Disclaimer: i dun own Naruto or any reference to Gintama...
This chapter might not be as funny, and that's because my mood has been kind of down. Ah well...
Enjoy
Niwasae Shiina
Naruto sighed as they passed by a puddle of water. He looked at Kakashi and sighed again when his sensei raised a brow.
'It's sad that we're getting ambushed 50 miles out of Konoha. It's only the first day too.' Naruto thought and pulled out his kunai.
He turned just as they attacked Kakashi and leapt into the fray. The Nin nearest to Naruto was momentarily distracted as he pulled back his weapon. Naruto used that moment to slit his throat and block the incoming attack from the other Nin. He was about to kick his enemy away from him when the Nin was forced back by Sasuke's Kanton jutsu. Naruto spared a look at his teammate and saw him leap for the kill, only to be held back by Kakashi who apprehended the Nin and knocked him out.
Naruto twitched.
"Madao, next time you play dead, stay dead."
Kakashi feigned a hurt look and tied the Nin to the tree that he was hiding in earlier.
"And here I thought that you guys missed me."
"Who would miss you?!" Naruto retorted.
"Well that aside, good work boys. Though it seems that this isn't the first time you've seen death, na Naruto?" Kakashi asked.
Naruto just glared at him.
"Of course it isn't the first time I've seen a dead person. Have you ever been to the slums in Konoha? Everywhere you turn, someone is either getting killed, raped, or doing something else illegal. But that's not what you're asking is it?"
Everyone stared at the blond in different states of shock. To think that he'd actually seen all that was unimaginable to the others. Kakashi, however, had a stoic look on his face. He knew that up until two years ago, Naruto had lived in the slums. Everyone, jounin and above, knew what happened. Two years ago, on Naruto's birthday, Naruto had fused with Kyuubi. That was the reason why Naruto's features became slightly more angular and feminine. It was also the reason why he didn't have the whisker marks on his cheeks anymore. It was the main reason for his attitude change and partly for his fighting reflexes. What nobody, but a few didn't know, was why he was suddenly moved into a flat in the upper-class section of Konoha. Kakashi was one of the few who knew. The brat had found out his lineage that night as the Yondaime Hokage's one and only child. But Naruto was correct, that wasn't what he wanted to ask.
"This isn't your first kill." He stated instead of asking.
"No, it isn't." Naruto answered coldly, signaling the end of the conversation.
--
Sakura and Sasuke froze when they heard Naruto's voice. They had never heard the blond speak that way before. There was a cold yet fiery aura surrounding Naruto, as if his chakra was reacting to his mood. It was unnerving and scary for the duo.
--
There was a tense silence as Kakashi and Naruto stared each other down. Kakashi sighed with a smile and pat Naruto on the head.
"Don't touch me Madao. I don't want to be infected by your pervy-germs." Naruto said and everyone gave a collective sigh of relief…inwardly. The blond was back to normal.
"I don't have "pery-germs" Naruto." Kakashi said and turned to the tied up Nin.
"What are we going to do with him Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked.
"I'll send a message to the Hokage to pick up our dear Nuke-Nin. On the other hand, I think it's time you fess up Tazuna-san. Ever since we left the Mission Office in Konoha, I knew you weren't telling us something. The fact that we were ambushed by Nuke-Nin only 50 miles out of Konoha confirmed it."
Tazuna sighed and told his story about a man named Gatou and how his terrorism was blocking all trade to Nami by boat, thus ruining their economy and way of life. That was why they were building a bridge to connect with the mainland. It was to start the economy rolling again from its frozen state. Gatou, however, was trying to kill Tazuna to stop them from completing the bridge.
"What you are asking for is an A-class mission; a mission that is usually given to jounin and higher." Kakashi stated.
"But we don't have the money! All we could afford was a C-class mission." Tazuna futilely explained.
"Would you stop your whining Madao II? Kami, I'm getting pissed off. Let's just continue the mission Madao. We're only half-a-day away from Nami so it'd be a waste to turn back now. 'Sides, Duck-ass looks like he's going to fry your ass if we turn back."
Kakashi turned to Sasuke, who he found was glaring at him. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Sakura, you're part of this team too. What do you want to do?" Kakashi asked the frightened girl.
She looked at Sasuke and gathered herself inwardly and gave a determined nod.
"Let's go then." Kakashi said. Tazuna gave a relieved sigh which made Naruto snort and roll his eyes.
--
Naruto stared down at the frightened white rabbit. His stomach gave a growl.
"I'm hungry usagi-san. Now stay still while I kill you." Naruto raised a kunai and aimed.
"Leave the poor rabbit alone Naruto!" Sakura shouted.
"Shut up Pepto! I'm hungry and it's begging to be eaten!"
"Maa, maa clam down you two…GET DOWN!" Kakashi shouted and dragged Sakura and Tazuna down to the floor while Naruto and Sasuke ducked out of the way. Team 7 stood and got into a defensive formation around Tazuna when they saw another shinobi standing on his sword that was lodged into the tree trunk.
Naruto tuned out the conversation between Kakashi and the Nin and stared instead at the huge and long sword.
"Talk about compensation." Naruto said absently.
Everyone turned to him incredulously.
"Ah, did I say that out loud?"
--
"…You're joking right," Naruto deadpanned. "Please tell me that I'm seeing things and that our jounin-sensei didn't actually get caught inside a freaking water prison."
"You're not seeing things." Tazuna stated sympathetically.
"What the hell?! What, exactly do you have the fucking Sharingan for Madao?! Last I heard having a Kekkei Genkai was not for decorative purposes!" Naruto yelled.
Sasuke twitched at the Sharingan comment but quietly agreed with Naruto. What exactly was Kakashi-sensei doing?
"It's not that easy." Kakashi said.
"Your age must be catching up with you Madao!"
"For the last time, I'm not old!"
"I never said you were!"
"You implied it!"
"There's a difference between saying things and implying things. Get it straight Madao!"
"Would you two just SHUT UP? JUST SHUT UP GOD DMANIT!" Zabuza yelled.
"You shut up you eyebrow-less freak! Why the hell do you have that huge ass sword anyways? Are you that self-conscious about your size? Do you somehow feel threatened by the fact that Duck-ass, Madao, Madao II, and I might have a bigger penis than you?" he asked with a knowing smirk.
The clearing was silent until Tazuna fell to the floor, laughing. Sakura was blushing up a storm and Kakashi chuckled. Sasuke looked from the sword and back to Zabuza before smirking.
Zabuza lost his temper and attacked. Sakura screamed while Sasuke got into a defensive stance. Naruto on the other hand was still smirking with his hands stuffed in his pockets.
"Die gaki!" Zabuza yelled and slashed his sword downwards to cut down the blond.
"Naruto!" Sakura screamed.
Tazuna and Sasuke watched in horror as the blade fell closer towards the blonde's body.
"Ba-ka." Naruto drawled with a smirk.
THUNK!
Kakashi was standing between Naruto and Zabuza with a kunai blocking the sword.
"Thank you Naruto." Kakashi smiled.
"Whatever Madao." Naruto replied as Kakashi and Zabuza began their second round of fighting.
--
"If you're going to predict someone's death, make sure it happens Madao." Naruto said as he, Sasuke, and Sakura sat around Kakashi's resting form on the bed.
Sasuke and Sakura looked at Naruto in confusion.
"What do you mean?" Sakura asked.
"Didn't you learn anything useful back at the academy Pepto?" Naruto sneered.
Sasuke gasped sharply.
"No way…"
"Well at least one of you gets it." Naruto muttered.
"How can you be sure?" Sasuke demanded.
"What is the only thing a Hunter-Nin needs as proof of their kill?" Naruto asked.
"The head," Sakura said slowly as she understood where the conversation was going. "Then why take the body?"
"That's because, that Hunter-Nin is a fake and is more than likely, Zabuza's companion." Kakashi said.
Sakura jumped and gave a small 'eep', Sasuke grunted, and Naruto gave a small, two fingered wave.
"So, what's the plan?" Naruto asked.
"Intensive training." Kakashi replied with a chirpy smile.
"I have the sudden need to bash your face in Madao." Naruto said while cracking his knuckles.
"Ehh?! Why?" Sakura yelled as she and Sasuke got ready to hold the blond back.
"His smile is pissing me off," he answered Sakura and turned his focus to Kakashi who was still smiling at the blond. "Besides, he's only suffering from a minor case of chakra exhaustion. I'm sure that he can defend himself…maybe."
"Maybe?!"