CHAPTER 4 – Almost lover.

"Gonna take you home, and take off your clothes, baby I'm nothing but bad news."

Girls Freak Me Out

After spending that day with John, I fell even more in love with him. Everyone had noticed; everyone but him. By everyone I mean, especially Jess and Brian. Brian knew after I knocked on his door, crying and wrapped in my blanket at 3am. I had to tell him why. He had guessed anyway. John and Leah started to fight a lot after their anniversary and for the first time of my life, I hated someone. I hated Leah with everything I had in me. She was the luckiest girl, person in the world and she was too selfish and stupid to even realize it. He was disappointed in her and it hurt so much to see John like that. My John. She didn't care about him, she made no effort when he did all the time. All these fights they had broke my heart every single time. I had never seen John like that before. So disappointed in someone and so sad. He wasn't the John I had toured with, the funny, crazy and adorable John I had met. He was just someone who barely behaved like him, who barely looked like him – she had asked him to cut his hair and to change the way he dressed – and who barely sounded like him.

John called me pretty often, lately. We had always the same conversation, it always ended the same way; he complained about Leah and about how she didn't care about him at all and I just listened to him, trying to cheer him up then I'd call Brian telling him John had called. He called me at least once a week. I was not trying to get over him anymore because I knew it was just useless. The more I pushed him away, the more I fell in love with him. But Leah changed him and I didn't like that. A few weeks after their anniversary, John and Leah started fighting a lot. They were actually fighting everyday and everyone was pretty sure they'd break up really soon. The night after their biggest fight, John came over. He kept knocking on my door until I opened it.

"Coming." I said. John was standing there, being his adorable self. He grinned and softly planted a kiss on my lips. I pushed him away slowly, not wanting to and whispered "Leah..".

"It's over." he whispered back before kissing me again and closing the door with his foot. Soon after that, our kisses turned into a hardcore makeout session and before we even noticed, we were already in bed. I loved him a bit more with every touch and everything just felt right. Nothing else than us mattered.

The morning after that, John and I woke up early. Well, he actually woke me up early. He was dressed and ready to go. I was still half asleep and I could only distinguish his silhouette in the dark. I took a quick look at my phone and saw it was almost 6a.m. I got up and walked over to him, slowly.

"You're leaving?" I asked him, waking up slowly.

"Yeah." he turned around to face me. "I have to go. Thank you for, um, yesterday." he kissed my cheek quickly before walking to the door and sighed lightly and mumbled "Love you." quietly before leaving and closing the door behind him.

My appartment felt empty after he left. The atmosphere of my room was now cold and quiet and it seemed impossible to think that a few hours earlier John and I were having sex in that room. I missed him already. I missed his smile, his smell, his touch but most of all, I missed feeling completely his. I didn't know where we stood. I guess we were nothing. Or maybe it was just not official yet. Tired from always thinking so much, I went back to sleep. I woke up a few hours later, desperately hoping that I had a text from John. Or a missed call. Or anything else, from him. Nothing. I checked again. Still nothing. And I kept checking every two minutes. Nothing, every single time. Around midnight I went to sleep, disappointed and feeling empty. He was slipping through my fingers again but I couldn't miss my chance; not again. Or maybe I was just being paranoid? He was probably tired. Or maybe it's kind of awkward and too soon to call me yet. The next day, when I woke up, the first thing I did was checking my phone. Two texts and one missed call. All from John. I was kinda nervous but I checked them.

11:05am. From: John.

"Hey. There's something I gotta tell you. I hope we can see each other soon, it's something important. Love you."

11:06am. From: John.

"Call me when you see my texts, by the way."

Guess I was just being paranoid. He finally texted me. Twice. And he called me. There is something important that he has to tell me. Finally. All the wait was worth it in the end. I just have to call him.

"Hey, John."

"Katy, hi, finally you got my texts."

"Yes, I just woke up sorry. What did you want to tell me?"

"Um, I-I'd rather tell you in person. Can I come over?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah, I won't be long, I promise."

"I don't mind, let me get ready and you can come."

"Alright, see you in half an hour then?"

"Alright, sounds good."

"Yeah. Talk to you later, bye."

He hung up quite rudely on me. I guess it was kind of awkward for him. Or maybe he was excted to talk to me. His voice was all shaky and he sounded really nervous. It was adorable and I was now pretty sure he was gonna ask me out. I had to tell someone but Jess and Stephen were gone for the week and I didn't wanna annoy her. So I called Brian.

"Brian?"

"Katy? Is everthing okay?"

"Yes. Yes. Everything is amazingly okay."

"Uh, okay."

"Could you come over in like an hour and a half, I have something to tell you. I need to share my happiness with you. I got really good news."

"Oh. I'm glad. Well, alright, I'll see you soon then."

"Okay, I love you Brian. Bye."

"I love you too, bye."

I couldn't stop smiling and I was probably gonna stay stuck with that smile on my face for the rest of my days. But I was okay with it if it was the price to pay to be with John. I was excited and I couldn't wait for him to arrive. I got ready as fast as I could and he arrived right when I was done.

"Hey." he said, awkwardly.

"Hey, John, I missed you." I replied, smiling and too happy to hide my excitement.

"Yeah, um, I missed you too. Katy, we really have to talk now." he replied, getting more and more awkward.

"Alright." I replied, shrugging and trying to seem cool and calm. But I was burning up inside and John was probably seeing it.

"It's really important and I don't really know how to say it, but, I've thought a lot about what happened the other day and, um, I realized something." he said. He stopped talking a bit and took a few deep breaths. He was probably as excited as I was and didn't wanna sound like a dumbass in front of me. He probably wanted this moment to be perfect for me and felt nervous about asking me out.

"Just say it, John." I said with a smile, rubbing his arm softly. "Don't be that nervous."

"Okay.." he took another deep breath and finally said what he had been wanting to say this whole time.

The words that came out of his mouth changed everything between us that day. He left quickly after saying what he had to say and Brian arrived quickly after. I had to tell him what John had just said to me.

"Katy?" Brian asked when he walked in.

"There." I replied. I was sat on the floor. Brian sat next to me.

"Katy, you're crying?" he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight against him. "What happened?"

"John." I said. Just saying his name made me cry even more.

"What did he do to you? I thought you had good news? What happened?" he asked. I had to reply.

I tried to stop crying and I finally told Brian everything that happened. "He broke up with Leah the other day and he knocked at my door and, well, we had sex." I looked down. I felt stupid and ashamed and I knew Brian would be mad at me. "Anyway, I thought he liked me. That night with him was amazing and I really felt like there was something special between us. I felt love in the way he touched me. But, yeah, he texted me like twice and he called me, he wanted to talk to me. So he came over earlier today and I thought he wanted to ask me out." I broke down again and Brian held me a bit tighter.

"Oh. So that was the good news?" he replied.

"Yeah. But it didn't turn out the way I planned. He was all nervous and I thought he was afraid of finally asking me to go out with him, you know, but it was not the reason why. Not at all." I sighed, crying quietly.

"Katy, what did he say?" Brian asked, half mad, half sad.

"He asked me not to ever talk to anyone about what happened between us. Because he doesn't want Leah to know it happened." I frowned, trying not to cry. "They got back together." My voice broke saying these last four words and so did my heart.