Perhaps for the first time in her young life, Ty Lee dreaded the sight of morning creeping through her windows. The sun rose, but she brought none of her usual excitement for all of the possibilities of the new day. Waking up, getting out of bed meant facing Azula, and, in perhaps another lifetime first, that was something she didn't look forward to either.
She rolled over in bed to turn away from the sun and sighed deeply. She kept her innocent, grey eyes sealed shut and tried not to stir, as if she were trying to convince some invisible onlookers that she were still sleeping. She was embarrassed. Her best friend was just down the hall, and they had all day to spend together, yet the acrobat couldn't help but want to hide in bed.
She knew that the princess wasn't herself anymore; she knew her mind was ill, and her words shouldn't be taken seriously anymore. But, that didn't change the fact that last night still hurt. Azula wasn't acting like the calm and calculating mastermind that she'd always been, but Ty Lee couldn't escape the thought that the old princess was still there, at least in traces. She had to have recognized her; she had to have remembered the greatest source of Ty Lee's bitterness and insecurities. Obscurity and lack of individuality were the acrobat's worst fears, and in her rage-drunk accusations yesterday, Azula had pushed against them. It may not have been something normal Azula would have done, but it's something that only someone so dear to her would have known how to do. And now, she had to face that potential tormentor again with a forgiving heart and the understanding that she either wasn't herself or didn't mean what she was saying. No doubt sleeping the day away was terribly appealing right now…
This isn't me! She chastised, trying to force herself back into her normal, perky outlook. I should check on Azula. Maybe she's better today. Maybe she's my Azula again today… She paused to remember her few short encounters with the princess and winced at how easily they started to gnaw at her hope. But determined not to be so easily defeated, Ty Lee snapped back. No! Azula needs me. Even if she's not herself today, that just means she needs me even more.
She threw the covers off and washed up in the small basin her servants had left in her room at daybreak. Staring down her reflection in the mirror, she took one last deep breath. Alright. Enough wasting time!
The acrobat sprung to her feet and marched down the hall with an air of resolve. She was headed off by the servant who had been charged to stay awake outside of Azula's room the night before. The princess hadn't regressed into screaming fits again after Ty Lee'd left, but Zuko must have ordered non-stop watch. He bowed groggily. "Good morning, your grace. Did you sleep well?"
"Umm, yeah," Ty Lee lied.
"Jue will arrive shortly to ask about any further needs. In the mean time, would you like to have your breakfast with the princess?"
"Ummm," the girl stammered again. She wasn't sure if there would be a repeat of the night before, and she'd find herself kicked out of the room by a frenzied Azula. "Yeah, please." Ty Lee's mind was too preoccupied to notice the servant bow and excuse him. She was anxious that she wouldn't be welcomed by today's Azula either.
She rapped lightly on the bedroom door, then let herself in. She couldn't help but let out a mental sigh of relief when she found a very different Azula waiting for her this morning. The princess was sitting cross-legged on the mattress with her back to the door, completely still and silent.
"Morning, 'Zula," Ty Lee called out softly.
No response.
She padded forward as quietly as she could, stopping beside her motionless friend. She studied the princess carefully with big, curious eyes before being satisfied by her stillness and settling down beside her. "Hey," she tried again to engage Azula, but she didn't so much as turn her head. The acrobat tried to trace the path of those golden eyes to find what she was staring at.
Only floor.
"I'm glad you're up, 'Zula. I told them to bring us breakfast together." Ty Lee's voice now brimmed with its characteristic perkiness. She'd made up her mind earlier that day and was never one to give up on her positive attitude.
But still, silence.
The young noblewoman had learned years ago that sometimes, Azula only got quieter and grumpier the more she tried to prod her into conversation, so she decided to ease off. Maybe she'll talk when she's ready. I should just stop being so annoying…That's what she'd tell me.
Ty Lee smiled quietly to herself at the thought of all the times the princess would bark at her to shut up, and the two would just sit peacefully together. She was always happy and, in a way, proud that she was never sent away with everyone else and was allowed to share the firebender's privacy. She reached out for the princess' thin, pale hand and brought it to her lap with a gentle squeeze before easing her mind into that same shared silence.
Azula stayed like that with Ty Lee holding her hand, running her thumb slowly over the back of her palm. From the outside, she appeared completely detached and unaware, but on the inside, the princess' mind was at war. Her parents, her bending masters, Fire Nation generals, the bickering, self-interested nobility, spirits, everyone and everything that crossed her mind screamed and wretched at her. Everyone wanted and expected something from her, but they'd never tell her what. They were relentlessly demanding: loud, judgmental, smugly and arrogantly disappointed by her.
A snapshot of Azula's mind wouldn't have represented her condition accurately. One moment, her father towered over her, belting her with flame whips for failing in that agni kai. Then, seconds later, she was being chased through a forest fire by some damn panda spirit. It was utter chaos, and it took every ounce of her will to keep them at bay within her mind. They all wanted something from her. She was sure of that. So, she made it her mission to concede nothing to them, to shut her body down from any of their raucous and insatiable demands. She wouldn't make a single effort more in the name of these fools.
The princess heard her name again and found herself being led by the hand to the low table on the floor of her room. She was being served, but couldn't remember what meal it was. She hadn't noticed where she was in hours. They were hounding her persistently yesterday and didn't want them to take over her again.
Of course, it would be much easier for her to contain them if they'd just tell her what the hell they wanted or how she could do it, but there was never any pleasing them. There never was, in her life or in her psyche. All there was were orders and rules, judgment and disappointment, failures and accomplishments that led inevitably to more and harder to attain demands. She found herself smothered and her mental resources preoccupied by keeping them at bay, but she was Crown Princess Azula. She knew she was still as intelligent and resourceful as ever, and she was determined to dispense of these leeches, all of them.
The only person who never demanded, never presumed she would perform for them was…
"Ty," Azula spoke for the first time of the morning. The acrobat's eyes widened with excitement. She'd slipped into the princess' room over an hour ago and had already finished her breakfast. She'd just been watching Azula gaze into nothingness and waiting to see if she'd eat.
Her heart now pumping more quickly at the hopeful sign of a calm Azula, Ty Lee gripped her thin hand tighter. "Good morning, princess," she replied with her typical wide smile. She wanted to burst into chatter, but she didn't dare pressure Azula further and make her clam back up into silence.
The firebender turned her head slowly to meet her friend's cheerful gaze, and the two sat there quietly with their eyes locked for a few moments. "I'm sorry," was all the princess could offer. Her voice was flatter and without its usual sharp and authoritative tone, but it wasn't from sadness or boredom. Her mind was simply too busy wrestling away her demons for her to perceive and interact much with, well, reality.
Ty Lee eyes dampened in confusion. "W-what do you mean, 'Zula?"
"I'm sorry," the princess repeated. After a pause, she noticed that her bright-eyed friend didn't seem to be understanding. "For yesterday." Another pause as Ty Lee failed to respond. "I-I did recognize you…of course. I couldn't forget you. Y-you're my…"
Azula's voice trailed off, and the empty gaze started to return to her eyes. Not wanting to lose her so quickly, Ty Lee leaned in and grabbed the princess in a tight hug, rubbing her back gently up and down. "I know, 'Zula. Don't apologize. I know you weren't yourself. It's ok."
Azula leaned her weight into her friend's close embrace and moved to wrap one arm loosely around her. It was slight and not nearly as affection as a normal person might offer, but Ty Lee's smile widened. It wasn't commonplace for the princess to show affection, so she would take what she could get graciously.
"I-I can't talk or…process much, but…" The princess grimaced and grit her teeth in frustration. She hated how hard it was to express herself or even think when her mind was taken captive. Whatever concentration she could spare from keeping their vicious and unyielding shouting at bay was not nearly enough to hold a proper conversation. "B-but I can still hear you. I can't always…understand or…r-respond, but…" Ty Lee pushed her away gently so that she could look at her princess' face while she spoke, but Azula's eyes were sealed shut. She went quiet again and seemed to be deep in thought. Finally, she managed to say all she needed to say. "Please stay. Just keep talking to me."
The acrobat dove back in another hug. "Of course!" she chirped eagerly. A month ago, she would've been sure than an invitation to talk endlessly in the princess' company was a trap to get her roasted by lightning bending, but Azula seemed really to be sincere. I'm not sure what's going on in her mind, but there's clearly something wrong. She's so…distracted or confused. She's still not herself like this, but she needs me, and I'd do anything she asked. Besides! It's just talking. I do plenty of that on my own.
"Well, umm," Ty Lee tried to think of something that wouldn't upset Azula. The past months they'd spent together were in the name of war and ended with her punching the princess to the ground; she assumed it was better to avoid any of those topics for the time being. "Oh! I've been thinking a lot about when we were younger, 'Zula. That's why I'm here, you know? You're my best friend and have been since we were little. You're not well, so I belong here!"
The acrobat had gradually loosened her hold on the princess, so that she could move her arms to reach across the table. Azula felt her stomach rumble, as she remembered it'd been at least a day since she'd eaten. She'd slept the day away yesterday, then woke up in a raging fit later that night. She knew she was hungry, but moving around and eating required a mental effort of their own; she couldn't spare the attention to do both that and listen to Ty Lee. So, she remained still, trying to fix golden her eyes safely on her friend's glowing grey ones. She'd rather stay physically uncomfortable for a while in order to stay with Ty Lee, at least in mind.
She seems… happy to be here. But, that's just Ty Lee. She's just always happy and talkative. Her chattering friend said a few things Azula didn't quite catch, but now that she'd been warned that she wouldn't always get a response, she felt free to keep going until told to stop. A hint of a smile crept onto the princess' face, as she watched Ty Lee entertain herself and her by just talking. It's really cute actually, how she's so content just to be.
"Do you remember the first time we met?" Ty Lee asked, not really expecting an answer. Even if Azula could respond, the acrobat started talking again anyways. "Well, even if you do, I'm going to tell you about it anyways, because it makes me happy. We're just like we were then!"
Actually, it wasn't really the first time we'd met. I'd seen you before at balls and celebrations at the Fire Nation palace, but your Father always kept you by him and never talked much to the nobles, so we didn't get to talk. The first time we met for real was at the Academy."
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The then Prince Ozai wanted to keep his little prodigy free from distractions and the lesser company of nobility in order to ensure the absolute security of his more valuable child. He insisted that with the promise she showed, she should devote herself day in and day out to the art of firebending and the military history of the nation. He was so sure that this girl alone could win the war for him if given proper seasoning.
But, at that time, he still had a small soft side for his wife, who insisted her youngest have as much normalcy as being royal and gifted would allow. So, much to his resentment, he conceded, at least somewhat. Princess Azula would attend the Royal Fire Academy for Girls instead of stay in the palace under his private tutelage, but would not partake in the "utterly offensive" policy of boarding with room mates.
Having attended the Academy herself, Ursa insisted that living amongst the other girls was essential to being included and making friends. To that, Ozai simply responded, "My daughter will stand apart and not assimilate, because she is so far superior to the others. And, even if she were as dull and useless as that stump, Zuko, no royal child of mine will be forced to sleep amongst the more common." He'd compromise no more.
So, when the carriages and palanquins arrived that first Sunday evening, the wealthiest and most well bred five-year-olds of the Fire Nation were welcomed and ushered away from their parents to the dormitory lounge to meet their assigned room mates. The princess, however, was escorted privately to her suite at the far end of the highest floor. It was a room normally reserved for the headmistress, but Ozai barely hesitated to inform her that his five-year-old would be moving in instead.
By the time the servants had finished moving out the old furniture and replaced it with what Ozai described as "adequate accommodations for a royal," the school curfew had already passed. Ozai and Ursa were quick to depart once they'd been satisfied that their daughter had had her belongings settled into the new space.
"I love you, child. Try hard and let yourself be friends with all these other nice girls." Ursa tried to soothe her baby before slipping outside.
"Make us proud," was all that her Father bothered to leave her with.
It seemed so sudden for the young princess. Minutes ago, half a dozen servants were jostling furniture, marching in and out carrying her things as her parents supervised. Now, it was dead still and quiet, and she was expected to be asleep like the other girls. But what was worst about her surroundings wasn't that they were still or quiet. For the first time in her short five years, Azula was alone.
In her waking hours, she was constantly surrounded by guards, servants, teachers, or family. When it came to bedtime, she couldn't remember when she ever slept in her parents' room, but Ozai was always paranoid about protecting what he considered the most important asset to the Fire Nation. Four imperial guards were stationed around Azula's room: two in front of the main door—out of sight, but still there for the peace of mind—and two at the terrace doors. Though outside, they were still in plain sight for the princess through the glass doors.
But now, with her parents out of reach and no servants or guards available to swoop down and answer her call, the young princess was terrified by such a feeling of isolation after knowing only smothering. She crawled onto her giant bed in the middle of her giant room and started to cry, homesick already.
Meanwhile, down the hall, a small family squabble was taking place. The dormitory's rooms were built large for the youngest girls at the Academy in order to accommodate four per room. However, due to their important standing and their relatively odd circumstances of having septuplets, the Xin family was given two bedrooms for their seven children without an outsider to fill their vacant space.
"What do you mean I can't stay here? It has my name right here on the room assignment, Wei Ling!" a young Ty Lee whined to her barely older sister.
"Three of us to this room means more room for us! Just go stay next door! They have an extra bed there too, and you and Yi Jing play sometimes."
"But my stuff's already here!" she shot back, now angry at the thick sense of rejection and unfairness of the situation.
"Oh. We'll help with that!" another sister called, as she started pushing Ty Lee's chest out the door. Ty Lee's face contorted into a scowl as she stood opposite of the chest, pushing back against it. Wei Ling grinned and helped in the effort, as the two sisters bullied the would-be acrobat and her chest out the door.
Ty Lee stumbled backwards under the weight of the chest and landed unceremoniously on her rear. She didn't want to look up and let them see her cry; they'd tease her even more then. She heard giggling, then the quick sliding of the dorm room shut with her still outside. Tears of anger and hurt burned down her round, flush cheeks as she sat curled up against her chest, hugging her knees.
She didn't want to go to her other sisters still crying, or else they might tease her also, too. She figured she was safe. Her family's rooms were the very last ones on the hall and faced each other, so if she hid behind her chest, none of the other girls would be able to see her if they came out, either.
But then, one of the double doors of the head bedroom creaked open, and a small girl with a tight topknot and bright red flame pin began to step. Her big, golden eyes peaked out anxiously until they easily spotted a little girl huddled up against a big, wooden chest.
Azula started towards her, suddenly relieved to see another human being, especially one who seemed to be as scared as her. "Hey, you!" she hissed in a loud whisper.
Ty Lee's big, grey eyes snapped up in shock. She was relieved not to get caught by her sisters, but still embarrassed someone had seen her crying. She looked up and asked shyly between sniffles, "M-me?"
"Yeah, can you come here?"
The miniature noblewoman gathered slowly to her feet and approached Azula. As she grew closer, she noticed that this girl looked upset too, so she grew more comfortable. She knew she wasn't going to be teased at least. "H-hi," Ty Lee said timidly, now looking the princess in the eyes with little space between them.
"Hey," Azula replied, uncertain of what to say. She just wanted someone nearby. She didn't necessarily want to make a friend in the middle of the night. "Umm. Why are you out here?"
The girl's grey eyes almost started to well up with tears again. She dropped her chin, so the other girl wouldn't have to watch her cry. "My sisters kicked me out. They wanted more space."
"Oh, that sounds mean."
"Yeah." Ty Lee paused before looking back up. "What about you?"
Azula wasn't sure if she should tell the truth. She wasn't sure if this girl would make fun of her or if she should be ashamed of being unable to sleep when all the other girls seemed to be fine in their rooms. But, I don't want to be alone, and this girl is alone, too. Maybe she can help…
"Umm, I-I've never been alone before," the princess admitted. "I came out to see if anyone was out here. I was scared." She started to bite her lower lip at that last admission. Was a royal Fire Nation princess allowed to be afraid?
"I'm scared, too." Ty Lee said quietly. Azula was comforted that someone else was scared with her; she wasn't just a big baby. "I don't want to get the teachers and tell them my own sisters don't even like me."
The princess let go of lower lip and cracked a smile. Maybe she can help me, and I'll help her then! "Well, I'm used to people being around me when I'm sleeping. I think that's why I'm so scared now, 'cause they're not here. Do you want to come stay with me?"
The anger and sadness seemed to be completely washed out of Ty Lee's huge, innocent eyes. "C-can I?"
"Yeah, ok." The princess' smile widened out of great relief. She was so nervous that this girl or any other girl who saw her looking down the hall scared would laugh and make fun of her. Instead, she'd found someone to solve her being alone problem, and she seemed to think she was getting a good deal out of it, too.
"Thank you so much!" Ty Lee called out, as she skipped to her chest and started to push it towards the door. She was moving it, but only slowly. She was a thin, tiny girl still, and the chest probably weight as much as she did. Azula watched her new companion struggle for a few minutes before a mixture of impatience and consideration took over and she rushed forward to drag the chest by the opposite end. Once they got it into the bedroom, Ty Lee's head jerked up and all around. "Wow!" she exclaimed while taking a few more minutes to examine her surroundings. "How come your room is so much nicer and just for you when everyone else shares a room with three people?
"Oh, well…" Azula was again caught in a new social situation. She'd never been around any other children besides Yu Ten and Zuko. She had no idea how to tell people who she was, but being honest seemed to work well about her being scared. "My name is Azula. I'm the princess. Prince Ozai is my father."
"Wowwww!" The little acrobat waited to see if the other girl were teasing her. Well, she has a room all herself and she's wearing that royal symbol in her hair! She really is the princess. "Oh! Umm." Ty Lee dropped her head quickly and pressed her palms together in a bow.
The princess walked over to her bed and sat down. "Yeah, that's why I got scared. I always have people around me, and there wasn't anyone." Turning back to the young noble, Azula noticed that her head was still bowed and her back still hunched over. "You know, you don't have to do that."
"Oh. Sorry!" Ty Lee looked up excitedly. She didn't know how she was supposed to be behaving. Meeting the Fire Nation princess was like meeting a storybook character. She'd read and heard all about her nation's princesses, but now that she was meeting a real one, she had no idea what to do. She didn't seem to be falling in love or need to be rescued like she always did in the stories… "So, umm…what do I do?"
"Well…" The princess hesitated as she thought. As far as she could remember, she'd never had anyone stay in her room as a guest or caretaker. "Usually the only people around at night just stand guard at the door."
"O-ok," Ty Lee responded uncertainly. She turned back to the door and stood facing it. I don't really get it, but I should just do whatever a princess wants, right?
Azula studied the new girl for a while before settling into her bed. She laid down under the covers, but couldn't close her eyes. She fixed her eyes onto the girl in the pink dress again, who was standing still at the door. Something felt off. The princess was used to people serving and protecting her, but making someone watch while she slept still made her uncomfortable, maybe because it was a girl her age or a noble. "Wait. This is weird."
"What is, princess?" the bright-eyed girl quipped back. The smile in her voice seemed to show that the girl was actually having fun. She was playing princess with, well, the princess.
"Come here," Azula demanded and pat her bed. Her new friend skipped over to the bed playfully and bounced herself on. The princess made room and offered the opening of the covers to her, which she thoughtlessly accepted. She slipped in beside Azula, even though there was plenty of room on the large bed for them to sleep on opposite sides. Azula started to fidget with her fingers a bit uneasily; she'd never shared a bed before...or spoken to someone who wasn't her slave or family member. Her glance shifted nervously around before landing on the pink girl again. "Hey! You look different from them."
"From my sisters?" Ty Lee's voice brimmed with excitement. As an identical sister of seven, no one had ever pointed her out as distinctive looking. They were always all beautiful or cute or adorable, never just her.
"No. I don't know them."
"Oh." The smile in her eyes dimmed slightly.
"I mean from everyone else. I've never seen anyone who looks like you." Azula continued to examine her new subject closely like a new species of turtleducks. She reached out a shy hand and ran her fingers through the light brown hair that hung around the girl's cream-colored face.
Ty Lee didn't pull away. She just watched the princess watch her and let her hair be studied by the young royal. "Cool," Azula delivered her verdict, eliciting a wide grin from the other girl. After being bullied by her sisters all day without her parents to break up the tiffs, this minor acceptance was warmly welcomed by the acrobat.
"What was your name again?"
"Ty Lee."
"Ty Lee," the princess repeated thoughtfully. Was this a friend? Her mom had told her to be nice to the other girls and make one of those, but she didn't quite understand what that word meant yet. But, this new girl seemed pleasant and willing to do things she asked her to do, both glowing qualifications for being in the young princess' company. Well, I don't want to sleep alone, and it does feel better to have someone here with me… "Well, you can stay here with me, Ty Lee. You don't have to go back to your sisters' room if you don't want to."
The girl's oddly colored grey eyes lit up with joy, as she threw her arms around the princess and hugged her tightly. "Thank you, princess! I promise I'll be good." Azula's eyes widened at the sensation. Her mother barely hugged her like that. Luckily for Ty Lee, Azula hadn't had the rules of propriety too ingrained in her mind yet. The affection and cheerfulness was…odd for the princess, to say the least, but she didn't think anything wrong of it yet.
"Right, umm. Okay." Azula responded to the other girl's happiness with nervousness. "I'm tired then." She pointed her palms at the lanterns around the bedroom, snuffing them out with her bending. She shut her eyes and eased into her pillow to sleep.
To her mild discomfort, the other girl didn't let go of her and instead curled up beside her with an arm across her stomach. "Good night, princess. Thank you so much! "
"Umm," the firebender stammered. She thought she'd made herself clear that she wanted utter calm and silence to sleep when she burnt the lights out, but she still felt compelled to interact now that she'd just told Ty Lee she could stay. "Okay, bye," she mumbled back.
It was awkward, but it was all she could think of. Things that her mother or servants told her at night like "I love you," or "Call me if you need anything," didn't seem appropriate. Company who didn't serve you or have to take care of you was a very foreign thing to Azula.
Before long, she felt the girl on top of her breathing more heavily, fast asleep. Comforted that she was neither alone nor obligated to be engaged with someone, Azula followed suit.
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"You were so, so cute back then, 'Zula! You were all rigid and uncertain of how to talk to people without ordering them around or threatening then. But, I knew you meant well on the inside. I would've had to go wake up the chaperones and tell them my own family didn't want me around if you didn't find me!" Ty Lee wrapped her arm around the silent princess' waist and leaned to rest her head on her shoulder.
"You know, I didn't know what to say to you either. I was so scared I would do something stupid or wrong in front of the princess. I guess I did… you told me I did often enough at least," she giggled to herself. "But, I know that's just your way of dealing with people. You get angry and mean, but you keep the people you actually love around afterwards and, well…" The acrobat tilted her head up to kiss Azula's pale cheek. "I'm still here."
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I'm sorry about the fluff! I couldn't help it. Go watch the Zuko Alone episode again. Baby princess and Ty Lee are too cute!