Author's Note: Man. I sorta cried as I wrote this chapter; I guess it helped with a certain scene in here… I guess you'll see which one!

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, or its franchise, in any way possible. All characters and mentioned names belong to Square Enix.

CHAPTER FOUR: Influences

… He wasn't going to do it.

Reno convinced himself that, at least. No, the Turk wasn't going to tip that bottle up again and drink till he was numb. Nope. Not today. As expected and as always, Cissnei would be banging on the door soon, and would be bombarding him with countless lines of nagging – only because she was concerned. She was always like that. So why would he even try to do it? He didn't want to disappoint her. Cissnei was a comfort, to him. She was something that helped without calling her help, a friend that he wanted forever, like Rude and Rufus and the few spatterings of others, but...

… He'd never have her. He knew that much. And on this particular day, he didn't want anyone's help.

Reno had tons of paperwork to bother himself with, as he promised himself, but he just couldn't. He couldn't get his mind off her. A part of him wanted to take her face as gentle as possible and make her look at him in the eye, make her tell her, "I've always been here." Another part of him just wanted to push her away, until she'd come and offer him her help because he'd always take that help anyway. He'd come crawling to her. But… now, he was confused.

He began to tear up. Unusually, for him, anyway.

He'd known Cissnei for years, always been there for her, looked after her whenever she had missions, and of course he was hurt that she noticed him but didn't bother to look at him. Reno wanted to think she was just like any other woman he'd met in his life but no. She was different. As Rufus and Tseng would tell him when they'd have conversations, Reno and Cissnei were the "yin and yang" of the Turks. She was his better half – disciplined, refined, and kept him in line. Cissnei was possibly the most beautiful redhead he'd ever known, the most fun as well, which only a few would see. And he was lucky to be one of those few.

"…For fuckin' fuck's sake…"

He sniffed up and rubbed his eyes clear, scowling. Reno paced the room, restless about what happened earlier. Giving up, he finally marched to the cabinet near the black leather sofa in his office and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Sitting down at his desk and staring at the paperwork before him, without hesitation he popped the bottle open and inhaled the scent. He smiled to himself and glugged down until he felt that familiar burn in his abdomen. Placing the bottle on the leather-bound top of his office desk with a thud, he sighed, feeling that heaviness in his body. No words escaped him as he took out his cigarettes and his zippo lighter, and lit up the end. As he leaned his head back on the top of his office chair and exhaled, letting the abhorrent smoke seep out and into a cloud from his mouth, he thought of the conversation earlier.

"It doesn't feel right. You know, Zack's death. I've been feeling guilty ever since…"

Reno closed his eyes, finishing his cigarette. He dabbed it off on the ashtray and lit up another for himself.

Guilt. What a feeling. Reno would know what guilt was, he blew up the Sector 7 plate after all, years ago. He's killed people, left and right. He's betrayed people through negotiations. And then a thought crossed his mind.

They were practically the same.

Of course, that was aside from the fact that they were both Turks. Reno now understood why Cissnei felt so guilty about Zack's death – she looked after Zack for so long; she wasn't necessarily by his side but she would look after him even from a distance, ask people around how he was faring with his missions, was around to guard or guide him, from a Turk's point of view. Just like Reno, how he helped protect the company, and then blew up the plate while working for that company. Cissnei tried to smile all throughout, even despite the troubles and the guilt. Yin. And here was Reno, resorting to the wiles and vices of the world. Yang.

Reno wondered if she thought or felt the same, too. He stared at the door, wondering if she would ever come around at all.

… Shaking his head after a few minutes, he drank deep from the bottle again… just as always.

But right outside, she was there now. She frowned at the smell of the alcohol, her hand ghosting over the doorknob. Cissnei wondered if it was right to just leave him alone to his misery or to accompany him in there, whether she'd drink with him or not. She didn't want him to resort to the one thing she knew he was already used to, but scared her as well. She was unfair, she knew, but she was also aware that it wasn't too late to make up for it either.

… Now she realized how important he was to her. After all, Reno had been there for her always – even rescued her one time when she almost fell off a cliff, she could remember, and even caught her when she tripped along the way. If she was alone in her own place he would ask if he would come visit but she'd decline, but nonetheless he'd try to message her or call her to make sure he kept her company. He'd send her chocolates or a small bunch of flowers to her home and Cissnei would only tuck them away, but it wasn't like she never glanced at them once in a while, and think of how fervent Reno was…

And what about Zack? He was gone, yes, but she still carried the guilt of not being able to save him and of trying to set aside mercy and kill such a good-natured person just because "she was doing her job". It wasn't right. Not at all. That's why she let him go, let him run off and take the vehicle she snatched off from the company. Then he was cornered by a whole bunch of Shinra troops. And that's when he died, and she watched from afar as she wasn't able to save him. Then years later, here she was, still in the company and being able to carry all that guilt on her shoulders, all the while hoping that Zack would forgive her. But of course, the dead SOLDIER wouldn't be able to answer her, which ended up with her contemplating on leaving, hoping the burden would be washed away. Being a Turk had its cons… especially guilt.

She shook her head. She was looking the other way, when she could have just directed her gaze forward.

Cissnei knocked on the door then, after she found that it was locked. She could hear the opening and closing of cabinet doors from outside, and the clinking of glasses. The Turk knew that the playboy redhead was drinking. Again. Of course it shouldn't be a surprise, but considering the situation earlier, she didn't feel so good hearing this… smelling this.

"Reno…"

From inside, Reno scowled as he took a long swig of the bottle.

"Open the door. Please?"

The spirits from the liquor and the air from the bottle made him gasp quietly for breath, his chest heavy. He cleared his throat and stood up from his seat, then staggered slightly to the door, bottle in hand. Cissnei could hear his shoes clicking against the mahogany floors, and she wasn't at all pleased. The smell wasn't so faint now. She sniffed the air and knew it was whiskey.

Reno threw back the small deadbolt and pulled open the door slightly ajar. The cigarette in his mouth, smoke screened his view of Cissnei before him. He puffed it away and took it between his fingers, inhaling. He took a deep breath for a second and exhaled, away from her. His eyes turned to slits as he smiled – a sleepy-drunk smile – at Cissnei. The girl waved the remaining smoke away. She wasn't happy.

"Heya, babe. What brings ya here? Wanna drink, yo?" he asked, raising the bottle at her.

Cissnei frowned. "…No." Then that frown turned into a concerned scowl as she saw him, all disheveled and reeking of alcohol. "Put that away… I need to talk to you."

"Yeah? Heh." Reno scratched his head and looked at her. "Can't decline an offer, yo."

Opening the door wide, Cissnei walked past him and looked at the room. It was dim, the overhead fan quietly humming along as Reno closed the door and locked it. Outside she could see the sun hide behind the clouds but it was sunny, enough to give the atmosphere a warm yet breezy, calming ambience. Reno moved to close up the venetian blinds and Cissnei didn't mind, considering how many times she'd been here before – only, those times were because Veld had asked her to be Reno's partner, and when Tseng became the leader of the Turks, he did the same to her. Or, he asked Cissnei to check up on Reno, leading Reno to… well… flirt with her. Just like he would with any other woman.

She wasn't at all innocent, that was for sure; she's had her own share of pretty much 'dirty' talk with fellow female Turks and sometimes even bantered with some of the other boys, Rod included. But those times, she never really took personally. Just the usual office talk, the random spewing of jokes like everyday employees would ever really make in the usual setting. For this day, however, if Reno would ever flirt with her she didn't really mind. Slowly she mustered up the confidence to surrender to him – not entirely, but at least one flirtatious comment at a time. Cissnei cleared her throat at the thought.

"Come sit 'fore ya overheat, Cissy-sweet," Reno said as he sat on the edge of his desk, chuckling. He set the bottle far to the side so he wouldn't hit it. He smiled that certain smile again. "So. What brings ya here, babe?"

Cissnei stood before him, eyes searching his own. She felt really bad that he had resorted to this, and in her head she prayed that in the long run, one day, he would stop. "…I just… wanted to apologize for earlier," she said softly. Reno frowned. "I know we've… never really been on good terms regarding that." She gave one nod, and Reno remained quiet.

She didn't have t'come here for that, yo, he thought. The hell? She knows damn well we could jus' sleep it off an' it'd be gone by t'morrow, yo.. It'd pass.

"S'fine, yo," he said flatly, with a shrug. Cissnei wasn't convinced, both could see, but he didn't care. He wanted to continue. "Am used to the usual let-down, ya know. S'all normal in the life of a man, an' I'm sure ya know what I've been through."

Cissnei scowled. "I didn't want to leave this hanging. It's not fair. I'm not being fair." She saw a glass by the couch nearby, and walked off to get it. "It just…"

"Just?..."

She went back to the desk and filled her glass with the liquor Reno drank, from the bottle. "It didn't feel right." When the glass was half-full, she drank it straight up. Reno watched, blinking. Cissnei felt the stinging heat in the back of her throat, and took a deep breath quietly. "I'm sorry I… looked the other way," she noted, and filled the glass up again. She downed it quick, and Reno was surprised. She locked a gaze with him, filling the glass up again.

For every apology, she filled the glass, and downed the liquor. Reno couldn't take the bottle back from her or try to speak, because she wouldn't let him everytime he tried to reach out.

"I'm sorry I'm not acting as you're expecting me to. I'm sorry I don't flirt back, because I don't think flirting is genuine enough unless it's done with someone you love whole-heartedly. I'm sorry I don't call back, or reply back to your messages most of the time, because I don't know what you expect from me, because I'm thinking most of the time you're just playing."

She felt hazy by now, her eyes stinging with tears.

Cissnei tried as much as she could not to break down in front of Reno. "I'm sorry I won't leave you alone right now, because I'm guilty for still liking a dead man, and I'm guilty, and you're right here. I'm sorry I don't look at you, or take a so-called 'second glance', because you're off looking at other women."

"Cissnei—"

"I'm sorry I'm going to quit the Turks, because I can't take all this guilt anymore. I'm sorry for being guilty. I'm sorry for being this weak. I'm sorry for picking on you, I'm sorry for acting like shit most of the time. I'm sorry for being stone-hearted." The whiskey was strong. Well damn it, I'm already drunk, she thought, but didn't care. Cissnei felt like she was going to slur with her words, and like the world was spinning, but again, she didn't care. Almost stumbling to the floor, now swaying, she held onto one of the seats in front of Reno's desk and continued on with a sad smile. It wasn't that she hadn't drunk before to leave her this disoriented… the moment called for it. And if it took this much to catch his attention…

"I hope you can forgive me, but if not, it's fine. I'd… I'd understand." Cissnei stumbled to the floor like a marionette doll. "But, I'm just not as strong as you think."

Reno watched her. The haziness that the liquor gave him disappeared, and he rubbed his eyes clear. He looked at the bottle – it was almost empty. He sighed and looked at the girl standing before him, thinking of all she said. Tears were about to form in his eyes just as well, because he couldn't bear to see the girl he cared about doing this to herself.

Well dammit, he thought, s'not like I dunno what you've gone through, yo. I know how hard it is t'be a Turk. I know how hard it is t'carry everyone else's crosses. But ya didn't have to do this, yo.

"There." She noted flatly. "Are you happy? I'm getting drunk just like you do everyday. I'm confessing what I really think most of the time. If you want me to, I can kneel and beg—"

"No, yo." Reno took the glass and bottle away from her gently, coming over to kneel in front of her. Cissnei didn't look at him, watching his dexterous fingers take away what she'd tried to consume as much as he did. "Don't. I dun' wanna see you doin' what ya don't deserve to do, what ya shouldn't do, yo. It's not for a pretty Turk like you t'be kneelin' an' beggin'."

Cissnei didn't know what to think of it. "So you don't forgive me then? I understand—"

"No…"

Cissnei nodded.

Reno leaned in, caressing her cheeks dry. "I dun' have t'answer that, Ciss. Because ya don't have to apologize, yo."

Slowly, he let his lips linger – ghost against hers, for a while, waiting for her to make a move. She smelled of alcohol now too, to which he smiled at as he kissed her. Cissnei felt an exclamation point alert in her head, but she didn't deny the move. Her eyes fluttered closed, and Reno deepened the kiss, inhaling quietly, to which Cissnei sighed. Without further ado, her hand reached up and caressed through his hair, down to his scalp, and she felt Reno groan in her mouth. Reno's hand ghosted along her hip, then slid and held her lower back gently, pulling her closer, and Cissnei set her palm behind her on the wooden floor to support her.

Reno thought of the situation as a perfect chance to let Cissnei know how he really felt, but a part of him felt like he didn't want to do this at all, knowing she'd somehow only react to it as just another move to catch a woman in his personal net of collections. But he knew, as much, that the kiss was real – real enough, hopefully, to make Cissnei feel he meant every ounce of feeling he had as he confessed earlier and maybe even more. He felt Cissnei grasp his hair gently, and when he realized she was pulling him against her, he smiled as he cut the kiss. Both stared into each other's eyes for a while, hazy… but not because of the alcohol at all. Only because both realized they were yin and yang – darkness and light, conflicting, but neither could really avoid each other.

"…If ya keep this goin' babe, I might have to take ya home," he murmured, nuzzling her lips lightly with his. "That is, if ya don't mind." Reno chuckled.

Cissnei couldn't help but melt at the contact. She nuzzled his lips back lightly, letting the feel of her linger on him. "Well I don't mind taking the chance…" she noted, locking her eyes with his, "…if that's what you mean, yo."

Through the nuzzle and her muttering, Reno smiled when she tried to imitate him. Cissnei, on the other hand, couldn't help but innately admit to herself she liked the contact. And Reno pulled her closer, much closer, until her legs parted to give him room in leaning forward and their unisex coat-covered stomachs were flush. He wanted to kiss her again, but when she pulled his hair back and he groaned then moved forward immediately to kiss her again – to push her down against the mahogany floor, both were lost in a haze of intimacy and well-kept passion now revealed.