Hey guys, sorry for the wait. I want you to know that I appreciate all the support SO much, you'll never know. I love you guys, really. And has anyone seen the new cover for The Darkest Touch? Hot damn I thought I'd died and gone to hell because nothing in heaven is that sinfully delicious! Anyway, please read and enjoy! Be warned, this one is a touch angstier than what I've written thus far.

Chapter 4: The People That Know You The Best Are The Ones That Will Tear You Apart

February 27th, 2011

Her mind felt blank. It was refreshing in a way. For the first time in a long time, everything was at a total calm. In all honesty, Nel knew it was probably better that way. After all, the alternative was to scream off into the distance at the unfairness of it all. But that alternative wasn't appealing at all. At least not to her.

Content in her silence, Nel closed her eyes and leaned back into the worn leather of Ms. Liv's couch. She could hear the soft buzz of voices murmuring around her, but the sound was nothing more than a minor disturbance in the calm waters of her mind. If she just ignored it, no one would bother her. After years surrounded by Ms. Liv's foster kids, she'd learned that that was just the way things worked

After a while, she noticed the sounds begin to steadily increase. Still, she ignored it. Finally, the noise stopped, and Nel was left alone to sit in her peace.

Though it felt like only minutes, Nel finally opened her eyes to see that the sun had set and she was now sitting in a dimly lit room. After her hours of blessed silence, it seemed her mind was ready to boot back up. Stray thoughts came rushing back in droves, and belatedly she realized that Ms. Liv sat seated in the plush arm chair in front of her.

It was obvious she'd been there for a while due to her positioning. Her head was cradled in her palm, and her eyes were drooped shut. Nel swallowed at the sudden dryness in her throat and moved to get up.

It appeared that sudden movements were a no go, however, because the moment she stood she could feel the stiffness in her bones. She groaned softly and tried to stretch.

"Note to self," she thought, "do not ever sit still for that long again."

Nel carefully made her way over to Ms. Liv and tapped her shoulder. The blonde woman jumped, but immediately calmed down when she realized that it was just Nel. The woman gave Nel a sheepish smile before quickly getting up as well.

Once standing, Ms. Liv gave Nel a large hug. Nel smiled slightly, and raised one hand to wrap around Ms. Liv in return. After a moment, Ms. Liv let go to look Nel in the eye.

"It shouldn't have happened that way, I'm sorry."

Her voice was soft, but it wouldn't have mattered to Nel if the woman had been screaming in fury. She didn't want to think about it at the moment. In fact, she didn't want to think of anything much at all.

Biting her lip, Ember slipped her hands into Ms. Liv's and stepped back.

"I'm okay, I think I'm just going to go to my room for the night though."

"Are you sure? I mean you just slept for three hours. Are you tired already?" Ms. Liv replied, looking slightly concerned.

Blushing, Nel opened her mouth to reply.

"I uh, I wasn't asleep."

Ms. Liv looked at her for a moment before giving her a watery smile and shaking her head.

"Fine then, go to sleep. If you need anything don't hesitate to wake me up okay?" she said gently, dropping Nel's hands.

Nel watched her go. Right when she reached the door of her room, she turned around and left Nel with one last thing.

"We're all going to miss her you know."

And with that she was gone.

Nel settled her hand on her stomach in an attempt to stop its incessant churning before turning to enter her room. She'd been feeling off all day, a sort of sluggishness in her bones that hadn't been there before. She felt it now more than anything, however. She was moving much slower than she normally would have, and the seconds it should have taken to slide her key into the lock on her door seemed to take hours. Once the door was open she slid inside and locked the door behind her. She'd made a point not to look at the door directly across from hers.

With a tired sigh, began the motions to ready for bed. Out of nothing more than habit, she started up her computer before unbuttoning her shirt. She hadn't bothered to turn on her lamp, as the luminescence of her computer screen was more than enough light for her to slip into her pajamas.

The soft material of her worn t shirt felt good against her skin, as always. Nel reached up to pull the clip out of her hair before sitting down in front of her computer. She felt her previously tightly confined curls spring free and settle in a frizzy mass at her shoulders. As always, she hadn't bothered to tame her mane, and instead opted to pull them back tight with a strong clip. As a result, her scalp was sore and she slipped her hand into her tresses to massage away the tenderness.

Nel glanced at the drawer containing her plethora of snacks, but for once, she wasn't hungry. This probably should have alarmed her, because usually she was always hungry, but she couldn't muster up the ability to care.

After a moment, Nel looked towards her screen to see that everything was all set up. After weeks of having to waste precious seconds waiting for her email to open up so that she could check for messages, she'd finally just rigged her computer to open email on startup along with google. Adjusting to a more comfortable position, Nel put her hand on her mouse and opened up her inbox.

She was only mildly surprised to find various emails and chat invites from Torin. She hadn't been on in a while. She opened them one by one, and read passively as each became slightly more worried. They started off with simple things like 'Hi' or 'What are you doing?' ,but after about a week they escalated to 'Are you okay?', until finally a month later there was ' I know you're not dead, I checked. So what's going on?'. The last one was funny. In fact, it probably would have made her smile. It should have.

Nel supposed he had a right to be worried considering she had never before taken more than a day to respond back to him, but at the moment, she could do nothing more than be passive about the whole situation.

She was probably spending too much time with him anyway. At least, that's what Rosa had said. Rosa had once spent hours telling her how weird it was that she talked to a guy who wasn't even her own age at least once every day without fail. Hell, the girl made it her goal to try to get Nel to spend a bit of time with 'actual people who don't live a bazillion miles away in some weird fucking place that is probably not really where he lives because hello, who tells the truth about anything online these days?' as the Latina had once so eloquently put it.

At the thought of her friend, Nel swallowed back what little breakfast she'd managed to consume that morning. She took a deep breath, and typed back a reply.

010101000100000101001111 : I'm fine.

It was short, and probably less than what he was expecting, but it would have to do. Knowing it would probably take him a bit of time to see her message, she prepared to do the only thing she'd been wanting to do since buttoning up her black shirt that morning: curl up in her bed and pretend like reality wasn't something she had to live in.

She'd barely had time to process that thought, however, before the tell tale ding of her instant message broke through the silence. Her eyes lingered on his reply even as her eyes watered and her heart clenched. People had been asking her the same question all day, and once she'd replied, some of them had even given her the same reaction, maybe in different words, that Torin had given her. But she'd been able to ignore them. She'd been able go through the day as strong as the rock they'd carved Rosa's name into. But somehow, someway, Torin had smashed her façade into smithereens. And it was probably because even though they'd never met in person, even though they were thousands of miles away from each other, even though it wasn't his responsibility to care, he was her friend. And a good one at that. So he'd managed tear apart her barriers with words printed on a screen. They were three simple words that she'd been blocking out all day, and yet after reading them for the twelfth time, she slammed her computer shut.

She tried to forget them, tell herself they were a lie, but even as she curled up in the center of her bed, they replayed themselves on the back of her eyelids for the rest of the night.

No you're not.

By the time morning came, her hair was an untamable mess, she had dried tear tracks on her cheeks, and the image of a girl with eyes like fire and hair like ink sat heavy on her heart.

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Sorry not that much Torin in this chapter, but I wanted to get something out, and I swear he'll be in the next, just bear with me.