Chapter 3
They were on her couch now, and she still hadn't let go. She was curled snuggly against his body, and she didn't intend on moving… Not anytime soon, at least. It was funny how her moods changed. Not an hour ago, she would've kicked his ass for even voicing the thought. As it was, she had now entangled herself with him, and he was holding her, and she was smiling… Really smiling… It wasn't one of those 'I'm-so-happy-because-I-have-to-be' smiles… It was pure, genuine happiness. It was her life falling into place for the first time. Her heart giving itself away to the man who's arms were wrapped around her at that very moment. Albeit, he had been her mortal enemy… But not so much anymore. In fact, he hadn't been evil for a very long time now… If he ever truly had been. Had he ever actually been evil? Seemed to her that if he really had been, he would've killed her long before the chip. And then a small piece of their earlier conversation came rushing back to her. Flooding her mind with brand new thoughts…
'You think we're dancing?'
'That's all we've ever done.'
Well, he had been right after all. Dancing. That was all they had ever done. It was a game to him… To both of them. A dance… Always stay one step ahead. Don't let you're opponent take the lead. If you're not leading, you're dead… But not this time. This time no one won… And at the same time, both of them did. One dance had ended, and another had begun. Which one would turn out to be of the better in the long run, she didn't have a clue… All she knew was that right here… right now… being in his arms was perfect. Feeling these things toward him was right. Everything was at a perfect balance, and that was how it should be.
And she made her decision. If anyone could help her through this… If anyone could make it alright… It was him. And she needed someone. Someone who would do nothing more than listen and offer a shoulder to cry on. Someone who wouldn't expect more of her… Who wouldn't expect her to be strong. Never once had he expected anything more from her than that which she could give. He let her be Buffy… Not the Slayer. Just Buffy. To everyone else, she was the strong one. The one who held things together. But to him… To him she was just Buffy… And she could tell him…
"Spike?" she whispered, as her fingers stroked the soft, silky hairs at the back of his neck. She didn't look up. There was no need.
"What is it, luv?" he questioned gently, his hand making slow, soothing circles on her back.
Her free hand moved to his duster and she nervously fiddled with the collar. Was she sure about this? Was she sure that she wanted to open her heart to him? And this… completely? After all, he was still her mortal enemy. Well, okay, so he wasn't… But he was supposed to be. Should she try to turn this all back now? Would he let her take it back? Maybe she wasn't ready to give her heart away again… And then, of course, there was the tiny problem that walked and talked and went by the name of Riley.
Riley… She'd almost forgotten. Oh, hell, she had forgotten. Wasn't like things were really all that great between them anyway. Sure, they put up the front… Pretended, even with one another, that everything was all fine and dandy… But it wasn't. It hadn't been since he had nearly gotten himself killed by refusing to let that Initiative doctor take care of him. Since Spike had tried to get the chip out of his head. Since she had said something along the lines of 'If I wanted someone with superpowers, I'd be dating Spike!' She nearly laughed out loud at that one. Ironic, wasn't it? Not all too long ago, she had been disgusted by simply the thought. Now she was wrapped in his arms and about to spill all her problems on him… Not exactly the way she had thought this would go… But she liked it…
Sighing heavily and still not looking him in the eye, Buffy continued to play mindlessly with the collar of his jacket. The decision was made, and she was going to tell him… She just had to figure out how. It wasn't exactly easy to decide where to start in on explaining your life's problems… Especially when the man she was explaining them to had tried to kill her more times than she'd like to count. Again, she sighed. Maybe she should just blurt it out… Make it quick, try to keep herself from breaking down in front of him… Then again, she had just spent God only knows how long crying her heart out on his shoulder, so she got the feeling the whole 'I'm-okay-with-it' routine wasn't really gonna work on him. But then, did it ever? He always knew what she was thinking. When she was lying. When she was hiding something. He knew her better than anyone. What did they say about that? Always know your enemy? Apparently, it wasn't the most intelligent idea. Judging from their position right now, knowing your enemy could be a very dangerous thing… It could lead to this… Something the majority of enemies didn't feel particularly inclined to purse. Or so she had thought, anyway.
"Pet?"
The gentle, soothing voice broke her from her silent reverie. How long had she been daydreaming since she had whispered his name? Finally, she glanced up into his soft blue eyes. When she saw the concern that had defiantly seeped into them, a light smile touched her lips. Must've been awhile since she'd last spoken… He was already worried. Despite everything that was going on, she couldn't keep the sudden happiness of perfection from draping itself over her features. Even though she felt that, at the moment, she had no right to be happy, she was… But not because she wanted to be… Because she needed to be. She needed something solid. Something that could hold her to this earth, even as she felt herself giving up bit by bit. He was that something. Not her 'ties to the world', as he had earlier referred to her family and friends… They weren't keeping her here… He was… He always had…
~*~Hey, look! We're gonna get conversation in the next chapter! That is, if I don't get off track and start ranting… again. The whole big conversation seen? Supposed to be this chapter… Didn't happen. Got other ideas, and decided to go with 'em. Oh well, I'll get to it eventually. Really I will. Anyway, thanks so much for your reviews… You guys are so nice! And by the way, if you don't like it, you can say something… Well, I'll update again soon, I hope… Probably won't be till next weekend though. School and all…~*~