DATE 21st/6th

Wooot!

Werewolves!

Birthday party!

THIS PLACE GOT FINALLY INTERESTING!!!

So mid-afternoon when I sat down at the dinner table.

"Heeeey Eeedwaaaard."

"Go away."

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Go away."

"Reading the newspaper huh? That's cool. Want me to get you a pipe?"

"Go away."

There was a low chuckle from my left. Jasper was building a model aeroplane. These vamps spend A LOT of time doing stuff that I would consider a waste of time because they totally have the time to waste.

Try saying that three times really really fast while drunk.

I turned my attention back to Edward.

"So, I've been thinking."

"I've had nightmares that start like this."

I put on my innocent face. "I've been really good this week, and I think that I deserve to meet up with all the wolfy people."

Edward put down the paper. "Really good? You think you've been good?"

"Yes'm."

"And all your X-Men figurines just broke themselves did they?"

"Oh c'mon. Bits still move."

"Yes, but not the bits that are supposed to move. We bought those for you and you played with them for two hours, tops."

"Well," said Jasper, as he painstakingly glued a tiny thing to another tiny thing. "If you take her attention span into account, I guess two hours is kinda long."

"See!" I pointed to myself. "Good."

"Let me think about it…no."

"Awwwww c'moooooon!!"

"Oh yes that'll work. What being can resist the siren song of awww c'mooooon?"

"C'moooooooooooooon!!!!"

Edward rolled his eyes. "They make medication for people like you, you know. It could help."

"Nah. Tried it."

"Better living through chemistry?"

"Yeah, my folks had me on every behaviour controlling drug on the market."

Carlisle chose that moment to enter. "Really?" he asked interestedly. "Which ones?"

"Uh, lessee. Methylphenidate, cyproterone, propranalol, inderal, tenormin, atenalol and azumarill."

"Azumarill?"

"Yeah."

The Doc looked pained. "That," he said, "is not a drug."

"It isn't?"

"It's a Pokémon."

"Oh. Well not that one then. But the others."

Jasper paused. "Your parents had you on all those?"

"Mom used to call them my happy pills. Me taking them made her happy!"

"Well, now that Carlisle is here, you can ask him and stop being inhumanely annoy-" Edward stopped and got this insane expression of hope on his face. "Hey, wait. Carlisle, could we get some of those drugs?"

"What did you want to ask me?" said the Doc, ignoring him.

"I want to meet the werewolves."

"-no, I'm serious, we can just dose her up a little-"

"Well, I don't see why not. You've been very good this week."

"I have haven't I!?"

"We could mix a little into her dinner-"

"All right then, that's settled. You can sit in for the boundary commission meeting."

"Yaaaaay!"

"-I'm just suggesting it for the good of the household."

"We are not drugging Anna, Edward."

"Damn."

Carlisle is a total Mother.

I mean, seriously.

We all standing outside, were waiting for the werewolf envoy to arrive and what was he doing?

Yup, the old 'spitting on a tissue to rub away dirt' bit.

"Get ooooooff!" I said, waving my arms.

"Anna, you have to look presentable!"

"Aaaargh, I am so sick of all your rules! 'Do this! Remember that! Don't put that in your mouth!'"

"I'm going to choose not to enquire after that last one," said Jasper.

"Anna," the Doc said, patiently. "You have to look like we're taking good care of you. Having a human here could violate the truce."

"So there'd be a vampire werewolf war?? Oh that'd be SO FRICKIN'-" I saw his face. "TERRIBLE! Is what I was going to say! Not awesome! Not awesome at all!"

"Good. Anyway, they might suspect we're going to try and change you into a vampire, so we just have to look like you're not being kept here against your will and affirm that you're not becoming one of us."

"Damn straight. But, uh, newsflash Doc. I AM being kept here against my will."

Emmett chuckled. "Fine. We'll let you go then. Back to the warm arms of your loving family who provide no defence against an enraged vampire attack in any way whatsoever and will be ripped apart in soft sprays of blood and warm flesh."

"You know what? I love you guys. Don't ever, ever leave me, 'kay?"

Carlisle took a step back. "Does she look okay to you Edward?"

Anal-boy looked up from his nails. "About as okay as a retarded monkey can be."

"I hate you."

I had to admit, I was looking less then my best. My normal clothes were in the wash, and I downright REFUSED to wear any female vampire clothes (skinny bitches), so I was donned in a weird time-combo of Jasper's. It was kinda rapper meets pirate, with baggy pants and a large shirt.

"I was going through a phase," Jasper said apologetically.

"I'm glad you've put your brief foray into homosexuality behind you."

"Shuttup!" hissed Carlisle. "They're here!"

They were.

I watched in freaking awe as the giant wolves padded out of the forest and into the clearing. They were as tall as I was, and muscles rippled with every step. I was starting to feel very, very human…

Except when they turned into dudes. Then I just felt like a girl staring at a bunch of nekkid' guys.

"DUDE! NOT COOL!" one of them yelled, trying to cover his manly bits. "You said all the girls were away!!!"

"How did we know you'd take this opportunity to strut around in the nude?" enquired Edward.

"Ah," I said knowingly. "So you're a dick to EVERY species."

One of the werewolves walked forward, making no attempt to cover his dangly bits at all. He leaned in and sniffed my hair, looking very suspicious.

I shrieked. "I need an adult! I need an adult!"

He leaned away. "She's human," he said accusingly to Carlisle.

"That's right Sam," said Carlisle soothingly. "Anna is a guest here, for a little while. We're taking good care of her."

"Human? Really? For how long?" Everyone heard the hidden question behind the question. They weren't just asking about how long I'd be staying there, they were asking…

"No one," I said firmly. "Is. Making. Me. A. Vampire."

They looked at me.

Silence.

"Uh. And you're all naked," I added. "Just saying. Didn't like to bring it up, but I can totally see your junk… Whatever, it's cool."

So I wasn't allowed into the conference room. I didn't really care, to be honest. I had seen them go from wolf to dude, and that was all I really wanted to see.

Seeing their junk was just an unexpected bonus.

So I sat at the dining-room table, irritably bouncing a bouncy ball on the sleek mahogany surface.

"Hey."

I looked up and lo and behold, it was one of the wolf-boys.

"Hey. I saw you naaaaaaaked."

He hitched up the sheet he was wearing around his waist higher"Thanks. That completely puts me at my ease."

"Hah. So why aren't you in there?"

He leaned over and took the ball. "Pfff. Boring."

"I know, right?! Cool morphing, BTW"

"Thanks…are these vampires really taking good care of you?"

"Yeah man, totally. Don't worry, I get it. Carlisle told me about the war between you guys. Of course I had to be all 'Oh, that would be very serious and awful' because I had to be all sensible but seriously inside I was like 'THAT WOULD BE THE COOLEST THING EVER'"

"Really?"

"No seriously, think about it!"

"Actually, I guess that would be pretty cool…"

"It would be super cool!! Actually, I thing they made a movie like that… underground, or something…"

"Cool, yeah and it could be all like 'Graaah! We are the LYCANS!' and they'd be all like 'Back werewolves! We have pointy teeth!' and then we'd rip the shred outta them and be like 'Graaah graaah graaah'!!

"Dude, that'd be EPIC!!"

"Man, I'm really hungry. There anything for eating around here?"

I stared at this wolf-boy, aware I was looking at at a kindred spirit.

I slung my arm around his ridiculously broad shoulders. "This is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship."

"…oh-kay…?"

Later, Edward found me munching on the snacks he had prepared for the guests. He had cut up all these teeny-tiny little sandwiches and cheese and grapes on sticks and things.

Seriously, I was major embarrassed when it came to offering wolf-boy (whose name is Jacob, apparently) food. There was nada for eating except this stuff. He had gone to the bathroom, and I stood there, sadly staring at the poor food.

Everything was very fancy.

Unfortunately, everything was also very small, so at that moment I was in the process of stuffing three tiny sandwiches, a mini quiche and some sort of roll into my mouth at once.

"Ugh," said Edward.

"Don't judge!" I replied.

Well, actually I think I said something more along the lines of "Mph Mmpphm!"

"Absolutely disgusting," said Edward calmly.

I swallowed hard. "I'm staaaarving!" I whined. "I thought you guys were gonna get more food for me! Real food, not this crap!"

"Actually, you're right-"

"AHA!!"

Edward ground his teeth. "This is actually too small. I forgot that werewolves eat more then the average human."

"But I'd eat more then this!!"

"I said the average human. You are some sort of masticating machine."

I nodded. "Point taken. So you- what's that?"

He was putting a large box onto the table, and whipped off the cover.

Inside were the most meat-filled, dripping, aromatic-

"SAMMICHES!!"

"What?"

I ignored him and grabbed one, moaning with the sort of pleasure that only mayonnaise can provide as I sunk my teeth into it.

"Aw yeeeah! You know I hate you-"

"I'm aware."

"But I gotta tell you man, you make a goooood sammich."

"What did you say?"

"Just saying you make a good sammich. Can't you take a compliment?"

"Sandwich."

"Yeah. You make a good sammich." I was starting to think he'd lost it.

"No, sandwich."

Yes, you make a good sammich! That's what I said!"

Edward opened his mouth to scream.

Jacob walked in. "Hey, sammiches!"

Edward put his head in his hands. "And so begins another episode which will test the encumbrance of my sanity…"

Jacob waved a sandwich at him. "What's the matter with him?"

I shrugged, my face covered in chicken-tikka sauce. "It's probably his period or something."

Jacob started laughing so hard he began to choke on a crust.

"Delightful," hissed Edward, walking towards him. "Now I have to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on a dog."

I watched interestedly as he did just that, and at the wet lump of bread that came flying out of Jacobs mouth.

It went splat onto the glass doors, behind which the boundary commission was in full swing.

The murmured talking stopped.

We all held our breath.

Then it started up again and we sighed in relief.

"Now quit being so stupid," Edward snapped.

"Jeez, calm down," Jacob said easily. "I wasn't going to die or anything."

"You might have. And I would have happily let you choke to your sorry death on the ground were it not for the fact that I would have some explaining to do to Renesmee."

I interjected here. No point in eavesdropping on an argument if you don't know what it's about.

"Renesmee is the freaky baby right? What, are you here favourite uncle Jacob, or something?"

Jacob opened his mouth, but Edward shook his head. "Don't. She had a panic attack when she heard I was a father. I'd imagine she'd go nuclear if she knew-"

Jacob nodded. "Got it."

"What?? What??" I whipped my head from side to side looking at them both. "What's going on? What aren't you telling me??"

"Well, if we told you, then we wouldn't be not telling you," Jacob said in a reasonable tone of voice.

I fumed, and was just about to start yelling when… the glass doors opened.

"Well," Carlisle said cheerfully, clapping his hand together in a very satisfied manner. "That's that!"

I refrained from yelling, merely because I wanted to say:

"Whaddup werewolf bitches?"

"I told you to stop saying that!" snapped Edward.

"But they are werewolves!"

"No, bitches!"

"But they are bi-"

"Stop it!"
Then one of the younger vampires put up his hand. "Um. Actually technically Leah could be a-"

"Shut up Seth!" snapped their leader, whose name I forget. "Thank you for your hospitality Carlisle. We'll be on our way now."

"Aw, you're leaving already!" I exclaimed to Jacob.

"Yup! Sorry, I'd hang out for longer but you stink of vampire."

"Yeah, I guess I probably do. Also, I haven't showered in a while. Fact."

He laughed and then picked me up in a bear-hug that could crack ribs.

"Glerck!" Goddamn what was with these guys and tallness??

Edward watched sourly and added: "By the way, you can keep the sheet," referring to Jacob's current mode of clothing.

"Nah, it's cool," he said, setting me down. "I'll give it back."

"If you like. I'll only burn it."

"Rude bastard."

"He is isn't he," I agreed. "Aaaggh! No!! My sammich!!" Upon hearing my agreement as to his parental status, Edward had used his freaky vampire skillage to both rob my sandwich and cover over the box-full of sandwiches, much to the chagrin of the younger werewolves who had been laying into.

"You don't like me, you don't like my cooking," he smirked.

"Dude, I will make love to you if you'll just uncover the sandwiches again," one of the werewolves said fervently.

"Now's your chance Edward!" I said enthusiastically. "Get in there!!"

"Take your rage out on Anna," Jasper advised, as Edward began to seethe. "Don't take it out on those innocent sandwiches."

Still furious, he dumped the sandwich and the box back onto the table. The boys howled (literally) with delight and began to feast once more.

"Take your rage out on Anna?" I asked Jasper incredulously. "What am I, a vampy rag-doll?"

Just then, the werewolf leader who had been conversing with Carlisle, clapped his hands. "All right guys, lets go!"

Moaning and groaning, they filed out, their arms piled high with food.

"Well?" Edward asked Carlisle. "What did I miss while getting food?"

"Yeah, what was this about?" I asked.

Edward turned to me. "Anna, let the grown-ups talk now, okay?"

"Aaaargh, I hate you!!"

I turned on my heel and stormed out of the room, up the stairs and threw myself onto a bed that had been bought for the very occasion of my coming to this house.

I screamed in rage into the pillow for a while and then I felt better.

Then, there was a tentative knock on the door.

"Anna?" Carlisle poked his head in. "Are you all right."

"No," I said moodily, head still under pillow.

He came over and sat beside me on the bed. "What's wrong?"

I came up for air. "Seriously?? Seriously?!?"

And so it began.

I ranted about the fact that I had been kidnapped, that there was no food, that I had no clothes, Edward, that I missed my parents, no one ever told me anything, I missed my friends, I was missing out on life…

"And," I finished twenty minutes later, "Did I mention? A deranged vampire is going to kill me."

"Anna," Carlisle said soothingly, "No one is going to kill you."

"When I die, I am so saying I told you so."

"Look, I'll fix the things I can fix, like the food. I'm afraid clothes might be a bit difficult until the girls come back though."

"Why?"

"Can you imagine Edward going into Forks and buying women's clothing?"

"Yes."

"Uh…bad example. Look, If you just accept your situation, I'm sure you'll relax into this new lifestyle. We don't know how long you're going to be here for."

"Yeah. Cuz I'm going to die."

"You're not going to die."

"70% of stalkers kill their victims."

"No they don't."

"I know this stuff. I checked online."

"Anna…" Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked like he was counting to ten. "I know this situation hasn't been very fair to you. Is there any way we can make it better."

"Well…"

"Any way that doesn't involve gratuitous violence towards Edward."

"Well, why didn't you say-"

"it's your birthday the day after tomorrow isn't it?"

I nodded cautiously. "Yeah. If my parents weren't all voodoo-fied no doubt the tearful appeals to bring home their daughter would be intensified right around now. Why?"

Carlisle rubbed his chin. "Well…what would you say if… All right, lets say hypothetically that I say you can have a party. What would you think of that?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"Does 'hypothetically' mean 'on toast'?"

"You could have a little party, just you and the boys…" he trailed off when he saw the look on my face. "What?"

"I can't help thinking that that sounds kind of like… every other day in this house!!"

"Well, I saw you talking to Jacob. You could invite him."

"Oohh could I?"

"Absolutely. And I'm going away tomorrow morning to a conference for three days, so I wouldn't be 'cramping your style'."

Seriously, he actually did air-quote signs.

"Don't worry Doc, if anyone does that it's Edward. He cramps style so hard it thinks it's met its anti-matter equivalent."

Carlisle frowned. "Maybe it's not such a good idea to leave you two without supervision…"

"Jasper and Emmett can supervise us!"

We both thought about this.

"Jasper can supervise us!"

"Well, I suppose. Can I trust you not to provoke Edward into disembowelling you?"

"Well, you know my motto."

"What is it?"

"When in doubt, set something on fire."

Carlisle stared.

"I'm kidding. It's actually W.W.C.N.D. What Would Chuck Norris Do?"

"Ah, I see," said Carlisle cautiously, getting to his feet. "I'll ask the others what they think of the party idea."

I scrambled off the bed that was like a bazillion miles high. "Ooooh!! PARTY!!"

"Party the day after tomorrow," corrected Carlisle.

"Sure," I agreed, dancing along beside him.

"A party?" said Edward. "Yes, because that's a good idea."

"PAR-TAY" bellowed Emmett, ripping off his shirt and swinging it over his head. We all carefully ignored him.

"Actually," said Jasper thoughtfully, "I think it is a good idea. It is her birthday, after all."

I nodded. "Yes, it is my birthday. That was good idea you just had there. A good idea about a good idea. You're very smart Jasper. I've always said that about you. I'd be talking to someone and then I'd say: 'Why, do you know of Jasper Cullen? Yes, he's very smart you know, very smart indeed-'"

"But if you agree to this," Carlisle interrupted. "The you need to organise it. I won't be here, remember?"

"Damn," said Edward irritably. "The conference."

"That's fine," said Jasper. "I mean, how hard can it be?"

"I want cake," I warned.

"I gathered."

"A big one."

"I'll do my best."

"Good," said Carlisle happily. "That's sorted then!"

"I also want presents!!!"

"I'll tell you what," said Edward. "My gift to you will be the continuation of your pitiful existence."

"If that's not a video-game then I don't want it."

So there you have it!

Werewolves AND a party!

Woooooo!!!