AN: I have gone back and tweaked this chapter slightly...Thane and Shepard's 'talk' has been annoying me for awhile now, so it has been 'fixed' ^.^ To the readers who are seeing this for the first time, here is the sequel to this depressing event, I shall try my hardest to keep Brina from becoming too moody...but no promises :P

Oh and Noah, I added the Tuna for you...I hope you are happy Lil Bro :)

Shepard squirmed as the burning alcohol swab slid across her new wound. She was finally able to talk, and the stitches were being removed. Chakwas however…was not as gentle as she normally would have been, and ruthlessly prodded at the commander. The doctor's eyes narrowed as Shepard cringed.

"How dare you?" She hissed. Shepard felt no anger at the doctor's reaction…for it was the right reaction. "I want an answer Commander…why did you think you had the right to do something like that?" Shepard's eyes closed, trying to block the sudden moisture filling them. Chakwas was justified in her anger. Even though a lesser part of Shepard was screaming to retort on how she wanted to see Chakwas try to save the galaxy.

"I'm sorry Doc…it won't happen again." It was a weak apology…one that Shepard could never fully express. Chakwas scoffed, leveling her commander with a steely glare.

"You forget Brina, that it isn't about you anymore…you act as more than yourself now." Her eyes softened, and a little of the old doctor came back, "I'm not even going to try to imagine the kind of burden that you carry, and lord knows you are doing better than I would in your position…but if you die…we die Shepard." She sighed and went back to her desk.

Shepard brushed away the few tears that had escaped her notice. Standing she gave one last look to Chakwas before leaving the med bay.

Life Support…Brina couldn't help but smile at the irony. She squared her shoulders as she pressed the entrance pad. Sliding through the doors she came face to face with a sleeping drell. Mouth moving in a silent, "Awwww!" she quietly tiptoed around his table, taking her usual seat. It wasn't until upon closer inspection that she realized he wasn't sleeping...he was remembering.

His face twitched in a kind of jerky manner, breathing ragged. His hands balled into fists, every muscle in his body tensing. Brina leaned forward and listened to him whispering what he was remembering…It was about her, he was coming to visit her…to make her smile and laugh; she smiled at that, before the memory took a sour turn. As he whispered the next scene she cringed, he was reliving her attempted suicide.

His face tightened in pain and she couldn't take it. Leaning forward she gently kissed each of his eyes, before kissing his lips. She wasn't sure it had worked until his lips moved against hers, his hands snaking into her hair. She pulled away, trying hard to keep her expression void of any sadness. His eyes softened and he pulled her face back towards his. She was expecting his mouth on hers…but he moved to kiss along her wound instead, the action taking her breath away with its tenderness. "Thane…" She breathed and his hands tightened in her hair. She was an idiot…a complete and utter fool for being so selfish. The commander flushed with shame…she had failed the very ones she loved most.

"How are you Siha?" God he was the one suffering and he was concerned about her? She didn't deserve him…she really didn't.

"I'm as well as I can be." She whispered, lost in his eyes. She pressed her forehead against his, "Thank you Thane." She was now halfway on the cot; the position most uncomfortable…Thane seemed to realize this and in one fluid movement pulled her on top of him.

"Well this is…cozy" Thane chuckled at how flustered she was. Their noses were touching, all her soft curves meeting his sharp angles. The cramped space was a good excuse to be close to her.

"Did you need something?" He asked, as if they were still seated at the table.

Shepard almost laughed, "I'm calling a meeting in the debriefing room…" Her voice faltered a bit, she felt Thane's hands slide across her back in a soothing manner. "I want to apologize to everyone."

"No one else knows Siha…except Chakwas for obvious reasons." Shepard's eyes widened. With the way scuttlebutt progressed on the Normandy she had been sure she was the talk of the ship. "I made as little fuss getting you to Chakwas as possible once I got you in the elevator…" Shepard felt even worse…now she really didn't deserve him.

"Thane…I still should tell them, I don't want to lie about my face."

He nodded, "I understand and I support you." He kissed her nose.

"Well, time to face the music…" Shepard mumbled, before untangling herself from Thane and walking to the elevator.

. . .

They had all come…just one quick command to EDI and the entire squad was cramped into the debriefing room. Shepard stared at the hologram of the Normandy on the conference table for a long time. She was momentarily frozen until she felt warm hands on her shoulders. She knew it was Thane… no one else touched her, save for Garrus but it was always just a congratulatory pat after successful missions. I can do this… she thought; Thane's got my back…

"Shepard…what happened?" Garrus's voice was filled with concern. She hadn't been out of her cabin for almost two weeks so no one had seen her new scar.

"I'll explain Garrus…" Shepard let out a long, slow breath.

"I know Chakwas and Thane have been telling you all that the reason for my absence was that I was sick…but while that is a correct statement, it isn't the complete truth." She found herself locking eyes with Garrus, unable to focus on anything else as she confessed the greatest sin she had ever committed. His icy blue orbs grounded her, Garrus had always been there for her…he wouldn't abandon her now…right?

"A week and a half ago I… I shot myself." The aliens all wore puzzled expressions, but the humans gasped.

"You… what?" Miranda yelled. Shepard bowed her head in shame.

"It was a moment of weakness Miranda…I promise it won't happen again."

The brunette's brilliant blue eyes seemed to glow with fury, "How could you? You selfish bitch!" Miranda was livid, "Two years!" She cried "Two years of my life I poured into you…"

"And I am a human being not a tool!" Shepard screamed back. Miranda's mouth snapped shut, "You don't seem to realize in that pretty little head of yours that coming back from the dead just isn't normal! It fucks you up Miri….fucks you way up…" Shepard felt her eyes filling and cursed her emotions for the thousandth time that day. Thane's hands tightened around her shoulders, offering as much comfort as he could.

"I thought I could finally just…sleep…I thought 'it's all right now, this is all over…you are finished'…" Her voice began to grow rough with the sobs she was choking back. "Then I wake up in a strange lab surrounded by death and flames…screams of agony filling my ears the entire way to those escape shuttles." Her gaze found its way back to Miranda, "So don't you dare think for one moment that you have any say on my life." Her gaze softened and she gave a fragile smile to the Cerberus woman, "I appreciate what you did Miri, I just am having troubles adjusting…I understand what you had to do, and I'm sorry that I'm so messed up…like I said before it was a moment of weakness, and you have my word it won't happen again." The Officer seemed taken aback, face a mixture of emotions.

"I just hope for our sake Commander that it doesn't." She finally stated, before turning on her heel and exiting the room.

"I don't understand Battle master…where you testing your strengths?" Shepard turned to Grunt, noticing the aliens hadn't fully understood what had just happened.

"No Grunt… I wanted to kill myself…I wanted to die." Garrus growled, fully understanding now.

"Why Shepard?" She looked to the floor, unable to meet his gaze.

"I don't really have an answer to that anymore Garrus…"

"For two years I mourned you…do you know what kind of hell that was like? You were my mentor…my only friend. The pain of your death is still there Shepard…that's how bad it was." He stiffened. "But that pain is nothing compared to the pain I would feel if you had willingly died. This last time wasn't your fault; you fought for your life…but suicide Shepard…" His voice changed pitch, the flanging tones more noticeable, "that would be you choosing to leave us, and it hurts that you almost did."

He turned to leave the room, "Garrus…wait!" Shepard called to him…wanted to make him understand… He turned, giving her one long, sorrowful look.

"I thought I was important to you…that we were important to you…it appears I was wrong." The turian turned his back on her then, leaving the room entirely.

"Garrus…" It was a half sob. The rest of the squad quickly left, casting worried glances at their leader before exiting.

The only good-bye she got was from Jack, "Sorry Shep…" Shepard was shocked at the sadness in Jack's voice…she hadn't expected it, but as she made eye contact with the woman she got the eerie sense that Jack understood why she had done it…maybe there was even a bit of respect in the biotic's eyes.

"I'm sorry." She whispered to no one in particular.

"Siha…" Thane was still there…he hadn't left her.

"Why haven't you left yet?" She turned to him; suddenly finding herself pushed up against the conference table…Thane standing so close she could feel the heat of his skin.

"Siha, how long is it going to take before you realize I do not want to leave?" He pulled her to him, tucking her head under his chin. Shepard closed her eyes, ignoring her tears. She wrapped her arms around his waist, rubbing her face into the leather of his jacket.

"Have I already said I'm really sorry?"

He actually laughed, before pulling her face back to kiss her.

"Yes, repeatedly…" Shepard smiled against his lips.

"Come," He pulled her away from the conference table.

"Where are we going?" Thane didn't stop walking.

"To my quarters…we are going to have our talk." Shepard skidded to a halt. No…not that…anything but that right now… Thane paused with her, "What is the matter Siha? I gave you fair warning…" Shepard was about to reply when she caught his expression…she wasn't sure what emotion was in those button eyes…but it did something funny to her insides.

"Alright…" She whispered. Taking his hand she followed him into the elevator, smiling when his arm wrapped around her waist.

When he had first issued his warning about their talk Thane had meant to discuss why exactly she wanted to die…but after the confrontation with Garrus…he had seen how hurt she was…he didn't want to make her relive past events…he wanted to comfort her, distract her. That was what she needed most at the moment. And he needed her too…after carrying her bloodied body to Chakwas…the images were forever burned into his eyes and he wanted to stop seeing the bloodied and mangled mess every time he saw her face… She didn't die…you got her to the doctor in time…there is still time to wait… but he knew there really wasn't. He wanted to make sure she knew exactly what she would be leaving behind if she chose to put the gun to her mouth again…

"After you" He said as they neared the door to Life Support.

Shepard entered the room, smiling as she neared his table, only to find herself slammed back against the wall, pinned down by Thane. "I thought you wanted to talk…" She said, a tad breathless.

"I apologize for the deceit." Was all he replied as his mouth pressed against hers. The kiss was harsh, full of hunger and longing, they had really held off far too long in Shepard's opinion. She was on fire…everything was on fire. His hands were everywhere and Shepard found it hard to breathe. When he moved to undress her she found herself hesitating. Seeming to sense her unease Thane withdrew slightly.

"Are you sure?" She asked shakily. They had prepared as much as they could, what with Mordin being such a nosey bastard, but she was still nervous. She had never been with an alien before… His eyes softened; his expression tender.

"Are you sure Siha?" His hands cupped her face; his thumbs stroked her cheeks, being extra gentle with the wounded side of her face. Shepard pressed her forehead to his, breathing deeply. Was she sure? She was sure she was dangerously close to loving him…and truth be told it scared the hell out of her. She had never felt this for anyone…including Kaidan. Thane was also dying…and thinking about her mental state after that happened was not something she liked to do. She stared deeply into his jet black eyes, noting his slightly nervous expression…she was certainly taking her sweet time in answering…

"I am" She whispered, and his responding smile dazzled her. This time it was she who pulled his mouth to hers, kissing him passionately.

Soon she found herself stripped to the waist, and very very frustrated. "How the fuck do you undo this thing?" Thane drew back from biting her neck, his low throaty laugh giving her chills. Way more gracefully than she was managing he unbuckled and unzipped his jacket and vest. Shepard found herself at a loss for words...It is definitely a crime against this galaxy for him to wear a shirt...she thought to herself. Thane eyed her warily, for once he seemed self concious...she smiled, "I'd order you to never wear a shirt again...but I'd probably end up having to kill Kelly..." She murmurred, causing him to smile before crushing her to him, barely allowing her to breathe.

"Shepard, Mr. Moreau requests your presence in the cockpit…he says it's urgent." Shepard growled into Thane's mouth and pulled away harshly.

"Fuck off EDI!" The couple held their place as they waited for the AI to answer.

"Logging you out Shepard." Shepard moved to make a sarcastic remark, but Thane cut her off, all conversation ceasing from that point onward.

. . .

Shepard entered the CIC, grinning like an idiot. The quick change in character was picked up by the yeoman. Kelly Chambers cast her a questioning glance, "What are you smiling about?" Shepard just shrugged as she checked her messages. Remembering Joker she quickly strode to the cockpit.

"What's the situation Joker?" She asked in a sing song voice as she neared his chair.

"I spent two years plagued by guilt…I know you know how that feels, what with Ashley and all…so why put me through it when you wanted to die anyway?" His voice was monotone.

"Joker I…look...I can't make you understand, and I don't think you ever could unless you died and got brought back to life," He snorted, "but I really am sorry...unbelievably sorry, you really have no idea how much I regret what I did. " She leaned over his chair, hugging him as best she could. She felt him stiffen as she kissed the top of his hat. "Love you Jeff…you're the brother I never got to have." Joker, embarrassed by the display of affection, simply pulled his cap further down and mumbled incoherently. Shepard smiled before turning to the elevator. She had herself a Turian to see…

"Garrus…" He didn't even acknowledge she was there. "Garrus please talk to me…" He nodded in her direction; well that's some progress… "Is there anything I can do to make up for this?"

+I like tuna…+ Joker's voice crackled over the comm.. Shepard looked towards the ceiling, confused.

"What Joker?"

+That's how you can make it up to me commander…I want the savior of the citadel, first female human spectre…to make me a sandwich+ Shepard stared at the comm. in shock. Is he serious?

"Listen here flyboy…I'm not going to make you a sandwich…and if you don't want to become an amusing stain on the ceiling of the CIC I suggest you hold back on the sexist jokes." There was no response from flight lieutenant Jeff Moreau; it was a very wise move on his part.

Shepard turned her attention back to Garrus, who was laughing silently and trying not to show it. "Wait, Garrus, you actually got the joke?" He chuckled more loudly.

"Yea…we have similar jokes for turian women…it's a good tactic to distract them when sparring." Shepard smiled; remembering his tale of blowing off steam with the recon scout and glad things were beginning to loosen up between them, "But if you insult them...wouldn't that mean no sex for you?" Garrus shook his head, giving a huge turian version of a smile.

"No…it makes it better" Shepard thwacked the chest piece of his armor, hiding the minor pain the action caused. "Didn't know you liked it rough Vakarian…I was just showing Thane I like it that way too." Garrus's laugh cut off abruptly.

"Son of a…Shepard I told you I didn't want to know!" Shepard danced away from his taloned fist, sticking her tongue out.

"Well now you do Vakarian! Now am I going to have to go into intense details or am I forgiven?"

Garrus's expression softened and he nodded, "I forgive you Commander…I almost did the same thing on Omega…" Shepard frowned at that, moving to wrap her arms around the Archangel. His talons stroked her back, a low purr rumbling up from his chest.

"Stay with us Commander…you're my only friend…I don't think I could handle losing you again." Shepard squeezed him tighter.

"Thank you for forgiving me…I wouldn't be able to handle losing you even once Garrus." She pulled away.

"Well…I got to go…I've got an un-sated drell in life support that needs me…He's just layin there...waitin for me...all deliciously naked..." Shepard ran for the door just as she heard Garrus roar.

"Damn it Shepard!"

. . .

It had been several days since she had come clean to her crew and Shepard was finally making peace with what happened. She had just returned from a meeting with Anderson, well they had called it a meeting, but it was more of an excuse to see one another and have lunch. She turned to her terminal to call Thane up to the Loft when her eyes caught a shiny yellow package on her desk. Upon closer inspection her mouth fell open. She quickly read the note attached to the box.

Shepard,

I was told candy is a comfort when humans are depressed…I hope this helps.

-Garrus

Shepard examined the package again…a smile slowly spreading on her face. She opened the comm. for Life Support. "Thane…" Her smile widened at the sound of his voice.

"Yes Siha?"

"Meet me in the mess hall…I have something to show you…" It was very late on the ship, most of the crew was asleep…and Shepard was sure Gardner wouldn't mind…too much.

. . .

Hisssssssssss…..POP! Garrus Vakarian growled as another pop from the mess hall woke him. It wasn't just the hissing and popping noises, someone was laughing and far too loudly. Don't they know the crew sleeps down here? He wondered as he stood, stretching. He threw on a shirt and proceeded to go tell whatever naïve Cerberus employee was out there to go fuck off. The sight that awaited him caused him to pause.

Thane Krios was sitting atop one of the counters in the kitchen area, smiling at Shepard, who was standing in front of the microwave, laughing almost maniacally. He noticed she was holding the box of candy he had given her. He walked towards the kitchen, his sudden movement causing Shepard to turn in his direction. "Garrus! Thank you for the candy! Now come watch!" She waved him over and made him watch as she placed one of the candies in the microwave. Garrus had thought the candy strange but was assured by the shopkeeper that Shepard would like it. Personally he found the thought of eating little birds as really odd…even if they were made of sugar. Shepard turned on the microwave and Garrus Vakarian watched as the little yellow bird began to puff up, and then explode. Shepard let out a bark of laughter as she fell against the stove for support. "God you are the best Vakarian! I really needed this…" She popped a tiny candy bird into her mouth, smiling as she chewed. "This is seriously the best Garrus...Gods..." She giggled as she went to place another candy, this one pink, into the microwave. Gardner was going to be pissed…

As Shepard continued to giggle Garrus looked to Thane. The assassin was watching his mate intently, his smile widening every time Shepard laughed. Finally his eyes fell on Garrus and the two aliens shrugged. Humans are weird…

AN2: The peeps go to my lovely friend Kittenseye, who's comment about the last chapter made me laugh, she is a truly remarkable writer and if you don't go check out her stories, particularly Come Out and Play, As the Hearse Goes Driving By, and of course Hammerhead(I'm co writing it with her :D) You are insane and should be committed :P, lol jk. Seriously though, the girl gets so few reviews and she is such a talented writer, I promise you will enjoy her stories :)