A/N: Dagnabit! I said I wasn't going to forget to post on the days I said I would again and what do I do? I forget! Oh well :) At least you get a new chapter now and with Summer Vacation fast approching I won't be distracted by school which is the main reason why I forget. Stupid school trying to make me smart and all that. Too bad I can't get paid to write this stuff. Anyway, read REVIEW (so I know that I should keep posting) and Enjoy :)

Chapter 4- Seriously?

Captain Kirk read over the day's rules while sipping his coffee in the rec. room while Spock was setting up for another game of 3-D chess. He merely raised an eyebrow when Jim had to spit the coffee he'd been trying to drink back into the mug. Man oh man; these were even better when you reread them. He could only imagine what Starfleet Command would have to say about these rules. They'd started out tame enough but what they turned into was insane.

JTK81: If it can be summoned with a creepy chant than it's probably dangerous.

NU82: I am not the Sailor Scout of Earth. What the heck is a Sailor Scout?

PC83: I am not The Amazing Cosmonaut.

NU- You too, what's with the strange rash of weird nicknames going around?

PC- I think it's something the newbies started.

S84: You may not have a parade at Christmas time complete with floats, balloons, etc. to celebrate Pancake Day.

NU- Who celebrates Pancake Day over Christmas.

MS- Crazy people.

S- Illogical people.

LM- And some say Spock's heart grew two sizes that day.

S- Should my heart begin growing to an abnormal size I believe I should report to sickbay immediately.

JTK- You've never read "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"? It's a classic.

LM85: Wrestling tournaments are not to be held in sickbay.

MS86: No rioting in Engineering.

HS87: I will not teach you fencing if you're just going to use what you've learned to reenact pirate battles.

PC- You've got to admit, it made lunch a whole lot more interesting.

MS- More like annoying.

JTK88: "MINE!" is not the proper way to respond when a superior officer asks to see your tri-corder.

S89: Captain Kirk is not a mother; his son would not have been a doctor. That "son" was a machine called Nomad and it thought the captain was its creator.

JTK- My little boy, blown to bits before he could even make it to med school.

LM- The look on Spock's face when you started up that tirade on the bridge was priceless.

HS90: My nickname is not The Power Ranger, what are you talking about.

NU91: Stop making no sense

PC- That sentence makes no sense.

PC92: Sentences must make sense.

JTK- What did I say about resolving arguments with the rules.

NU – Sorry captain.

PC - Sorry Mom.

JTK- :(

PC- I mean captain.

HS- You mean "keptin"

PC- I "sink" you should shut up Hikaru.

HS- I don't talk with an accent

LM93: You may not make fun of anyone with an accent of any sort.

LM- I was getting sick of that.

JTK94: Why was an order placed for 500 umbrellas? We're in space, when are we all going to need an umbrella. Seriously? We do not need umbrellas in space.

S- No, I imagine not.

S95: If you're going to place large orders of something make sure it's something we will all need.

JTK- We didn't need 500 umbrellas!

LM96: Sickbay's a good place to go when you're injured…even if it's a bullet wound. WHY DO YOU HAVE A BULLLET WOUND?

S- Nurse Chapel, I believe you should check the doctor's blood pressure.

CC- Right away, sir.

LM97: Nurse Chapel is not my mother.

CC- Doctor, get out of that Jefferies tube. You're disobeying your own rule.

LM- That was only in regards to physicals.

S98: Dr. McCoy may not hide from Nurse Chapel when she's trying to ascertain his current state of health.

LM- You pointy eared, green blooded hobgoblin.

JTK - Get out of the Jefferies tube Bones.

LM- Fine!

CC- Thank you, Captain.

NU99: Enough obsessing over each other's necks, it's creepy.

JTK100: Same goes for each other's teeth.

NU- Seriously?

PC- I think we may have a vampire problem on our hands.

HS- This is where you tell us Dracula was invented in Russia.

PC- Sort of, yes.

HS- I'm looking that up.

S- Sir, I've been getting complaints from several decks that a man running around with a black cape on has been terrorizing people.

JTK- Well, it's either Dracula or Batman.

S- Excuse me?

JTK- *sigh*

JTK101: No terrorizing people while wearing a black cape.

NU- Sir, the man who was wearing a black cape and terrorizing people just got on the turbo lift. I think I heard him tell the computer to take him to the bridge.

JTK- Well that's weird because the turbo lift just arrived, it opened but no one was on it.

S- It could be that something is wrong with the computers.

PC- Hey, did anyone else notice that Scotty stopped talking many a rule back?

HS- I just commed Engineering, he's not down there.

NU- That's not like him at all, he'd sleep in Engineering if the captain would let him.

JTK- Focus on your work everyone.

JTK102: There's no such thing as vampires.

LM103: Or Batman.

S104: Garlic cloves will not be mass produced by the replicators.

NU105: Neither will holy water.

HS106: Or crucifixes and wooden stakes.

PC107: We are all doomed.

S- Sir, something is going on in transporter room 1, security says they've captured… a vampire.

JTK- And what is the identity of our culprit.

S- It appears Mr. Scott grew bored with our conversation and decided to "liven" things up.

JTK- Guess who's replacing Chekov as dish washer?

S- The only logical answer would be Mr. Scott, sir.

LM- No, really?

LM108: You are not to dress up as a vampire and run around the ship to make the day more interesting.

S109: Place to place transport on a ship is highly dangerous, you could very well end up in wall, so do not use it to play pranks. Not even if your calculations are nearly flawless.

JTK110: SERIOUSLY!

Yeah, Starfleet Command was going to just love this one.