I woke up from my deep sleep, startled to find myself in my own bed. I tried to remember the events of the previous nights, but the alcohol had clouded my vision. The last thing that I remembered was falling asleep on the couch. I thought that maybe I had walked in here sometime during the night. I bolted up right when I remembered that Derek was supposed to arrive last night. I wondered for a second if he had carried me in here. I pushed the thought from my mind. Derek wouldn't do anything nice for me. I slipped into my dancing clothes and tiptoed out of my room. Nothing in the hallway gave me any indication of Derek's arrival, so I was a bit relieved. I passed the door of the room Derek would be sleeping in and listened for any sign of his normal snoring. I didn't hear anything. I let out another sigh of relief and headed to the living room to clean up the mess I had probably left from the night before. When I got there however, the tequila bottle and my glass were gone. The blanket I had been using had been folded and place neatly on the back of the couch. The television had been turned off, and the remote was placed in its usual spot on the coffee table. My heart started to beat a little faster as I realized there was no way that I had done all of this in my drunken slumber the night before. I raced in the kitchen still looking for Derek. There was no sign of him there either. The kitchen looked like I had left it the night before except a coffee machine now sat on my counter. I didn't drink coffee, and as far as I knew Derek couldn't stand the taste. I wondered what else had changed about him as I heard the front door swing open. I considered the possibility of sprinting back to my room or possibly hiding somewhere, but I knew that I would have to face him soon enough. I could hear him rummaging around by the door, and my hands started to shake. I begged for them to stop as I heard him coming toward the kitchen.

"Casey," He said as he approached the doorway.

I didn't want to turn around. I wanted to take off running, but my feet wouldn't move.

"Casey, are you okay?" I could tell by his shocked voice that he was surprised at the changes that had occurred in me as much as my mother and George were.

I turned to face him, "I'm fine." I mumbled, avoiding eye contact.

He took a step toward me, and I immediately stepped back. I saw a glimpse of pain flash in his eyes. It was brief, but it still surprised me. I wanted to say so many things. I wanted to yell, and to tell him all the things that I had wanted to tell him since last Christmas, but instead, I slid past him and made my way back to my room to grab my bag before heading to my choreography session with Marvin. He was doing one on ones this week.

"Wait," Derek called out, but I didn't. I just kept moving down the hallway. My hands were still shaking as I pushed open my bedroom door. I told myself not to cry. I told myself that everything was okay. I'd been telling myself that lie for so much time though that I knew it was an empty promise I kept making to myself. I wasn't fine. I might be fine one day, but I definitely wasn't fine then. I tried to gather myself as I searched for my workout bag. I hoped that dancing would help push the memory of the glimpse of pain that I say in his eyes out of my mind. I hoped that I would be able to make myself forget that maybe Derek did care. Maybe, he was truly sorry for hurting me. I stopped myself. There was no way that he was sorry. He knew exactly what he was doing to me when he did it. He was just an asshole like everyone told me. I considered skipping my session, but I didn't want to worry Marvin. He was a kind soul who was always concerned about everyone. When I left my room, Derek was nowhere to be found, although, his shoes still sat in front of the door.

"Casey! Darling, how are you?" Marvin smiled when I stepped into the studio.

I lied, "I'm great. How are you?"

"I'm fine," He answered, narrowing his eyes at me, "And you are lying."

I laughed nervously, "What? I'm good, Marvin."

"Please, you can't fool me. Your eyes are red. You look like you haven't slept for a week. You reek like alcohol. Casey, honey, you can tell me what's going on."

"My step-brother moved in last night, Derek. It's just been hectic," I responded, giving him a version of the truth.

He nodded, "I see. Do you two not get along?"

"Something like that," I grumbled, "But enough about my personal life, we need to get down to business."

Marvin looked at me carefully, "Okay, Casey. If that's what you want"

I smiled as we began practice. Dancing was the only other thing beside the alcohol that made my hands stop shaking. I danced for nearly two hours before Marvin called the practice to a close.

"You're doing very well," He remarked, "And, Casey, if you need to talk, please don't hesitate to call me."

I nodded, "Okay! Thanks."

I slipped out of the room and ran directly into Michael. He put his hands on my arms to steady me.

"Casey," He smiled, warmly, surprising me. I'd figured that whatever I told him that day at the bar had worried him.

I cleared my throat, "Michael, how are you? I'm so sorry about the other afternoon. That usually doesn't happen to me."

"It's fine," He said, "It happens to all of us when a big show is just around the corner. Take care of yourself alright. Let's get lunch tomorrow."

I nodded, but I knew that I probably wouldn't get lunch with him the next day. I walked out on to the street and decided to take a cab home. It was cold, and I was exhausted from practice. When the driver pulled up to my building, I was reluctant to get out. I paid the cab driver and slowly stepped out on to the sidewalk. I hoped that Derek wouldn't be home, but I had no such luck. He was sitting on the couch as I walked in the door. I tried to be quiet, but he turned around as soon as I shut the door.

"Casey! Can I please talk to you?" He begged, jumping up.

I sighed, "Derek, I still don't have anything to say to you. A year hasn't changed that."

"I know," He looked down, "But you never gave me a chance to explain."
"Explain what? That you lied to me? That I was just part of your stupid bet? That you just wanted the guys on the hockey team to think you were hot shit? Trust me, Derek, I understand plenty." I spewed, my hands starting to shake.

"Casey," He begged again. "It wasn't like that."

I laughed bitterly, "Really? Because I'm pretty sure it was." With those words I headed to the kitchen. I could feel him behind me. I pulled down a glass for the cabinet and filled it with water.

"Why won't you let me talk to you? Why did you block my number? Why did you move to New York? We could've fixed this." He shouted, startling me.

"Fix this?" I asked, staring at him like he'd lost his mind, "There is no fixing this. I don't want to talk to you. Hopefully, this living situation is temporary because the thought of living with you makes me sick. Stay away from me, Derek."

I spun on my heel as he stood there in stunned silence. He didn't move for a few seconds before he stomped off to the living room. I looked down at my shaking hands as they itched to reach toward the bottle I'd hidden in the cabinet. I couldn't do it, though. Derek would hear me. Not that I really cared, but I didn't need him calling my mom or George. I considered taking the bottle to my room, but I didn't. I just stared at the wall above the sink. I heard Derek's footsteps again heading to the kitchen. He stopped short in the doorway.

"Casey, I'm sorry." He whispered, before disappearing down the hallway to his room.

The tears burned in my eyes as I stood there with my hands shaking. I tried to rinse my cup, but I ended up dropping it on the floor. The glass shattered around my feet, but I didn't make a move to clean it up. I stepped around the broken shards and slid to the floor in front of the oven. The sobs hit my body as I shook uncontrollably. I looked up and saw Derek standing in the doorway. He looked at me as he moved across the kitchen. He stopped in front of the glass and looked around for what I assumed was the broom. He came back a few seconds later and began to brush the pieces into the dustpan. I watched him as the tears still ran down my cheeks. When he was finished, he slid down on the floor next to me. He tried to reach over for me, but I scooted away.

"Casey." He sighed as he began, "I never meant to hurt you."

I shook my head, "Please, don't. You did, and there's nothing left to say."

"There is stuff left to say! Please, just hear me out. I love you." He pleaded.

My hands started to shake as I pushed my way back to my feet, "I hate you, Derek. I always will."