Chapter 4: Pewter City- Somebody better put him back into his place!

(Pokemon Red- Gym)

"When we last left our 'heroes', they were kicking ass in Viridian Forest, met a famous girl from another dimension, and caught their first Pokemon! That's awesome, even though that last part was shoehorned in. That was random. But sue me, why don't you? I was tired! I was running out of ideas for the chapter! Anyway… We now return to Red, who is on his way to fight his way through his first Gym! HUZZAH! Will he make the cut? Will Leaf actually start doing something other than commenting on Red's predicament? Will the Red X Yellow Fans have their thirst satiated again (No. Sorry.)? FIND OUT NOW!"

(Pokemon Fire Red- Pewter City)

Red drove into town, whooping, "ALRIGHT! NOW TO ACTUALLY KILL SOMEONE FOR A GOOD CAUSE!" Leaf blinked, "Uh… Sure. Whatever.I'm sure that you'll have no moral qualms about beating up a guy who is short-sighted and has to take care of his siblings because his own father is too busy selling rocks. Genius."

Red didn't respond. He was handing over a few hundred dollars for a glowing stone on a necklace.

Leaf slapped him, "IDIOT! You wasted cash on a rock!" Red hung it around Char's neck, "Leaf, this is a Charizardite X. When Char here grows and becomes big, strong and sexy enough, he'll be able to Mega Evolve!" "Yeah, but that'll take too long! And besides, you need to be using your own Mega Stone to power it up!"

Red sweatdropped, "I forgot… Stupid rock seller! One day, I swear I'll cut him."

After doing some weird stuff like attempting to moonwalk (I can't either. Sad times...), Red finally entered the Pokemon centre. There, he decided to sing a song! Why? Because he was bored? Yeah, let's go with that…

(Pokemon X- Pokemon Centre)

"Hot Damn, Nurse Joy, you so sexy!"

Leaf stared at Red, "Huh?"

"Please will you give me your number!"

The nurse blinked, confused, as Red continued.

"Screw healing my Pokes!"

"I wanna make love with you!"

The Nurse Joy stared, mortified, at Red.

"Please give me you number, bitch!"

"So I can stalk you in you sleep!"

"Give me your number today!"

"I'll break in your house!"

"And rape you with my eyes!"

Leaf finally slapped Red, "Sorry. He's been seeing a psychiatrist about it. Please heal." The Nurse nodded, "Um… Okay."

(A.N. Made that up myself. Which gives you an idea what I think about when I'm procrastinating... :D)

Red stepped outside, holding his Pikachu's ball, "Alright! Let's look at this! Go! CHEAP PLOT DEVICE!" He tossed it on the ground, and lo and behold, A PIKACHU CAME OUT! What were you expecting, John Cena?

If so...

(John Cena- The time is now (U can't see me)!)

"DAHDAHDAH DAAAAAH!DAHDAHDAH DAAAAAAAH!"

Red poked the Pikachu repeatedly, "I'm gonna call him Trump! You can't stumph the Trump!" The Pikachu, who was actually a girl, slapped him, "PIKA PIKA!"

Red blinked, "Uh... How about Hikari? I'm pretty sure it's Japanese for 'light', and Japanese names are the shit..." Leaf smiled, "Perfect! Now, let us take on the gym!"

(A.N. Megaman Battle Network... I don't own it. Just before anyone notices...)

(Metal Gear Solid 2: Main Theme)

Our heroes marched towards the gym, as the sun shone down upon them. Nothing would get in their way now! No man, no Pokemon, no enemy, no one! The legend was awakening!

Redneck adjusted his cap, standing before the gym doors, "Ladies first."

Leaf smirked, trotting in.

(SSB4- Ryu's Theme (Street Fighter))

Before them was a long wooden footpath made from bamboo, raised slightly over a floor made of solid rock. At the end of the path was a generic trainer… And the short-sighted squinting devil himself, Brock.

"Red, be careful!" Leaf explained, checking her strategy guide, "Brock may be the first Gym, but he fights hard! Hard like the rocks below you! Hard like his Onix's body! Hard like his di-" Red nodded, "I will. Alright, here I come!"

Red marched bravely towards his goal, fire in his eyes. This was it…

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?"

Piss.

The generic trainer ran up, "You came to challenge Brock? Forget it! You're a million Light Years from being as powerful as him!" Red poked his chest, "Light Years measure distance, not time. And according to me…" The story paused, as I stared at the screen, counting the few pixels that stood between me and my first shiny.

"…I'm only literally about 20 pixels away. Meaning 20 metres, if Game Theory is correct… Go back to school!"

Red pushed him aside, and approached the boss, "Alright, battle time. Let's dance!"

(Megaman 3- Protoman's whistle)

Brock turned to face the challenger, "Hmm… A challenger. What brings you here?" Red smiled, removing his red cap to reveal his black hair, blowing in the wind, "Talk is cheap."Brock smiled, "Alright, show me your moves!"

[Battle!]

VS BROCK!

(Pokemon Red- VS Gym Leader)

Brock sent out Geodude!

Red replaced his cap backwards, a fringe of black hair flopping over his right eye, "Alright! Let's do this! Go! Char!"

The Fire-type looked over the floating orb, growling menancingly.

Geodude used Tackle! Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark!

Char used Ember! It wasn't very effective…

Brock laughed, "Ever heard of type advantages, kid? Your fire isn't effective against the power of my rocks! Geodude, STRENGTH!"

Geodude used Strength! Let's hope Obamacare is up to it…

Char groaned, clutching his bleeding arm. Red turned to him, "Char, I need you to heat up a fireball. Hotter than it has ever been before! As hot as the sun!" His starter blinked, confused, before smiling in realisation.

The gym leader glared at Red, "C'mon! Is that all you have?" Red bowed his head, "Ever heard of physics, kid?"

The fireball in Char's hands turned a bright red, then a blue colour.

Red pointed forwards, "FIRE!"

A rippling wave of blue energy burst forth, blasting a hole through the rock-type, molten rock in its wake. Simultaneously, all the fire extinguishers exploded from water pressure, water raining down on the battlefield. The ball of energy kept flying, before striking the gym's power supply in a massive explosion. Water turned to steam, and the lights exploded. The arena was bathed in darkness…

Red smiled, "Plasma bolt beats rock."TheGeodude shook, before falling to the ground.

Char used Plasma! It was uberly effective! SUCK ON THAT, MOFO!

Brock's eye twitched, "You... KILLED ROCKY?! I BEAR YOU NO REMORSE! ONIX! GET 'IM!"

Brock sent out Onix!

Leaf smirked, "I'm going to make the obvious pun that that was Onixpected."

(Rimshot)

The Gym leader groaned. Red smirked. Char smirked. The Abra Mariachi Band smirked. The author smirked. Ash stared at Serena's chest.

Red retrieved Char, "Since my main is out of commission, I'll have to hope my Secondary trusts me enough... JACK IN! HIKARI!"

The Pikachu jumped onto the playing field, cracking her fists. Red fell before her, "Look, I know it has been really sudden, but I need you to beat the living crap out of this rock snake. Please?"

Hikari blinked, before zapping Red out of the way grumpily, "Kachu. Piku." Red gulped, "Uh... Was that a yes?"

The Pikachu giggled, shaking his hand, "Ka!"

Which meant, "Okay!" in Pikachu.

(Queen- We Will Rock You)

"Buddy you're a boy make a big noise, "

"Playin' in the street, gonna be a big man some day!"

She ran straight at the Onix, screaming a battle cry. Her cheeks sparked as she leapt into the air.

"You got mud on yo' face,"

"You big disgrace!"

"Kickin' your can all over the place!"

"Singin'!"

A burst of rocks blasted past her. The Pikachu dodged the rock shards, briefly stopping in place to raise a shield of electricity to break apart a falling stone. With that out of her way, she leaped higher into the air, a piercing light in the darkness of the gym.

"We will, we will rock you!"

"We will, we will rock you!"

Hikari scaled the titan, her small eyes blazing with fury as she jumped up the shadow of the colossus. The Onix's head slowly turned to face her, spitting out rocks at the yellow warrior.

"Buddy you're a young man, hard man,"

"Shoutin' in the street,"

"Gonna take on the world some day!"

"You got blood on yo' face!"

"You big disgrace!"

"Wavin' your banner all over the place!"

A small crowd gathered around the battle, due to the gaping hole in the back of the gym. Leaf cheered, as the Abras led the crowd in singing the song.

"We will, we will rock you!"

"Sing it!"

"We will, we will rock you!"

Red dunked his fist, and yelled over the defending roar of the crowd the next lines of the refrain.

"Buddy you're an old man, poor man,"

"Pleadin' with your eyes,"

"Gonna make you some peace some day!"

Hikarigrappled the beast, pounding its massive eyes with her tiny electrified fists. The monster fell to the ground, a cloud of dust obscuring both combatants. It was between the two Pokemon now.

"You got mud on your face!"

"Big disgrace!"

"Somebody better put you back into your place!"

Hikari landed a solid hit on the Onix, but was struck back in the legs by a massive rocky tail, breaking all the bones in both extremities. She gasped, as the Onix rose above her, ready to slam down on her...

"We will, we will rock you!"

"Sing it!"

"We will, we will rock you!"

"HIKARI! NEVER SURRENDER! NEVER GIVE UP!NEVER LOSE A BET!"her trainer screamed, the motto for his life cutting through her head. The cheering intensified, nearly deafening the electric mouse.

"Everybody!"

"We will, we will rock you!"

"We will, we will rock you!"

In one decisive action, the wounded pokemon forced herself to unleash all she had at the beasts head, before using an electric blast to dash headlong through the air.

The Onix never stood a chance.

Like a bullet, she tore through the rock, shards flying away from the hole she blasted between its eyes.

Pikachu used Skull Bash! HEADSHOT!

"ALRIGHT!"

Hikari fell back to the ground before Red. She tried to get up, wobbling on her broken legs, before collapsing back on the ground. Red picked her up, "You okay? I'm really sorry-"

She smiled weakly, raising her paw. Red chuckled, fistbumping her, "That'll do, mouse. That'll do."

With that, Red picked up a random Buster Sword he had, swung it around, before sheathing it on his back.

(Final Fantasy VII- Victory Fanfare)

[YOU BEAT BROCK!]

"You fought...um...Well, I suppose... It's a way of fighting... I guess? Um... Here's your badge?"

[BADGE GET!]

[1/8]

Char learnt Plasma!

Hikari learnt Skull Bash!

Red got 2000PKD and Brock's Badge!

Red shook Brock's hand, "Well, I'll be off now! Don't worry about the Pokemon. I figure the Nurses can get them patched up easily." Brock blinked, "You melted half my Geodude's face off." "Details." "You shot my Onix in the head." "More details. Whelp, I'll be off now!"

The black haired trainer adjusted his cap, "C'mon, Leaf. Nice meeting you Brock."

Just as he was leaving, Red paused, "Actually, I feel bad for you. Seriously. I'd be a real jerk if I didn't help you out."

Red pulled out Leaf's Team Healer, setting it up and healing both rock types to full health. Brock smiled, "Thanks. Well, I guess it's back to breeding Pokemon for me. Maybe this whole battle thing isn't cut out for me."

The scarlet trainer gave a wry smirk, "Tell me what PokeSex is like, okay?" Brock high-fived him, "No probs!"

Leaf rolled her eyes, "Oh, brother..."