Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own Once Upon A Time. ABC, Disney,A&E, and whoever else have that distinction. No profit is being made, and no copywrite infringement in intended. "Dust to Dust," where the title and several chapter quotes come from, belongs to the Civil Wars, and is just a perfectly amazing CS song.

AN: As always, thanks to everyone for all your kind words, I'm so happy to know people are enjoying this. I'm having so much fun writing it! This chapter is more slice-of-lifey than I normally write, but I actually really like that about it. Just the casualness of it shows all the character developments.

This chapter is dedicated to Ash, who inspired the idea by requesting something slightly different that I will hopefully get to someday.

You've Been Lonely Too Long

by Lady Callista

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"I have seen men in real life who so long deceived others that at last their true nature could not reveal itself... But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love, and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all."

-Soren Kierkegaard

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Chapter 4:

"Clubbing?"

Emma could hear the confusion in his voice, and from the look slowly filling his eyes tried to imagine what he was thinking. She couldn't even begin to guess. "Not... I don't know how to explain it. A club is like a bar, a... a tavern. But it also has music, and dancing, and..."

"So it's a ball." He said simply, eyebrow rising as if he didn't understand why that had been so hard to explain.

"No, well..." Emma trailed off as baby Neal let out a cry. She rose at once, smirking as Killian's hand slid down her side to squeeze her hip gently before he let her go. She crossed to the crib, picking her brother up and cuddling him to her chest, automatically starting to bounce him lightly.

"What's wrong?"

Emma smiled, tucking her head to kiss Neal's forehead and hide her amusement from her pirate. Although he'd been over for dinner several times, Neal had mostly slept through those dinners, and this was the first time he'd been here when her parents were gone. They'd just gone out for dinner and a walk; a nice, calm, normal couple of hours that they were all slowly getting used to being able to take again.

After over a month of peace and quiet Emma was starting to entertain the hope that maybe it would actually hold this time.

Killian had called to see if she was free for the evening, and she'd immediately invited him over. He'd been somewhat nervous when he discovered she was watching Neal, refusing both times she'd offered to let him hold the boy.

His immediate concern now at the slightest sound made her more certain than ever that her line of thinking was correct, and he simply hadn't been around babies much. Neither had she technically, but thanks to Regina's memories, somewhat faded but still accessible, she knew everything about raising one.

Emma lowered her head, and in the manner of mothers everywhere determined with a quick sniff that his diaper was clean. "He's probably just hungry." She said softly, crossing the room to sit on the couch beside him, Neal already cooing in her arms. "Can you hold him while I heat up a bottle?"

"Swan... I..."

Although she had noticed his refusals before, she hadn't noticed the worry in his eyes. She shifted when Neal began fussing, rocking him lightly. "You haven't been around babies much, have you?"

"No, I haven't actually, but it's not..."

Emma was close enough to see the worry shift to fear, and what she could swear was shame. "Killian..." She kept her voice soft, trailing off naturally, but the question was clear.

He didn't speak, but flinched away from her, breaking eye contact to stare down into his lap, where his left arm, and hook, rested. The fear and shame was clear at once, and Emma shifted her brother until she could slide an arm around Killian's back. "You won't hurt him."

"You can't know that." Killian whispered.

"I can." Emma whispered back, sliding her hand up to play her fingers over his neck, something that normally made him shiver but barely elicited a reaction this time, other than a clenching of his jaw. She didn't take offense, she could completely understand this fear even if she didn't share it. Emma waited until his eyes came back up to hers, and couldn't help but slide her fingers around to caress his cheek, aching to take the sadness from his eyes. "Just be as gentle with him as you are with me."

"Emma..." Killian's eyes widened and his hand slid into her hair, leaning in for a soft kiss that she deepened slightly before pulling back.

"Have you ever held a baby?"

Killian only shook his head, still speechless at her trusting him with her brother, and at the tenderness when she admitted that she knew just how careful he had been with her.

Neal was old enough that you didn't have to worry about supporting his neck or being careful of the soft spot on his head anymore, so Emma only smiled softly at Killian's anxiousness. She could still see the nerves in his eyes though, and realized that the combination of his two worries might just be more than she wanted to make him deal with at the moment. She shifted around until she could close her hand over his hook, a raised eyebrow asking her question for her. At his nod she twisted, unsnapping the hook and setting it on the coffee table, kissing him sweetly on the cheek before passing Neal to him slowly.

Now that the hook was gone so were most of his nerves it seemed, although his face was still too intense as he listened to her few words of instruction before his arms began to rock slightly awkwardly. She stayed long enough to see that Neal wouldn't start crying again, then patted his shoulder reassuringly as she rushed to the kitchen to heat a bottle.

"So why is a ball not like a club?"

His voice was calm again, but she could sense that he was trying to use the discussion to distract himself slightly, so she only smiled as she set the filled bottle in the pot of already warming water. "Different type of dancing, different type of music." Inspiration struck, and she grabbed her phone from the counter and hit the button for youtube.

A movie she'd loved as a child was her first thought, and with a smirk Emma pulled up clips from Dirty Dancing, selecting the first one she found from the instructor's after-hours parties even as she leaned over the back of the couch, holding the phone so he could see it as she hit play.

His eyebrows rose almost to his hairline at the pulsing music, even at the low volume she had the phone at, and at the grinding, revealingly-clad dancers. She could swear she heard the wicked thoughts forming in his head ever before he commented hopefully, "I don't suppose there is a dance club in Storybrooke?"

"Nope." Emma grinned, stopping the video and placing her phone in her back pocket, giving his shoulders a quick squeeze before wandering back towards the kitchen and tossing back over her shoulder, "But one of these days we'll figure out how to leave and be able to come back. We're only about an hour from Portland - a city big enough to have a club."

"And does my partner know what she's doing?"

Emma flushed at his immediate retort, catching the twinkle in his eyes before she turned back to check on the bottle. "You'll have to wait and see."

"Well, lessons beforehand are always beneficial."

Emma could hear the teasing note in his voice, but realized he wasn't entirely wrong. And she couldn't stop the heat that spiraled through her body at the thought of dancing with him like that, their bodies so close...

Neal's sudden cry jerked her out of her thoughts, and Emma tested the temperature of the bottle before rushing back to the couch as she caught the edge of panic in Killian's voice as it called her name.

"It's okay." Emma soothed. Rather than taking Neal back as he obviously expected, Emma passed him the bottle, guiding it to the baby's mouth even as she explained to Killian how to hold it so he wasn't sucking on air.

His eyes cut back to her nervously, but Emma only smiled again, leaning her temple against his shoulder, her eyes on the baby now happily having his dinner.

Killian was silent for a long moment, and Emma was just about to speak when she felt him relax, the tension leaving his body as he rested his head against hers for a moment. "He's so focused. It's as if the world could be exploding around him and as long as he had his bottle he would be content."

Emma chuckled at the tinge of wonder in his voice. "Babies are always like that. I remember with Henry..." She trailed off; thinking it was one thing, but saying it out loud was another. Because they both knew she didn't really remember.

"Have you ever..."

His voice was so soft she could barely hear him, even from inches away, and she slid her arm around his back again. "We're in the middle of one of our hours. That means we can ask each other anything."

"I'm thinking of what your mother said, in Echo Cave. What you have with Henry is just as unique as what you have with your parents, but..."

He trailed off, but Emma had already figured out where he was leading, and why he had stopped himself from asking the first question. She tensed as she completed the thought in her head. Have you ever thought of having another child?

It was an understandable question, especially knowing he had thought of her mom's comment, and she even thought maybe it was one he had the right to know the answer to. But it was one she really tried to not think about, let alone discuss.

After giving Henry up, she had never thought about having another child. Never wanted to. Yet in the dead of night, when she woke to Neal's cries and was halfway out of bed before the instinctive maternal response was quieted by one of her parents speaking softly to her brother, in the dead of night the thought had been sneaking up on her.

It was, indeed, just as her mother had said. And she might have it slightly worse, what with Regina's fake memories and all. She knew, in a way her mother didn't, just what exactly she had missed.

And under the fear, the tiniest part of her did want to do it again, and not miss everything.

Just the other night, she had woken from a dream of a baby with her golden hair and Killian's sparkling sapphire eyes, and had felt the slightest bit of regret under the overwhelming relief of realizing it was a dream.

"Remember that not every question needs to be answered tonight."

Killian's voice was soft and soothing, and Emma realized that he'd obviously felt her tense and was worried that despite what she had said about talking about anything, he had pushed too far. The idea was laughable - he had never pushed her into anything and she knew he never would.

She was still tense, and she could feel the tingles of fear tricking through her brain and heart, but she reminded herself that he would never push and given how things were going between them it really was something he had a right to know.

Emma raised her finger to stroke her brother's cheek, smiling as even in the midst of feeding he turned slightly into the touch. She calmed herself with the scent of baby, -powder and soap and somehow sweet, and the scent of Killian - rum and something spicy and somehow still the pleasant salty tinge of the sea. For a brief instant she imagined accepting that both things made her think of home. Of family.

"Yes." The word came out choked, and Emma cleared her throat before trying again. "I don't think about it like mom did, I mean... not, not now or for a while or... but yeah. Someday, yeah. Have you ever..."

Killian went still for a brief second before letting out a deep sigh. "Milah and I spoke of it, but in the same way we spoke of someday going back for Bae."

Emma closed her eyes, letting his soft voice waft over her as she tried to imagine how he must have been back then. Both hands still, young and in love and happy, finally getting over the loss of his brother. But his voice had a dark tinge to it she didn't understand until he went on.

"It was always someday though, and I think in the end mayhaps we would both have remained too selfish. A child wouldn't really have fit into the life we both loved so much. And once I lost her, well, I didn't think of it again."

"Oh..." Emma cut in at once, starting to babble even as she backtracked, all her nerves and insecurities rushing back. "Well, yeah, that makes sense, I mean...

"Emma." His voice was soft, but while she cut off she couldn't meet his eyes. She stared down at her brother, still oblivious to the world beyond his bottle, and felt her eyes widen in amazement as Killian shifted Neal into the crook of his good arm, his wrist twisting to keep the bottle in the baby's mouth the entire time. It had taken her days to perfect that. Well, at least in her memories. His left wrist came up gently under her chin, and when her panicked eyes met his he husked, "I didn't think of a child, because I didn't think I would ever love again. Now that I, well, I think of it. Someday."

The understanding in the final word, and in the way he echoed her yet still somehow managed to weave in a hint of promise, caused her to flush. So did the way he had cut himself off, yet again, from finally saying those three words. She knew that was yet another way he would let her lead, and the desire to say the words was slowly growing larger than the fear.

Emma admitted to herself that it was no longer a matter of if she would say it, but when.

"That someday is a ways off." She couldn't help the warning tone in her voice, even though she realized it was unnecessary. His arm wrapped around her waist even as she felt him chuckle, and she marveled at how he shifted yet again to keep the bottle and baby held comfortably. For having no experience he was certainly a natural, which made sense when she thought about how easily he did most things she had first thought would give him trouble. He had centuries of adapting to his lost hand, and now that the nerves of holding or possibly hurting the baby were gone he was perfectly comfortable, as he somehow managed to be in every situation, no matter how strange it was to him.

"Aye, love." Killian said softly, kissing her temple before settling back against the couch, where she resumed using his shoulder as a pillow. He couldn't help shaking his shoulder slightly, causing her head to bob back and forth, as he teased darkly, "Just like dancing, some things take a lot of practice."

Months ago she would have had a snappy comeback to that, or would have just frozen him out. She might have slapped him on the shoulder if he was close enough. Now she only chuckled and shook her head slightly. "You and your one-track mind."

She'd explained the slang before, so he only chuckled, his voice teasing as he agreed, "I know my course, aye. And to my great relief you've stopped telling me to change it."

Emma grinned, relaxing back into the easy banter they had always shared. It had become more important to them than ever over the past month, as their conversations brought up old pains and angers that they were both unaccustomed to sharing with another. The levity in the midst of serious and hard revelations had been necessary, and so Emma was surprised when before she could reply his voice turned softly emotional again.

"I won't change course, love." He promised softly, knowing she would relate it to what they had been speaking of a moment ago. "No matter how rough the waters, no matter the rocks in the way... we're in this together. For as long as you'll have me."

The word forever whispered on the edge of her mind, and she shoved it back before the panic could rise. Then she recognized the underlying promise in his tone and realized what he was really saying. The panic began to simmer again, and she had to resort back to teasing, "I have rather gotten used to having you around. Just remember that together means no more keeping things from me."

The gently delivered reproach caused him to cringe as the reference always did. She couldn't help it though - forgiveness didn't mean forgetting, especially on a second offense. She wanted so badly to trust him again, and she did, really, in all the ways that mattered, but she knew it would break them if he kept things from her again.

And he deserved the occasional stab of guilt caused by being reminded of how much of an idiot he had been.

Killian winced, taking a deep breath before whispering, "I swore it, love. I'll do whatever it takes to show you I can be worthy of your trust in me."

The self-loathing in his barely audible voice shook her heart, and it was not at all what Emma had been going for. She'd meant to tease him, not hurt him. She forgot sometimes how insecure and ashamed he could be, underneath all his flirting and bravado and projected ego.

The last time she'd brought it up he had teased her back, saying he would tell her everything as long as she promised not to run. They'd gone on teasing each other back and forth, grinning like idiots as the promise requests grew more ludicrous; she'd been asking him to promise to always answer her phone calls, and he had retorted with asking her to never again smack him for making a dirty joke when a waiter's arrival had ended the conversation.

Maybe them being alone now, and in the middle of one of their conversations where they could tell each other anything, was responsible for the change, and Emma let the thoughts swirl in her mind for a long, tense moment before offering softly, "Everyone makes mistakes, Killian, and you've forgiven me my share of them. And after everything you've done for me... with me... Killian, you don't have to prove you're worthy. You don't have to prove anything to me at all."

"Perhaps it's myself I need to prove it to."

Emma barely caught the soft murmur, and knew there was no reply she could give to that. He hadn't argued with her words, and she understood needing to prove something to yourself. She had been doing it her whole life. She only leaned up to kiss his cheek softly, smiling into a full kiss when he turned his head, his heart in his eyes before they slid shut, and then he was deepening the kiss and suddenly Emma couldn't breathe as heat rushed through her at the intensity of it all.

"You're amazing." Killian breathed when they finally parted for breath, jolting when Neal shifted in his arm and let out a babble of sound.

The wonder in his eyes when he looked at her sometimes no longer caused the flare of panic, instead it was one of the things she had come to trust in most. He was her rock, always there for her no matter what it cost him personally. And she couldn't help the grin that spread across her face as he smirked down at Neal, asking in a lilting voice, "Are you agreeing with me, lad? Do you know just how spectacular your sister is?"

Neal gurgled again, little fist waving, and Emma giggled as his flailing fingers latched on to one of Killian's rings. The tiny fingers began pulling the ring towards his mouth, bottle forgotten, yet before Emma could even get out a warning Killian was chuckling and pulling back on his hand, replacing it once again with the bottle. "That's probably not the best dessert for you, lad."

Killian cut his eyes back up to Emma, his grin widening as he quipped, "Although I must admire the lad's eye for treasure. Mayhaps one day both you and he will make good pirates."

"That would be difficult in this world." Emma quipped without thinking, then bit her lip as she realized the can of worms she might have unleashed.

They knew that ways existed back to the Enchanted Forest, and Emma had known that one day they would have to talk about it, if they were going to stay in her world or go back to his. Other people in town might eventually decide to talk about it as well, although at the moment no one seemed to want to break the peace that had settled over the town. She just hadn't meant to talk about it today.

"I meant only in spirit, love." His answer was surprisingly light, as if he had picked up on her tensing and realized he needed to let it go. "You might make an excellent pirate, but it's hardly what you're meant for. And I believe I've mentioned to you that my heart was no longer in it during that long year."

"You still miss the Jolly."

"And as I've already told you, I missed you more. I won't deny that if the opportunity presented itself I would love to have her back, but I don't need her, love. A ship is meant to take you places, and there is nowhere else I wish to go."

Emma was about to reply to the sweet statement when the loft's front door swung open, and she chuckled as he mumbled under his breath, "Although at the moment I would dearly love to have her just for the privacy she would provide."

If Snow White was surprised or concerned to see her baby in the hands of a pirate, she certainly didn't show it, merely greeting them both as she took off her coat, David moving by her to the kitchen with a bag of what Emma assumed was leftovers.

"We brought you some stew, but I see you ate already." David called out as he exited the kitchen.

Emma grinned at the memory. While she regretted not introducing Killian to pizza while they were in New York, when they could have gotten a simply amazing fresh pizza, his reaction to the frozen version had been fairly amusing, and she reminded herself to introduce him to new foods more often. "Yeah, it felt like a pizza kind of night. How was your date?"

Snow grinned at her. "Fun. It still feels weird, to be able to take all this time to ourselves."

"I know." Emma agreed, her eyes flicking to her pirate before returning to her mother.

"We were thinking of watching a movie, any suggestions?" David asked as he sat down in the chair across from them. His gaze fell to the hook resting on the coffee table, but he didn't comment on it, nor on his baby who was nearly asleep in Killian's arm.

"Hook?" Emma quipped as she followed his gaze.

David raised an eyebrow even as a slow grin settled over his face as the idea obviously grew on him.

"Not tonight." Snow chimed in as she settled beside Emma on the couch, leaning over her to trail her finger's down Neal's cheek. "I was thinking more of a comedy."

They debated movie choices back and forth for a moment, Killian understandably silent as he had no idea what they were talking about. The baby in his arms had fallen back to sleep, and he reached out hesitantly to stroke his cheek as Snow had a moment ago, his eyes widening as even in sleep Neal latched on to his finger.

Killian was smiling softly when Emma glanced over at him, neither of them noticing when Snow rose from the couch to cross to the DVD cabinet. The wonder and wistfulness were clear on his face, and she leaned in to whisper softly, "I told you that you wouldn't hurt him."

Killian nodded distractedly, about to reply when Snow let out a caw of triumph that caused both of them to look her way.

"Princess Bride."

Emma grinned and nodded, David sighed dramatically although clearly approved, and with a dramatic flourish of his hand said, "As you wish."

Emma and Snow both giggled, and Killian's eyes snapped back to Emma. "Am I finally about to learn why you either grin or blush when I say that?"

Emma blushed while Snow laughed harder and David let out a groan.

"Shall I take that as confirmation?"

"Just shut up and watch, pirate." Emma retorted before asking softly, gesturing to Neal, "Want me to take him? We can put him back in his crib now that he's asleep."

"I think we're all good where we are, love."

The multiple meanings of that phrase were not lost on her, and Emma ducked under his arm to cuddle into his side as the movie started.

When Snow sat back down beside her, saying softly, "Yeah, we are," Emma reached behind herself for a moment, smiling when her mother found her hand and squeezed it briefly.

Then she cuddled back into her pirate, her head resting in what had quickly become her favorite spot, where she could listen to the comforting thump of his heart.

TBC...