Chapter 4
Phil's POV
I was sitting at the table eating lunch at around 1 pm when I heard the sound of keys jingle. I jumped up, hoping it was Dan. I quickly sat back down; it was probably just a neighbor. Then I heard the door open. I couldn't take not knowing anymore. Running as fast as I could, I thumped down the stairs to find a rather surprised looking Dan staring back at me. I wanted to hug him, take him into my arms and help him through whatever he was going through. He stared back at me now in a kind of defeated way. I opened my mouth and said softly "Dan?"
He then did something I never expected Dan Howell to ever do: he began to cry. I could see him just break down and lose all control. He just cried and I didn't know what to do. I took him into my arms and we walked upstairs together. We sat on the couch and I asked him "Dan? Do you want to talk about anything?" He shook his head and just cuddled a little closer. I knew he just needed someone to be with him so I stayed. I sat on the couch, holding Dan while he cried. It was perfect. After a while he got up and walked off to his room and I wanted to follow him. I wanted to hold him more, let him know he was safe with me and that I was always there for him. But I resisted that urge. If he needed some time, let him take it. Hopefully he would come to me to talk when he was ready to. I got up and made some coffee for me and settled down to watch a little TV. I found myself constantly worrying about Dan. Is he ok? Did he run away again? I wanted to go and check if he was still there, but I never did.
After a while I went to check on him and his door was closed. Pressing my ear against the wall, I could hear a steady breathing. Dan was asleep. Since it was late, I went to go make dinner. I was in the mood for some comfort food, so I made chocolate chip pancakes and bacon. I had made Dan a plate, but did he want it now? I knocked on his door and heard him say something too soft to hear.
"Dan?" I said quietly, pushing open the door.
"Mrphh" he groaned, waking up.
"I made pancakes for dinner do you want some?" I asked.
At the mention of food his head snapped up and he woke up quickly. "Sure. I'm hungry."
He followed me to the table, where I had set out two plates stacked high with pancakes and bacon. I sat down and he sat across from me. Dinner was really silent, with both of us just eating and not talking. I wondered if I should bring up the incident from the past few days. I decided not to because he still may not be totally ready to talk. After dinner I cleared the dishes and went to sit down on the couch. Dan went back to his room. I'm starting to think Dan will never want to talk about what happened. I flipped through channels until I found an old Doctor Who rerun. I was in the middle of the episode when I heard a voice.
"Phil?"
Dan's POV
I had to talk to him. He had to know how I felt because I couldn't carry this around with me forever. I paced for a little while and finally worked up the courage to talk to Phil. I found him on the couch watching Doctor Who. "Phil?" I said quietly, half hoping that he wouldn't hear me.
"What is it Dan?"
Dang it. Now I had to go through with what I had planned. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure Dan. What's on your mind?" Phil said, patting the spot on the couch next to him. I tentatively sat down.
"Phil I think that we need to talk about what happened. I don't think I can live like this anymore," I said quietly, looking away.
"Dan-" Phil began. And I had heard enough.
"I-I-I had enough. I don't think I can do this," I stuttered. I tore off the couch and into my room.
"Dan!" I heard Phil yell, but I didn't listen. I ran into my room and shut the door immediately, hoping Phil wouldn't follow me.
I wasn't into my room long when there was a knock at the door. "Dan, it's Phil. Come out so we can talk, ok?"
"No Phil. Go away," I said, my voice muffled by the pillow I had over my face.
"Dan, come on. We have to talk." Phil said. "You know what Dan; I'm coming in." I heard the door open and felt Phil sit down on the bed next to me. I mumbled a "Go away" and tried to ignore the fact that he didn't move or make any motion of leave the room.
"Alright Dan, if you are not going to talk then at least look at me," Phil said strongly. I sat up and looked him in the eyes. He looked worried.
"I don't know what to say to you Phil. I try, but I'm lost every time because I'm afraid."
"Afraid of what Dan?"
"This."
And I kissed him. It was literal perfection. His lips and mine fit perfectly together and I felt like we were the only two people in the world. I was on cloud nine. I pulled away and he looked at me. "I was afraid of rejection and that I was the only one who felt this way about you and me. But I just couldn't take the agony anymore and I had to do something about it. I love you and I want to scream it from the top of my lungs, Phil Lester."
"I love you too, Daniel Howell."