This is ATAIH's chapter! thank-you to everyone who is reading this story, its loads of fun to write (even though I have a cold right now...) Please review!!

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Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight, Buffy, and sadly, we don't own the masked figure from the last chapter.... :( BE FREE BIRDIES!

:D (there are no birdies... play along or she will go crazy...)

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Chapter 4

I stumbled back in horror, my eyes glazing over ever-so-slightly and my gleaming machete almost fell from my pale-skinned hand. No.. It couldn't be... It just wasn't plausible, not here, not now! I stashed the machete into its sheath in my cleavage and leapt out of the hospital through the window that he had left open, and, grabbing a branch on a nearby tree, swung myself down to the ground. After an half and hour or so of running I realised I had entered the nearby town of Smallville and was attracting quite a lot of unwanted attention. I get this a lot of the time, but today I was in a really bad mood, so I ignored the fact that all the punks that were trying to feel me up in this dark alley were human, and beat the living shit out of them.

Its a great way to relieve stress! You should try it sometime.

After my evening jaunt in the town, I stopped by a cafe' for some food, and who should see there?? You guessed right! It was little Edward and his Galpal Bella. They were sitting in a table in the middle of the room so that if perchance any camera's happened to be filming them, they would be at the best possible angle. I opted for a nice, out of the way seat, close enough that I could hear what they were saying.

"Blah blah blah," Edward was saying quietly. I can't be sure those were his exact words, but from the whiny sound in Bella's drab reply, I could tell that they were probably discussing some big dark evil secret I wouldn't want anything to do with. I leaned closer.

"I can read minds." Edward was saying. "I am a vampire, over 100 years old. I can hear every persons thoughts in this room, except yours..." He gazed hungrily into Bella's eyes, which she probably mistook for love, or lust. Wait wait wait, back up here. CULLEN?! I remembered now, of course, it all made sense. Edward was Carlisle Cullens adopted son whom he turned into a vampire as Edward was dying from the spanish influenza, it was the only logical explanation. Clearly once he had become a vampire Edward had picked his nifty talent for reading minds, but probably the only special power Carlisle had was being sexy. What? Just because he's a demonic and evil vampire with no soul doesn't mean he wasn't hot!

I just can't afford to be picky in such a small town! Or I'd have to resort to incest, and since my only relation here is my Mum, it would be very awkward. And creepy. And so very, very inappropriate. Speaking of inappropriate, I sighed quietly to myself in relief, when I remembered that I had sprayed the mind-reading-repellent that had been made that very morning all over myself. It was lavender scented.

Leaning sideways once again, I managed to hear everything they were saying. Ugh, all he was doing was telling her about his vampirism and coldness and how everyone in the room was either thinking "money" "sex" or "cat". Men. Honestly, he takes a girl to a nice restaurant, and all he can talk about is himself. I stopped listening. I had more important things to worry about right now...

Beef, or chicken?

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