Chapter 4

Sirius didn't sleep that night. He went down to the kitchen to make a strong cup of tea. In Azkaban he never let his mind wander, any memory of Connie would be sucked out until he wasn't sure if she even existed. It was a nice change to be able to think freely, of times of happiness.

Drinking his tea, he thought of Connie. In school she was considered a great musician. She would entertain the common room for hours playing music she wrote.

Sirius would watch her, and fall even more in love.

In Hogwarts Sirius dated other girls to get Connie out of his mind. He couldn't risk loving Connie and losing her.

Connie walked down the stair to the common room, with a guitar in her hand. A hush was followed by her presence. The first years studying by the widows put their books away and the fifth by the fire turned their armchairs to watch.

Connie sat on a table in the middle of the room. Lily Potter came next to her and with a swish of her wand dimmed the lights.

"Lumos" Lily said and pointed her wand at Connie.

Connie glanced at Sirius who had his arm around Christine a pretty sixth year who had a reputation. Sirius saw Connie watching him and released his hold on Christine.

Christine frowned.

Connie tuned her instrument and began to play a simple tune.

"Oh! This is a new one." Peter Pettigrew said.

Soon everyone around her was bobbing their heads or tapping their toes to the beat. Sirius loved watching her play and felt a little guilty when Christine sighed. But Connie looked so beautiful with the wand light in her hair. And he'd never heard a voice like hers. It made him weak inside.

"The world was on fire, and no one could save me but you.

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do.

I'd never dream I'd met somebody like you,

I'd never dream I'd love somebody like you.

Her eyes flashed to Sirius and he thought he saw tears in them. Yet her voice sounded strong, almost angry…

"I don't wanna fall in love

I don't wanna fall in love.

What a wicked game to play, to make feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make dream of you."

Sirius didn't need her glances to understand this song was for him. And now he knew they felt exactly the same. Sirius didn't want to fall in love with her because she was the first person he'd feel bad about if he broke her heart. He wouldn't be able to live with himself. But he knew he loved her and there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't push her out of his mind. Not with any distractions.

Sirius woke from his thoughts by the outbreak of applause. Sirius clapped too and Christine rolled her eyes and grabbed Sirius's hand pulling him out the portrait hole.

Sirius broken up with Christine a few weeks after.

Sirius and James had nicked some butterbeers from the kitchen and were heading out to the grounds. Connie came though the front doors looking rather upset.

"Can I speak to you?" She asked Sirius. "Alone."

Sirius nodded but didn't move til James, gently pushed him forward.

"Yeah, sure" he said, letting Connie lead him into an empty classroom. He shut the door behind him. Connie's back was behind him, her head bowed and arms crossed. "Are you okay?"

She turned slowly, and Sirius watched as a tear ran down her cheek.

"Is it true? What they're saying? Did you sleep with Christine?"

This was the last thing he expected. "Who told you?" Sirius said trying not to care that she was crying.

"Oh God! You did then!" Connie said jumping a little to shake off her feelings.

"Connie! It's not what you think!"

"It's not?" She yelled, "Then what is it?"

Sirius was lost for words. He let the guilt consume him as he watched the tears spill down her beautiful face. She never stuck him as a person who'd let someone see her cry.

"Connie...I..." Connie and he were not together so it was none of her business, yet his heart broke. How could he explain to Connie how much he loved her? How the whole time he was with Christine or dating any other girl, he only wished to be holding her.

"Why does it matter?" Sirius said with more force than he intended.

"It matters! Because! Well..." Connie stuttered.

"What!" Sirius yelled!

"It matters, stupid! Because I love you!" Shock spread across her face. She hadn't intended to confess anything. "Oh shit." She whispered and made for the door.

"Connie wait," Sirius whispered, grabbing her arm. "Don't go...please.

Connie quickly wiped the tears from her face before turning to face him.

Sirius didn't look at her as he spoke. "I've hurt...so many girls. Every girl I've dated...because of you. Because when I was holding them or kissing them...It was always you I was thinking of." Sirius looked into her hazel eyes, still red. "I've always loved you, from the first moment I saw you! I didn't sleep with Christine. I couldn't go though with it."

Connie searched his eyes.

"I've been stupid" he said

"You think!" Connie said, and a small smile escaped her lips.

"Connie I'm sorry! I'm afraid I would hurt you if we were together. But look at you...I still hurt you."

They were silent for a long moment and Connie shuffled her feet nervously. "Now what?"

Sirius smiled, taking a step closer to her. She looked up at him he could feel her breathe on his lips. She trembled and he held her face in his hands. He kissed her gently, pulling her closer.

Sirius smiled as he woke from that memory.