Chapter Four: Covert Operations
-=/\=-
B'Elanna stood holding her captain as tears streamed down her eyes. She had just told her that she'd made a terrible mistake. After a moment longer she relaxed her grip on Kathryn, and took a step back, "how can I help?" she asked looking into the older woman's eyes, she was searching her face for any sign as to what had been bothering her over the last four months.
Kathryn wiped her eyes; she was trying to settle the tears but just couldn't seem too. She took several deep breaths willing herself to calm down. She looked into the half Klingon's eyes, "I don't think I can ever face him." She paused and looked down, "not after what I'd done."
B'Elanna's heart sank; she knew exactly who the other woman was talking about. She took her hands and pulled her to her couch. She sat and waited for her to sit before she spoke, "what exactly did you do?" Her voice was calm and quiet.
Kathryn took a deep shuddered breath, and let out a single quiet sarcastic laugh, "It's the stupidest thing, but" she was fighting with herself, with her resolve, her ethics, and those all mighty ideals that she held. "God, I can't believe that I am so damn selfish." She looked at B'Elanna, the hurt at whatever it was resonating though her features.
B'Elanna reached her hand out and grasped Kathryn's, letting her know that it was alright, "whatever you did, or he did, or happened, I won't think anything less of you. You have always been there for us when we've needed you, sometimes you just need someone yourself."
Kathryn gave her a slightly crooked smile, though her eyes betrayed her. She stilled herself, and grasped the woman's hand tighter. She knew how close Chakotay and B'Elanna were, they told each other everything, and the fact he'd obviously not even talked to her about it, meant that the wounds she caused her were far deeper then she'd even thought. This only broke her heart more. She swallowed and spoke, "B'Elanna, I, we had sex." She searched the woman's face for anything that would make her want to stop talking.
B'Elanna was a bit surprised by what she'd said, but in a way she wasn't. They'd thought that sex or romance was probably the cause of their issues; she just wasn't sure exactly what had happened. "Alright, and what happened after?" she asked, she remained calm, she didn't want to upset Kathryn anymore then she already was, and at least one of them was talking.
"Well, we'd had some muffins; apparently they contain some kind of chemical that heightens your awareness of your surroundings. I thought that they also altered your mind too. When I woke up the next morning I got scared…" she stopped she was on the verge of crying once more. "I was angry that we'd done it, crossed the line." Tears were now flowing down her cheeks again, she let go of B'Elanna's hand and moved both hands up to her face. The younger woman just watched her and let her continue. She did, though her sentences were chopped up and nasal due to her crying. "I was so angry, because it wasn't him that did it, it was me. I was the one that pushed him into it."
She stood and started pacing; the tears were both from sadness and anger at what she'd done. "And then when he woke up, he came out to talk to me, and I told we couldn't' go back, that it was all a mistake." She stopped pacing and through her arms up in the air in jest, they slapped back down to her sides.
B'Elanna had stood; she moved in front of the other woman and put her hand on her shoulder she knelt down slightly so that she could look into her eyes, "was it a mistake?" it was a simple question but the answer to it could make the world of difference.
Kathryn swallowed, and looked B'Elanna in the eyes, her own clouded with tears. "No, I don't think it was. It was a mistake to get mad at him." She lost control again and shuddered with emotion. She felt arms wrap around her once more.
"I think you need to tell him." She stated rocking the other woman in her arms slightly.
"How can I," she sobbed.
B'Elanna let her go and took her shoulders she forced her to look into her eyes, "You can, because you know you need too. The two of you need each other and this ship needs the two of you. This isn't working, everyone knows that you love each other, and I think if you tell him you were scared, he'd believe you. Chakotay isn't the kind of man that holds a grudge, 'specially towards the person he loves. I know this because even after everything that Seska had done to him, part of him still cared deeply for her. He's just hurt, you told him that you wanted to be with him, and then backed away. What man wouldn't be hurt by that?"
Once again she'd regained control; she looked B'Elanna in the eyes and nodded unable to find words. She was right about a lot of things, but she still couldn't see how she could tell him that she was in control and knew exactly what she was doing. She was also surprised by how well B'Elanna had taken what she'd had to say. It in a big way felt nice that the crew accepted them for being human, and if B'Elanna's feelings were shared by the crew, maybe, just maybe if she could convince him to have her back, they could actually make things work.
"I think the best thing for you two to do, is to just go into the same room and take a good long look at the other, and you, need to tell him, what you just told me." She looked into her eyes deeply talking to Kathryn's soul instead of her mind.
-=/\=-
Chakotay was pacing back and forth in his quarters. He knew that B'Elanna was right, things weren't working like they should, and the crew was suffering having to deal with their issues. It wasn't right or fare. Perhaps maybe he could have pushed her away and forced her to tell him that she did indeed want to commit to having a romantic relationship, but at the same time she hadn't had the right to all but demand it and then turn around and say that it was a mistake.
He looked up when his chime rang, 'who would be coming by at this hour of the night?' he wondered. Somewhat irritated at being interrupted he called out; "Come in." he turned to the door to see who it was. "Tom?" he asked confused.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but I need a little help with something, it's the modifications I'm making to the flyer. I need another opinion." He stated looking up at him, hoping that he'd buy into what he was saying.
Chakotay looked at him, "and it couldn't wait until morning?" he asked.
"No, I was given very specific orders, I need to have them ready to go by noon tomorrow." He stated.
"Very well," Chakotay said. He looked at him, "so do you have the plans?" he asked noticing that he wasn't carrying anything.
"Actually I have the program running in the holodeck so that we can test them. B'Elanna is already down there." He stated letting him know that she was working on the 'project' already. Chakotay nodded and followed the young man out of his quarters.
-=/\=-
Chakotay walked into the holodeck and instead of finding a simulation of the Delta Flyer he found that he was standing in Sandrine's. He looked back at the young man, "Tom, just what in the world are you trying to pull?" He stopped and turned around as he felt a hand on his shoulder. "B'Elanna?" he questioned.
"We decided it was time for an intervention." She stated, "And now if you excuse us, I think that there is someone here that needs to talk to you, alone." She gave him a look and walked past him taking Tom's arm into hers. They quickly exited before he could say anything. He turned around to see who exactly she'd been talking about. He spotted Kathryn sitting with her back to him her thumb nervously tracing the rim of her glass. He took a deep breath, and thought, "those sneaky sons of…" He stopped as he noticed that she'd turned and spotted him.
-=/\=-
She saw him, and she couldn't believe what B'Elanna had just pulled. She seriously had excused herself to get drinks and then she had needed to use the 'lady's room.' She saw him turn to leave, she sighed and looked back at her glass and in a monotone voice said, "I wouldn't bother, she's probably sealed the doors, and knocked out transporters and communications."
Chakotay ignored her and tried the doors anyway. She was right they were sealed. He decided not to even test the other ideas. Instead he simply turned around and took a seat well away from her. They could wait it out. He didn't look at her, he couldn't stand too. He was going to have a nice long talk with both B'Elanna and Tom when they finally let them out of there.
Kathryn just traced the rim of her cup, she was still amazed that B'Elanna would go this far. She just sat there starring at her cup. She wasn't even dressed fully, though frankly she wasn't sure why that bothered her.
-=/\=-
Tom and B'Elanna paced out in the corridor; they knew the move was risky. The two of them were either going to end up in a hell of a lot of trouble and the problems with the command team weren't going to be solved, or well either way they were probably going to be in trouble, but they both had felt that it was necessary. She hadn't told Tom everything that had gone on between them, just that they had a major fight and both were being too stubborn to talk to the other. She felt it wasn't her place to go into the details.
Tom looked at her, "they are both going to kill us when we let them out of there." He stated.
"I know, maybe we should ask Tuvok if he'd cover for us?" she laughed slightly, she was nervous as to what was going to happen, but at the same time she was hopeful.
-=/\=-
After about ten minutes of nothing but silence between the two of them she sighed and stood up. "Chakotay, they're not going to let us out of here until we talk." She'd turned to look at him, but made no move to step any closer, she didn't even look him in the eyes. Her gaze was on the ground, and her hands were clasped very unsurely in front o f her.
He didn't look at her, "I don't think there is anything left to talk about, you made it pretty clear that you wanted nothing more to do with me."
His words pierced into her soul, she felt the tears beginning to build up inside her. They spilled over silently, as she tried to find the courage to speak. "Chakotay," her voice was nothing more than a whisper, she wasn't even sure if he could hear her. "I'm sorry." She found that she felt weak and sat back down into the both. She scooted back far enough to where she could bring her knees in closer to herself, she was so insecure, so confused about what to do, how she felt, how he felt, all she could do was sit there in the fetal position. She spoke a bit louder, "I'm so sorry." Her crying had become audible.
He looked up when he heard her crying. The sight he saw hurt him almost as much as when she'd told him she didn't want to continue their relationship. He swallowed; she was so very tiny, he hadn't fully believed B'Elanna when she'd said that she'd lost a significant amount of weight. He'd thought that she'd been trying to make him feel guilty. He could hear her talking again though it was extremely muffled because her face was in the valley that her arms created when she'd wrapped them around her legs.
"I am so very sorry, I had no right to do what I did." She stopped to take a breath, "I got scared. I thought that we had been intoxicated. I lied when I told you it was a mistake that it shouldn't have happened." She had to stop talking for a moment, trying to cry and talk at the same time didn't work very well. She couldn't look up, she didn't want to see if he was ignoring her or not. "I wasn't mad at you; I was mad that I'd lost control; then the doctor told me I hadn't been impaired I felt so stupid, that I had hurt you so badly. I was also terrified how the crew would react to us, I." she paused, "I just couldn't" she could no longer keep talking; full belly sobs were coursing through her.
Chakotay had stood and quietly walked to her, he had no idea that she truly felt the way that she had. He now realized that perhaps he had handled the whole situation wrong. He'd just become so angry when she started trying to back away that he lost his temper and said so many things that he didn't mean, and it was now obvious that she too had done the same thing. He knelt down and reached his hand out to touch her knee.
She jumped at the sudden contact. She looked up and found that he was starring staring into her eyes. His face wasn't quiet readable, she'd managed to find her voice one more time, and with words that were just scarcely audible she said, "I really do love you, more than anything."
He just looked at her; she looked so meek and fragile, like a doll. Her hair was falling out of a very loosely drawn up pony tail, curling around her tear stained cheeks. Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears, and her lips were red and somewhat swollen from her biting on them slightly, everything was accented by the fact that her face was far more angular then it normally was due to her weight loss. She'd never looked more beautiful to him then in that moment. "Kathryn, I will always love you, I was just so hurt." He broke the eye contact briefly as he looked down, he then looked back and took her hands in to his, causing her to have to lower her legs back to the ground, she still sat slumped. "I know I should have handled things differently, and I'm sorry for anything that I said that made you feel like you couldn't tell me the truth."
She shook her head, and took a deep breath, "no, don't apologize, it was my fault, I'm really sorry." She looked down then back up to him; she swallowed once more and then asked, "Will you still have me?"
He smiled, and nodded, "I want nothing more than that."
She lost her battle with tears again, but this time they were tears of joy. She breathed several times in a row quickly before pulling her hands out of his. She wrapped them around his neck. She closed her eyes as she felt him embrace her; she'd slipped from the booth onto the floor with him. She snuggled her head into his shoulder and said in a muffled tone, "I hoped you'd say that." She could feel him nodding.
Tears had filled his eyes for more than one reason, the first was that she was his, the other at the fact she was so frail now. As he held her he felt how light she was, she felt tiny and like a skeleton, as his hands traced her sides, it was so very different then that night, he could feel every rib even though the fabric of her tank top. After a moment of holding her he let go and shifted his weight back so that he was sitting in front of her. He looked into her eyes, "Kathryn, are you okay, you're so thin."
She could tell that he was scared for her, but she nodded, "I'll be alright now." She gave him a genuine smile, and reached out to him again, this time instead for just hugging him she took his lips in a very long overdue kiss. It was full of every bit of passion they'd had the night everything had started.
-=/\=-
Tom was pacing back and forth, he was becoming extremely anxious. He paused and looked down at B'Elanna who'd taken up a seat leaning against the wall. "They've been in there for over three hours."
"Just be patient Tom, knowing them they probably spent the first hour in silence." She stated.
"Either that or they've killed each other." He said, the suspense was getting to him.
"I'm sure things wouldn't have gotten down to physical contact." She paused banishing the thoughts away, "at least not violent contact." She grinned.
This caught Tom's attention, "you don't think that they're?" he looked her in the eyes with a raised eyebrow.
"No of course not, they're probably just talking, after all I'm sure they had a lot to talk about." She was trying to reassure him. Though she too was becoming worried, she thought that they would have resolved things by now and come out of the Holodeck. Maybe the damage that she'd caused was more sever then she'd thought.
Tom paced up and down the corridor four more times before he stopped and looked down at her one more time, "we really should check on them." His eyes were almost pleading.
B'Elanna sighed and then nodded; she reached her hand up to have him help her, and then punched in her override to the holodeck controls unsealing the doors. The two cautiously walked in.
-=/\=-
Upon hearing the doors open Kathryn and Chakotay who'd simply been talking for the last two and a half hours grinned at each other, they stood and made their way to the pool table. Tom and B'Elanna were going to be gotten back for what they'd done one way or the other. Though they were thankful for what they'd done.
Tom stopped as he heard a strange noise, he turned to look at B'Elanna just before stepping though the threshold of Sandrine's. Upon entering he froze in his tracks his mouth on the floor. There in the middle of his pool table, Kathryn was sitting with her legs on either side of Chakotay's he was kissing her. B'Elanna's mouth hit the floor too; she'd just told Tom that that wasn't happening. She swallowed and then moved into action, she grabbed Tom's arm and pulled him with her on her way out the doors. He at first didn't move, until she pulled more forcefully.
Once the two were outside Tom stopped and looked at B'Elanna still in awe. "My" he paused, "they're on my… pool table." He was white.
B'Elanna just started laughing hysterically and looked at him, "Well I dare say we solved their problem." She could hardly stand she leaned on the wall for support.
Tom just looked at her he was in total shock, that wasn't quite the scene he'd ever thought that he'd see, in a way he felt a bit like he'd just seen his parents making out. After regaining her control she grabbed his arm, "come on fly boy, lets get home."
-=/\=-
Once they heard the doors to the holodeck open and close once more they broke apart, Kathryn just started laughing hysterically leaning back onto the pool table. Chakotay too was laughing, he was laughing so hard that he needed to lean his hands on the table for support. After a few moments she spoke, "I didn't think Tom could turn that red." She'd moved her hands up to her face, and then down to her stomach. It was starting to hurt from all the sobbing and now laughing that she'd been doing. Those were muscles that she didn't use very often.
"B'Elanna was nearly as red." He looked down at her; it was so nice to see her smile. He'd missed her so much.
She reached her hand up needing him to help her to sit back up on the table before she could stand. He helped her up, "Let's had back to my quarters for a night cap." She smiled, it was late but she didn't care.
"I'd like that." He wrapped her in his arms again and gave her another nice long kiss. He then looked at her and grinned broadly, "tomorrow's staff meeting is going to be fun with those too."
She playfully hit him and simply stated on the way out, "you're so terrible." As they exited he called for the computer to end program and the two of them headed back to her quarters.