A/N: Sorry it took so long, if anyone even noticed that it did. I took time off for a while because of Breaking Dawn. Ya know. Anyway, here's chapter 3, enjoy!

This behaves like a bad dream

Where we go walking in the dark

And heavenly are these bright lights

They're keeping me awake and I can't close my eyes

I've watched my life through windows

- Deas Vail - Rewind

Ch. 3 – Rewind

Bella's POV

I sat on the couch in my living room, staring at a page of the book I wasn't reading. I was so angry with myself. I couldn't believe I had just frozen up like that. Edward thought I didn't like him, and how could I blame him? He had kissed me, it had felt wonderful, and then I had frozen up.

I hated myself. I really did at that moment. I had been given something incredible and I had turned my back on it because I was too scared. The things I had felt when he had kissed me terrified me. He had brought up feelings I'd been trying to suppress for years. Everything had hit me so fast that I'd gone into auto-pilot.

I slammed my book down on the couch next to me and buried my face in my hands, taking several deep breaths. I grabbed my cell-phone and found the name I was looking for, hitting the call button.

"Hello?"

"Hey…"

"Bella?"

"Um, yeah, hey Jess."

"Bella, are you ok?" Jessica asked.

"Oh, yeah," I said, clearing my throat. "I was just wondering if you wanted to do something tonight. I need to get out of the house."

"Oh," she said, obviously surprised. I heard some noise in the background. "Yeah, hold on a sec…Tanner, get down from there right now! I'm counting to three! One…two…that's it!" I flinched away from the phone. There was more noise and then the sound of a child wailing. "Sorry," Jessica said breathlessly. "My son was trying to climb onto the table again. I had to pull him off. So, what were you saying?"

"Well…I was going to see if you wanted to do something tonight, but I can see you're busy…"

"Oh yeah, right. Well…yeah, we could do something I guess. We haven't hung out in forever. I mean, it would probably be best if we didn't go out, I've got the kids, it would be hard to find a sitter at such late notice, but maybe we could watch a movie here?"

"Couldn't Chad watch the kids?" I asked. Jessica had married Mike's older cousin Chad a year out of high school, got pregnant, and dropped out of college.

"Well," she said hesitantly, "I don't know what time he's getting home from work today. He's been doing some odd hours lately."

"Ok," I said. "I guess that would be fine. I just really want to get out of the house."

"Alright," she said. "I've got some movies here, but if you'd like something else you can rent one before you come over. Just try to keep it PG."

"I'm sure whatever you have is fine," I said. "What time?"

"Um…any time I guess."

"Ok. How about in half an hour?"

"Sounds just fine," she said.

"Alright, see you then. Thanks Jess."

"No problem, Bella. See you soon." She hung up.

I sighed. I didn't really want to hang out with Jessica, but she was pretty much the only person around here I was still relatively friends with, and I needed to do something.

I went up to my bedroom and changed into jeans and a t-shirt, pulling my hair into a pony-tail. My stomach growled and I remembered that I never made it to the grocery store. I went to the kitchen and poked around in the refrigerator for something edible. I finally settled on some left over lasagna. I didn't have time to cook. I heated it up and ate it out of the container, not even bothering to sit down at the table.

Once I was finished I got in my truck and drove to Jessica's house. She didn't live to far from me. When I knocked on the door I heard childish screaming from the other side.

"Hallie, please stop screaming, you're giving mommy a headache," I heard Jessica's voice approach the door. She opened it and smiled at me.

"Hey Bella, come on in," she said.

"Thanks for letting me come," I told her again.

"No problem," she said, turning to go into the kitchen. "Go ahead and make yourself at home in the living room, I'll just be a second."

She disappeared into the kitchen. A little girl with curly brown hair smiled up at me. I recognized her as Hallie, Jessica's middle child.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Don't you remember me?" I asked. She shook her head. "I guess it's been a while since I've been here. My name's Bella. I'm a friend of your momma's. And you've gotten really big since the last time I saw you! How old are you now?"

"I'm four!" she announced proudly. "Come and meet my brothers!" She grabbed my hand and dragged me into the living room, where a little boy with blonde hair and an older boy with curly brown hair were watching cartoons.

"Alex, Tanner!" she said cheerfully, capturing the boys' attention. "This is Bella! Bella, these are my brothers, Alex and Tanner. Alex is 5 and a half, but Tanner is only 2!"

I smiled at them.

"I already know her, Hallie," Alex said smugly.

Hallie pouted. Tanner toddled over to me and wrapped his chubby arms around my legs, smiling up at me. I picked him up.

"You're a cutie," I told him. He grinned even more and grabbed my necklace. "No, no," I told him, gently prying the charm out of his fingers. "Let's not play with that."

"Sorry, Bella," said Jessica, hurrying into the room. "What movie do you want to watch?"

It didn't really matter to me what we watched, I didn't really watch it. I sat on the floor with Hallie in my lap, playing with her hair, while Tanner stood behind me and played with my hair. When the movie was over I looked over at Jessica. She was passed out on the couch. I smiled. Chad wasn't home yet, and I didn't want to leave the kids alone or wake up Jessica, so I decided to stick around. I stayed for nearly an hour before Jessica finally woke up.

"Oh!" she said, sitting up groggily. "I'm so sorry, Bella!"

"No, it's fine," I said. "I had a good time."

"What time is it?" she asked.

"About 8:30," I replied.

"Where in the world is Chad?" she said. She grabbed her phone and pushed number 2 on her speed dial. "Where are you?" she said as soon as he answered. "Oh. Ok, well, grab something to eat in town, we've already eaten."

I tuned out the rest of their conversation. Tanner had fallen asleep across my lap, so I picked him up and carried him to his room, laying him gently across the bed and tucking the blankets around him. Jessica came and stood in the door way.

"You're going to make a good mother someday," she told me.

I smiled. "Thanks. That's if I ever am a mother."

"Are you seeing anyone?" she asked.

I sighed. "No. Not really."

"Bella…are you ok? You don't seem very happy," Jessica observed.

"I'm fine," I said. "Just a little tired of the same routine every day."

She nodded. We heard the front door open, and she smiled.

"Chad's home," she said.

"Alright, well I'll get going then."

"Ok," she said. "If you ever need anything, just give me a call, alright?"

"Alright," I said. "Thanks. And if you ever need a baby sitter, I'd be happy to do it."

"I might take you up on that," she said. "You were really good with the kids tonight."

"They're good kids," I said.

"Most of the time," she said, grinning.

"Alright, well, I guess I'll talk to you later. It was good hanging out."

"Yeah, it was," she said. "See you later."

I drove home in silence, brooding. It was strange. When Jessica had first gotten pregnant with Alex and dropped out of school, I had pitied her, but now I found myself envious. She had something I didn't. A family. I was all alone now, and I was unhappy. Jessica was right. Now I was glad that I'd gone to visit her. I saw now how motherhood had changed her. She was humbled, and she had matured a great deal. I had actually enjoyed myself.

I found myself hoping that I could baby sit again soon, if only so I could play mom. It was pitiful, I knew, but right now it was all I had.

I got home and threw my keys on the counter. I was about to go up to my bedroom when something caught my eye. I looked back at the counter and noticed the little square of paper on which Edward had written his number. I examined it for a moment before programming the numbers into my phone.

I needed something new in my life. Maybe it was him. If only I hadn't just completely shut down like I had.

My life was such a wreck. Nothing exciting, or even good had ever happened to me, and now I was ruining my first chance at happiness in so long…

I just wished I could rewind and try it all again.

A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing!