Author (Koiame): I'm still deciding so many things about this story. Hope you enjoy it!

Reviewer 'Thank-You's to: Blackvirgin17 and moriah93ohio for commenting on chapter 3! ^.^

Disclaimer: I do not own the books that my fanfic is based off of or the most of the characters in this story. They belong to the goddess JK Rowling. Please do not try to sue me, anyone I am affiliated with, or because this is purely for enjoyment and any copyright infringement or whatnot is not intentional. Thanks.

Content Warning: No part of this story is recommended for persons under the age of 18 years old. If you are under the age of 18, do not read or you will waive your right to get me or any host of this story in any trouble what so ever. By reading this story, you certify that you are at least 18 years old and will not hold the author or anyone else accountable if you truly are not.

Genre: Harry Potter AU post 7th book w/o second ending b/c it sucked in my humble opinion. Contains strong language, may contain strong sexual content, may contain strong graphic violence, angst, and a ton of other things that persons of weak constitutions would not find suitable… and parents would not find suitable. Please keep this in mind and stop reading if you feel like it is too much for you.

May contain vampires, werewolves, faeries, centaurs, giants, ghosts, and other magical creatures.

It will contain Witches and Wizards. (DUH)

THIS IS A YAIO which means… BOY/BOY. May have straight pairings, too. May also have girl/girl, buy most likely not.

Enjoy.

Chapter 4: The Ordinary Life

A mean spider with dark hairy legs and a bull-dog's overbite crawled across the table. It chuckled with delight as it feasted on the table ants that called Le Chien Andalou home.

"Spank me again!" The naked barmaid shrieked as she leaned over for her play mate and giggled.

"Omph!" She bit her lip and moaned with every blow.

The man was average, but not when it came to 'private' matters; the type of man you'd go to get your taxes done when convenient technological muggle methods failed. Harry had gone deep into the Amazon that morning, so the pair of lovers took the opportunity to frolic.

July was a humid hell. The smell of rotting dead things along the river edge and forest floor hung in the air as a visible mist. While drunk, Harry would occasionally laugh so hard that he'd fall off his seat thinking of the Dursleys living there. Some nights, when the barmaid was busy upstairs, he actually tried to summon them. But all he would ever manage to make appear were two limes and a half rotten kiwi.

The day became hotter and stickier by the minute. Harry had the misfortune of returning just at its peak. He tottered in, covered in mud, and avoided looking directly at the equally blushed pair.

"Hi Harry! Dinner will be ready at 6:30." Rebecca, the bartender, chimed.

Harry nodded awkwardly as he rushed up the stairs; mud flicking off of him in all directions.

"What a scene!" The auror mused to himself as he stepped into the tiny washroom of the room he rented. 'Never would I have guessed the secret life of barmaids!"

It was bad enough he would be forced to tolerate the knocking against the wall every night. 'Not even the bar is sacred any more', Harry sighed as he peeled off his mud-pasted knickers. He had fallen backwards into a mud-hole when a four foot snake fell out of a tree.

'All that tracking through the dense jungle for nothing!' The dark-haired wizard flicked his wand and the bathtub filled with hot, soapy water. Feet and cheeks first, he quickly submerged himself in the cleansing waters.

Heart beat slowing and faint smell of chamomile filling his lungs, Harry let his mind drift. Water encircled the finger that was once bound by a promise.

'It's better this way.' A frown on the auror's face said. With his right hand, he wiped his face. The mud merely smudged, covering his pale complexion more. The twenty-one year old wizard's lifestyle was taking its toll.

A year and a half ago, he saw Charlie Weasley while on assignment. Dark wizards were seeking to control the dragons and use them in attacks against The Durmstrang Institute. A scar still showed; an angry, deep red from right shoulder to hip. The sound of spells exploding and dragons roaring filled his ears still some nights from that and other battles.

But at Le Chien Andalou, it was quiet stillness. The water winded along its paths the same as it had for millennium. Every night sitting awake in bed or passed out at a table, Harry felt his soul rotting. The insects sang their conquests over the earth and fallen animal overlords.

The only interruption came from Rebecca's debauchery or his auror contact's updates. For the past eight months, the green-eyed wizard lingered in the jungle. So far, the young auror had made countless attempts to find the smugglers' safe-house to no avail.

Footsteps suddenly pounded up the stairs and Harry's eyes snapped open.

"Accio wand" the wizard whispered.

Wand at the ready, the auror's naked body froze; ready and alert to face the threat. The pounding footsteps passed his door and the sound of a door flying open echoed through the hall.

'Bandits? Or worse?' Harry thought as he carefully rose from his warm bath. Water pooled around each footstep on the wooden floor. To the door, he crept as the rustling continued next door. Hand on the door; Harry paused to listen. There came another faint creaking at the bottom of the stairs. He no longer heard the ruckus of his perky landlord or her company.

Koiame: Thank you for reading. Please review and tell me what you think. Sorry this update has been very late. I've had a lot of unfortunate things happening in my life, and unfortunately I've had to neglect updating. This chapter, and the next one were difficult to write as it has been a while. Hopefully I'm not too rusty. ;D