"ZUMBA!"

Bilbo was absolutely horrid at this.

Maybe he should have figured out exactly what Zumba was before he decided to take it.

It involved a lot of shaking, twisting, and bouncing, all of which Hobbits were definitely not designed to do. This was considered dancing?

Kili and Fili were, unsurprisingly, loving it. They had definitely chosen the correct form of physical exercise to release their pent-up energy.

Trying to keep up with the instructor, Bilbo shook his hips awkwardly, glancing over towards the boys. They were performing every move as if they were born to do it, their hair pulled back into loose ponytails elegantly, their broad smiles lighting up the room.

Bilbo huffed, sweat already pooling on his forehead. There were an astounding amount of things he was regretting since he started at Erebor U, and Zumba was fairly high on that list. He wasn't even certain men were built to do something like this, and certainly not Hobbits. Dwarves, Kili and Fili in particular, took to it with a passion.

But why were they so infuriatingly good at it?

The music finally came to a stop, the instructor starting the end-of-class applause, then finally dismissing them. Bilbo slumped forward, placing his hands on his knees and taking deep and shuddering breaths.

A hand slapped on his back, and he didn't even have the strength to jump in shock. Gulping, he wrenched his head back and sent a glare at Fili, the perpetrator, "How on earth you two can stay moving the entire class astounds me."

They didn't grace him with a retort, instead standing off to the side and watching him strain. Once he was finally able to stand straight without wanting to die, he leveled them with yet another glare, this one hopefully more threatening.

"Oh, we meant to tell you." Fili fell into step beside Kili and Bilbo, trapping the small Hobbit between them as they made their way to the locker room, "Your interview for the internship is tomorrow at five. We'll all take you there so we can talk about what you're going to say."

Bilbo gulped, his hands freezing, feet almost stumbling on the ground at the news, "What? I had no knowledge of this!"

"Don't worry, it's not with Smaug." Kili slapped him on the back, his enthusiasm and energy still at astronomical levels despite his workout, "It's with his secretary. And it's not like they can say no, you're the only Hobbit."

"Legally, they have to accept you." Fili shrugged, taking a long drink of his water bottle as they finally entered the men's locker room, heading to their lockers deep in the back, "You could go in there and speak in tongues and they'd treat you like you could create gold with your bare hands."

"Which would be totally awesome." Kili added, throwing open his locker and swiftly taking off his shirt, throwing it in and doing the same with his pants.

Bilbo was a bit slower in the process, his mind still running wild with the information that he'd being starting this whole adventure tomorrow. Glancing over at the boys, he was about to question once more about the plan, how thought out it was, and if they weren't just throwing him to the wind on this one chance, but was stopped suddenly.

And just as quickly as the thought of the internship left his brain, a mind-numbing insecurity took it's place.

He had to admit, Kili and Fili weren't unattractive. That, in fact, was a horrid understatement, as Bilbo couldn't get his eyes off the boys' toned stomachs and thick arms. Being a Hobbit, Bilbo himself was rather round in the midsection, not having any muscles worth mentioning. Watching the brothers in Zumba class had been infuriating, but this was just ridiculous. Never had Bilbo ever had the need to be self conscious about his weight, his physique, or his stature, but standing next to these two, he felt terribly inferior.

What possible use could all these dwarves have in a Hobbit?

Taking off his own shirt, Bilbo gulped nervously, trying to keep his bundle of clothing in front of himself to cover his stomach. His face was aflame as he did so, hastily attempting to put in his locker combination with one hand.

"Look at the thing." A voice sounded behind Bilbo, deep and intimidating, "He's practically obtuse."

He wished nothing more than for the ground to open up and eat him. Hobbit's weren't the friendliest group to outsiders, but as a Hobbit himself, he'd never been teased before in his life. He'd never been the brunt of a joke or the subject of mockery, and it was something he'd rather avoid if possible.

"Why do you think they allow this Halfling to take Phys Ed classes?" The same voices bickered back and forth, a deep undertone of mockery, not even bothering to lower their voices so they remained hidden, "He's so short and fat. Plus, he'd probably trip over those flippers if he tried to play any real sport."

Glancing down at his feet, Bilbo gulped as he wiggled his toes ashamedly. His feet weren't that big, were they? He was about to let himself fall into a deep pit of embarrassment and a tinge of sadness, when there was two strong figures on either side of him, burning with rage.

"What did you say?" Kili didn't hesitate as he placed himself in front of Bilbo, "You wanna say that again?"

"What?" One of the men stood forward, towering over Kili and glaring down at him, his brows raised in amusement, "You wanna stand up for this halfling? You, Oakenshield?"

"Yeah, we do." Fili's body joined his brother's, effectively hiding Bilbo behind their combined shoulders, "Now back up."

"Oh, wow." The man laughed, joined by his friends for a short moment, before resting his gaze on the short dwarves, "You know, I hear the Oakenshield's use daddy's money to get around, pay off all the teachers, get what you need by any way necessary. You think you're all so special."

He sneered, his eyes glowing as he leaned in on them, "You know, I also hear that the Oakenshield's have a ... different method of getting what they want. How about I take you two into the showers and test the theory?"

"Fuck you!" Fili shouted out, his teeth clenching as he stepped forward, inadvertently covering his brother as well as the Hobbit. His rage was bowling over like water, and even from his position, Bilbo could tell the taunters were standing on thin water. Fili was wound tight as a bow string, and Bilbo knew he was soon going to snap.

The man didn't see the rage in Fili's eyes, as he leaned forward with his brows dangerously low, "That's precisely what I was thinking."

Bilbo barely had time to push himself up against the lockers as the brothers attacked, launching themselves at the attackers. Hunkering down on the bench, Bilbo raised his arms to curl them over his head, wincing at every punch he heard, every grunt, every scream or threat. He wasn't one for violence, so he couldn't even bring himself to look up.

What on middle earth had those guys been talking about? They couldn't possibly... Fili and Kili would never do anything like that! Those bullies had been just that - bullies, but the brothers had reacted so violently. The others' words had struck something within the Oakenshields, a sensitive nerve.

"Yeah, you fucking run!"

Bilbo finally managed to peek over his fingers when he heard the scuffle finally stop, seeing the bullies hi-tail it out of the locker room, at least two of them sporting a black eye and a bloody nose. Kili and Fili were breathing deep, their poses still defensive as they held their bruised bodies taught.

Torn between being impressed and astounded, Bilbo slowly lowered himself to the ground. The two dwarves had just taken on three humans and sent them running. Erring on the side of impressed, Bilbo gulped and slid his feet across the linoleum, wondering if it was safe to approach the two. Inching forward, he gently and shakily reached out his hand, placing it softly on Kili's shoulder, almost anticipating a violent reaction.

Instead, the tension fled from Kili's body, his head slumping forward as he took a deep and shaky breath. He barely ticked his head to the side, peeking out from under his bangs to glance at Bilbo, a sad smile creasing his face. He looked torn and distraught, nothing of the usual happy face Bilbo was so accustomed to seeing, "I'm really sorry you had to see that."

Bilbo ignored the comment, shaking his head and bringing himself closer to the two. His eyes swiftly raking over their forms, he furrowed his brow in worry, "Are you guys okay? That was some scuffle."

Fili laughed, bringing his hand up and rubbing it violently over his face, drawing with it a wince and a small amount of blood from his lip, "We're fine. Not like we haven't been in a fight before."

"That's comforting." Bilbo huffed, reaching up and gently pressing his fingers against a rough bruise already growing at the corner of Kili's eye, "You two; I don't know if I should clock you one or hug you."

"I'd prefer the hug, but it's up to you." Kili winced, trying to offer Bilbo a smile, but failing as he winced instead. He looked rather pathetic, obviously off-put by the whole experience. Bilbo laughed, shaking his head and moving to wrap his arms around the Dwarf.

Kili froze at the unexpected embrace, his arms frozen above Bilbo's back. He had a whole array of scenarios going through his mind at how their little Hobbit would react. He never assumed Bilbo would react badly to the rumors, to what the others said about them, but he never imagined Bilbo would simply shrug it off and hug him. The small body was warm against him, holding him softly and carefully, making him feel more comfortable than he had in years. This Hobbit was full of mysteries.

"I don't know why those guys are saying what they did." Bilbo pursed his lips as he pulled away from the other, keeping a single arm wrapped around Kili's back, "But you are definitely not..." He coughed, face lighting in a flush as he remembered just what the others were insinuating about the Oakenshield brothers, "Definitely not that."

The brothers merely laughed, both of them simultaneously reaching to ruffle his hair happily, joyously smiling as Fili darted forward for his turn at a hug.

It was times like these that Bilbo tried to take deep breaths, gather himself, and try not to panic.

But it was so hard to keep his cool when Thorin Oakenshield was staring down at him like he were an insect. And Bilbo almost wished he were one, if that meant he could fly away and hide from those piercing blue eyes.

"Pray tell, what are my nephews doing in your dorm room, bruised and bloody?" His voice was like a thousand knives, all aiming for the vital points on Bilbo's body. If they had been somewhere secluded, Bilbo may have feared for his life. He still did, but the calming presence of Bofur to his side made the fear diminish just slightly.

Bilbo laughed nervously, "It's actually a funny story."

"Funny?" Thorin took a dominant step forward, his eyes shifting from the small Hobbit in front of him to his two precious nephews currently passed out on Bilbo's bed, "Please explain, halfling, how something like this could be funny."

Maybe Bilbo shouldn't have had the boy's call their uncle for a ride.

"Okay, so." Bilbo tried to ignore the 'halfling' comment, but it still made his shoulders droop slightly and his feet unconsciously shuffle closer to Bofur, "Well, we were in Zumba class, that's the funny part. Because you're nephews are ridiculously good at it. Like, weirdly good. They kept trying to say that they'd never done it before, but I highly doubt that-"

Bilbo squeaked as a hand landed harshly on the doorframe near his head, making a loud bang through the hallway and into the room. Bofur immensely wanted to interfere and step between Bilbo and Thorin, not liking at all the way the man was looking at Bilbo. But this was Thorin Oakenshield, and despite all things, he was their leader. He had the utmost respect for Thorin, and wouldn't go against him.

But this was Bilbo. And if Thorin dared to actually lay a hand on the Hobbit, leadership and respect be damned.

"W-well." Bilbo cut off his rambling and cleared his throat, nodding and nervously trying to speed up the story, "We were in the locker room to change into our real clothes and some guys came up. They started...to..."

Bilbo didn't really want to replay that part. Maybe he could just skip over it? Thorin didn't really need the reminder of how short and small and fat and weak and...oh, dear. The bullies sure did have a lot of ammunition.

"Tell me all of it." Thorin demanded, not daring yet to enter the Hobbit's home in fear that he'd break something upon entering. His nephews were too blind and too trusting, but the Hobbit had done something to get them this roughed up. Weren't Hobbits supposed to be dependable?

Coughing again, Bilbo nodded, "Some guys, they started to...well, taunt me. They were just saying a few things here and there, and Kili and Fili stepped in to get them to stop. Some things were said and all of a sudden there was a fight."

Thorin knew all to well about the rumors, as they had started from the very moment Smaug overtook Erebor. He'd taken the full brunt of the humiliation during his time at the University, and he'd worried about his nephews ever since they stepped on campus.

"B-but..." Bilbo gulped, smiling softly at the memory, "They were very brave to defend me, it wasn't something they had to do."

"No, it wasn't." Thorin felt his anger had abated enough to the point where he could enter, and he did so. There was no threat that he'd break something in his rage, as he had calmed at the mention of his nephews silly heroism. He didn't like to think that there were racist bigots within the walls of Erebor, but it was out of his control, at least until he reclaimed his home.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, Thorin let out a soft sigh as he finally looked upon his nephews. They looked so young, curled up with each other, breathing soundly in a soft sleep. It wasn't like they hadn't gotten into scrapes before, heavens knew there must've been hundreds Thorin hadn't even known about, but that didn't mean his heart didn't pang with worry at the look of fresh bruises upon their skin.

"Here."

Thorin glanced over, spying the large steaming mug of coffee presented before him. It was a courteous move, and while he still didn't think highly of the Hobbit (seeing what he'd done to his nephews), but he was in Bilbo's home. So he took the coffee, reluctantly, and had a hesitant sip.

And he'd be damned if it wasn't the most delicious coffee he'd ever had.

"I'll go grab us something to eat." Bilbo murmured nervously, wracking his mind to try to come up with different things that might appease Thorin. Food appeased a lot of people, so maybe he could get on Thorin's good side, "They're welcome to stay here as long as they want."

"We don't need your sympathy." Thorin ground, setting the coffee on the dresser and turning back to his nephews. He didn't know what it was about the Hobbit that irked him so, maybe his nervous tick. Even the small actions that Bilbo took to make them feel comfortable or offer them hospitality made something uncomfortable curl in his gut. He assumed it was anger, for that was the only thing it could be.

Bilbo huffed, rolling his eyes and perching his hands on his hips, "I'm not offering you sympathy, Mr. Oakenshield, I'm offering you food. You have to earn my sympathy."

Looking back at the Hobbit, Thorin leveled the other with a look of complete disinterest. This halfling was nothing that Thorin had ever seen. He was shy, but kind, and when he got something under his skin, he could stand up for himself rather well. As well as a Hobbit could, anyway, as Thorin was fairly positive if Bilbo ever even tried to hold a sword, it'd be disastrous.

"Now." Bilbo crossed his arms tightly over his chest, losing just a bit of his initial fervor, "I do believe a 'thank you' is in order, but I doubt you'll give it. I assume you'll be wanting something as well?"

Thorin was shocked beyond words. He didn't know if he should feel angry or something else entirely. Surely, the first thing on the Hobbit's mind, after a near-stranger just barged in and insulted him, wasn't to offer said stranger food? Hobbits were strange creatures, but surely they weren't this strange. They'd be extinct if they were as defenseless and hospitable as Mr. Baggins here.

Bilbo, taking the king's silence as an affirmative, nodded to himself and snatched his jacket off Bofur's bed. Saying a quick word with a pat to Bofur's arm, he made his exit a bit quicker than he usually would have. The offer of food was only half due to his intense desire to get out of his dorm room, as Thorin was extremely intimidating, but he couldn't deny that he was starving.

Watching the door shut slowly, Thorin absently reached up, taking the mug off the dresser and taking another long draw at the coffee. Damn, this stuff was good.

"He's a good person."

Thorin dragged away from his coffee long enough to glance at the other occupant of the room. He'd met Bofur a few times, spoken to him even less, but he knew this man was dependable. He was part of their group and respected him, but he could tell the other wasn't too pleased.

Bofur caught his eyes and sighed, "He's a really good person."

And, despite all things, Thorin believed him.

Because later, when Bilbo had finally made it back and his nephews had woken up, when he saw them drag the Hobbit between them and laugh, happier than he'd seen in so long...he couldn't find anything wrong with the Hobbit.

"Mr. Baggins?"

Bilbo was up on his feet in a matter of seconds, nervously pulling at the bottom of his shirt and scuttling after the secretary. He had been in the waiting room for thirty minutes, which happened to be some of the worst minutes of his entire life. Surrounded by men, elves, and dwarves, all of whom seemed to have gotten the memo that he was the only Hobbit, so he was automatically accepted into the Intern program. He'd been the brunt of their glares and ill-thoughts for the entirety of those thirty minutes, and it was such an experience that he'd never even wish upon his worst enemy.

He was quickly ushered into a small office, plainly decorated with a potted plant here and there. It was almost ethereal, as the walls were a stark white, but there was a deep green to the carpet, and a soft edge to all the furniture.

Bilbo gulped nervously as he took the seat in front of the desk, just barely glancing at the name presented on a small slat on the desk, but didn't trust himself to try to pronounce it.

"Mr. Baggins, is it?" The voice was as soft as air yet as dominant as a flame, and as the man spun around in his seat to finally face Bilbo, the Hobbit truly wanted to sink into his seat.

This 'Thranduil' was terrifying!

The large and pale elf tilted his head to the side as he stared down at Bilbo, showing little to no emotion, "Pleasure to meet you."

"Pleasure is all mine." Bilbo gulped, offering a small smile, though he wasn't sure it was as confident as he wanted, " ...Thrand..."

"Thranduil." He offered with a lilt of his lips, before then tilting his head down to glance at the papers in his hands. He seemed to ponder them for a moment, double checking a few things and lifting up the paper to read under it.

"I do say, you are the least qualified applicant who has ever applied to this internship."

Bilbo coughed, nearly choking on the air he was trying to breathe, bringing his hand up press against his lips as he fought not to cough even more, his face alighting in a flush.

"No work experience in Dale, no higher learning other than the single week you've attended Erebor University, and no other internship or volunteer experience." Thranduil flipped through the papers once more, of which Bilbo assumed was his resume and cover letter, "Your references are Gandalf, who is ineligible to offer reference due to his being on the school board; Your cousin Drogo, who is ineligible to offer reference due to his being family; and your high school culinary professor, who is eligible to offer reference, but failed to do so seeing as he has recently been incarcerated."

Well, it definitely wasn't Bilbo's fault that Mr. Radagast had gotten arrested.

"Please, do tell me, what possible reason could you have for applying for this internship?" Thranduil let the papers fall back to the desk, resuming his unamused glare at Bilbo's forehead, "Don't worry about the answer, I have to accept you into this internship, as unqualified as you may be."

"I just want to learn." Bilbo began quickly, finding his tongue and scrambling to come up with the best possible answer that wouldn't completely foil the plans before they'd even officially begun, "I was looking at internships, and I saw this one. I know that I am horribly under qualified, but I felt that if I was accepted, I could prove myself and live up to the situation.

"Well, that was foolish."

Bilbo wanted to deck him, but knew that this elf could break him in half with a pinky finger. That image alone was enough to make Bilbo somberly sulk back in his chair.

A retort ready on his tongue, a particularly witty comeback if he did say so himself, when he was interrupted by a positively evil slither of air going through the room. It made his toes curl, his hair stand on end, and his earlier desire to curl into himself magnify tenfold.

Bilbo couldn't bring his eyes to glance up at the soft tromp of feet that entered behind Thranduil's desk, he merely gulped and willed himself to stay calm, and faint again. Heavens knows what would happen then.

Thranduil didn't seemed perturbed in the slightest, merely swiveling his chair to the side and dipping his head in greeting to the man who had inaudibly entered, "Greetings, sir."

"I've just come to glance over the applicants."

Bilbo gulped, finally finding the courage to glance up at the man, his eyes widening as he drew his gaze up the tall, thin figure, to his pale face. Bilbo knew immediately who it was, for the man was absolutely terrifying, his lips pursed in a smirk. Spots of red scales graced his high cheek bones, his eyes a deep orange, framed by dark and swirling hair.

This was Smaug.

The man's smirk grew, tilting his head as he continued further into the room, "So, this is the Hobbit I've been hearing so much about?"

His voice was insanely deep, almost gravely, slow, and methodical.

Bilbo was instantly on his feet, afraid to move any closer, but showing enough courtesy to not sit there like a fool. He offered his hand quickly, trying to not be excessively intimidated by the man. It was a hard thing to do, considering all he heard from the brothers and Thorin, and not to mention the man was probably one of the single most frightening and overpowering men Bilbo had ever met. Bilbo could also ad that he barely came up to the man's hips, but just thinking about that made Bilbo woozy all over again.

"Bilbo Baggins, at your service." He tilted his head politely, but was painfully aware of how his hand shook.

Smaug strolled forward, bemusedly looking down at the Hobbit, taking his hand slowly and powerfully, "I am Smaug, Dean of Erebor. Pleased to meet you."

Bilbo gulped. He mentally made a note to smack Kili upside the head, for getting his hopes up that he wouldn't be meeting this man today. Just seeing him was something that he needed to be mentally prepared for, but when that hand encased his and burned like a furnace, he feared he was going to need therapy.

Then, as quickly and as silently as he'd entered the room, Smaug stood beside him, his mere presence making Bilbo's blood turn to ice. When he placed a single hand on Bilbo's back, just over his shoulder blades, Bilbo tried to focus on anything but the sheer size of Smaug's hand, and the burning heat it produced. Bilbo watched with wide eyes as Smaug dipped down to just near Bilbo's ear, his breath even hotter than his hand as it wafted over his cheeks, "I do hope I'll be seeing more of you, Mr. Baggins. You seem quite...interesting."

He let his fingers linger on Bilbo's back for a second more, before drawing them away, leaving the room like a breeze. The man's presence had filled the room so completely, Bilbo hadn't even realized he'd been holding his breath, as he shakily filled his lungs once more.

"Be here on the morning of September the first, at seven o' clock sharp." Thranduil didn't bother to make Bilbo sit again, for he had already deemed the interview pointless, "New intern orientation begins at seven thirty, and we'll be appointing you your station under Smaug, and your duties. Have the secretary send in the next applicant on your way out."

It was with a nod and a small 'thank you', that Bilbo found himself standing outside the office, wondering what on earth had just happened.

He was out of the building in a matter of seconds, and even quicker than that, he had a pair of brothers flanking him on either side and a very worried Bofur standing in front of him. Be it because they could see his frightened expression or his sweating brow, none of them said a word. Bofur took his shoulders carefully with both hands, as if treading on thin-ice, and each brother carefully slid their palms into his.

Usually he would have hated being treated so softly, but right now, he soaked it in. He was pleased beyond belief that the three had come with him to the internship.

"What..." Kili leaned forward, his expression confused, "What the hell happened in there? Did you not say what we planned?"

"I didn't exactly get a chance to." Bilbo gulped, and despite his earlier intent to knock the Durin a good one, he found he didn't even have the energy to do that. Lowering his gaze to Kili, he let out a shaky laugh, "You said I wouldn't be meeting Smaug."

Sorry for the super long time it took me to update! I already have most of the next chapter done, though, so you have that to look forward to! :D