The elevator ride was quiet and things remained just as, if not more uncomfortable as when Seth's initial outburst had startled them out of their outrageous little fantasy. The bitch fit Seth had thrown once they were in the parking lot and Lexie suggested they all stay together to make things easier as far as watching both Seth and Dean went, was impressive even for him.
For a little while though it was as if the last 18 months never happened. Maybe it was the chair shot, but in his worry for Dean, Seth and even maybe a little for Lexie, he had forgotten that Seth had betrayed and left them. That statement was only partially true though, wasn't it? He, Roman Reigns, was the original betrayer.
Yes, Seth had left them in the harshest way possible, but did he deserve anything less? Not that he had asked for it or wanted it, but his heart had literally stopped when Seth had admitted he'd seen it. His worst fears had come to fruition. Not only was it because of him that he lost the love of his life, but he was responsible for it.
Then there was Dean, poor Dean. He'd almost gone right over the edge; completely lost it. Roman suspected that if Dean didn't feel he had to take care of him and make sure he was alright Dean would have been completely lost. Dean who was his best friend, and brother. Dean who always had his back. Dean who had believed one of the only people he ever loved had left him because he wasn't worth it. All his fault.
"Make sure you wake him up every two hours. He doesn't need to recite poetry, just get a few coherent words out of him, then let him go back to sleep. I'll be by in the morning to check on him, but if anything seems off, anything at all, you call me Kay?" Lexie instructed for the fifth time bringing him back to reality.
He nodded not wanting his voice to reveal his inner turmoil. She eyed him carefully, and not for the first time since they met he felt like she was reading his most inner thoughts. It made him even more uneasy, and the need to avert his eyes was overwhelming, so he surrendered. She let out an irritated sigh, but let him off the hook redirecting her attention to Dean.
"You, Pretty Boy," she said gently making Dean smile against Roman's shoulder where he'd decided to smoosh his face and leave a puddle of drool. "You mind Roman, Kay? You misbehave, you go to the hospital."
"No hospital," Dean replied quickly. "I'll behave."
"Good," she smiled again. "I'll be by in the morning; you call me if you need me."
"No slumber party?" Dean asked sadly like she just told him Christmas was canceled making Seth scoff. "But I like slumber parties."
"Maybe another time," Lexie gave him a gentle pat as the elevator doors opened.
"Seth ruins everything good," Dean grumped making Roman's stomach drop.
"Come on Dean," he said quickly trying to usher him through the doors. He couldn't even look at the other two passengers, but he felt their eyes boring into the back of his head.
"I wanna…" Dean began.
"No Dean, it's time for bed," it came out angrily in his panic to flee the situation he yet had the time to process. Everything he knew, everything he convinced himself was true in the past year and a half had been one big lie.
"You ruin everything too," Dean pouted.
"You have no idea." It slipped from his mouth before he could stop it. Dean looked at him curiously. Not so much for his words but for his tone. Dean's immediate concern plus the absolute trust he had in him almost made him spill it all right then and there.
"Rome," Lexie squeezed his forearm rather hard. "Not tonight," he didn't know exactly why, but something told him he should listen to her for Dean's sake. Maybe his own cowardice had something to do with it too, but he nodded again none the less.
It was met with another scoff from Seth, and when Roman met his eyes they were glassy and ablaze with anger and hatred. He winced with his confession once again on the tip of his tongue, but this time Dean saved him.
"Secrets have no friends!" he said accusingly looking between them clearly feeling left out.
"Dean…" Roman started to try and move him so the doors could close.
"No," Dean was suddenly serious. "You guys are my best friends, my only friends, my brothers, and Lexie, you're my new friend, and maybe Satan, I don't know yet, but I do know you're all keeping something from me. That makes me very sad."
Dean was apparently still stuck in the ridiculous little fantasy they'd all been earlier and it was almost more than Roman could take. It seemed to be way more than Seth could take, and the sound of him sniffling made Roman's own eyes sting as his throat clogged with tears. His actions, well more like in-actions, had not only hurt the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, but his brother as well.
Dean had held him during his darkest times, picked up the pieces, and glued them back together until there was some semblance of normalcy. He repaid that devotion with deception. He didn't know that Seth had seen it, but that didn't change what had happened. When Roman wanted to forgive and forget it had been the hell Dean had gone through that solidified his resolve not to. Roman would have never made it through the ordeal without his Dean.
"You wanna know a secret?" Lexie purred after a second of no one responding. Roman saw Dean swallow hard, but nod. "If you think I look pretty damn good in red, you should know: I look fucking fantastic in blue."
Roman felt his jaw slacken a little. That had not been anything close to what he was expecting to hear. Apparently "Maybe Satan" could read lips. No one could have told her what had been said, because he had been with her the whole time since then, and she was definitely too far away to have heard it, or Dean wouldn't dare have said it. Seth never told her, he never told anyone, and Roman wondered why.
Dean's jaw had dropped farther than Roman's and his eyes had gone wide with surprise as his cheeks turned red. Lexie gently pushed Dean through the door then gestured for Roman to follow. "Night boys," she smirked with a small wave as the doors close.
Dean stood there blinking at his reflection in the closed elevator doors. After a few second of him just standing there looking dazed Roman gently tugged on his arm. "Come on buddy, time for bed."
Dean turned his head slowly still looking a little out of it, but nodded. Roman was a little dazed himself. It had been an exhausting extremely long day; physically and emotionally. What he wanted was a hot shower, a stiff drink, and a warm soft bed. Well, that's not what he really wanted, but it would have to do.
"Ro?" Dean said suddenly reminding him he would get none of that either.
"Yea buddy?" Roman pulled him into his side, partially for the comfort of the physical contact, and partially because he was walking on a diagonal and headed straight for the wall.
"How did you know... You know, that Seth was the one?" Dean spoke cautiously, and by his tone Roman knew he was being completely serious.
"I…" Roman hesitated, but Dean was looking at him with wide nervous eyes, it was almost childlike. "I just knew…"
He trailed off unable to figure out how to explain how he knew. Even when his head didn't know, his body did. He could feel it somewhere deep down inside. Not in his heart or his gut like most people described, but in a place he never even knew existed until the two toned little shit came barreling into his life. He smiled at the memory despite himself.
For over a month he had been convinced he'd contracted some rare strain of the flu. It was as though every cell in his body was vibrating, giving off an intense heat only he was aware of. Thermometers didn't pick it up, but it was as real to him as the day was long.
People always talked about the spark in relationships burning out, but still to this day his burned just as bright as ever. Even now he was waiting for it to dim the tiniest bit. He desperately wished it would, but he'd come to the conclusion that wasn't going to happen: ever. It was impossible, because that didn't happen once you found your one and only.
"Because your soul felt like it was on fire? And maybe you had a fever, but a good fever kinda?" Dean questioned. Roman could tell he was saying it as he was thinking it. "And even though you knew it could completely wreck you, the smallest amount of time with him would've been worth an eternity of pain?"
Roman wasn't so sure about the pain being worth it anymore, but he remembered thinking like that. If you'd have asked him three years ago, he'd have told you he would walk through hell to have just one night where he could call Seth his. Now that he had actually walked through hell he didn't know if he would make the same decision. Were the 12 months of bliss worth 18 months of torture? Right now, he could honestly say he didn't know, but that wasn't what Dean asked, so he just nodded.
"When did you know?"
"Soon as I saw him, though it took a while for my head to catch up," Roman replied honestly.
He didn't know why Dean wanted to know about him and Seth all of the sudden. When they'd first gotten together, though he was happy for them, because they were happy, he had taken up a strict "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
"I remember," he nodded thoughtfully. "He's still in love with you, you know?"
"I don't really wanna talk about that Dean," Roman had stopped dead and stiffened at his words, but he knew his friend meant no harm, so he just changed the subject. "Any more ideas as to what the little shit and his new lap dog are up to?"
After their earlier encounter Dean had become obsessed with and convince of the fact they were plotting something. He too had been suspicious when they so easily and readily lied to Triple H about what they were doing.
They seemed to have an intimate understanding of one another, picking up on subtle inflections and key words to adjust their reactions and behavior. I made his heart ache. As much as the intimacy angered him, their protectiveness over each other had sent him over the edge. So much so, that he had been determined to make Seth feel every ounce of his pain once he was tagged in.
Seth was an architect, a strategist, a master manipulator, but Roman was certain it was Lexie running the show behind the scenes. Dean was adamant she was extremely dangerous. In what way, he never clarified, but remained convinced whatever it was they were up to, it was sinister in nature. Roman himself was unsure it was malevolent, but there was definitely something going on and it made him feel a bit on edge.
More recent events confused everything all the more. Her obvious distaste for Triple H and the rest of The Authority seemed genuine, as did her concern for Seth and Dean and maybe even a little for him, but Seth's outburst about her pretending to care had made him question it. If it wasn't genuine then they were being played.
Then again, their display of loathing for one another in front of The Authority when they clearly cared could mean The Authority were the ones being played. Maybe they had their own agenda and everyone was being played. The possibility they had individual agendas and were playing each other worked too. Hell, they could just as easily be ridiculously bipolar for all he knew.
"I think Seth's comment about her being here to keep him alive was more than him just being his usual drama queen self," Dean said seriously. "I think she's here to protect him."
"So someone's really trying to kill him?" Roman couldn't keep the skepticism from his voice. Sure, people hated Seth, but killing him was a bit extreme. Dean just nodded without a trace of doubt. "I thought you said she was dangerous?"
"More so that I thought," he conceded.
"So she's incredibly dangerous, but using her sinister skills to protect Seth?" Roman thought this sounded like one of Dean's many conspiracy theories. Not to mention his paranoia was mixed with whatever Doc had injected him with. "I think you're drugged up and delusional," he said when Dean nodded again.
"Think about it," Dean insisted. "It's the only thing that makes sense."
"What's the only thing that makes sense?" The door they were in front of opened and Paige poked her head out. She looked tired, and Roman could tell she hadn't been to sleep yet.
"That Rome comes with me to pick out my new pet iguana," Dean said immediately.
"Why an iguana, and why does Roman have to go with you," Paige asked confused.
"Because it's illegal to have a Komodo Dragon, and I'm naming it in his honor. What do you think of… Rommy?" Dean swiped his hand through the air staring off in the distance like he imagined it being written in big bright lights.
"Ignore him, that chair shot raddled his brains almost as much as the pain meds Doc gave him," Roman told her rolling his eyes.
"I figured," she replied. "That's why I'm still up. I thought you might need some help."
"We're good," Dean said rather quickly. "Rommy's namesake had specific instructions from Dr. Lexie on how to be a good nurse."
"Dr. Lexie?" Paige questioned.
"He means Charlie," Roman informed her. "She's the one who convinced the Doc not to send him to the hospital."
"I wouldn't trust Seth's new little lap dog as far I could throw her. She probably only did it hoping something would happen to him." Roman didn't really believe that, especially since he could see her unmistakable jealousy. "Bitch gives me the creeps."
"Trust me, we don't, but Doc wouldn't have allowed it if it wasn't safe," he wasn't so sure about that either, but he didn't think Lexie would harm Dean intentionally, or so he hoped. Paige rolled her eyes clearly not believing him, but chose to turn her attention to Dean anyway.
"How are you feeling?" She brushed his cheek tenderly, but was shocked when he jumped back out of her reach.
"I feel… pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty, and witty, and briiiiiight!" Dean began singing again causing Roman to do a face palm.
"Oh god, not again," he mumbled as Dean continued to sing.
"Who's that pretty guy in that mirror there?" He paused with his eyes darting between them expectantly. After a few moments his face fell and he looked utterly distraught, but Roman refused to encourage his antics.
"Come on Toto," he said gently teasing him.
"Toto?" he exclaimed indignantly crossing his arms. "Well, I never!"
"Bed time Dean, Lexie wants you to rest, remember what she said?" Roman tried a different tactic.
"Bed time it is then," he conceded walking away without saying goodbye. Roman knew threatening him with the hospital would work, but not that well.
Not for the first time he wondered what exactly it was Doc had injected him with and how much. He was acting like a lunatic, well more so than usual. Roman was just glad he was moving in the right direction at this point.
"Sorry about that," he told Paige. "I gotta get him in bed before he hurts himself even more." As if on cue Dean bounced off the wall. "See what I mean?'' Roman shook his head as Dean petted and apologized to the wall.
"I understand," she sighed, but Roman got the feeling she was anything but understanding.
"Well, see ya," he said with an awkward wave.
"Let me know if you need anything," she called at his back. "I'll pop by in the morning."
Roman threw his hand in the air in acknowledgement as he hurried down the hall towards Dean who was now jiggling the handle of and knocking on a door that wasn't theirs. Thankfully, it seemed to be no ones. Roman reached him just as he took a few steps back presumably to kick down the door. "Whoa buddy, that's not our room."
"Explains why my key didn't work," he held up the card as Roman led him away.
"That wouldn't have worked even if it was the right door," Roman chuckled. "That's your credit card."
Dean looked down at the card like "how dare you change from a room key to a credit card without my permission" making Roman laugh again. "What am I going to do with you?"
Dean wasn't concerned with the question and now that they were in front of the correct door he snatched Roman's key from his hand. He slipped it into the card reader, and looked entirely too proud of himself when the little light turned green allowing him to easily push the door open.
With a grand sweeping gesture he motioned for Roman to precede him through the door. Shaking his head for what felt like the hundredth time in the last few hours, he complied. He was, however, unable to shake the nagging thought that Paige had put in his head, as it danced around. Was it safe for Dean to be here, or should he have insisted he go to the hospital anyway?
Dean was unusually compliant. He did everything Roman asked of him while wearing a goofy grin and humming West Side Story to himself. "I'm gonna shower real quick," he told him as he tucked him into bed like a little burrito, and kissed the undamaged part of his head. It was partially because he looked so adorable, and partially because his impending confession made him feel like he was running out of time. "You behave or else," he added with a stern look.
Dean nodded readily making him a little suspicious and he narrowed his eyes, but Dean simply closed his eyes and began humming again. Roman snorted both amused and annoyed as he headed to the bathroom wondering how long that stupid song was going to be stuck in his head.
The hot water beat down on him relaxing only a fraction of the tension it normally did. He struggled not to think about the evenings unsettling events. He occupied his mind with trying to recall every teacher he had from kindergarten through college. Every time he got stuck the idea Dean had put in his head about someone trying to kill Seth popped up. After the sixth or so time he let out a defeated sigh and shut the water off. Dean was paranoid and now it was rubbing off on him.
"Is your favorite color classified too?" Dean's irritated voice greeted him as he opened the bathroom door. "It's blue?" He sounded pleasantly surprised, and Roman prayed he wasn't going to start talking to himself again. "I like blue," he continued, but his contentment gave way to suspicion. "What kind of blue?" Roman stepped out of the bathroom to put a stop to whatever his drugged up delusion friend was up to. "Like my eyes? You're eyes are blue too," Oh god, he was giving his "special friends" physical attributed now too.
"Dean, you're supposed to be sleeping," he strode across the room and rubbed Dean's back as he was facing away from him. "Do I need to call Lexie?"
"It is Lexie," Dean replied rolling over onto his back. Roman was confused for a second until he saw his phone clutched in Dean's hand.
"Lexie?" He couldn't keep the panic from his voice as he snatched his phone from a protesting Dean. He didn't think she would call unless something was wrong.
"I was wondering when you would get out of the shower," she was whispering, but sounded amused.
"I thought something was wrong," he breathed a sigh of relief blushing at his overreaction.
"You really think I would be talking to Dean about my favorite color if something was wrong with Bambie?" She chuckled a little and he felt even more ridiculous. "He's fine, he's sleeping already," she assured him.
"I just didn't think you would call unless…" he trailed off embarrassed, but at least his heart rate was returning to normal.
"I wouldn't and I didn't," she replied. Realization dawned and his eyes snapped back to Dean who was looking at him wide eyed and way too innocent.
"Why…" Roman was trying to wrap his head around the fact the Mr. Anti-technology not only managed to unlock his phone, but find Lexie's number and call her. "How?"
"Apparently it was an urgent matter concerning a pet iguana named Rommy," the affection in her voice was clear even as she whispered. "And you never changed the pass code."
His Pass code was still Seth's birthday. He glared at Dean who quickly closed his eyes and promptly began snoring loudly. Lexie hadn't said it, but he was sure Dean had shared that little tid-bit with her. "Well, I'm sorry he called you. If I'd have thought he could've figured out how to use it I'd have brought my phone in the bathroom with me."
"He's far more clever than you people give him credit for," the irritation in her voice surprised him, and he wanted to tell her that's not what he meant, but a rustling sound that he thought might be sheets stopped him.
"I'm just checking on Dean and Roman. Go back to sleep, they're fine," Her voice took on a gentle note, and his jealousy sort of took him by surprise. "Oh now you want a slumber party?" Her playful teasing irked him too. "No, it's too late now, maybe another time. I will. No, go back to sleep. Pout all you want Bambie, it's still not happening. I don't care if you hate me. Yes, I am Satan, go back to sleep."
Everything was quiet for a moment and Roman tried to keep his unjustified and irrational anger at bay. Dean reached up for the phone and he instinctively jerked it away causing Dean to pout. "Don't pout at me," Roman admonished. "You're supposed to be sleeping anyway."
"Yours too?" Lexie chuckled whispering once again. "Give him the phone," Roman didn't like taking orders from his possible replacement, but the way Dean was reaching out left him no choice.
"2 minutes," he told him sternly handing the phone back over.
"Hi" Dean said happily smiling with both dimples on display. "Maybe a dog would be okay too. Can I still name him Rommy? A puppy? I can too!" Dean sounded really upset so Roman reached for the phone, but Dean rolled away tangling himself hopelessly in the sheets.
"Stop moving," Roman commanded as one of Dean's elbows almost caught him in the eye while he was trying to untangle Dean's flailing limbs.
"I'm stuck, get it off," he cried out continuing to roll around and flail making it all the more difficult.
"Goddamnit!" Roman lunged across the bed as the mess of blankets and limbs looked like it was going over the edge. He grabbed what he thought might be a knee, but it proved to be unnecessary. Suddenly Dean went rigid and he seemed to be listening intently to whatever Lexie was saying.
Roman took the opportunity to untangle him wondering how the hell he managed to keep a hold of the phone. Once he was free Dean breathed out a thank you, and Roman realized he was practically hyper ventilating. His eyes were scrunched shut and he seemed to be attempting some sort of deep breathing exercises. A minute or two went by before his erratic breathing calmed, and his eyes opened. "Better."
Dean's voice was still a little breathless and Roman noticed he was actually sweating when he went to brush some of the stray blonde locks away from his eyes. Dean was still listening intently as Roman watched him calm rapidly. He had never seen him come back so quickly. He continued to run his fingers through the other man's hair, and felt relieved when his eyes closed.
Within no time Dean's breathing was deep and even. The phone slipped from his grasp and Roman grabbed it. Seeing Lexie hadn't hung up he held it to his ear. "The answer my friend, is blowing in the wind... The answer is blowing in the wind." Her voice was beautiful even though she was still whispering as she sang.
"He's asleep," Roman whispered after he was sure she wasn't going to continue. "How'd you do that?"
"Good, call me if you need me, and make sure you get some sleep too," she ignored his question.
"I will, thank you," he decided not to push it.
"And Rome?" she said as he went to go hang up, and he felt his heart sink. She knew it was his fault and she was going to make him face it before he could even sort it all out. A long moment went by before she continued. "No iguana, see of you can talk him into a dog."
"Yea," he breathed a sigh of relief when that was all she wanted. "I don't even know where that came from." They bid each other a good night and he hung up his phone tossing it over onto his bed.
He took a moment to lean back up against the headboard where he sat on the side of Dean's bed and rubbed the heels of his hands against his tired eyes. This whole thing was a fucking mess, and he was more confused now than he had ever been in his entire life. He still loved Seth; he was still desperately in love with Seth, but how the hell could he fix this beyond fucked up situation.
Would Seth ever consider forgiving him if he tried? Would he even deserve his forgiveness even if he did? He had caused so much pain and suffering with his in-actions that he wasn't sure he wanted to be forgiven.
Poor Seth.
Poor Dean.
He looked down over at his slumbering best friend who deserved so much better. This was going to crush him. It may finally be the thing that made him take that leap. After everything they'd been through was quieting a guilty conscious worth possibly destroying someone who meant so much to him?
Yes, he was in love with Seth, but he loved Dean just as much, even if it was in a different way. They both deserved everything. Fuck, he would find a way to fetch the moon for them if that's what they wanted.
Confessing was the right thing to do by Seth. He deserved that, and this whole thing was just as unfair to him as anyone. Seth had seemingly changed so much since everything had happened, but he caught sadness and longing in those big brown doe eyes every once in a while that made him wonder what the hell was going on. If Seth finally got everything he ever wanted like he said then why the sadness? That sadness was his fault.
Then again, doing all of that might be the wrong thing for Dean. After what Seth's "betrayal" had done to his fragile psyche, what would happen if he found out Roman was no better? What would happen to Dean if it was revealed that the only two people he had ever dared to trust violated that trust? Who would be there to keep him from leaping off the ledge?
He had taken to Lexie who seemed to have a certain way with him, even though he thought she was "Maybe Satan". Dean wouldn't turn to her though, because she was on Team Seth, and he didn't trust Seth, but he didn't trust Seth because of Roman.
If he confessed, could Dean forgive Seth for everything that happened after the "betrayal" once he knew it wasn't his fault? Could Seth forgive Dean for not seeing the truth, and making it a point to try and ruin his life? Was it all hopelessly broken?
If Dean was right, Lexie was here because someone wanted Seth dead. He wasn't sure he really believed that, but what if? If that was true did any of this matter so much anymore? If tomorrow was his last day, and there was no more time, would any of them care about the bad stuff? God he would never forgive himself, and he was sure Dean wouldn't either. Did he make that decision for Dean, even if it was to protect him?
Fuck!
He was hopelessly stuck. If he turned left there was the rock, but if he turned right there was the hard place. Rock and a hard place; a hard place and a rock. Whichever way he went it all boiled down to choosing between the lesser of two evils, and he hated that game.
His head hurt so much he couldn't think anymore, but mind was still racing at the same time. He gave up and was about to get up to get in his own bed when Dean rolled over and latched onto his leg. There was no escape once he was latched on. Roman had learned that a long time ago, so with a tired sigh he resigned himself to sleep right where he was.
As he began to drift he wondered if he should ask Lexie. He didn't particularly like her, maybe it was because he was jealous, but she did have an amazing understanding of and with both Dean and Seth. Maybe she could provide a cushion for whichever way he had to turn. Not for him, but for their boys, as she had put it.
Whatever happened and whatever was decided couldn't be about him in any way, shape, or form. It was going to destroy him no matter what, and it had to be about the two men he loved the most in this world.