TITLE: "Mr. Mom" (4/8)

RATING: AA
CHARACTERS: Piper and the gang

SUMMARY: Keegan comes home

POV: Toby

FOLLOWS: Keegan

**5**

With the breakfast disaster over I decided I would work on educating Piper before Keegan woke up and we were off to do groceries. I had her sit with across from me in the den on the loveseat. "Okay Piper, Today we're going to learn how to call for a help."

"But I knows that already."

"Well we're going to learn more. You can never know too much."

Piper sighed knowing she was going to get out of this. "I knows to call 911 when bad things happen."

"That's good. I'm glad you remember that," I praised proudly.

"You said it lots and lots of times."

"And for good reason. It made you remember so I'm doing something right. Now do you know what our phone number is?"

"703-450-7747."

"Excellent. Now how about you tell me where Mommy and Daddy work and the phone number there?"

"202-456-1414 and you work for Papa Jed."

"Yes we do. But what's Papa Jed's proper name and title?"

"Jed Bartlet, President of the United States."

"Very good Piper."

"I already knows this stuff. Why does I have to go over it?"

"Just to make sure you know it. Incase of an emergency."

"Likes when that mean man tooks me from the zoo?"

I held my eyes on Piper and lowered my tone, "Yeah honey. Like that time."

"But I knows the number then because I calleds you at the big house."

"White House," I corrected.

"I know but its big too."

"Yes it is honey. But if you tell people Daddy's in the big house they're going to think I'm in prison."

Keegan started crying which was my cue, "While I feed and get Keegan ready I'd like for you to go and get yourself dressed as well." I got up at the same time Piper did and we started for the staircase. From behind her I said, "And then I'd like you to bring me the brush and some of those round things too."

"They is called elastics daddy."

"Just as long as you know what they are is all that matters," I stepped into the baby's room. "Hey big guy," I whispered so Piper wouldn't overhear. I took Keegan from his crib and held him in my arms. "Good morning Keegan. How are we today?"

His only response was to cry. I took him downstairs and placed the bottle in the pouch CJ bought to warm up bottles. When it was ready I removed it, shook it against my arm so I could test the temperature.

"Okay buddy, we're good to go here," I sat down on the sofa in the living room and with Keegan cradled in my arms began feeding him his bottle.

I flipped through the channels on the television. I was appalled at the amount of junk that was aired this early in the morning. I settled on 'Regis and Kelly'.

I found Kelly adorable and I loved he called her Pipa. It reminded me of when Piper and I first met and the way she would pronounce her name.

Keegan was halfway through the bottle when I had to practically rip it from his mouth so that I could burp him. He did his thing and I gave him the bottle back before he started to fuss.

One thing I can say about my son is he has my lack of patience. I think that's a trait both of my children have received from my end of the gene pool.

Piper came running down the stairs which made me yell out, "How many times have I told you not to run down the stairs?"

"Lots," she said out of breath when she reached the bottom. She came over and dropped the brush and three different coloured elastics onto the coffee table.

"Then you should know better. Stairs are not meant for running down. You could fall and seriously hurt yourself."

"I know."

"Well if you know then why do you do it?"

"I forgotted."

Keegan finished the bottle and as I burped him I continued my lecture, "Well how about you try hard not to forget and even harder to remember?"

"How cuz you are slapping Keegan? Was he bad?"

"I'm not slapping Keegan. I'm gently tapping him to help him burp."

"You want him to burp?"

"Yes. That way the bubbles can be released from his tummy."

"How cuz when I does it you makes me say excuse me but Keegan doesn't have to?"

"Because you are four years old and need to learn your manners."

I laid Keegan down against the back of the couch and picked up Piper's brush. "Okay today we are going with a regular brush and then one big ponytail."

"I wants two though."

"Well you don't have any of these things that match and besides, you know I can't do the pigtail thing very well." I usually had them so uneven that at four Piper would be better off doing it herself.

"Mommy can do two."

"Mommy can do just about everything." I began brushing her hair and I came into some knotty areas that didn't impress Piper at all.

"Ow," she cried out. "You're hurting me."

"I'm sorry honey. But your hair is very knotty."

"How would you like it if I dids that to your hair?"

I gathered her hair and threw the elastic around three times before tightening it. When she turned around I handed her the brush and bent my head forward. "Go for it," I teased.

Piper pretended to brush my hair and when I was pretty enough for her she ran back off to her room. I scooped Keegan up and took him upstairs to bathe him.

Once I had him bathed I brought him into his room and placed him on the change table strapping him in. Securely too I might add. There wasn't going to be any rolling on my watch. It didn't matter if he was only a few days old.

"What is you doing?" Piper asked as she strolled into the room dressed in Power Puff style.

"I'm getting the baby dressed so we can finally get out of here."

"Can I help?"

I considered saying no and then decided against it. This was a good sign that Piper wanted to get involved with Keegan. I just had to find something. I didn't see any diapers so I was going to have her fetch them when I remembered they were on the 'out of kids range' shelf.

"Okay big sister I've got a job for you. And it's a very important one."

"Oh I can do it. I'm good at impotent jobs."

"Important," I blurted rather quickly. "Im-por-tant."

I clapped my hands together and rubbed. "Alright here is baby powder. Babies need this so their uh, uh- well I guess so their little bums stay dry," I guessed. "What I would like you to do is pour this all over the area here," I motioned around below his stomach."

"That's easy. I can do that," Piper reached for the baby powder that I was currently holding.

"Okay you do that and then I'll run down and get the diapers. Okay?"

"Okay."

"I won't be longer than a minute. Keegan is strapped in so he will be fine. But if anything happens I want you to scream."

"Okay."

"What do you do if anything should go wrong?" I asked before leaving the room.

"Scream," Piper said stepping onto her child step stool so she could reach Keegan. I was gone no longer than twenty seconds when I heard Piper start screaming.

My heart jumped into my throat as I booked my ass back up the stairs. When I entered the room I got the shock of my life. From head to toe both Keegan and Piper were covered in baby powder.

The shit was floating everywhere. I grabbed Piper off of the step stool and un-strapped Keegan. Luckily it wasn't in his mouth or eyes. He wasn't even upset.

"What did you do?" I screamed at Piper who looked like a miniature ghost.

"I did what you tolds me to."

"No, No. I didn't once say pour the entire contents of the baby powder all over yourself AND your brother."

Piper looked at me and a small smile broke out on her face as she said, "Oops."

**Six**

I was still in the middle of cleaning Piper when Sam arrived. "Hello," he called from downstairs.

"Up here Sam."

Footsteps were heard and then Sam appeared. "Toby did you notice you've got a lot of white dust floating around? That can't be good for the children."

"I'm glad you're paying attention Sam. It just so happens that Piper here took it upon herself to decorate she and Keegan in baby powder."

Sam snorted, "It's not funny Sam."

"Yes it is."

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be at the office bugging someone else?"

"Actually I'm here to pick up the documents that Sankey gave to you. You said you were going to send them over but you haven't."

"Yeah I know. I haven't forgotten it's just that I haven't had the chance to leave my house yet."

I lifted Piper from the tub and wrapped her in her pink Barbie blanket. "I'll leave you to dry off. I'm going to put your clothes on your bed."

I left Piper in the bathroom and walked into her bedroom. Keegan was asleep again in his crib. By the time I got them ready I'd have to feed him again. How do women do this on a daily basis?

I moved my head slightly to see Sam standing in the doorway of Piper's room, "You're still here?"

"I need those documents Toby. Leo wants them for a meeting this afternoon on the Hill."

"Alright let me just get her clothes out." I grabbed a blue top with ribbons and a pair of jeans from her dresser. "Piper let's go," I shouted out.

I ran down the stairs to my office and grabbed the folder that Sam was waiting on. We took a few minutes to chat when we heard a loud thump.

We both took off up the stairs and when I reached the bathroom Piper was lying on the ground crying.

"Hey," I said softly as I knelt down before her. "Are you okay?"

She continued to lie there sobbing, "I hurts my head."

"She's very shiny," Sam commented.

I didn't pay him any attention. I lifted Piper up and within a quick second she slipped through my fingers and I dropped her back down on the floor.

"Oh my God," I yelled out.

"What?" Sam asked panicked.

"Ow, now you hurt my bum," my daughter cried out.

"She's all slippery," I shouted to Sam but kept my eyes on Piper.

"Is that why she's all shiny?"

"What do you think Einstein? Piper what in the name of God did you do now?"

In between her sobs she replied, "I was all sticky so I trieds to make myself smoother like mommy does."

I glanced around and on the back of the toilet was the Vaseline jar sitting with ¾ of its contents missing.

I rubbed the top of my head and tried to figure out what to do. "Okay okay. Let's not panic."

"Should I call CJ?"

"NO!" I screamed at Sam. "I mean thanks but no. I can do this on my own. I don't need CJ everytime I have a small problem."

"Small?" Sam asked.

"Okay this is simple actually. I'll just put her back in the tub and give her another bath. Yeah, geesh what was I getting all paranoid about? This should be easy."

I tried to scoop Piper and again she fell through my grasp. Sam dove forward to keep her from falling and hurting herself again.

"This is great," Sam commented. "How do we get her INTO the tub?"

I looked at my hands, "Obviously it's because I'm greasy that I can't get a good grip on her. Don't let her go anywhere. I'll be right back."

"Yeah okay. Like where were was she going to go?"

I ran downstairs and grabbed CJ's oven mitts and then back to the bathroom. I put the mitts on and said, "Okay on the count of three let's get her in the tub."

"Shouldn't we put water in the tub first?"

"Good thinking," I started to run the water.

"Can I's have bubbles daddy?"

"Not this time honey no. I don't want anything extra being added to you right now except for soap and water."

When the tub was ready I turned the taps off and got back into position, "Okay on three."

"Okay one," Sam began.

"Two," I said.

"Three," we said together and with Sam grabbing her arms and me holding her legs we were able to get her into the water.

Let me tell you know that water and Vaseline do not mix. Who knew? As soon as Piper tried to sit herself up she slid across the bathtub.

"Grab her! Grab her!" I screamed as I reached for her. I damn near fell in the tub as I tried to get a hold of her before she went under the water.

Piper was screaming at the top of her lungs. I think our grabbing for her scared her more than sliding.

"What do we do?" Sam cried out.

"I don't know, I don't know."

"I just wanted to be smooth," Piper, whined.

"I know baby. Next time try using moisturizing cream okay," I patted her greasy head.

Then a thought came to me. "Watch her," I left and went into Keegan's room for the baby powder.

When I came back I started to dump the powder over Piper's hair but then I ran out and she started coughing because of the powder flying around.

"This isn't going to work. Let's get her out of here and onto my bed."

I grabbed all the towels from the linen closet and laid them down. Together we pulled her out of the tub (she partly slid) and onto the dry towels.

We then carried the towels a corner each into my bedroom. I threw another bunch of towels onto her to cover her and keep her warm.

"What if we blow dry her?"

"Blow dry her Sam?" I asked doubting his suggestion.

He shrugged his shoulders, "It couldn't hurt."

He had a point so I grabbed CJ's blow dryer and plugged it in by her nightstand. I turned it on and began to use the blow dryer.

"It's not helping," Sam said as he touched parts of Piper where I had tried to dry her. "We need something else."

"Yeah and we need it fast," I said not having a clue what to do. I guess I'm going to have to call CJ after all.