It's been three months since I found out I was pregnant. I don't want this baby, I don't want to have to carry it around for another six months pretending I'm okay with this, pretending I'm okay that my husband hits me if I don't look at him during sex, or pretend I'm interested in whatever he's saying so he won't hit me in the stomach… Not that I think he would. He seems very protective of this baby, he barely lets me eat anything outside of a healthy diet for the baby.
The doctor is coming over tomorrow to let us know what the gender is, I hate her. She's a snake who tells Draco lies, and that I'm not properly taking care of the baby, the first couple of times Draco punished me for it, but after he started to watch me like a hawk he found out she was lying. I'm not sure what he did, because I'm not actually allowed to talk to anyone, but she hasn't made any nasty comments to me since.
I walk around the house, I'm home alone again. Draco was called away last week but promised to be home by tonight, so we can find out the gender together. I'm surprised he didn't lock the door again. He hates giving me any type of freedom, not that I can blame him. I would run away if I could. I hate this house, and I hate that I must remind myself every day that I don't belong to him, and I don't belong to this house.
Thankfully the morning sickness has started to go away, and I can finally relax a bit, but my body no longer belongs to just me. I don't feel like myself anymore. My hair is down to my waist, and it's just getting longer and longer, I wish I could cut it but the last time I asked Draco he snapped at me and told me I don't belong to myself, I belong to him and if he wanted it cut it would have been cut. He makes me so angry I could scream, but stress isn't good for the baby, so I don't.
I walk around the house a little longer before finally going back to the bedroom, I'm always tired and I just want to sleep all the time, but Draco makes sure I walk everyday for the baby, and when he's not here he has the house elf's do it for him. I quickly change into a pair of green sleek shorts and a tank top, I was shocked when I found it on the bed one day. I didn't ask Draco, but he must have heard me complain that the other sleeping shorts weren't comfortable anymore.
I woke up sometime in the middle of the night with extra heat on my back. Draco was back. He hasn't been nearly as mean to me since I got pregnant, but I wont fall into his trap, one moment he's nice and the next he's slapping me for not paying attention. I try to adjust myself because sleeping on my side was starting to hurt, but he pulls me over so I'm on my other side facing him, he's awake, of course. He's always away, always looking at me.
He looks older almost, I know he's only 20, but he seems so much older than that. I guess the stress of the war really does make you age. I still look the same, just fatter, which makes me sad. I had worked hard not to become fat like my mum was, but she also had 7 children. I don't want seven kids, I never asked Draco how many he wanted, but I hope he only wanted just this one.
I go to play with his hair, it usually helps him relax and able to fall asleep, but he stops my hand in midair.
"I want to have sex." He says harshly, mean Draco is out to play tonight and if I don't want to be covered in bruises tomorrow than I better listen to what he's saying. I quickly pull off my sleeping shorts and throw off my tank top. He likes how the pregnancy Is suiting my body, even if there isn't a lot of changes yet, he told me I still have another six months for all the changes to come, it made me want to cry.
But I can't focus on that right now, I need to focus on making sure Draco is happy, so I don't have another bruise for another day. I everything right and when he comes and finally gets off me, he whispers in my ear that he loves me before falling asleep.
I don't believe him, but he says it every time he comes, I think he just loves my body, because I haven't talked to him enough for him to really love me. Sometimes when we're having sex he will force me to say it back, and I do, because I'm scared of him. I never thought I would fear my husband and I never thought I would be scared to say I love you to him.
When I wake up in the morning, I'm still naked but the bed isn't as hot as it was last night, Draco is already up. He barely ever sleeps and I'm not sure how he can still be human on only getting four to five hours a night, but he somehow does it.
I take a quick shower and look at the clock when I get out. I have another hour until the doctor will be here, so I take my time getting dressed, I finally settle on a pair of black leggings and one of Draco's dress shirts, I'm sure he won't mind. He knows how much I hate his clothing, and he tries to be nice to me when we have the doctors coming.
I throw my hair into a messy bun and walk out to the room again, Draco still isn't in here, so I take it as a sign that I should be able to walk out and roam the house. My stomach makes a noise and I know I need to eat. This is the first time in a while that I've felt hungry. I push myself to the kitchen and that's where I find Draco, leaning against the counter while sipping on a cup of black coffee, I don't know how he can stand to eat it, but I just ignore it and sit down, I know better than to try and find out food.
Draco snaps his fingers and tells the house elf to bring me eggs and toast. I'm not in the mood for it, but I know better than to fight him on what I'm going to eat today. When he isn't here, I can usually sneak something fatty or bad for me, but I want to be able to enjoy this pregnancy, but he's always looming around, so I doubt I'll actually get the catch.
When they bring me my plate I take a small bit of the toast. I haven't talked to him yet, but he knows I don't speak much when I first wake up. I finish the toast and take a small bite of the eggs, my stomach turns at it before I quickly walk over to the trash can, Draco turns his nose up at this, but doesn't say anything to me. When I'm done he calls for the house elf and tells him to deal with it.
He walks me to the bathroom where I quickly brush my teeth and wet my face down. I'll be happy when I'm not pregnant and I no longer am puking everything I eat up. I think this baby really hates eggs, because I can't stand to keep them down.
As I'm drying my face off the house elf pops in to let us know the doctor is here. Draco grabs me by my hand and pulls me out of the bathroom. He can't just appear us down there because it can kill the baby, he me makes the doctor come to us. He's scared to let me out of the house, he probably thinks I would try to run… And I probably would have, but he knows where my family is and I will never forget the promise he made that he will kill them one by one if I ever did try.
When we get down to the main hall, she follows us into an empty room with just a medical table, Draco had it set up the day after I found out I was pregnant. I hated it, it's so empty and cold. I remember when I went with Luna before the war broke out, real rooms are beautiful, and set up to relax the mom. This room just empty and cold.
I sat on the table and Draco stood next to me, it was like this every two weeks, making sure the baby was growing right, last time she came she said the sac looked weird and couldn't figure out why, causing Draco to go into a full melt down. Even when he yelled at me it wasn't like that. The woman handed me the bottle with the potion in and I quickly drank it, it almost tasted like soda, not that I've had it in so long, I remember when Harry gave me my first sip… I quickly push the thought down before focusing on what was happening.
She had me push my shirt up so my stomach was showing and had me lay down. I've been through this before, but she must think I'm stupid because she keeps reminding me every time she shows up. She whispers some words and a picture of the baby comes up on the wall, I was watching it trying to figure out what was going on. I might not want this baby, but I don't want it to die because Draco will blame me and make good on his threat to kill me.
She watches it, moving her wand around to get a clear picture of the baby, and then I hear it, the heartbeat. It sounded fast, but I took that as a good sign. Draco was watching but didn't say anything. He never did. She moved it around than smiled.
"There is nothing wrong." She announced before moving it around a little bit more, than I saw it and felt my face drop. Draco must have saw my face but before he could say anything she started to talk again.
"There are two babies. That's why I couldn't figure it out before. One of them was hiding behind the other."
I saw Draco smirk, but it was gone in a second. I took a deep breath and tried not to freak out. I wanted to cry. I really did, but this wasn't the time or the place. So, I just put my eyes back on the screen and watched our babies, they looked like tiny little teddy bears.
"Would you like to know the genders?" She asked him, she usually just ignores me and right now I'm okay with that, because I'm trying to figure out how the fuck we ended up with two babies instead of one. I thought I wouldn't have twins, I thought I would have one baby.
"Yes, we would." He's standing up for me, but I don't care. I don't want to know. I want the world to open and swallow me whole. She's speaking but I'm not really listening, I don't care what she's saying. "Gin." I feel my eyes snap open at the use of my name, Draco is staring at me, well glaring really. I swallow before responding.
"I'm ready for the genders." I whisper. He knows I'm nervous, so he doesn't push me for not speaking sooner, I know he's going to yell at me for it later, but I honestly don't care right now.
"So, it looks like you're having a boy and a girl." She says with a tight smile, she's jealous I'm with Draco, but if I could trade places with her I would. She doesn't have to worry about never seeing her family again, or following Draco's rules, or not being able to speak to anyone who isn't him or his father.
A boy and a girl. It does my head in, I don't want to give birth twice over. But I have no choice. She finishes up and lets us know the babies are growing at a healthy rate and that they'll probably be born a month early, because twins usually are. Which I know, because Mum used to always poke fun at the twins telling them they couldn't stay in for another month.
When she finally leaves, Draco takes me back to the bedroom. I feel dirty all over again. I know he can tell I'm upset, but he's the one who pushed for this, he pushed for us to have a baby and now we're having twins, a boy and a girl. There are going to be two lives I must look out for in six, probably five, months. I'm only 19, I'm not ready to be a mother. But it doesn't matter anymore. Our lives are about to change.
He doesn't say anything, but takes off his dress shirt, leaving him in a pair of slacks. He always looks so good, it's not fair, because he's so cruel.
"When I get out of the shower, I expect you to be naked and waiting for me." He tells me in a serious voice. There is no point of fighting him, I've become the perfect submissive like that he wanted. When he leaves the room, I let out the breath I was holding. I've become so scared to even breathe around him. All this stress isn't good for the babies, but I don't care anymore, he brought this upon himself.
I quickly slip off his shirt and the leggings before getting back into the bed. I look around our bedroom, it really is quite beautiful. I'm sure it looked different at some point, but now it's our room. The walls are a dark purple, which is so surprising, because I always thought he would have kept them dark green.
Our king size bed was in the middle of the room, pushed up against the wall, dresser on the other side. Walk in closet on the left side of our room and the bathroom next to it. The other side of the room was a huge empty room, waiting for me to make whatever I wanted out of it. It's the room for the babies, and I'm sure Draco is going to start screaming at me and throwing things if I don't get on it soon.
I play with the blanket, rubbing it under my fingertips, feeling how smooth it felt. I'm not sure how much it cost, but I wasn't going to bother, the only time I ever asked how much something cost he wouldn't tell me, but did tell me if I wanted anything all I had to do was ask, he said I have more money than I know what to do with. I wish that was true, because if it was I would use it to leave.
I finally hear the water shut off and I quickly get off the bed and down to my knees, he comes out with a towel wrapped around his waist, and he walks over to me. I can see his feet, he's so skinny but he has muscle. He's really pale which isn't surprising, because he does most of his job at night.
His job, I hate thinking about his night job. He works during the days, running the Malfoy company. He does an excellent job, or so I'm told. He deals with loans and requests. I didn't think he would ever work for any money he has, but he likes working.
He lets me get off my knees and has me stand up until I'm almost eye to eye with him. He's tall, but so am I. I look at his beautiful grey eyes and look see nothing but stone looking back. He'll never let me see any real emotion. I think he loves me, or at least the best he knows how.
He has me lay down on my back before sliding into me. Sex has finally started to feel good, even if it's rough, because it's all I've ever known. He's only ever been gentle with me once, and that was when he got me pregnant. But it wouldn't matter how we had sex now.
He's careful not to hit my stomach, but he brings his left hand down and squeezes the sides of my throat. I think pregnant or not, he'll always choke me. I wonder if it's his way of saying he would kill me if I stepped out of line, It probably is.
When he's finally finished and is done, he pulls out of me and I feel alone and empty again. But I can't let me have that type of control over me again. I miss going outside, and I think I'll ask him tomorrow, but I don't get the chance, because as soon as lay down, he sits up and grasps at his arm.
His night job needs him and that means I probably won't see him for another week at least. I ignore him while he gets up and gets dressed. He's going to put on this ugly robe and go make peoples lives a living hell. I wish sometimes, he would just stay with me. I know it's sad, but he's all I have. So I would rather be around him than nobody.
"I'll see you soon Princess, be good." He says before disappearing.
This is how my life is always going to be.
He was gone longer than a week, but at least I could walk around the house. I know the house elf's can reach him if they needed too, but I couldn't request them to get him if I wanted. I could be dying and they wouldn't tell him, they just update him every night if I'm eating or not. It was annoying.
Another week passes by, and I've been away from humans or the outside for far too long, I tried to open the front door and it lets me. I won't leave, but I want to smell the flowers. I take one step outside, and feel my body is still whole. So, Draco's spell won't kill me if I step outside, good.
I finally get out to the garden and sit down next to a huge tree, it's big, like how I feel. I hate being pregnant. I hear footsteps and look up, Draco is back, he's still wearing his robes, so I think the house elf probably told him I was running away, but he doesn't look angry when he sees him, he looks tired. There are rings under his eyes and I think he doesn't have enough energy to scream at me.
"What are you doing?" He asks me with a glint in his eye, he might be tired, but he will still hit me if I don't give him the correct answer.
"Smelling the flowers and enjoying the sun." I tell him honestly, there wasn't any point to lie to him. I wasn't doing anything wrong. He sighs, before running his fingers through his hair.
"Okay, just go back inside in an hour and I'll know if you don't Gin." He says with a serious voice before leaning down and giving me a small kiss. I know he misses me, I miss him too. Does that make me sick? Maybe I am. "When are you coming back?" I question him. I need to know much how longer I have this freedom before he comes back, and I have to ask him if I can breathe or not.
"Soon, baby." And he disappears again. I follow his rule and only stay out for another hour. I won't let him take this away from me. I do it everyday and only stay out for an hour, because that's what he told me the first time.
Finally, another week passes, and he comes home, he throws his robes on a floor before snapping his fingers for the house elf to take them away, he doesn't talk to me but takes a shower, which I'm thankful for. He's covered in blood and what looks like mud.
He looked angry, so whoever it was, got away. It makes my heart glee, but I won't tell Draco that. He's been good with my pregnancy, he hasn't hit me once yet. But I think it's because I do whatever he tells me to do. I must swallow my pride around him, I won't let him hurt the babies. I've started to become attach to them. I can feel them move and kick, but they're too small for Draco to feel.
It makes me feel happy, this is one thing he can't take away from me no matter how much he wants too. I set up the nursey while he was gone, but I don't want to show him yet, not while he's like this. When he gets out of the shower he doesn't bother to get dressed, just flops on the bed and closes his eyes, I know he's not sleeping.
He can't sleep while I'm awake, but I'm bored and have already took a nap today. I'm horny but I don't know how to tell him I want sex. I'm trying to figure out a way when I feel his eyes on me. They're blood shot and I feel bad for wanting it right now, but I can't help it, these hormones have me going crazy.
I've already touched myself to the thought of him more times than I care to admit. He closes his eyes again.
I'm wearing a pair of black yoga shorts and a black tank top, common but comfy. He hates it, but he doesn't bitch because he knows I'll just cry if he does. He's lying on his stomach, so I take my cue and move to sit on top of his butt. He stops me when I move.
"What are you doing?" He asks sharply with a mean look. But I won't let him ruin this, I'm going to do this.
"I just want to rub your back." I tell him, it's the truth, but I also want sex, and this is a sure-fire way to have this happen.
He lets me start to rub his back, I work slowly and softly, to let him fully enjoy this. I know he would rather I apply pressure, but I want to save my energy for something else and I think he knows that. When I work my fingertips down his back, he flips me over so I'm on my back, I almost smile at how cute it is but when I see the look on his face I know I shouldn't smile at him right now, I've worked him up and now I'm going to pay for it. He opens my legs open and I feel how hard he is against me. I know I'm wet, I know he can feel it, but he doesn't care. He slides into me repeatedly, into the morning. By the time he's done the sun is coming up and I'm exhausted. I finally actually look at him and see how tired he looks. His eyes are blood shot, and he looks so tense. I thought sex would help, but it seemed to just wind him up. He snaps for a house elf and makes them bring us breakfast. I can finally eat eggs without puking them up, but I still don't like them.
We finish breakfast without talking and after they take away our plates, Draco lays down again, with me following. I wake up a few hours later, but Draco doesn't get up until almost 7PM, and he only does because of his arm burning, but he doesn't bother to change. He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving.
I furrow my eyebrows, that was weird. But I won't push it. He comes back an hour later and walks in the room with a cold expression. I want to ask him what's wrong, but he tells me to get up and get dressed before walking out of the door. What the hell.
I figure something is happening, so I quickly pull on a black dress that semi covers my bump, because I'm showing more than I should with the twins. When I open the door, Draco is waiting for me, he has back on his death eater robes and I know something is wrong.
"Don't talk back, just say or no." He says before wrapping his finger around my arms.
I've been all over this house, but I don't know where we're going, I've never been to this part of the house before. It's dark and cold. When we finally get to the room, he looks at me,
"I'm sorry, please forgive me." I didn't get a chance to respond because he opens the door and Voldemort is waiting for me on the other side.