"Santana, I know you posted that video on YouTube!"
Damn, Rachel has her panties in a twist today. It's been like this for a while now...ever since she and Quinn got engaged. She's even more obnoxious than ever, which Santana didn't think was possible.
Fuckin' weather girls.
But of course nobody listened to Santana when she voted against Rachel joining their little group. Yet here they are with a new drama every week. Well, at least there's a camera crew documenting all of this as proof that she was, in fact, right from the start.
For the most part, it's good to be the new face of National Geographic. Not only does it drive both Rachel and Kitty crazy, it's also done wonders for Santana's sex life.
Brittany can't keep her hands off her, although the pregnancy hormones might also have something to do with that.
Following the skyrocketing popularity of their show, Catmobile 2 was auctioned off for charity, giving Brittany the freedom to create her ultimate storm tracker vehicle: Grover the Rover.
She wanted to name it The Pink Taco, but Quinn seemed to think people would mistake it for a food truck.
Brittany's vision for her third car was much grander than her first two. This one seats six, has cup holders, and as an added bonus...air conditioning.
The only problem is that she has yet to drive it.
Okay, and maybe she can't fit behind the steering wheel right now because of the whole pregnancy thing and maybe she doesn't have the best driving record because of her former motocross days, but that only serves to piss her off more!
She didn't build this damn thing from scratch just to park it in the garage.
Her new assistant mechanics, Mason and Madison, are reluctant to tell her she's being ridiculous so instead they have psychic twin conversations about it.
Of course she knows she's being ridiculous. And superstitious. And just flat-out anxious.
So she has to distract herself somehow.
"What video?" Santana asks.
"Rachel Berry's Greatest On Air Fails!"
Brittany steps out of her office. Time to fess up. "Uh...Volume 1. And it was me."
"Brittany!" Rachel shrieks. She just cannot believe it. As the only current newscaster in the crew, she deserves at least a little respect. Maybe even more than a little! Probably a lot!
"Well, at first I was just gonna forward it to Santana, but I decided to upload it instead," Brittany replies with a shrug.
She has like, the most college degrees out of anybody ever, so why wouldn't she spend her free time on stuff like that? Besides, she basically solved all those unsolvable math problems ages ago. The world is still her oyster, but the fun kind where she gets to pull pranks and have babies with Santana and build as many awesome armored vehicles for science as she wants.
With her arms crossed and her brows furrowed, Rachel fumes. This unprofessional behavior really makes her want to jump ship over to Kitty's sometimes, but she knows Quinn won't follow. "Why would you do that?"
Brittany shrugs. "My editing skills were getting rusty. And putting hours of tornado footage together doesn't count because there's not, like, a happy way to segue into those. At least I put a laugh track on your video."
Sugar nods. "My personal favorite is when you fart super loud and spend the next fifteen seconds trying to convince your camera guy to convince you that no one noticed."
To Sugar, the best part of being on a reality show is all the swag. People are always giving her couture bags, free makeup, and basically anything she wants. It's even better than her admittedly spoiled childhood because now she doesn't have a curfew.
"It was the dog! The dog farted during my piece on the local ASPCA."
"Chill out, Berry. It's not like you're a star or anything. You work for the local weather station after all," Santana says.
Rachel pouts. "Like you have any room to talk, Santana!"
"Watch your mouth because last time I checked, I'm an international spokesperson, groundbreaking meteorological scientist, and about to be a freakin' mom!"
Rachel seethes. "Oh, I can't wait to show your kid videos of your meltdowns over doing the weather in your bikini."
"Anybody home? I swear this place is such a dump."
Everyone freezes. There aren't any monitors on, yet somehow they can hear the devil speaking.
"Why is Kitty freakin' Wilde outside our building?" Santana demands to know.
"There's a ginormous storm forming on the outskirts of town," Sugar says, checking her handheld Doppler. "All of our equipment was unplugged because somebody had to use the microwave." She glares at Tina. "Three hours ago."
"So Kitty had a headstart. Why come looking for us?" Tina trembles. Okay, maybe she always dreamed of being famous, but now that she is, it's a little overwhelming. So far stardom just feels like an intense amount of pressure.
"You bitches better let me in. Seriously," Kitty says in a muffled voice. There's some chatter. "Okay, okay! Us in. Let us in."
Sugar shakes her head. "Sounds like a trap to me. I vote no."
"Why should we?" Brittany asks.
"We were filming in El Paso and the Texans there were highly suspicious of our science equipment so they trashed most of it. And as someone who didn't believe in dinosaurs until college, I can't say that I blame them."
"And now the illustrious Kitty Wilde need a favor from us," Santana smirks.
"Just hurry up and open the door. New Marley has to pee."
"For the hundredth time, my name is Jane!"
"What happened to Old Marley?"
"She joined Mercedes Jones and the Thunderdomes."
"Huddle up team...and Rachel," Brittany says, pulling Santana close with Sugar snuggled close to her other side. She keeps her voice low so Kitty and the others can't hear. "Do we really have any obligation to help them?"
"I still vote no," Sugar says, reiterating her earlier opinion. "Even if it's not a ruse to slow us down before the 'nado forms, they're still wasting our time."
Brittany nods. "Sugar's right. Besides, I can't wait to take Grover out into the field."
"Whoa," Santana interjects, "you're not going out there, babe."
"If you go, I go. Remember?" Brittany replies.
"Britt, that was before we were having a baby. You designed this vehicle from scratch. I know I'll be okay because you wouldn't make anything less than perfect."
Rachel can't help but feel a little guilty now. Besides her love for Quinn, the reason she could never defect is because this group really does feel like her family sometimes, whereas Kitty hasn't stopped banging on the garage door.
Brittany bites her lip. "Okay, I'll stay. But you're taking the Wonder Twins. They're asleep on the bunk beds and you have to wake them up simultaneously otherwise it's bad luck."
"Fine. Rachel also stays so you aren't here alone."
It's just like Santana to pawn Rachel off, but never on her own wife. "One more thing…"
"Hey. I was in the bathroom and didn't hear you knock," Quinn greets as a livid Kitty Wilde and her team barge into the garage, already soaking wet.
Oh yes.
There's a storm brewing indeed.