A/N: This story has no relation to the previous three. It centers around Matsuda...and maybe L. ;) I know I previously said that the next story would be about L and Light, but I scrapped the idea because I totally LOST the scene for the story I had written down on paper. T_T
And anyway, after randomly writing out a scene for the story with L and Light, I started writing in a part with Matsuda randomly coming in. That part with Matsuda "randomly coming in" gave me a brand new idea for a story about him and L. So...here we are now.
And Matsuda IS one of my favorite characters...behind L, BB, Mello, Near, (not in that order). How can you not like Matsuda, anyway? ^^ I don't know...I find him easy to write about too.
Back to the main topic now: Sorry for the sudden switch. But I guess this little drabble-thing came out decent enough for amusement. I'll leave that up to you readers to determine that one.
Now Matsuda, L, blah blah blah, could be all OOC. Not sure if they are or not...because this kind of thing happens when you write a comedy. And I'm not sure WHEN this little story takes place. Don't ask.
Well, here's the useless little summary I came up with: Matsuda is very bored one day while working and annoyed with L bossing him around. And when Matsuda is bored, only mayhem can occur! What can he do when he's got an empty room in the building to himself, and his imagination...? Oh the possibilities...
Well, enjoy~
Disclaimer: To tell you the truth, Death Note belongs to those two guys with the similar names. I'm merely a fan doing what I do as a result (of being a fan), writing FANfiction. -.-'
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Death Note: A Series of Unfortunate Events
4: When Matsuda Is Bored
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He was walking through a rather closed in hallway. He really didn't have anything to do at the moment, not that he was aware of. And he honestly couldn't believe that. Usually, he would be wandering around the building...either getting coffee and whatever else for L or just searching for things/doing a lot of paperwork that revolved around the Kira case.
This man was young, didn't look his age though, he wasn't the youngest on the force though. He was actually not too bad looking, he rather simple though. His dark hair fell into his eye and he blew out it out in annoyance. Yeah...he had previously randomly thought that he should just cut his hair, but then he realized that it would take a lot of money and he was saving up. His dark eyes shifted back and forth, scanning the empty hall as he leaned against the wall in a lazy kind of way. And he was dressed in the usual everyday suit.
This man does have a full name. But for now, we will refer to him as...Matsuda.
So to begin, Matsuda was extremely bored with the surprising fact he doesn't have anything to really do. With the Kira case getting more and more twisted and stressful, everyone on the force was just having to work that much harder to keep up with it. That meant the following: coming to work very early in the morning, keeping track of the possible suspects, doing freaking insanely high amounts of paperwork, and listening very closely to the World's Greatest Detective, L; because the guy was just amazing with the way he would easily piece things together and get to the bottom of it.
Matsuda frowned and randomly started straightening his tie. He knew everybody else was very busy, and should be to. He IS part of the team too, and very much underrated by everyone including the panda-eyed detective himself, he just wanted SOMEONE to see he was useful. But that...that was likely never going to happen.
Unless by some INSANE chances that Light Yagami, Soichiro's son who helped out with the investigation, was the killer himself. And then he revealed it to him and everyone in an epic showdown, then, in rage and bewilderment, shot him literally to death, then his wants of being appreciated would not work out.
"I just can't believe that he said I was in the way..." Matsuda crossed his arms. "I WASN'T 'in the way'. I was just trying to lighten the mood a little bit...but maybe I did take the joke a little too far...after all, Aizawa probably has a broken nose now and L probably is listing off terribly qualities about me right now."
Matsuda continued to go on and on about what had earlier occurred. Just an innocent little joke caused a little more trouble than what he had expected. That was why he was currently with nothing to do; L declared that he was being a "completely useless idiot", and forced him to leave the area for a little while and get out of everyone's way.
So he had no choice but to leave. He saw the serious look in L's eyes, the same sharp glare he would receive from him if he accidentally knocked over the thousands of sugar cubes he would unnecessarily stack before eating. Matsuda had left, shame written all over his face though, it was annoying to be scolded like a child and forbid to go back in until L was no longer pissed off inwardly.
"I just don't see why he's mad...well, I could feel an angry kinda vibe off of him..." Matsuda started walking away with his hands in his pockets, occasionally kicking the wall here and there when he past it. "I...I thought it would lighten the grim mood! I mean, come on, I could even see Mogi-San looking like he was about to so something completely out of character: SCREAM!"
He passed different empty halls during his stroll. Though he didn't really have a set destination of course. He just really needed to get all that off his chest. It was about time he did that, and he was even shocked at himself for having kept it all bottled up that long. Look, Matsuda was just BORED and ANNOYED.
"...I know he's obsessed with sweets and all. It was easy to figure out that he would right away realize his dangerously-sugared tea I was supposed to give him wasn't what he wanted. It was just a JOKE was all!" Matsuda let himself smile a tiny bit as he remembered what he had intended with the joke. He knew in advance that L would be very shocked and frustrated over it though. Still, it would be worth seeing a little bit of a funny reaction from the stoic detective, right?
What he had decided to do the few hours before L would call on him to give him his usual tea (Watari was sick at the time and could not come in; to everyone else's exhaustion of having to put up with L), was to not put any sugar in it...but do the opposite and make it extremely salty. And we mean EXTREMELY salty! Saltier than any of the several potato chips that were epically eaten by Light!
Matsuda had thought the idea was funny. And it was a mere joke. He had pulled if off of course earlier with everyone else around. L had taken one simple sip of the tea...did this really huge spit take that caught everyone's attention...drenched Light; who reacted crazily and accidentally punched Aizawa in the nose...and L had blamed Matsuda when he tried to regain his composure and overheard the man's attempted-to-not-be-loud snickers.
It was...like a chain reaction.
Anyway, because of the whole salty tea incident, that was how Matsuda ended up bored and annoyed while aimlessly wandering around. It didn't seem fair. However, he knew he could not get out of it. Not with L.
Matsuda finally silenced himself. He had looked up and noticed that he was outside a door. The door led to the room the investigation team would use for grouping up and sharing strategies and leads about whatever case being handled. He knew it would be empty, seeing that everyone was on another floor working their asses off. So he shrugged his shoulders and opened the door.
"I can just relax in here...maybe I can find something fun to do while I wait for him to signal he's over the tea incident. Yeah, that sounds fine..."
He entered the room and flicked on a light switch to lighten up the eerie darkness. Afterward, he kicked the door closed behind him with his foot and immediately sighed in boredom.
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Meanwhile, a still-pissed and annoyed L was looking through some records. Well...everyone kind of questioned that because he had a different look in his eyes: emotion that would never be shown on his face was being shown in his eyes. And, besides, he was flipping through pages at a truly alarming speed. Sure L was a genius, but he couldn't possibly be reading those records THAT fast.
Light was trying to focus on work. He really was. Unfortunately, the scraping/cutting sound of L's rapid page turning was severely getting on his nerves. And he couldn't help but STARE at L during all of the several tense seconds that flew by; he had never seen L like that before. He came to a conclusion:
L obviously does still have emotions somewhere. But they get gradually let out by really random actions like...turning pages at unrecorded speeds, even faster than Light when he wrote in his Death Note.
Anyway, Light's eye twitched by the time L had flipped to the 777th page. He had enough of that and turned around, strolling over to him and quickly grabbed the records he was looking through. L's eyes slowly looked up at his blank face. And when he tried to grab the edge of the page in his usual odd and delicate manner, Light's hand would just slap and hold down the edge before he could reach it.
"You aren't turning that damn page." Light warned, his tone lowering in a serious manner. "Look, L, I know you're pissed off about what Matsuda did. You are kind of...well...serious when it comes to someone messing with your sugar! But I can NOT take this PAGE TURNING anymore. Just get the hell OVER this! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! YOU ARE INSANE IF YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE YOUR ANGER OUT ON THOSE STUPID, WORTHLESS RECORDS, L!"
By the time he was done, everyone in the room was staring at Light. Light blinked and glanced at the force's surprised looks, his father's disapproving look complete with an eyebrow raise, and L's blank poker face.
"...Your percentage of being Kira has just raised by another sixteen percent for that out of character rant."
Light just gave himself a mental facepalm. And then L shook his head and got up out of his usual crouching position and to his bad standing position.
"However, you are correct. I suppose...I did take things a little too far. I will go find the idiot and drag him back here, then I will start getting back to the case with much more interest than before."
"Yes...yes...do that!" Aizawa urged, raising a hand up in the air while the other held a tissue over his still-bleeding nose. "Just as long as this unnecessary drama dies down!"
L promptly left the room and went to find Matsuda. He was going to let him know where he stood on the whole thing and warn him never to do it again. Then he would drag him back and get back to the case because he was getting more and more suspicious about Light being Kira from that rant...
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"Wow...I am SO bored..." Matsuda announced to nobody in particular as he stared up at the ceiling from where he was laying on the floor, too bored to stand up. "It's official: I'm never messing with Ryuzaki's tea or ANY of his snacks/drinks again..."
He sighed loudly and then slowly pushed himself off the ground. He then started pacing the room a little bit when...something caught his eye. It was the chair that L sat in. And just looking at that chair made him think about L. Matsuda remembered how annoyed he was with him and immediately frowned before walking up to it.
Then an idea came to mind. He smirked a little. He could...take out the frustration he was bottling up. After all, it really wasn't good for you to bottle it all up like that; Matsuda didn't want to start getting all angsty anyway.
"I know something...or someone I could have some fun with..." Matsuda snickered evilly to himself and then sat down in the chair. "It may not be professional, but I have been wanting to do this!"
The...misunderstood...man then grabbed his legs and brought them close to him in the chair, mimicking the odd position L was almost always in. He looked around at himself and put his hands on his knees, bringing them a little closer. He thought it was good enough.
He stayed that way for over five seconds. "I wonder how he stays like this so long..."
Matsuda shrugged his shoulders, trying to stop wondering about that, and then he tried and put on a really blank expression. A REALLY blank one, pure emotionless like L's. Although he figured he couldn't possibly get a look like that just right, he put much effort into it.
And, surprisingly, it worked out well. He had the odd sitting manner and the blank face. Matsuda snickered inwardly at how shockingly amusing mimicking L was.
"Now then, let's try and get the voice right!"
So, Matsuda cleared his throat and tried out various voices. Eh...most of them kind of failed though, he couldn't get the monotone just right though.
One the first try, he sounded like a boy going through puberty.
On the second try, he sounded like someone choking and trying to swallow something at the same time.
On the third try, he sounded like a cow.
On the FOURTH try, he sounded like Miley Cyrus.
"Hmm...how am I gonna do this? Maybe if I try and..." Matsuda then started talking low. Really low, and seeing that he was getting somewhere, he made it just a tiny bit English and a little bit smoother. Then he spoke out loud: "I am the World's Greatest Detective, L, do not tell anyone though."
By the time Matsuda had finished saying that, he didn't notice the door behind him creak open a little bit; enough for someone to look through without being noticed. But, seeing that he had gotten a good enough voice for the act, Matsda smirked and then snickered a little.
"That voice should work...it's really hard to do, but it's FUN anyway!" Matsuda thought as he got up quickly and leaped over to the set of couches surrounding the table in the middle.
Feeling like he was going somewhere at long last, Matsuda sat himself on the sofa and put a smile on his face as he looked over at the chair; as if looking at L. He started talking in his own voice.
"So, Ryuzaki, are there any leads on the case? You are looking really...uh..."
Matsuda then leaped back over to the chair and got back into his L-like position with the poker face on. Clearing his throat a little, he started talking in the ALMOST L-like monotone.
"No. There are no good leads whatsoever and I am becoming rather irritated. I also am tired of your useless questions, Matsuda." Matsuda put his hands back on his knees, holding them closer to him. "And, that reminds me, go fetch me a glass of tea with over fifty-thousand sugar cubes and perhaps a small squirt of honey in it."
Matsuda promptly flew back over to the couch in his normal sitting position, leaning back tiredly and sighing in a fake way. "Ryuzaki, I don't mean to offend you, but you're going to get diabetes EVENTUALLY. And besides, why are you throwing all these useless tasks on me? Am I the next best thing just because you don't have Watari under your nose?"
Matsuda interrupted the flow of his "act" and let himself snicker as he scooted over to the right where he would often see Aizawa sitting. Plastering a scowl on his face and clenching his hands in his fists, he started flawlessly imitating the man's angry voice:
"THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND! WE MUST GET BACK TO THE CASE! SO I CAN GET PAYED AND SUPPORT MY FAMILY BECAUSE WE'RE JUST THAT DAMN UNLUCKY TO HAVE OUR FUNDING GETTING CUT!"
Matsuda interrupted it once again and let himself snicker loudly. He was having a lot of fun, even though he really had no idea why he included Aizawa into the act. It might have been because...he had been secretly imitating behind his back for a while; it was really fun to act like him and make "him" say crazy things.
At a quick speed, Matsuda put back on the poker face and leaped over to L's chair, mimicking his strange sitting position again. This time, he had grabbed a cup of still-warm coffee that was innocently there on the table. He took it and, knowing it was previously L's and filled with sugar and other sweet things like a ton of cream, he pretended to drink it a little noisily and handling it delicately by the handle like L did. It was hard, but still amusing nevertheless.
After pretending to take a sip, Matsuda sighed lowly. And went back to the L-like voice.
"Matsuda, you did not get me what I wanted. I specifically requested a cup of tea: five thousand sugar cubes included, and a tad of honey. This is not it." Matsuda shook his head and then delicately setting down the coffee back on the table, it almost slipped out of his hands though. "Pardon my French, but I do feel like I should say this sooner or later. It must be said..."
Matsuda then jumped over to the other couch on the left and sat down in a professional manner. He then whipped a pair of glasses out of thin air (don't ask how that was possible), and put them on. They looked exactly like Soichiro's, but they weren't his. He then started talking in the chief's voice and adjusted his tie as he did so.
"Ryuzaki-San, if I could intervene here, you do not have to argue with Matsuda. He is not all that...erm...up there with his intelligence after all." Matsuda mentioned, looking over at the empty chair.
The young officer once again went straight to the chair and then mimicked L, throwing off the glasses too. "Don't we all know that...look, Yagami-San, I feel that is about time to say this." Matsuda's sharp blank gaze flickered over to the seat where 'Matsuda' was 'sitting'. "Matsuda, you are a useless dumbass and not at all of importance. You never do anything helpful to the case, always holding us all back. Even when I give you the most simplest task of getting me snacks or beverages, you screw it up no matter what."
Although he hated to be saying that stuff about himself, Matsuda still kept up the act and went straight to the couch where he was earlier. He had switched back to himself and stared in shock over at the chair, he even leaned a little forward to add to the shocked state he was supposed to be in.
"What? How can you be saying this? This tea incident wasn't MY fault...I heard what you said, and you said over five-thousand sugar cubes!" At this point, Matsuda was making crazy arm movements to add to his 'shock'. "And I am important to the investigation team! I do help everyone!"
Matsuda was getting a little caught up in the moment of his..."act". But still, he was having so much fun even though he had to bash himself. He leaped over from different sides of the couches quickly imitating all the members of the team sighing fast. And finally, he leaped back into L's chair and got back into his position that mimicked the detective well. He also didn't hear the door behind once again creak open more.
"Surely you all do know it's true." Matsuda sighed another fake sigh and then took a bag of candy that was left on the table and popped a few pieces of candy in his mouth, eating them as he talked in his L-like voice. "He cannot do anything and his useless to us all...well, honestly, it is mostly to me."
Finished talking and eating the candy, Matsuda dropped the L act and then went back over to his spot on the couch back to himself with a fake hurt expression plastered on his face. "Th-that isn't..."
Interrupting himself, and although getting tired from all the crazy movements, Matsuda wiped away the fake tears he had used and then leaped back over to behind the chair, plastering an impassive look on and imitating Light.
"Really L, this IS getting out of hand. Work needs to be done and..." Matsuda paused the Light-like voice and then like the overly-perfect teenager would, ran his fingers through his hair like a woman on a shampoo commercial and let it flow out a little before putting it back in place. "And since you still believe I'm the killer himself, we need to MAKE SURE that we can find other suspects. It doesn't matter who the hell they are as long as they AREN'T me!"
Still absorbed into his one-man act, Matsuda promptly spun around a little shakily and hopped back into L's chair, once again mimicking him and plastering on the emotionless face.
"And now, L, it's time you admitted a few things to the 'entire task force'..." Matsuda thought, smirking a little as he inwardly snickered evilly. "I've been wanting to hear you say this for...a little while now!"
The bored officer once again put back on the poker face and staring ahead at the table before him. He started talking in the L-like voice once again, still not aware of a presence in the doorway watching him secretly.
"Besides, Matsuda, I am important...much more important that you. I actually do the work very carefully and dig a little deeper into the background information. That is because my intelligence is far vaster and superior to anyone's." Matsuda took his hand and delicately put a hand in his hair, running through it in a state of fake irritation. He then rested both hands back on his knees. "Although...I do assume you all might not this fact. Because I DO look like a total slob, what with my extremely causal choice of clothing and my utterly awful posture..."
Matsuda was now getting even more into the act that before as he went on.
"I never do set foot outside, oh I would not DARE do that. For I might get a terrible sunburn...and then if that should happen, there is a five-percent chance that I would actually get a little color on me and look like a dull, average person..."
Matsuda's L-like tone was getting a little less good like it was before. But that was because he was getting really thirsty from all the rambling. Still, he kept up the act.
"Also, Matsuda, I am more superior over you in this way: I freaking INHALE dangerous amounts of sugar everyday. I never eat anything truly healthy, you would definitely think I would have diabetes by now...but yet, I am still sitting here healthy and underweight..."
Matsuda was beginning to look a little annoyed as he went on. But he didn't want to lose the act yet. He wanted to finally this all out. He smirked a sick smirk and then jumped over to where he was previously sitting while...acting as himself. He plastered on an expression mixed with anger and hurt, before clawing the seat with his fingernails and then letting out a growl. He added sound effects of course: quickly switching over to Aizawa's voice and shouting "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?", he went back to himself and pointed accusingly at the seat.
"Just shut the hell up you damn panda! I will not sit here and take it anymore! You may call ME useless, but you yourself aren't all that useful either!" Matsuda kept raising his voice a little louder, impressed with how well he was pulling off the act(?). "Screw you, L! You know what? Y-you don't really do all that much work either! You call yourself a detective, but I've yet to see you find out ANY information or get ANY leads in what seems like months! Damn it, I know you can actually move! Why can't you use this ability to go get your OWN coffee? Or go get your own dangerously-sugared snacks and whatever else you drink! I'm not a delivery boy! ...Okay...I once considered working as a pizza delivery man...but...ugh! ANYWAY! I'm getting tired of it, 'kay?"
The person watching Matsuda just continued watching, creaking the door open a little bit more. But Matsuda unfortunately didn't hear it.
"And another thing! I don't appreciate how you always act like I do nothing! I break my neck trying to! MAYBE...I do get things mixed up sometimes...but everyone does that! I'm not perfect, neither are you!"
Matsuda flew over to the other couch and whipped out the glasses, once again switching over to Soichiro. He sighed deeply and pinched the bridge of his nose, then started talking in the older man's voice.
"Matsuda, I think you've said enough. Just calm down and think before you spout off all that-"
Cutting himself off, Matsuda stuff the glasses back into his pocket and ran back over to where he was earlier standing when he started raising his voice at 'L'. He went back to pointing an accusing finger at the chair.
"I haven't said enough! He should hear the rest of this! L, listen closely, I'm just setting the record straight here and letting out my true thoughts: every day, you come in this building and spin around in your little spinning chair and stuff food into your piehole! You barely ever get your ass out and do something! If you really were as interested into this damn case as much as you CLAIM you are, then how come you can't get the gears in your brain to start turning and actually find out a few things? WE ARE GETTING NOWHERE! AND ANOTHER THING, I ALSO DON'T APPRECIATE THE WAY YOU TREAT ME LIKE AN OBJECT IN YOUR WAY! I'M A HUMAN, L, HUMAN! SOMEONE LIKE YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND THIS THOUGH-"
Matsuda's "act" was abruptly put to a pause. The bored and annoyed officer had randomly looked up at the doorway during his rant. And he saw someone standing in the completely open doorway watching him with their arms crossed. Who was this witness to his act?
...L.
So there was Matsuda, totally frozen in the position with him pointing accusingly at the empty chair and staring like a deer in the headlights at L. He was completely stunned and couldn't even move after realizing he was watching the whole thing. A crimson blush spread up from his neck to his face.
"Ah...h-how much of all that did you overhear?"
L just stood there with his usual blank expression. He closed his eyes and shook his head before uttering one sentence that summed things up pretty damn well, he thought.
"Matsuda, you idiot..."
End.
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Poor Matsuda. ^^'
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it...or at least were a little amused. I know one thing though: I was amused while writing the parts with Matsuda imitating everyone. Hahaha...I somehow kind of picture Matsuda to be able to imitate everyone if he just REALLY tries very hard.
I know I could have had several things sum up the ending. But out of all of them, I think that one sentence summed things up well and showed L's thoughts about the craziness he witnessed!
BTW, here's an extra piece of information: after having witnessed Matsuda's weird act, L actually praised him later that day for the interesting way he could imitate everyone. He found a new lead in the case afterward, and allowed Matsuda to go sneak into this shady bar on the other side of the town and pretend to be one of the workers, but secretly getting information. It didn't work out so well...he was discovered and came back all beat up. L had once again started bossing him around, Aizawa's nose actually was broken by Light's punch, and the fact that Light's punch was that hard made L's suspicions of him being Kira rise sky high...
Well, that's it. :) Let me know what you thought about this story. And, for those of you who like Near...the next story will be about him with appearances by Mello, Matt, Roger, L, Watari, and hell even Beyond Birthday! ^^
Read and review. *Insert a smile full of hope here*