears are falling for Quinn Fabray.

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye, means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

She doesn't treat me badly the next days. I barely even see her, and there are no words exchanged. Only one-sided stares and gazes, from my side, that is. In the classes she shares with me, she keeps her gaze locked straight at the teacher or down at her book. I do not get a single word out of her. I know that there is something very much wrong with her, because every day, she cannot wait to get out of the school and into the car. Nobody seems to notice the person in the car, only the car itself is looked at. But everyday, I look at the person inside the car from a distance, and know that she is not paying attention to me at all. Or at least, not me standing there. Because she busies herself with crying, silently, but obviously if you look at her. Then at the end, she turns her gaze upwards to me, and stares at me before driving away. That is our only contact, and I am starting to believe that she is only looking to see if I'm still there, waiting. Foolish to think that I wouldn't be. When Thursday arrives, my heart feels broken again, and I am hard on myself for allowing hope to slip in. Today is Glee, though. She must show up here, right? And Glee is different, more private, a place where I could most definitely get her alone if I want to. I have already mapped out several plans in my mind to get her alone, when Brittany and Santana walk in, without Quinn. Everybody looks up, and this is the first time that anyone has skipped Glee in a long time, so silent shock spreads around. When both of the Cheerio's gaze directly at me, Santana with a frightening glare, and Brittany merely curious, everyone else turns to see who they are looking at. I know that my skin is pale as it gets, and I hope that my natural darker skin helps mask it. I made Quinn skip Glee. That is how desperately she wants to avoids me. Usually, this is where the sadness kicks in, or the desire to help her - and then the doubt because she probably doesn't want me to - or the thoughts that the heartbreak of her pulling me close and pushing away from me time and again is worth it if it makes her feel better. But now, she has not only hit the heart of Rachel Berry, the human girl. She has struck the heart of Rachel Berry, future star, and developing team-player. This is coming in the way of our performance.

And that is where it goes too far.

So instead of said feelings, I am quickly overtaken by a fierce anger. I stand up, and pace out of the room. Vaguely, I realize that my behavior must seem out of order, but I could not care less right now.

Stomping onto the parking lot, my feelings soften slightly, thinking about her in her car, crying over... me? Something. I know where she is parked, and looking at her, she does not see me. However, there are no tear streaks on her face, to my intense relief. It does make things a whole lot easier. I brace myself, walk to her car, and without knocking I open the door and sit myself down on the passenger's seat, startling her.

"Oh God no, not you!" She shouts but I ignore her cry.

"Quinn, I get that you are confused over your sexuality, along with probably other things. Things are hard, and you are having a typical teenage identity crisis, leading me to believe that at this point in time, I know better who you are than you do. I know that I am the very last person you want here right now. But I don't care, because you are letting Glee club taking the fall. You cannot sacrifice Glee club. Ignore me there too, if you have to, I will respect it, even though I wasn't originally planning on doing so." Compromise. "But you need to come. We need everybody, especially you, you are one of our stronger female voices. Fine, ignore me all you want, but show up for rehearsals. This is not the right thing to do, this is not about you, or about me, it's about Glee."
"Glee is about you now!" Her voice is loud and sharp, and I freeze at the words.

"You have made Glee about you when you became the star of Glee. I can't just sit there and look at you, and I can't sit there and not look at you! You demand all the attention, especially there, and when I think of Glee, I think of you, and I'm not thinking about you! I refuse to! Now, get the hell out of my car!"

"You can't make me. You must come."
"Watch me!" She spits through clenched teeth, and I know that she's about to, so I'm not surprised when she throws herself on me in a struggle for dominance. Violence. It was always more Santana's thing than hers, but I guess that I just evoke some serious emotion within her, because she pushes me against the door, and attempts to open it behind me with her free hand. I grab it and hold it, trying to lock eyes with her. She doesn't allow me to, yanks her hand away and grabs my shoulders.

"You have no right to be here! This is my car! Mine! Go away!"

Even if I would want to, I couldn't. She is shaking me, and I sort of just... give in. She's bigger than me. And she's right, I have no right to be in her car without her permission. However when she stops shaking me, I blink, and then I succeed. I lock eyes with her. And the fierce anger is immediately pushed away by the doubt that is already growing too familiar on me.

And again. I am starting to know her so well, that I know what she's about to do.

And even if I would want to stop her...

No, I never would.

She crashes her lips to mine in a passionate liplock, pushing me just a little too hard, clenching her hand in my hair just a little too much, but I grab her face with both hands to push her closer. I will take whatever moment I can get with her, and this is definitely a moment.

She pulls away suddenly, and the anger is out of her eyes now, replaced with a look so scared of herself that it makes me want to hug her. I know I can't. She's about to do it again. Again.

"Rachel, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I need to... I gotta go. Can you please..."

"Of course." I whisper, my voice sounding hoarse enough to scare me. Hopefully it will be gone by the time I get back to rehearsal. I scrape my throat, and make a move to turn around, but I turn back, and smile.

"You know Quinn, have you noticed your pattern? When you're falling, you wait for me to catch you. And I do. Then you kiss me, panic, and say goodbye. And I know this goodbye means nothing at all, because you'll come back, begging me to catch you the next time that you fall. Which I will, of course, I'll wait. I don't mind waiting for you. But I'll be waiting for the day that you realize what you're doing. I don't like it, but if you're too afraid right now, I don't know how to help you deal with that. My dad is a shrink, and I asked for his help on how to help you, but he told me that I have to wait. So I will."

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay a while
She will be loved,
She will be loved.

"Just... I know you won't stop. But sometimes think about it. Pretend you are not you, think about it like you're watching it from a distance."
"That only makes it worse..." She whispers, but I explain.

"Really? Watch it like this. You keep coming back to a certain person, you keep wanting to kiss them, and when you do, you come to your senses and feel bad. But you do it again anyway. And you will do it again."
"No, no. This was the last time."

I suppress a smug smile from spreading across my face.
"We both know that's not true. You'll come back. Crying. Kissing. And I'll be there, give you a place to feel warm, safe, protected. That's what I'll keep you, all those things. And of course, loved. You know that with me, you will be loved."

She swallows so that I can actually see the movement in her throat.

Please don't try so hard to say goodbye...

"I can only wait and hope that you're gonna stop keeping yourself so desperately, yet ineffectively from acknowledging your true feelings. You shouldn't be so eager to deny them, please, don't try so hard to say goodbye. You don't have to. You believe that you do, but you really don't. There are other options than goodbyes."

For a second, I think that maybe I actually got through to her this time. I can see it in her eyes, she believes me, like she really is looking at things from another perspective. Like if she were a camera, she would be circling from above.

Then she switches back to her usual point of view, and she chokes up, tears in her eyes.

"Can you go now?"

"Of course. I won't tell you to think about what I've said. I already know you will."

I smile shyly at her, and she keeps her gaze away from me until the last second. Then she smiles back, even shyer than I did.

"Bye, Rachel."
"Bye, Quinn."
She hesitates, and so do I. But I open the door, and get out, shutting it behind me. When I walk off, I don't look back. It hurts now. Of course it does, it always does, and it always will. This is not the type of hurt you can get used to, or at least, I cannot. But everytime that she runs to me, I get a new shot of hope, that maybe one day she'll choose to stay.

But one thing I know for certain.

This isn't finished.