Chapter Three- Of Stupid Prefects and Goody Prude Shoes

a Siriusly Klutzy chapter.

After that little fiasco with the homework passes, I noticed that Potter was much more attentive to what he's been signing. I heard him giving Sam Collins of the Gryffindor Quidditch team (and a fellow prefect) twenty questions about the slip he needed to sign in order to get out of detention for McGonagal. Apparently Sam turned her favorite hat into a humming bird and it flew away. Though he claims it wasn't intentional, no one really believes Sam. He was right up there in pranking glory with the Marauders.

"How do I know this is really from McGonagal?" he asked Sam in the library while I was studying with Alice. It was Sunday and we had a big test in Astronomy on Tuesday and neither of us knew our constellation charts. Those charts were boring and couldn't keep me from glancing up and staring at the conversation that was happening over Alice's shoulder.

"It's got her signature," Sam claimed. He held the slip out for James to see. "And I need yours to prove that we've got Quidditch practice Wednesday and that I can't go to that and the detention at the same time."

James snatched the slip and analyzed it, holding it both up to his face, and far away to see if the signature passed his inspection. I felt a bit smug, realizing that I was rubbing off on him. I mean Potter checking signatures? I wouldn't have bet money on it.

Then again, I'm not really a gambler. Except for one time last year when Alice bet me that I couldn't get Frank Longbottom to buy me a butterbeer last year. I did it, although I told Frank it was for a bet and paid him back later, so I'm not sure that counts.

After determining it authentic, Potter signed it and gave it back to Sam. Sam started to walk away, but James quickly stopped him to ask which way he moved the wand in order to turn the hat into a humming bird.

Sam said you just have to make four quick zig zags and then he demonstrated on the shoe of a Hufflepuff seventh year. The 'shoe' started to fly but the seventh year, as if expecting this, pulled out his wand and turned it back to normal. The shoe fell to the floor with a thud and, barely taking his eyes off of the page, he pulled it over with an outstretched leg.

James grinned, thanked Sam, and Sam walked out of the library.

Okay, so old habits die hard.

"Do you have to patrol tonight?" Alice asked as we walked from the library towards the Common Room.

"Yep," I said with a grin. It was my first night patrolling as Head Girl and I was excited. Actually excited for patrolling. I had to meet Dylan Aggley at seven in front of the grand staircase.

Alice sighed.

"It's only for a couple hours," I said soothingly. "Do you're homework." She'd been procrastinating it all week, even when I threatened her with detention, but she shot back that I couldn't give her a detention for not doing her homework, only professors could. When I asked her how she knew that, she just grinned and pulled out a novel. Well, first she said that it wouldn't have mattered if she still had homework passes (it turns out they couldn't use mine) so technically it wasn't her fault.

Alice laughed. "Yeah. Right."

I shrugged. "Then suffer."

She rolled her eyes. "Such a good friend. You can't skiv off patrolling for one night to be with your, might I remind you, best mate."

"Are you mad? I can't skip my first night of patrols."

"Oh, that's right. I forgot," she said, waggling her eyebrows like a loon. "You're going to patrol with Dylan Aggley!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked shooting a glare in her direction.

"Only that you love him," she sang. She was a four year old trapped in a seventeen year olds body. I swear.

"Shove off. I've never even talked to him before."

Alice gave me a smug look. "Because you've been too busy snogging him."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Alice. That's what I do in my spare time. All those times you thought I was sending letter's to Mum, I was off meeting Dylan for a midnight snogging session. Everything was planned."

"Well who else sends letter's at midnight?" she asked with a grin.

"It was a long letter! A letter which I didn't start until ten thirty."

"Uh huh." She wasn't convinced. I hated when she did this. "Whatever you say, Lily." Then she lowered her voice. "Head Girl's always honest, my ass."

I hit her in the arm.

"And violent," she added. "Don't worry. I'll be fine. All by my lonesome. While you're off snogging Aggley!"

And on that note, she took off up the stairs, two at a time.

I rolled my eyes (I always seem to be doing that around my friends) again, and continued walking up the stairs, trying to picture how patrolling was going to be. Fun, I expected. Well, better than spending the night sitting in the Common Room doing homework and looking up spells. And Dylan seemed nice, like good company.

Not as in good snogging company. I honestly have no idea what goes through Alice's brain besides snogging.

Besides, that's not really what the prefects did. I never went off and had intense snogging sessions when I should have been patrolling the halls and keeping kids out of detention. Unless they needed to be, of course.

But then again, I always patrolled with Remus. And he's Remus. You just don't snog Remus. Unless, you know, you're his girlfriend or something. But I'm not. I wasn't. Therefore, no snogging for Remus or I. Well, at least not together. I don't know what he does in his spare time. For all I know he could be snogging someone.

I have heard that last year Judith McKay was caught snogging in the broom closet. But that was by the Head Boy and Girl, and she wasn't on duty. Though I wouldn't put it past her to do that while she was on duty.

Not that I have anything against Judith. She's just rather, well, she's not a very conservative girl. If you get what I mean.

She would be the one snogging Remus during patrolling hours. Not that I'm saying Remus would do that. But she would. He wouldn't let her, though. I hope.

No, Alice is just a loon. She doesn't know what she's talking about. Snogging on duty. Mad. Simply loony.

I don't know about James though. He seems like the type that would take his duty and completely annihilate it by snogging someone. Hell, I wouldn't put it pass him to be in the middle of writing out a detention (if he would even do that) and then just stop, mid-word, and snog the poor girl senseless.

Well, she wouldn't think she was a poor girl.

It's a commonly known fact here at Hogwarts that James is sought out by most of the female population. Of course, they're all mad, wanting someone that's cocky and late all the time.

How he got to be Head Boy...

By the time I'd finished the rant in my head, I'd reached the Common Room. It was six forty. I had to make my way back downstairs in a mere ten minutes anyway, so that I would be on time. So it was a rather pointless trip up there.

Alice was sitting by the fire, her Transfiguration homework spread out around her. She was nibbling on the end of her quill, looking extremely confused.

I sat down next to her.

"Oh thank Merlin," she said, looking up with a grateful smile. "I'm never running off like that again! I got here in a matter of minutes and was so bored that I actually resorted to doing homework."

I laughed.

"It was horrible, Lily. Homework." She twisted her face into a grimace, snapped the book shut, and tossed her papers to the side.

"It's not that bad," I said with a shrug. I didn't see why people thought homework was so horrible. It's not hard or anything. It expands your brain.

"Not that bad?" Alice asked astounded. "You're mad, Evans. Truly mad. I hate it. It's stupid and useless and I'll never need to know it later in life when I'm a famous something or other."

Alice liked to believe that she was going to be famous. She wasn't quite sure how she was going to get there, but she was sure it was going to happen.

"Well, if you want to become famous for finding a cure for something, like dragon pox, you'll need to know potions and such."

"I don't want to do that," she pointed out. "I'm just going to be famous."

"Sure, sure."

"You're the reason they forget the little people," she grumbled, but then grinned.

"Thanks. And when I'm famous for creating a polyjuice potion that lasts longer than an hour, I'll be sure to send you a fruit basket."

"So generous."

I grinned. "I thought so. It would have loads of peaches, of course," I added.

Alice's face fell. She hated peaches. She believed that they were the natural enemy to the apple.

"Don't you have someone to go snog?"

I looked down at my watch. Six forty eight. Two minutes.

"I've got time. And I'm not going to snog him, you prick."

"You're going to make him wait?" she asked, waggling her eyebrows. I rolled my eyes. "Oh, oh. I get it. Mysterious. You'll make him wonder what you were up to."

"Shove off," I said, taking a piece of her spare parchment, crumbling it into a ball, and chucking it at her head. "I'm leaving now. Have fun with your homework!"

She cringed as I stood up.

"Bye!" she called. "Have fun! Give the ickle imps loads of detentions!" A second year, I noticed, glared in her direction.

"See you in a bit."

By the time I got down to the grand staircase, I still had three minutes to wait. I would have been just on time if Alice hadn't made me want to leave early.

I wandered around the base of the staircase for five minutes before Dylan showed up. Okay, so he wasn't the most punctual person in the world, but he definitely had more potential then Potter. And technically he was only two minutes late, because I was three early. So it was no big deal. I just hoped nobody caused trouble in those two minutes.

"Hey," he said, bounding down the staircase. "Sorry. I got caught up."

"It's all right. I just got here."

I was starting to get nervous. I'd never met this boy in my life (other than the Heads meeting and the prefect meetings last year, but I'd never actually said anything to him) and now I had to spend hours with him, making conversation, patrolling, and trying to keep things interesting. I may be able to multi-task homework but trying to keep conversation interesting was not my forte. The only thing I knew about him was that he was a fair haired, tall, lanky, sixth year Hufflepuff. I wasn't sure why I hadn't looked into getting more information about him from other students. How did that not occur to me?

I felt like a total and complete dolt.

"So, shall we start with the Charms corridor?" he asked lightly, obviously not sensing the awkwardness that was oozing off of me.

"Erm, sure," I responded. He started to walk and I followed him. I followed him. He was a prefect. I was Head Girl. You'd think that I would be the one doing the leading.

Or maybe I was just thinking the old fashioned way. He might just be preparing in case he wanted to be Head Boy next year. Obviously. I was just being paranoid.

"So how long do we do this for?" he asked after walking out an empty classroom with his hands in his pockets.

I looked at my watch. "Only a couple more hours."

He sighed, which offended me a bit. Was I really that boring?

"Last year there was so much action! At least four detentions every night I had to patrol. It's like they're afraid of you. They know you're out." He grinned.

"Well, I didn't tell anyone about the schedule so- Wait, four detentions a night?"

He nodded and we started down the hall again.

"Sometimes more, sometimes less. It all depended, really."

"I barely gave out any detentions last year," I mumbled. "Well, I guess I caught people loads of times. I just gave them a warning."

He nodded. "I guess us Hufflepuffs are just harsher than you Gryffindors."

I rolled my eyes. It all comes down to house competition. There would never be peace if everyone was constantly competing.

But Hufflepuff being harsher than Gryffindor?

I laughed. "Yeah. Right. Why do you think they're all scared of me?" I lied. Confrontation wasn't something I was big on, but he didn't need to know that.

But I couldn't believe I'd just lied to a prefect. Scratch that, I can't believe I just believably lied to a prefect.

He shrugged.

We walked in silence to the Transfiguration corridor.

A few minutes later, he chuckled.

"What?" I asked, looking around for something amusing. Suits of armor, pictures of children playing chess, big stone walls. What a laugh!

"Nothing, nothing," he said, shaking his head.

I rolled my eyes. "No. Now you have to tell me."

He chuckled some more. "I just can't believe how wrong my mates were," he finally said.

"What? Why?" I asked, confused because I still couldn't find whatever was funny. I mean, I'm sure his mates are probably very funny people, but I didn't know them... so I didn't know what was funny.

"Well, everyone was saying that we were going to be snogging instead of patrolling," Dylan said as I looked in an empty classroom.

I popped back out. "What? Really?"

He stood there looking extremely amused. "Yeah."

"Huh. Odd," I said, barely able to believe that our mates were equally mad. He raised an eyebrow in my direction. "It's just that Alice said the same thing. She said that's what everyone does while they're patrolling. Mad, eh?"

Dylan grinned. "Completely."

He disappeared into a classroom a few steps ahead of me. I waited for a second and he came back out.

"So," he continued. "Do you want to?"

"Want to what?" I asked distractedly as I peered into another classroom. Why we needed so many classrooms was beyond me. It's not like they're useful everyday. Maybe for storage or something. But other than that, they were just useless empty things with loads of desks. Okay, so not empty. But useless, except for the keeping desks in thing.

"Snog. Do you want to go snog?"

I stopped in my tracks a few paces out of the classroom and rose an eyebrow in his direction.

"Pardon?"

He grinned. "I was just wondering... obviously people do it all the time."

"Are you mad?" I asked as I got into Mad Lily stance. My hands immediately went to my hips, my chin went down, and I gave him my best You-Better-Watch-It-Or-I'll-Blow-Your-Head-Off glare.

He gave me a questioning look.

"You're absolutely mad!" I continued. "No. Absolutely not. First off it's completely against school rules. Second, we're on duty! And thirdly, you're mad! And I do not snog mad people!"

He was completely off his rocker! He had absolutely no right to do that, to ask that. None what so ever! He's lucky I didn't bring him down to Professor Sprout then and there, the little toerag.

I stormed off ahead of him, muttering angrily.

"Awe, Lily, come back!" he called, but I could hear the defeat in his voice.

Who does that? Honestly! It was absolutely ridiculous. If I'd thought of it at the time, I would have docked points. Damn, I should have. I can do that to prefects, and they can't do it to me.

I managed to finish my patrolling while avoiding Dylan the rest of the time. He had the west half of the castle and I had the east. Or at least, that's what I determined when I stomped over to the east side. I just assumed he stayed on the west side. Which was okay with me. He could have gone and snogged a suit of armor. The nerve.

At seven after eleven I reached the Common Room. Alice was still in there, reading another novel. Or, actually, she was asleep, the novel still propped up against her legs, but her head was tilted to the side.

I walked over and nudged her in the arm. Nothing. So I did it again and still nothing. "Alice," I whispered slowly, trying to be the good friend and not scare her by waking her up. But she still didn't respond. "Alice!" I said more loudly. And still nothing. "Alice!" I said even louder and this time with a swat in the head.

She jumped with a jolt. "Merlin, Lily. Jeez." She looked at her watch and sighed. "Well, I only fell asleep fifteen minutes ago."

"Let's go up to the dorm."

She mumbled a yes, or what I was assuming yes, because she lead the way. "How was it?" she asked before yawning as we went up the stairs.

"Awful."

She chuckled. "Aggley not the best snogger then?"

I laughed as well. "No respect. He actually wanted to snog. Just to stop our duties and snog!"

Alice laughed loudly. "I told you! That's all anyone ever wants to do! I know that and I never was a prefect!"

"Yeah, well..." I pushed the door to the dorm open quietly. Marlene was snoring softly on the other side of the room. "It was ridiculous. He was nice at first."

Alice sighed solemnly. "They all are."

"I wouldn't go that far."

"True, very true."

The next morning in the Great Hall for breakfast, even though I was in a very good light-hearted mood, I was getting plenty of weird looks, particularly from the Hufflepuff table. I came down early, not bothering to wait for Alice and Marlene because Marlene was still in the shower by the time I was finished getting ready and Alice was looking for her tie.

"Merlin Evans, what'd you do to them?" Potter asked. He walked over and sat next to me, but facing the opposite direction. He was giving the Hufflepuff table a raised eyebrow. I turned to see their reaction and I saw Dylan Aggley whisper something to one of his mates who was giving me a weird look.

I gasped.

"It looks like you put itching powder in their pants. Clever."

"I didn't put itching powder in their pants," I clarified, mainly to a second year who'd overheard that. With all my luck, he were friends with one of them and would returned the favor to me on their behalf.

"What'd you do then?"

Grinning despite myself, I answered. "I didn't snog Aggley during last nights patrols."

"Pardon?"

"What?"

"What did you just say?"

"I wouldn't snog Aggley last night?" I questioned. He was looking at me curiously but a smirk quickly spread across his face.

"That explains it," he exclaimed.

"Explains what?" I asked confused and annoyed. You never really got the entire story with James Potter. Just the bits and pieces he used to make you go completely mad and then you'd have to hex him. Unfortunately, as Head Girl I didn't think it'd be entirely right to hex the Head Boy so I just stared at him until he answered me.

"What I overheard this morning."

I rolled my eyes. "And that would be...?"

"'I always knew that Lily Evans was a goody-goody,'" he quoted, leaning his elbows against the table as he did so.

"What?" I asked shocked, but finding the whole thing amusing. "He called me a goody-goody?" Ha!

James nodded. "I guess it explains why you'd never go out with me. Stunning good looks, charming personality, the works. What isn't there to love?"

I glared at him, but wasn't in the mood to be completely upset. A goody-goody? Really? Dylan Aggley thought that I wasn't outgoing?

"I wouldn't snog him on duty," I said out loud, more to myself than to the only present company I had, "so now he's calling me a good-goody."

"Obviously you need to be more rebellious, Evans," he said with a chuckle. I turned to look at him. He was sitting up again, no longer using his elbows, and for a split second I thought he was going to kiss me because of all of this snogging talk. It must have been my brain going mad. But he just stood up and said, "Being a rebel isn't that bad." He shook his head, flicking his hair out of his eyes. "I'm just glad you weren't one with Aggley."

After giving me an expression of disgust, he winked and walked away leaving me to ponder my options of being a goody-goody prude shoes.

A/n: Hello there amazing readers! Here's chapter four. Crazy hormone driven prefects who just want to go around and snog the Head Girl. Obviously Lily would not deal with that. Head Boys on the other hand... Haha, just kidding. Nothing like that is going to happen quite that soon. Or at all. I mean snogging in the halls? How tacky. :P Anyway, before I make myself sound more like a completely crazy person, I wanted to say thanks again for reading. And for all of the reviews. It makes me happy and I brag about them all the time. You guys make me arrogant. Lovely. :D

Anyway, it's spring break but I've got an idea for chapter five. It should be up soon, but no specific dates. Stupid time limits make me panic and then it won't turn out good.

Thanks for reading! Much love and a bag of marshmallows for you to play football with!

Siriusly Klutzy